When life gets derailed

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    What do you do to re-connect with life, keep your momentum going, after a loss?

    I recently lost a baby. Since then, I know I’m going through grief. I know a lot of my feelings of apathy, sadness, and low energy will ease away with time and acceptance. I know there’s no rushing it. But this loss has just left me feeling like a train knocked off thretracks, completely derailed. I have a career that I’m passionate about, but any advancement has been put on hold for a bit, because I kept having setbacks with an important project before my loss. Many of the setbacks were due to my mental health, and right before getting pregnant I felt like I finally had a handle on that and was making good progress for the first time in a couple years. Loosing her feels like getting kicked violently back into the hole, loosing all the emotional progress I’ve made.

    Now I just feel stuck. I want to pick up, dust off and start climbing again. But I find myself wondering what the point is to even trying. I feel like even if I do keep trying to follow my passion, I’ll never make it. Something bad will happen AGAIN and I’ll be knocked down into the hole again. I keep looking over my shoulder waiting for the next axe to fall, and I don’t want to live that way. But I also don’t want to let my guard down, because it hurt so much worse to feel like my life was finally falling into peace, happiness, and comfortable joy, then have it taken away.


    I haven’t had a loss like yours but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel some sadness for you. Perhaps these kinds of experiences make us more compassionate to others that experience the same loss. And we can always use more compassion in the world.
    Patience? Don’t expect to come out of it quickly?
    Anyway, hoping you can reconnect to life in the not too distant future.
    Good luck Jessa


    Dear Jessa:

    You wrote: ” I want to pick up, dust off and start climbing again”- maybe there is no picking up and dusting off from where you are. Maybe it takes more than that, maybe it takes examining what is causing that dust before dusting it off, examining the setbacks before the loss that you mentioned. And then there is the carrying of the pain with you, the pain that will not be dusted off.

    There are pains I can not or will not want to live to endure, or endure to live and there are pains that I will endure. A line from The Impossible Dream comes to mind: “To bear with unbearable sorrow.”



    Dear Jessa,

    Wish i could give you a hug. What a terrible loss for you. Those feelings you’re having, I would have them all too. I’m not sure I’d be able to dust myself off either.

    I might start off by doing little things, like making a to-do list each morning and checking off the items as the day goes on. I might put things on it like get outside for a walk, prepare a nice dinner, call a friend, watch an inspiring movie. I’d probably try to go from item to item without thinking too much, just doing each task, like on autopilot.

    When I have those moments when I can’t continue because I’m hurting too much, I think I would lean on someone who’s in my life, or make an appointment with a counselor, or go online to Tiny Buddha to let others know I’m hurting, or just sit by myself and have a good cry.

    When I’m ready, I’d try to get back to that to-do list…

    Lots of love to you.


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