It was 7 years ago when I was diagnosed with Major Depression which is accompanied by anxiety (at certain occasions). I graduated from college that time. Still, it didn’t stop me from pursuing what I want. I love learning, reading, and trying. The time when I was in the hospital as a nurse for a training, was horrible. The illness was really affecting me, but i didn’t gave up. I signed up for the next training to test the waters again. Which I did. I finished it but I barely survived. I am confused, forgetful and was anxious. So I decided to give up. Doctors advised me to choose another careers or area of focus. So I did. I had a handful of interests but I couldn’t focus on one thing and there are times wherein the illness would crept back in and I would give up. I tried going back to school.Three times. But due to stress and bad attitude, I gave up. I tried baking, but I am not focused. I easily give up, like I told you. I even went back to nursing but I panicked so I left. I was too damn scared about life. About the conflicts, the stress. it pains me to think that I am like this for a very very long time. I don’t know how to explain to my family & friends why until now, I have no job experience. It was embarrassing.

The doctor told me that if only i could improve my confidence there’s a chance I could get back on nursing. Its sounds good but I am struggling. He said it will start on weight loss. because I told him that I have a support group. and that my physicality is important to me. I grew apart with nursing. I am not sure if I am still interested with it. I wanted to create something with my hands, I want to work hard. I want to be happy on my job. But when I am thinking about job opportunities in abroad, or about the bills, (parents are retiring) I think I should go back.

I’ve watched something on tv and he was a struggling to be a pastry chef, he cant even almost afford pastry school. But with the help of family he was able to do it. And now he has a business. I am fascinated with the cakes and desserts I saw on instagram at this International School. I want to create. Though I am still confused if it would be cooking or baking.

Am I really interested in cooking? baking? Or I am just mimicking others? what I found out was, I am interested if I like what I’m cooking or baking. I dont know if I could work as a chef becuase as Ive said I am bad at stress. We a have a little saving for business. But can I start small? Culinary/baking seems interesting to me. I got the chance to work on the kitchen alone and I was happy.

Though I am worried because I lost a few interest several times, I keep on changing my mind. Am I being impulsive when I choose Culinary school? Is this just a fascination? Will the interest pass??? I told my aunt to buy me a mixer and a Nurse book, just in case. I am really undecided but not depressed.

Sometimes envy crosses my mind but I try to brush it off. I heard a couple of friends are taking there Masteral abroad.

I think it would be best to stay away from the noise and just focus.