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October 21, 2015 at 11:01 am #85802
LoriParticipantHi anita,
I certainly do not want you blocked from this website.
It seems to me that in using the kitten analogy, Inky wisely may have been moving away from the highly charged issue of abortion to get at the real issue, which is not about fetuses, humans, babies, abortion, murder, or kittens.
Lori
October 20, 2015 at 7:16 pm #85753LoriParticipantHi again,
This is what I read a couple posts ago from you: “If in doubt- that you can be a good enough mother- don’t get pregnant- and if you got pregnant- abort early. This is my position.” That’s why I wrote what I did about self-doubt.
Now that you’ve clarified your position, I understand much better what you’re saying.
Thanks,
LoriOctober 20, 2015 at 6:08 pm #85746LoriParticipantHi anita,
What I mean is that some women who do not see abortion as a crime or immoral have abortions and later regrets. This causes them much pain and suffering. I haven’t had an abortion so I can’t describe their pain firsthand, but I know women who have. I know their pain is real.
Many women are confident that when the time comes they’ll be wonderful mothers; others aren’t and have self-doubts. I can speak about the latter firsthand. That was me. During my first pregnancy, I wasn’t altogether certain that the motherly instincts I’d observed in so many other women would kick in for me. I knew I’d try my best but I definitely had some doubts. No one advised me to consider terminating the pregnancy as a result of those doubts, for which I’m grateful. I’m not advocating for women to recklessly decide to become mothers. Of course not. I’m saying that some women may doubt their parenting abilities, and they may also go through tough times like divorce, but they may still turn out to be wonderful, loving parents. It doesn’t mean they’ll parent like your mother did, and inferring that it does may be offensive to some.
Lori
October 20, 2015 at 12:25 pm #85724LoriParticipantHi anita,
You have no idea how much your advice to others has helped me personally. You are fantastic. Your words above “if I could go back in time that far, I would prefer my mother aborted me” tell me of your profound pain. No one should have that much pain.
It’s obvious to me that when you advise someone to get an abortion (I’ve seen this from you on past threads), your goal is to prevent a lifetime of suffering for the child. I totally get that. I’m curious if you’ve ever considered the potential lifetime of suffering for the young woman who takes your advice? This could be suffering that she didn’t (or couldn’t) anticipate. What if this young woman actually has it in her to become an incredible mother in spite of her self-doubts, and takes your advice anyway? That would be tragic.
Maybe abortion is one of those topics that unless someone clearly states she is considering having one and needs help assessing it from different viewpoints, we all should butt out.
anita, please, continue to speak your truth here. I have learned so much from you.
Lori
October 20, 2015 at 10:07 am #85715LoriParticipantHi Shun,
I understand how physically and mentally exhausted you must be. You’re going through a lot. Try not to fight
your emotions. Just let them come. As Moongal said, it’s okay to feel bad and cry.You ask how to cope…so I’ll pass along excellent advice i found on these forums some months ago: Right now, this very second, move from your thoughts to your senses. For example, listen to your breaths. Feel them fill your lungs. Look out at the sky. Smell the coffee (decaf for you! :)) that’s brewing. Everything will suddenly lighten up. You’ll see. When your emotions are heavy again in a few minutes, move from your thoughts to your senses.
Best wishes to you!
Lori
October 18, 2015 at 2:16 pm #85617LoriParticipantHi alphabetsoup,
So your exSO calls to tell you that he wants more than anything to fix things with you, and when you tell him that you too want that but you need the relationship to progress slowly, he suddenly changes his mind? Did I read that right? If so, that’s rather immature behavior on his part, don’t you think?
Where you surprised that he did that? How did it make you feel? Maybe a little relieved?
Lori
October 5, 2015 at 11:33 pm #84805LoriParticipantHi Annie,
I understand the hurt and anger you feel. Rejection is distressing. It almost feels like the pain is physical, doesn’t it?
You can get through it, though.
Lori
October 5, 2015 at 9:46 am #84762LoriParticipantMike,
What an fantastic post. Thank you. Wow, you describe so many of my sentiments. Each of us needs to do the research and decide for ourself what makes the most sense. I was raised Catholic and it wasn’t until I went off to college that I had a chance to really think things through on my own. The camel/eye of a needle analogy, I have thought through that one many times over the years and I came to the same conclusion you did. And what you said about heaven being in us all, and what may have actually happened during the resurrection, yes, yes. Of course we can’t know for sure, but it’s how I’m personally able to process these teachings. For me, this makes the most sense.
I look forward to reading some of the books you mentioned. Are there any more you would recommend?
Lori
October 4, 2015 at 4:38 pm #84699LoriParticipantHi Anita,
You didn’t know your nephew was there. You let go once you realized he was there. You did the right thing.
Things happen between siblings. I don’t believe for a second that you intended to make your sister stop breathing. You were just angry and wanted to scare her. That’s what I believe. When I was a kid my brother (probably 22 at the time) punched another brother (maybe 16). Loud screaming and blood everywhere! Not fun to watch as a youngster. I remember crying and wondering if anyone was going to die. But no one did. It all worked out. And this is the first time I’ve thought about it in many, many years. What I remember most is how younger brother said some outrageous, hurtful things to older brother until older brother lost his cool. And older brother isn’t a monster, not by a long shot. He’s a loving husband and father who got really mad at his brother many years ago and made a mistake, one time. And younger brother isn’t a monster either. He was lost at that time in his life, getting into trouble all the time, picking fights with people.
As for leaving your nephew when he was crying, I know you wish you had made a better choice, but as Oprah says, “When you know better you do better”. So now you know better. And you apologized. You did the right thing again.
Lori
October 4, 2015 at 3:29 pm #84692LoriParticipantHi PryingMimi,
You are right to ditch the boring turtle. Totally.
Lori
October 4, 2015 at 2:31 pm #84688LoriParticipantHi Annie,
He told you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. I know it’s painful, humiliating, hurtful and upsetting, but it’s the truth. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll get over it, and him.
You are feeling lonely now, so you regret breaking up with him. But you were lonely in the relationship too. So the relationship really wasn’t so great, right? Don’t settle for a mediocre relationship. You deserve better.
Keep active, do things you love to do, go out with friends, meet new people, set new goals. It may take time but the pain will pass. He’s not the right guy for you. You’ll do fine without him. You’ll see.
The first step is accepting what he told you.
It’s not easy, I know.
lori
October 3, 2015 at 10:38 am #84615LoriParticipantHey Jack: Thanks for asking. Haven’t yet found my porpoise but I’m sure he’s fine wherever he is!
October 2, 2015 at 12:48 pm #84580LoriParticipantWait, my bad, make that Farmer Jock.
October 2, 2015 at 12:41 pm #84579LoriParticipantAt one point there was a Farmer Jack, no? He helped us find our porpoises?
October 1, 2015 at 9:21 am #84520LoriParticipant“This too shall pass”.
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