What would you do?

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    My ex girlfriend, now married for several months, said to me recently, “You were the Love of my life and I don’t expect to ever have that again”. “When I got married I thought you and I had no future together”. “I know being with my partner is where I am supposed to be”. “Forgive me for my contributions to the downfall of our relationship”. “You are loved”.

    I am single, have worked through grieving the end of our relationship 1.5 years ago and am in a good place now. I believe she was the Love of my life as well. I see her at church regularly which is how this conversation happened. But its the first time in 8 months she has talked to me other than to say Hi. I know that we are both where we should be.

    I tend to over analyze and try to read into things. I don’t want to do that here. I am interested to know why you think she chose now to tell me this specific message? Help me to see things from her perspective and understand where she is coming from.


    I personally don’t think she is asking for anything to happen. And if she is I think you would be wise to wait to know that she is sure seeing as she is married and marriage is important.

    It looks to me though that she thought you needed to know and maybe she needed to tell you.


    I believe she said this for her own closure. She wanted no words to be left unsaid and she let her feelings about your relationship be known to you. I don’t think it was anything more but I could be wrong. If it makes you too uneasy not knowing, I’d recommend just asking her to clarify. Don’t make assumptions, just ask questions if you’re not sure. Leave the past in the past, let the future come to you, and live FULLY in the present.


    I agree with Vic in that she said this for her own closure and to not leave anything unsaid. However, the sentence of “When I got married I thought you and I had no future together” sticks out to me as a way possibly wanting to leave a door open. I interpret this as her meaning that she married someone else because she did not think the two of you would be married. I say this because I told the love of my life something similar with the intention that he would know the door was still open. It is not that I wanted anything to be rekindled with us right there & then…but I wanted to let him know that I still had feelings for him. It took me 15 years to be able to tell my ex this because I had not processed our break-up. I had to accept and workout my feelings for him as well as acknowledging my part in the relationship not working out.

    If you find that you are over analyzing the reason for why she told you this now, I would take Vic’s suggestion of asking her. Then you can let go for good.


    Thank you Catherine, Vic and Danaken. It is a blessing to have a place to post your thoughts and share with others. All three of you have given me great responses.

    I too, believe this was just her way of letting me know how she felt. Most likely closure so she can let go and move on. The talk on this particular day included a section on Forgiveness. I think she is trying to clear any negativity from her life so she can grow. This probably answers the timing question. I do believe we were each others real true Love and nothing will ever take that away. I think she may have been trying to say this. I agree with you Vic on the “when I got married..” statement. I think she is trying to say that the door for reconciliation is not bolted shut, just not open at this time.

    I also like the suggestion of asking her for clarification. I will most likely do that if I find that my mind cannot rest with the above answers.

    Thank you again for your thoughts. It is comforting to hear responses similar to my own.

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