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Why do I become me.

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  • #367091
    Jim25
    Participant

    Everyday I dreamed to be better. Better than my Dad, because I never wanted to be like him. To have more money to buy stuff I wanted, to have new car, to have a bigger house. I want to be successful, have a business of my own. Leave my medical job with my salary just good enough to pay the bills. Just live a easy life with my Son and wife. Never thinking of how I can pay our daily expenses.  Be looked up to by many people especially my family. These are my fantasies, but my problem is I don’t know if this will become a reality. I don’t know where to start. I just keep on dreaming as if these things were real. And when I woke up to the reality. I just ended up being me. Unhappy, average person who is expecting high hopes of one day a miracle will happen. Like winning a lottery or  gaining money in stock market. But any of these are just dreams and I am afraid i might end up like my father whom I really don’t want to become. I’m 33 , and I want more for my family, but I don’t know what to do or where to start. I’m not lazy but as if my mind is not doing anything. I know maybe I’mstill in mu comort zone. I don’t know how to jump out. I’m confuse, I’m hungry, I’m afraid, I’m jelous, I’m angry. Why did I became me?

     

    #367198
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jim25:

    I will be able to read and reply to you when I am back to the computer in about 11 hours from now. I hope other members answer you before I return.

    anita

    #367235
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jim25:

    You shared that you are 33, married with a son, working in the medical field, making just enough money to pay the bills. You want to live a different life, an easy life, “To have more money.. new car.. bigger house.. be successful, have a business… Be looked up to by many people especially my family”.

    You wrote that you never wanted to be like your father, that you want to be better than him, and that you are afraid that you might end up like him.

    “I’m confused, I’m hungry, I’m afraid, I’m jealous. I’m angry. Why did I become me?”- I would love to try and help you answer this question. For the purpose of answering this question I ask: what about your father do you dislike?

    Also, you wrote that you are hungry- can you elaborate on that?

    anita

     

    #367258
    Jim25
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Thank you for the response. My father already passed away last year. I don’t hate may father but I don’t like him. Since I was a kid, I never felt his love for us siblings. Maybe that is his way, he is never expressive. He cares for us. But he never showed us the way that we want. I envy other kids with their father who are always supportive with them. But I said to myself, I don’t have the rights to complain. He is hard headed, often shouting and cursing, I can’t explain his personality. But I also noticed that he has no dreams,  he is okay with just what we have. Living the for the daily wages. Good thing my mother has a higher position in her job that she is the one that mostlty provide with our needs, my mother already passed away to. So since I was a kid, I said to myself i dont want to be like my father. I want to be better. But now I am afraid because i think im becoming like him…

    I’m hungry because I want more in life, but I dont have enough money, I dont have many friends, I depend only with my salary which is not enough for my family. I want more but I am not doing anything. Just like my Dad. Sometimes I hate myself.

    #367281
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jim25:

    You are welcome. You shared that you are “want more in life, but I don’t have enough money.. my salary .. is not enough for my family”. Your father, when alive, was “often shouting and cursing”, and was “okay with just what we have. Living for the daily wages”. Ever since you were a kid, you wanted to be different from your father, but you are afraid of becoming like him.

    Do you mean that you too are “often shouting and cursing” at your wife and son???

    * I hope not, and notice: you don’t have to earn more money to.. not shout and curse. It doesn’t cost money to treat one’s family members respectfully.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by anita.
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