You sound just like me, and I’m still working on those anxieties but I suppose the truth is this is just a hurdle we have to overcome. If you do nothing you know exactly what the outcome is going to be, if you take a chance the outcome is up in the air and that makes things a lot more interesting. At least that’s how I try to think about things as they stand.

And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being introverted, but we still want relationships and to go out and have fun so maybe there isn’t really such a thing as introverts after all, maybe there are just people that got used to it and the people that haven’t. Even the most outgoing person in the world gets a headache from too much human interaction, it’s all about balance after all.

Selina,

You seem to me like an artist, a dreamer… someone with a vivid imagination and a sparkly vision. Consider how much wonder passes before your eyes! Sure, for now it is all the things that you’d like to do but are scared to do, but that fear will erode with time. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Dreaming can be a double edged sword sometimes. On one hand, it is very creative, and helps us excel at art in its many forms. On the other, we can imagine ourselves into a box, into a corner. It sounds like this is what is happening to you. Consider that as you imagine what could happen, you paint a lot of emotion all over it. This includes the joy, but also the fear. For instance, if you wanted to go to a group meeting where people with the same interests as you talk and share, your mind might start up a fantasy of what that might look and feel like. All the people, sharing and laughing. People looking at you, perhaps deciding you’re no good, or sluggish, or dumb. All of those paintings are reflections of your inner desires and inner image. Said differently, when you dream that someone will see you as dumb, it is because you feel that you’re dumb. When you dream of people sharing and laughing, it is because you long to laugh and share. Our dreams are mirrors of our heart in that way.

However, there is still the fear that prevents you from acting on your desires. That is normal, and very usual for a dreamer. Consider that we all feel fear, and courage is the resolve that moves us to do it anyway. Imagine climbing a mountain for a moment. “Oh, its sooo hard to climb.” Yep. It is difficult to climb a mountain. Our confidence arises when we accept the difficulty, and climb it anyway. Its difficult for all of us, especially at first. Said differently, yes, of course fear is scary. Of course its scary to open up to people, and can be awkward. So what? Fear is only an emotion, it doesn’t have to prevent you from doing what you want. It may always be scary. I feel some fear here and now, opening my heart to you. “What if she is hurt by my words?” “What if my heart is wrong?” “What if I say the wrong things?”. Chatter, ignored, because the potential of helping my dear sister overcome a tangle that inhibits her joy? Well worth it. And that’s the key… your desires are worth following, my dear sister, because after the fear passes, the love and joy that blossoms is worth the struggle, the climbing, the courage.

With warmth,
Matt