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Why can’t I be happy :(

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  • April 3, 2020 at 11:21 am #346906
    KirstiB
    Participant

    Feel rather pathetic writing this with everything that’s going on in the world. I apologise. I hope everyone here is well and keeping safe/sane wherever you are xx

    I have been with my partner for three years. He’s a wonderful man. Ridiculously handsome, strong and masculine, intelligent and protective. He is so funny. He loves me and is always a huge support.

    There is something missing…on the physical side of things. Naturally, we are not as crazy/active as we were when we first met (it was amazing). But….three years on….I miss those days. I miss the intense lust and passion we used to have. You know what I mean…those first few months of being crazy in lust.

    I have spoken to my girlfriends and they all of the same opinion…i.e if you’re lucky, the intense lust/passion in the early days gives way to something deeper and meaningful. I completely agree with this…………but why am I having difficulties accepting this?

    Does anyone know how I can fix myself and accept the wonderful man I have been blessed with? There is so much more to us than a physical relationship…..why am I assigning such importance to it?

    I really do suck some days, I tell you xx

    April 3, 2020 at 12:45 pm #346946
    Doseofreality
    Participant

    Brace yourself for my view. You don’t have real gratitude because if you did you wouldn’t be asking this question particularly whilst we are going through a pandemic of this scale which will change life as we know it.

    What can I do to appreciate this “wonderful…man?” Ask yourself if you were to lose him tomorrow to coronavirus would you be devastated or sit there thinking Never mind, it’s ok he’s gone as we had lost the honeymoon phase of a relationship (which everyone does.)

    Don’t take for granted what you have because when you lose it and find it was irreplaceable it will be to late. You’ll have no choice but to accept that situation.

    Stop asking for more, more and more. Count your blessings. If as you said you have a wonderful, intelligent man in front of you who loves you, discuss it with him or even surprise him, spice it up. You have half the control of your physical relationship. It’s not hard when you have two adults who love each other to inject that in.

    April 3, 2020 at 1:02 pm #346950
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear KristiB:

    No need to apologize for posting about a way smaller issue than issues directly related to the pandemic because very few people start threads here, fewer after the pandemic than before. So it’s not like you are taking precious space and time from anyone else.

    Your marital dissatisfaction is about you not feeling the “intense lust and passion” you used to feel. I imagine it would be something like this, for me: I discovered a chocolate cake that makes me feel heavenly, eating it is a sensual experience of first degree, the greatest feeling in the world. Plus, I am in no danger of not having any cake  left (I am married to it, and maybe quarantined with it, hurray!)-

    – so  I am feeling great, I found my version of and-they-lived-(intensely-passionately-and sensually)happily-ever-after. But one day, alas: I get the cake out of the frig, and with my mouth watering, I place a slice on a plate (or just grab a moist piece of it with my hand, it being sensual that way), put it in my mouth.. and alas,  nothing!

    Oh no, that can’t be!

    I will stop here to ask you if you can relate to what I wrote so far..?

    anita

    April 3, 2020 at 1:06 pm #346954
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t reflect on the page of Topics

    April 5, 2020 at 11:23 am #347266
    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi KirstiB,

    You are not broken and you do not need fixing.  There is nothing wrong with you for desiring another taste of those passionate times you used to share.  You are assigning importance to it because it is important to you.  You find your partner physically attractive and this drives your passion.  This ‘wonderful’ man is in your life and in exchange for this he has a ‘wonderful’ woman in his life.  This is your relationship and it does not need comparing to anyone else’s relationship.  Make it work for you.  Live passionately.

    Best………

    Peggy

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