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What’s a relationship?

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  • #380700
    Felix
    Participant

    I am baaaaaaaack. And I am never leaving lol.

    You know the song by Radiohead called “Creep”

    The chores goes:

    But I’m a creep
    I’m a weirdo
    What the hell am I doin’ here?
    I don’t belong here

    After going through absolute hell over the last few years, slowly things are turning around, on most fronts, and I am working hard towards a better tomorrow. I live for today (I am here, I am now, and all that), but I am also planning for a better tomorrow and trying to avoid all or most of the mistakes I made before. But I feel like that creep in the song because I have been burned by women (not just romantically) and I know an endless number of guys personally and through the Internet who are walking away from romance forever.

    The problem: I have not had a relationship since my divorce 2.5 years ago. Have not had intimate relations since last Summer. Haven’t had a date in more than 6 months. I am feeling like a total creep. I don’t look at women anymore. I am not a gentleman anymore (thanks #metoo and please allow me my own point of view on this subject). I avoid women when it comes to my social life, as much as possible. I am not MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way), but I am pretty Red-Pilled. No, I am not alt-right or right winger or anything like that. I live in the real world and I am not here to prove anything to anyone. I am just here trying to understand how to get over the idea that all women are looking for some advantage, for a better option, and all that. I know it’s not how all women are, but in my head I have it stuck there that any woman, even the most decent woman in the world, is playing a game and will take advantage of hypergamy (branching up) the first chance she gets. I am not speaking from personal experience alone. I am talking about our culture, western culture, modern feminism (male tears, future is female, all men are rapists, kill all men, and the rest of the insanity that goes on on the interwebs and in the dating world). I am OK being alone, but it hurts as well. I am very family oriented, but I live in LA which is considered the worst dating city in US for men, but this is not just a problem in LA. I see the same thing in SF, Seattle, NY, Chicago, Miami, and other cities. I’ve traveled for work, have friends around the country (and the world) and I hear this literally daily. Men do not trust women (Google “HuffPost Men Do Not Trust Women”). My grandmothers were married to my grandfathers for over 50 ears each and would still be if they hadn’t passed away. New statistics are showing that only 10-20 out of a 1000 men are getting married because men are DONE. As I mentioned, I am not MGTOW, but I know 100s of YouTube channels that are growing faster than anything else and they are all dedicated to guys who are frustrated with romance and women. This is ranging from 15 years dudes confused to why they’re being called out for just being toxic simply for being male to older guys who have been burned and “divorce raped” in the courts. Almost more than anything in this world, I want to have a partner, a best friend, a lover, and a companion, all in one. Things didn’t work out with my ex and that’s fine, but I have really not ever met anyone like her. She was just a normal person who cared about me, not what I had or didn’t have. She didn’t care about my height (8 out of 10 women said they wouldn’t date a guy under 6 feet tall even if they were shorties themselves. I am 5’11, I guess I am out). She didn’t care about anything other than being with me and vice versa. I’ve tried meeting women since my divorce, but there is always a game, a strategy on their part. What can I do for them? Why do I have to DO something for them? If they need someone to DO something for them, hire a handy man. It was always a show. They always wanted to show me off. I heard some absolutely disgusting things being said between them when they were comparing men they dated before and now, and stuff I would rather not even think about.

    I could go on forever about this and I know that I am right about many things, but I am also a little too obsessed with the idea that ALL women are like this, that all women only care about money, status, height, etc. I know many do and it’s disgusting, but I also know that there are decent women out there just like there are decent men out there. I don’t date men, so I can’t comment on that, but my point is that I know that both sexes have good and bad people, but I just can’t get over the idea that modern women have been given the permission by this new wave of girl power to be rotten at the core. Look at every commercial or cartoon (women are bright and intelligent, while all the guys are Homer Simpson). Look at movies, 120 lbs girl throwing 200 lbs buff dude over her shoulder like is a feather. It’s delusional. The gender reversal in all shows and movies. Men are being portrait as bad across the board. Hitting on a girl is toxic masculinity. Got forbid if you actually ask her out, that’s rape right there. Women have been brainwashed into hating men, believing that men are useless, and throwing men away like garbage is totally acceptable. I want a relationship, badly, but I know how toxic my thinking can get and I understand I will never have a relationship if I continue with this type of thinking, but I am also right in many things I say and believe. How can I find the middle ground? Or am I just too far gone? I simply do not trust women. I barely trust my own mother at this point.

    PS. If you don’t believe me about men walking away, find the Better Bachelor channel on YT. He is a very nice dude who talks about this stuff in a very respectful wa.

    #380702
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    I want a relationship, badly, but I know how toxic my thinking can get and I understand I will never have a relationship if I continue with this type of thinking, but I am also right in many things I say and believe. How can I find the middle ground? Or am I just too far gone? I simply do not trust women. I barely trust my own mother at this point.

    You’re right, you have a very strong opinion about women, and it’s going to be hard to find a decent woman, believing they are so few and far between. You say you ex wife didn’t care about your height or your money, but simply about you. At that time, what was your view on women?

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 5 days ago by TeaK.
    #380704
    Felix
    Participant

    We got divorced because we didn’t work on our problems. I was too depressed and stressed and she was too infantile and irrational. We could have made it work, but at that point it was too late. But the reason we were together in the first place is because she wasn’t like the other women. She lived in a different country when we met and didn’t want to move to LA. I didn’t want to move to her country. But we loved each other and made it work. I did more than a typical person would do to be with someone. I made sure that we were together because she was worth it. That’s how I was raised by my grandparents. My mom divorced my dad as soon as I was born and found someone who had status and money (considering it was USSR). So that’s why I don’t fully trust my mom even though she is a very good person, she still put her own ambitions over her husband and son a the time. Hence why my grandparents raised me, so you see where my insecurities come from. But they are not limited to that moment in time. This has been a repeating and self fulfilling prophecy of seeing women use men to branch us. As I said, not my observation. Feel free to check out YouTube channels that speak on this. These are not some women hating men. Just regular guys that have been put through hell by women, courts, the whole system.

    My opinion of women has changed a lot since my divorce and may be some time before. Some of my ex-wife’s friends were putting toxic thoughts in her mind about the situation we were in. This is where the belief of any woman, even the most decent one, that can turn into a monster, comes from. Many men have had this exact experience. I’ll be as clear as day light and as honest as I can be, – Not all women are bad, not all women cheat, not all women are like that, but any woman, even the most decent one, can be like that if it is advantageous to her. Men are simply not like that. A man can be a total a%%hole, but then we all know that he is an a$$hole for life. Women can be the sweetest angels, but then destroy your life. My uncle gave my aunt the world. She had everything, he slaved away, gave her two beautiful kids, money, house, travel, love, care, everything, and then she dumped him for some loser who made her tingle in the tummy, took all his money, his house, business, and eventually his life. Sorry, but not sorry. I am not bringing up based on hate, but based on life.

    #380705
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    are you seeking to prove your point or you’re seeking help? You asked in your first post:

    How can I find the middle ground? Or am I just too far gone? I simply do not trust women. I barely trust my own mother at this point.

    You don’t seem to be willing to find the middle ground, but are continuing with your examples how women are worse than men, how women can pretend to be angels and then use you when it suits them etc. How about pretending, manipulating narcissistic men who use women like socks and then spit them out?

    My point isn’t to defend women and attack men, but to point out that you can find plenty examples of both men’s and women’s misbehavior – depending on what you’re looking for. If you go to disappointed men’s forums, you find one thing. If you go to disappointed women’s forums, you find another. Depends on what you’re looking for.

     

    #380706
    Felix
    Participant

    Useless conversation in my opinion. I am sorry I actually posted anything. It seems that people revert 100% to “what about the men”….. If you read my original post, I said that both men and women can be bad, but men tend to be mad on face value and women are two faced. It’s a fact, ask most women in the work force and they will tell you that they trust men more than they trust women.

    Yes, I do want to find the middle ground, but I am not sure that’s possible because of this specific type of excuse that’s used by women or white knights (men who always defend women no matter what).

    If a man is wrong, then it’s his fault

    If a woman is wrong, it’s because the man did something and he needs to apologize.

    Look at the low marriage rates. Look at the record divorce rate. Look at what men are writing on Quora and Reddit about their struggles with finding love and how any time a man says anything about this subject, they are automatically labeled as misogynists, as incels, as this as that.

    I just want to see some real case examples where women stand up for men. Where women stand up for family values. Where women say to other women, stop destroying men. Record number of men are “self eliminating” these days. I don’t want to use the other word. Check out the Gillette commercial where men are being told they are TOXIC just for being men. I know I am being very general, but there is a point to that. When I see a girl at a coffeeshop or anywhere else, I can’t introduce myself to her. She is has been brainwashed to think that meeting someone like that is BAAAAD. But that’s how people meet. It’s common to hear from women “I don’t owe you my time”. WTH? A guy just came up to her to say Hello and may be have a conversation with her. But this happens all the time. How in the world can I find the middle ground when the swing is tiled all the way to insanity? I am not sure shy guy who is afraid to talk to girls. Ive had plenty of gfs and been married 8 years. But society has changed so much that men are walking away. Men do not trust women. Women cheat more than men could ever dream of. They actually passed laws in France that it’s not legal to do paternity tests because it may upset the balance of the family. Just another excuse for a woman to cheat and then not give the man the option to know that this child is not his. This is about me, but it’s not just about me. Everything is connected and the fact that it’s happening in most western societies, it relates to what’s happening with me. I have ZERO problems meeting Russian girls from the motherland because we all grew up there and had different values. We valued family and had equality before feminists destroys family structures in the West. My point is that I don’t know if I can find the middle ground because the swing has been tilted too far. Sorry if I am rambling, but this is the most upsetting subject of my life. I’ve known to many guys who have been destroyed by women and who had lost their lives because of these women.

    #380707
    TeaK
    Participant

    Hi Felix,

    I’ve known to many guys who have been destroyed by women and who had lost their lives because of these women.

    It seems that one of those guys is you, Felix. Your mother left you and your father for a richer man. She’s the first woman who betrayed you:

    My mom divorced my dad as soon as I was born and found someone who had status and money (considering it was USSR). So that’s why I don’t fully trust my mom even though she is a very good person, she still put her own ambitions over her husband and son a the time.

    In spite of your mistrust of women, you managed to find a good wife, who loved you for who you are. She wasn’t materialistic and didn’t leave you for another man’s money or status. You divorced for other reasons. But your original wound, inflicted by your mother, is still there, and it’s speaking from you now. If you don’t deal with it, it’s going to be hard for you, Felix.

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