Do you think we need a moderator here on TB?

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This topic has 13 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by Nekoshema.

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October 20, 2015 at 8:11 pm #85756

jock
Participant

I guess we should be adult enough not to need one but I think an official umpire would’ve been useful today.
Just someone to remind us of the rules, boundaries and so on.
One issue out of all this for me is the importance of tact in communication. I’m not targeting Inky here because I also was guilty of lack of respect.
Just because someone is right, doesn’t give them the right to communicate with arrogance, dominance or lack of respect. So many issues are caused by poor communication skills. The cliché goes “not what you say but how you say it”.
I can think of so many examples in the workplace where lack of respect and diplomacy exacerbated problems instead of helping solve them.

October 21, 2015 at 4:38 am #85762
Inky
Participant
Hi Jack,

I did not insult, I did not disrespect, I did not name call, I was not arrogant, and I did not diminish or put anyone down.

I *DID* act as an umpire/”moderator” (yes, I agree we need one) to tell even a well beloved community member that they were out of line.

You don’t tell a woman to consider abortion/adoption in that context.

If you think our friend is/was upset by me saying she “was a little over the top”, what about that poor woman?

Peace,

Inky
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
October 21, 2015 at 4:59 am #85764

Inky
Participant

Please re-read what I wrote in that post, everyone. It was fine.

October 21, 2015 at 5:55 am #85765

pink24
Participant

Hi,
I happened to read that particular thread, and although I did not respond to it as I have never been in that situation, from my perspective, Inky’s comments to Anita were absolutely necessary. TB is supposed to be a safe space and Anita simply went too far. You do not ever suggest a woman get an abortion/put her child up for adoption if she has not raised the issue herself. Perhaps Inky’s comments will teach Anita not to project her own issues onto someone else and not see issues that simply aren’t there. You even had the poor woman rebuking Anita saying she never brought up abortion or adoption. Anita simply went too far. And if TB needs an umpire for that reason and that reason alone, then fine.

Pink

October 21, 2015 at 8:38 am #85774

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Jack:

I do appreciate your thread here, your initiative to place it. I do.

If there was this RULE on this website: “Do not ever suggest a woman get an abortion/ put her child up for adoption is she has not raised the issue herself” as stated by pink24, then I would follow that rule because it will be stated as a condition to posting here, a condition I would need to click “I agree” before being able to register or log in. There is no such rule at present.

I personally and passionately disagree with the content of such a rule. I think it is fine to suggest to a woman to consider abortion or putting up a child for adoption. Even though I received some negative criticism on the matter here, I still believe it is okay to suggest what I suggested. Why not CONSIDER all (legal) possibilities available? What is wrong with that?

Regardless of my feelings, convictions and such, if there was a rule, I would follow it. Until then, for as long as I choose to log into here, and for as long as I am not blocked from posting here, I will continue to give my honest input here.

And I will continue to examine my input and correct myself when I believe I am wrong, as I have done in the past. This though – as politically incorrect as it is- is not one of those time, not according to my best judgment so far.

anita

October 21, 2015 at 9:00 am #85780

Anonymous
Inactive

well I missed all of that…

as for a moderator – I used to do that on a pretty dark forum years ago and one of the things I like about here is that I don’t think you need one. People disagree – so what? people upset other people – it happens. But what I am seeing here is grown ups disagreeing and being big enough to talk about it whilst not necessarily having to agree.

there are no trolls here and that’s a great thing.

October 21, 2015 at 9:06 am #85782

Anonymous
Guest

* Pomlemous: I love your comment above.
anita

October 21, 2015 at 9:09 am #85785

Anonymous
Inactive

squish x

October 21, 2015 at 9:13 am #85786
Inky
Participant
I think it’s great to be a Cause Fighter. And there should be Cause Fighters.

But this is akin to a person buying a kitten and someone saying, “Put the kitten down or give it to a responsible person because animal abuse and neglect is an epidemic”.

And the person (rightly shocked by all this) feels like a bit of a criminal (but she’s not) and is all, “I love animals! Not only would I not abuse or neglect one, I am choosing to take one in.”

Someone: “According to you past post I perceive your life is in shambles. Put the kitten down or give it to someone else. Please look into legal options.”

Person: “I didn’t ask about any of that, I was asking about how to calm myself and the kitten.”

Not only did it not make sense, but it was hurtful to the poster.

It’s kind of like asking, “Where were you on Tuesday the 19th/ at 8PM before you murdered Mr. Smith?”

Person: “Wait ~ What-what did I do now??? And who in the world is Mr. Smith??”

I think we can all agree that the forums should primarily be a safe place. Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually.

And yes, Anita, I also agree with you that if you’re going to have an abortion do it quickly, and if you’re going to have a child make sure you’re the absolutely BEST parent you can, should, and would be!!

Blessings
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 6 months ago by Inky.
October 21, 2015 at 9:25 am #85793

Anonymous
Guest

* Inky: You wrote about putting down a kitty and murdering Mr. Smith. I suppose what it comes down to is that I do not see a fetus as a person yet. I wouldn’t advise on killing a born baby (parallel to a kitten). I prefer there not be a fetus at all (to not get pregnant when not prepared to be a mother), but once pregnant, at an early stage of pregnancy, I do not see it as murder. Some see early abortions as murders, some don’t. An ongoing controversy. I have some scientific background and understanding of the fetal development. In the early stages it goes through the evolutionary path, looking like a fish fetus, then the tail disappears, as well as the gills, and it becomes more and more human, like evolution condensed in a few months. So what I see aborted is not yet human.

It also comes down to my belief that mental quality of life is more important than life itself, that is preventing the pain of a new to be, innocent little person is of a very high value to me.

I appreciate your last assertion there, Inky, and I wish to put this topic to rest. But will continue to respond on it as it is… my nature (for as long as I am not blocked: I can envision a new thread: “Block anita from the website!”)

anita

October 21, 2015 at 9:33 am #85795

Anonymous
Inactive

I actually agree with anita in that viewpoint – I don’t see it as a person yet either when it’s early. when it’s a dot or a pea. I get upset sometimes when people say about it being murder because I see the point about it being an established life in their eyes – but sometimes I feel like if it is born then it could possibly not live the life it deserves. it could mean the end of an established life in the mother. some of those people also don’t think twice to rat traps or killing spiders or other established lives. I find it hypocritical. if someone takes that decision then it’s real and it cannot be judged. no one has the right to judge that decision. no baby should be born into a family that didn’t want it.

it should never ever be used as a form of contraception though.

October 21, 2015 at 11:01 am #85802

Lori
Participant

Hi anita,

I certainly do not want you blocked from this website.

It seems to me that in using the kitten analogy, Inky wisely may have been moving away from the highly charged issue of abortion to get at the real issue, which is not about fetuses, humans, babies, abortion, murder, or kittens.

Lori

October 21, 2015 at 11:33 am #85804

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Lori:

I am ready to move away from it. I like your comment above.
anita

October 23, 2015 at 11:31 am #85963

Nekoshema
Participant

Wow, ok, ignoring the possible fight I wasn’t aware of…

I don’t think TB really needs a mod. Yes, personalities can clash and arguments can get heated [we’re human] but as far as I can observe we are are wise enough and calm enough to either walk away or step in to calm an argument. I’ve been on certain forum sites where two people would argue and refuse to back down. I’ve never seen nor felt this here on TB but if things get really nuts I suppose we could go to the administrator of the site to stop it, but I’ve never seen something that extreme on TB.
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