So, we broke up “officially” last summer, but we have kept in touch ever since. I miss him. I keep hoping that the breakup is temporary. I believe we killed our relationship years ago – instead of communicating honestly about our issues, dislikes and likes .. we fought over little things. I’m the beginning there was so much love. That was 8 years ago. We were a great couple. But at some point we blew it. I wish I knew what exactly went wrong .. but now we are separated .. it’s been half a year. He wanted to keep things casual, separately, to see how things go. I said I wasn’t strong enough for this and I needed to completely brake it off, then. So that’s what happened. I left. He told me he missed me. He told me he loved me. He got mad at me. Etc. But in my mind he did not love me. In my mind – if he really loved me, he would do something about it. But he didn’t.

Now he keeps sending me hints like he misses me, but never says it. I know he’s seeing others. I miss him, but am scared to tell him that. At the same time I really want to talk to him and apologize for the mess. And I feel like it’s still not over, but don’t want to put this pressure on him. I guess I just want to talk things through and find out what and why went wrong. I guess I secretly want another chance as well. But at the same time I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

Im getting tired of all these different feelings, although I’m doing a lot internal work and I accept myself and my feelings fully. I guess what’s bothering me if the fact that I miss him. Plus, I want to find out if we did the right thing by parting ways (and keeping casual, basic chats online).