May 19, 2013 at 4:41 am #35843life.rocksParticipant
Hi friends, this article is somewhat I had read and experience /feel from last one year…some things may be you can’t understand or I can’t explain properly. Of course article is written by me so it’s emotional too. so here I am giving some views of me about love.
As I was confused about describe my experience about love or not, I just don’t write anyone’s name but maybe I mention something but it is not to blame anyone etc. this all is disclaimer part. Article starts now.
After having heart break for second time, I analyzed and realized something. I can’t mention full data of my stories but first one is the one who came to my life and stayed in it for five years and another is one whom I always respect from the beginning and the respect converts to love. Actually someone told me that I was his fan. May be he was right. But now that Is not important. Important thing is what I have learnt from this experience.
My point is that why I was so eager to be loved. Or other person who is on my condition seeks love so hardly. Everyone wants love but what to do when we just conclude that life is ended and we can’t give any happiness to ourselves without this person. Why can’t we move on??? I have seen many persons suffering from this attitude. They wait for years for their love even all other person may not know that. He/she can’t accept new one as his /her love. Now you can say that it is true love. Wrong …absolutely wrong. First thing is that love is just love and it’s not true and false. And other thing is it can happen more than one time. (My experience)
After having heart break my situation was terrible and I cried for many days . At that situation I couldn’t understand but now I realize I didn’t cry for love but it’s my ego that hurts. I just want acceptance of my feelings that’s it. I never think about its outcome and its consequences to my life. I also never cared for it. I didn’t care about my compatibility with that guy. I always remained winner in my life. I always won. In my studies, in my relation, in my family I am brilliant child. I always do right things and never give my parents single chance to point out my mistake. In short I have habit of doing everything perfectly without mistake. And now the situation was different.
Now I had the situation when I made mistake to love the one who don’t love me. So how could I accept it?? How could I bear that defeat?? I always get things at any cost. Though having long illness I completed my ca successfully. That is good in me and other side it is the worst in me. I never give up. And same time I can’t let it go. I always let go other’s mistakes and imperfections but never let go of my mistakes and my imperfections. That’s why I always insist to get what I want. Now I realize this is lack of understanding in me. Which I never reveal to anyone but today I admit it. So if you have also that attitude in your mind then stop that. You can’t be winner like this but you are becoming loser and prisoner of your wrong thoughts and attitude. You are giving daily pain to yourself. My motive of writing this article is to make aware of the person who has this mentality.
Other thing what I have noted is lacking of self worth and self respect for me. If I get someone then I am worthy and if I fail in it, no meaning of me?? What rubbish is that thought?? Exactly may be anyone amongst you think like that. So I want to tell change your thoughts and don’t try to prove yourself by getting in the relationship. This doesn’t mean that always remain single. It means that be in healthy and fulfilling relationship which gives you happiness and satisfaction which helps you to grow. I have seen many people, who gets in relationship to prove herself/himself though he/she know s that it can’t work. Even he/she gets married (!!!!!) With that person and spend her/his life with regret ion!!!!!! Some also becomes victims of emotional abuse in relationship when other person gets advantage of them. They choose to suffer all this to prove that we have a relationship!!! Girl is more emotional and eager to get love. She loves someone with hearts and it is very difficult to leave the man whom she love. Actually she has the dream from childhood that someone will come and take her in dream word of love. (It’s strange but I never had that dream) But I advise you don’t take anyone advantage of your dreams. Choose best but never let him to own you. Self respect is ahead of our dreams, family, friends, lover or career. Be clear in it and make other clear for that. Who loves you will never hurts your self -respect and if someone hurts your self-respect frequently then definitely he doesn’t love you. This was the reason when I left my first love because he never respected me.
Other our mistake is we judge our life by what we achieve and what we have in short by materially .After long thinking I feel that I judge my life what I gain materially means career, success, relationship , money, power. I never respect me as what I am.Who is beyond that all things and besides it, I have my own life and My small happiness which I can gain by filling puzzles or reading suspense stories or reading some poem, Wondering with friends or teasing them. I have the smile and happiness unconditionally. Why should I judge my life?? After 8 to 10 years I meet myself. I become more open and learn to accept life and decision of god. Learn to defeat and let go for my happiness and for someone whom I love.
I want to message them who face same challenge. I request you to release your feelings and just let it go. And be hopeful and optimistic to your life. Our Life is beautiful journey and we can’t stop this journey for any one.
Thanks for reading and waiting for replies…..May 21, 2013 at 9:56 pm #35950Janet Ong ZimmermanParticipant
Dear life.rocks, it sounds like you’ve done a lot of self reflection about your situation. Self reflection is very resourceful since it can help you make positive changes as you move forward. I think people tend to seek love from others because they don’t realize that love is first found within. If you seek love from someone else without loving yourself first and knowing your worth, you will attract someone who doesn’t treat you with love and respect. Love really does start within. Self love is the only way to a high quality love life. The quality of men and love relationships we’ve experienced is a direct result of the degree of love we have for ourselves.
May 26, 2013 at 11:21 pm #36144life.rocksParticipant
- This reply was modified 8 years ago by Janet Ong Zimmerman.
janet…I had thoughts in my minds for many nights.I have spent painful nights with tears. but after that one day I understand that what is lacking is my inability to love my self. I was just running from my self for many years. This incident changes me. I moved towards positivity and peace. I really reduced my expectation . I started to enjoy each moment ….small things…like chinese food or music. I started to keep patience. and i want more and more growth in me. Due to this change, I feel my self more mature. and happy.June 6, 2013 at 9:14 pm #36539Janet Ong ZimmermanParticipant
I am glad you are feeling more mature and happy, life.rocks. Wishing you much peace, love and happiness. Take care.July 15, 2020 at 8:14 am #361749Canadian EagleParticipant
You are correct , how can you give love when you don’t love yourself unconditionally .
How has your future faired out, has your learning continued