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Why do I miss him?

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 8 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #191801

    m
    Participant

    So, we broke up “officially” last summer, but we have kept in touch ever since. I miss him. I keep hoping that the breakup is temporary. I believe we killed our relationship years ago – instead of communicating honestly about our issues, dislikes and likes .. we fought over little things. I’m the beginning there was so much love. That was 8 years ago. We were a great couple. But at some point we blew it. I wish I knew what exactly went wrong .. but now we are separated .. it’s been half a year. He wanted to keep things casual, separately, to see how things go. I said I wasn’t strong enough for this and I needed to completely brake it off, then. So that’s what happened. I left. He told me he missed me. He told me he loved me. He got mad at me. Etc. But in my mind he did not love me. In my mind – if he really loved me, he would do something about it. But he didn’t.

    Now he keeps sending me hints like he misses me, but never says it. I know he’s seeing others. I miss him, but am scared to tell him that. At the same time I really want to talk to him and apologize for the mess. And I feel like it’s still not over, but don’t want to put this pressure on him. I guess I just want to talk things through and find out what and why went wrong. I guess I secretly want another chance as well. But at the same time I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

    Im getting tired of all these different feelings, although I’m doing a lot internal work and I accept myself and my feelings fully. I guess what’s bothering me if the fact that I miss him. Plus, I want to find out if we did the right thing by parting ways (and keeping casual, basic chats online).

    #191835

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi m,

    After eight years together, of course you miss him.

    And after eight years together, I’m not surprised it ended (if temporarily).

    Sure, you can get back together again. But for that both of you need clarity. Clarity begins with distance. Tell him you won’t be chatting, texting, calling or seeing him this year. Then next year reconnect, and perhaps tentatively begin to start over. After being apart for so long you will have a lot to talk about. And hopefully both of you will be refreshed and renewed.

    Good Luck,

    Inky

    #191853

    anita
    Participant

    Dear m:

    You wrote: “I guess I just want to talk things through and find out what and why went wrong.

    I guess I secretly want another chance”

    I think it is a good idea: to “find out what and why went wrong”, and then, based on new information, and on further discussion about how to function effectively in the future, as a couple, decide if it is a good idea to get back together.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  anita.
    • This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  anita.
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