May 20, 2019 at 6:59 am #294669
I am trying to understand myself. It seems the closer I become to others, the more I resent them. And it’s really starting to eat me up inside.
For example, I find myself feeling increasingly agitated whenever I speak to my parents. I find I am always on the defensive with them and cannot seem to relax. I find the smallest things they do wrong, annoying and it’s affecting my ability to have a positive relationship with them.
I have also come out of three year relationship. Where again, I was the toxic one. I was always mad and was irritable at the slightest thing. He left because it was all too much for him.
I find that people walk on eggshells around me.
I am worried this makes me unloveable and keeps me from keeping good relationships.
I want to understand it so i can work on it – I just don’t know what IT is… or where to even begin..May 20, 2019 at 8:12 am #294691
Dear Florence jay:
“I find myself feeling increasingly agitated whenever I speak to my parents…I have also come out of three year relationship. Where again, I was the toxic one. I was always mad and was irritable”- you may have been toxic in that relationship, but not in your relationships with your parents, you were not toxic in that context. So it is not that you were toxic again.
Your parents really hurt you so your anger is natural and understandable. It is not toxic, that is, it is not evidence of you being bad. Everyone gets angry when being hurt, it is automatic, instinctive.
Children feel very guilty when feeling angry at a parent, being bad for it. So they push it down best they can, that anger at the parent, but that anger doesn’t go away, it can’t go away. And that anger at your parents spread to anger at anyone, everyone else.
Will you share about your anger at your parents, how they hurt you?
anitaMay 20, 2019 at 9:15 am #294725
<p style=”text-align: center;”>For your point about your parents, I felt exactly the same way. One way I overcame this was ironically to be closer to them. I dont mean physically, but emotionally. When was the last time you cried in front of your parents? It takes courage to let down your guard in front of the very people you say you feel defensive towards, but after I cried in front of my mother, I started to form a deeper bond and “hated” her less. Turns out, deep inside, she still loved me. That moment of vulnerability that i displayed also showed me her love.</p>
For your point about the toxic relationship, since it was quite brief, I can only speculate that maybe that guy was not the right one for you. Dont give up finding the right person!