I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time. I think you made the right decision, though. You may not feel like that’s the case right now, but it is entirely normal to feel that way. It’s a natural part of grieving the end of the relationship. Trust me, it will pass. It may take a couple weeks, but it will. In the meantime, don’t be hard on yourself about getting over things. I am a recent law grad and I can honestly say that the intensity of many grad school programs, especially ones like veterinary school, can increase the intensity of emotions and relationships. The people in your program are often your social world and losing a romantic partner can be a painful blow and/or scary prospect. Now, back to your decision.

If he’s on Tinder while dating you and unable to make the time for you, and that bothers you (I only add that because there are some who are alright with that), then he clearly either doesn’t value/prioritize the relationship the same way that you do or is looking for a very different situation than you are. I don’t think that either of you would be satisfied with such an unmatched relationship; it would become increasingly difficult on the both of you and you would most likely split anyway. Basically, you would be delaying the inevitable and actually making things more painful in the long run. I don’t think that you made the wrong decision in cutting your losses and saving yourself the hurt and trouble. Plus, if your “gut” was telling you to end things, you obviously are not comfortable with how things are going. Your gut reaction was probably telling you that you weren’t getting what you needed from the relationship. You should trust yourself to know what is right for you.

That said, coping isn’t ever easy. I think the best thing you can do is find one or two people who are willing to let you talk your heart out about this and who can be there to support you for the next week or two. Finding support is key. Sometimes, just having someone who will sit with you while you study or who will grab a quick meal with you is enough. If you don’t feel like your social circle includes anyone with whom you can speak freely about things, there are other options. Most schools have support groups. You could also try finding a local Meetup group for people dealing with breakups or the stresses of grad school. (Relationship issues are really common in grad school, so you wouldn’t be looked down on for showing up to talk about that.) Talking will both allow you to deal with what you are feeling and will help stave off some of the loneliness.

In addition to finding support, though, you should also take some time to numb yourself a little and cheer up. Watch something stupid (enjoyably stupid) on Netflix, go hiking, watch cat videos on YouTube, etc. Do this now and continue to do it while you’re moving on. Trust me, finding even small things to distract yourself when you get really down can be immensely helpful. It breaks up the negative thoughts which often lead to dark and even more upsetting places or terrible life decisions.

The best way I can sum this all up is: Allow yourself to feel the loss, but not to dwell non-stop for a month. I know that may sound like some really stupid and nonsensical advice, but it is true. You need to process what happened in order to learn from the experience and move on. However, talking to people and taking little breaks to cheer yourself up will help to ease the pain and doubt that often accompanies a breakup.

And remember… It will be okay. YOU will be okay. Things may suck now, but they will get better.

Hi Amanda,

You made the right decision 1000%. He was the one who made bad decisions, and now he knows that a quality person won’t put up with his inattentive ways. Does he know you know about the Tinder yet? If so, then he also knows that he can’t get away with being a player. And what kind of player would he be? He has no time!

I second Netflix, YouTube and venting to friends. I also highly recommend carbs, sugar, and sleeping in!

Best,

Inky

Hi Amanda,

I apologize, I just read where things were broken off after I wrote my original post, and I’m sorry to hear this. Break-ups are never easy.