Minnivei,

It sounds like you don’t have practice in relationships or dating.  That is crucial first step(s) before falling in love/loving someone.  Have you done that?  You said you never dated.  Try dating casually without the focus or intention of falling in love.  Have you made friends with the opposite sex, i.e. platonic friends/activity friends?

I would start with that rather than having a goal of falling in love.  Enjoy the process of creating friendships and learning about each other.

Mark

Dear Minnivei:

By “your experience with love.. before the age of 18”, I meant your experience with love at home, with your parents, primarily. Was there love there for you, and was there love in your heart, as a child- what was that love like?

anita

Dear Minnivei:

In your original post you asked: “Does love have to feel like butterflies in your stomach in the beginning? I don’t feel it, does it mean I just don’t love him?”

The butterflies you mentioned in regard to a man in your life, there is a sexual component to it. Another component to the loving feeling you have or don’t have to a man is not sexual.

The non sexual component is what I asked you about, your childhood experience with your parents. You answered: “I never had deep discussions with my parents”.

Having deep discussions with a man will be love for you, won’t it?

You wrote: “back then, my father always drove me to school, my mom always prepared a lunchbox for me. That’s all.”

In your original post you wrote that you have “zero dating experience”, at 22. When you imagine a date, what does it consist of, what activity or activities?

anita

You are welcome, Minnivei.

anita

Minnivei,

I want to let you know that your not alone in your experience. I am also a 22 year old female with no dating experience. Before this year, I had fallen in love only once and maybe had a few crushes. I understand how it feels to have so little interest in men because the feeling isnt there, and that makes dating them undesirable, but then feel so inexperienced that it’s a question to date someone you have little interest in just to gain experience. I also know the feeling of having intense love for someone that will never return it. I really cant give you answers or advice to fall in love or if dating people helps because I am in the same boat as you. I do think that there is no one way to love, prehaps you dont have feelings for men because you haven’t met the right people and you know it. I didnt’t start developing feelings for many men until this year when I found my right crowd in situations where I deeply could understand the people I was with. It is up to you if you want to date someone you intially don’t feel attracted to, maybe you will learn to love someone as you know them better. But don’t feel like you have to. I try to build more friendships with men and when the right one comes along, I trust that I will know.

Best,

Laure