Dear sunshine82:

My summary of your post: You had an eight year relationship with a man who, for 1.5 years was unhappy in the relationship with you. He ended the relationship last summer but attended couple counseling with you and had a few dates with you since the summer breakup. This month, November, he moved back in with you but was busy much of that time elsewhere, then he left again, stating that nothing changed for him, that he is not sure if he is in love with you that he needs to be on his own. You pleaded with him not go. He said that maybe after some time apart, he will feel (in love) again. The pain you are feeling is incredible. You work together and share most of the same friends.

You have been allowing yourself to feel the intensity of your emotions and reaching out to my family and friends for support, reading a lot about “dating yourself”, and you are going to keep visiting my counsellor, to ensure your grieving process is done in a healthy way.

You are wondering if there is anyone who has let someone go only to have them find their way back on their own, but you know that dwelling on him coming back means you are not really letting him go.

My thoughts: The positive things you are doing are allowing yourself to feel what you feel, reaching out to supportive family and friends, reading helpful material, and intending to visit a competent counsellor.

Regarding your wondering if the reader has “let someone go” only to have them “find their way back on their own”- reads to me like he left on his own, without you letting him go. Reads to me that he didn’t make his decision to leave lightly, because he attended counseling with you over a few months.

Regarding the two of you working together, in what context? Are you two employees? Is his job depending on you in some way?

anita

I know the feeling of hoping someone will return to you but I think it is a false hope that we make for ourselves to soften the pain of our broken hearts. 8 years is a really long time so I can only imagine the intensity of the pain and confusion you are feeling right now. In time though, when your heart heals a little more and you can breath and think a little more easily you might also realize that the breakup was for the best. If he is not in love with you anymore then staying with him would only hurt you more. I agree with what Monklet and I know these words are not comforting to you right now but if anything I do think that he loves, cares and respects you enough to let you go when he felt it was not right anymore instead of leading you on and making your pain worst. Your breakup is really recent and you need to give yourself time to heal try to take it one day at a time and let yourself feel your emotions without judging yourself. It is great that you are seeing a counselor and that you are taking time to rediscover and take care of yourself.