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Who has found love & partner post-30?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Clara 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #326719

    SJA
    Participant

    I’m 30 and am currently single. My love life has been…interesting to say the least. My college boyfriend & I split up amicably in June 2012 after 4 years together. We are still friends to this day and it was a good relationship. Six months after we spit, I fell in love again (I was 23 years old at the time). What started out as a fairy tale turned into a 5 year long roller coaster of emotional abuse that finally ended in summer 2017 after we moved in and got engaged. I am no-contact with this asshole I started dating my next boyfriend in fall 2017 and that ended very amicably this last spring. Again, he was a perfectly lovely & kind person but ultimately I felt uneasy taking the next steps of moving in together, marriage & kids with him.I then saw that I have a terrible habit of relationship jumping. Since then, I am mostly just concentrating on living my best life and having fun. I recognize I have time and don’t need a man to be happy but I would eventually like to find someone. Plenty of my friends are still single but it is hard watching so many people around me be in happy, healthy relationships. I am overall pretty relaxed about my single-ness but I’d like it to happen soon than later.Anyone been in a similar boat? How did it work out for you?

    #326729

    anita
    Participant

    Dear SJA:

    I got your correction on the other thread. You shared that you had the following relationships:

    1) a four year college relationship, 2008-2012, from the age of about 19 – 23, spit amicably, friends to this day.

    2) A five year, 2012-2017, fairy-tale-turned-abusive-roller-coaster relationship, starting six months after the above, a relationship that included moving in together and getting engaged. The split was not an amicable and you are currently not in contact with him.

    3) A less than two year relationship with “a perfectly lovely & kind person”, 2017-2019 and ended amicably.

    You figure that you “have a terrible habit of relationship jumping”. You decided to “relax about my single-ness”, but it is “hard watching so  many people around me be in happy, healthy relationships”, and you would like that to happen for you too, sooner than later.

    My input: when I look around me, I don’t see many people in happy, healthy relationships, not at any age. I think that happy, healthy relationships are not that common. Also, it is possible to find “love & partner post-30”, happened to me at a time I thought it never will. And it was post 40, not just post-30.

    I think that online dating can work if done a certain way, that is, using it as an opportunity to select men based on their profiles and online communication, then interview a dozen or more candidates in person,  before getting involve with any one of them physically (it helps in keeping our thinking clear and efficient). Practically, it would mean meeting men in a casual setting such as a coffee shop for coffee and a conversation, getting to know each other, gathering and sharing information. That will be the beginning stages of online dating according to my scientific take on online dating.

    anita

    #326795

    Valora
    Participant

    My mom was almost 40 when she started dating my stepdad, and they are happily married. I mean they have their annoyances with each other, of course… they’re both retired so they spend most of their time together and any couple would get annoyed at times, but they have a great relationship, are very considerate and respectful of each other, and do lots of fun things together.

    I found and dated who I thought was the love of my life in my mid 30s. We didn’t end up working out, likely due to a slew of separate personal things that bombarded each of us, but I’m sharing to say my age didn’t stop me from finding love, and our relationship was really good during the time we were together.

    I know quite a few people who have found their husbands and wives in the 30s and 40s and some even older than that, so I say just take this time to enjoy your freedom.  There are so many benefits to being single that I think get overlooked because society in general is so pushy about having a relationship, so take this time to really get into some good hobbies, do fun things, etc., while you’re in a period of your life where you really don’t have to worry about anyone else. And I believe you’ll know it when you meet the right person, especially if you’re happy being single and are in no rush to get coupled up. That’s when you can afford to be more choosy so that you DO end up in a relationship with a good match for you so that you may be happy together.

    #326821

    Clara
    Participant

    Hi SJA,

    All of my closest friends found the partners they eventually settled down with when they were in their later 30’s. None of my friends (except for one) were really bothered about getting married or starting a family. Meeting the right person is what put them in the settling down mode. The one friend who was quite panicked about not having found someone, and was looking in all the wrong places, gave up for a year or so- only to find the guy she would marry. Interestingly, all of them found their partners soon after having completed some major milestone in their lives:  One had come back from an around the world trip, one had just finished spending a year living off the grid in an organic farm, one had done a 100 mile walk/run for charity, etc. Not saying you need to do any of these things to find the right partner, but when they worked on themselves and didn’t focus on finding “the one”, they did.

    I’m certainly no relationship expert, but it might help to be single for awhile, as it seems like you have spent many years being in back to back relationships. It could help you to be more clear about what you want and need from a partner. Also, what  you DON’T want 🙂 Best of luck to you.

    #329185

    Jenny
    Participant

    Hi :). This is exactly why I came on this forum. I’m 53 and no longer with the man who was the love of my life. I want to date but I feel too old and then I have a tough act to follow finding someone I can love never mind love me. The advice here is so great and the support is amazing. I know people fall in love every day but how scary is the prospect of being forever alone.

     

    Jennym1111

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