Why does she judge me with my age

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This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 4 months ago by Ainy Waya.

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May 30, 2023 at 4:59 am #419487

Ben
Participant

Is it OK for my partner to judge me for being 53 and that l should know better than to ask if she wanted help preparing dinner. Am l over reacting or is it my past relationship scars of being judged effecting me.. Why do l feel so sad and emotionally unhappy about it.

May 30, 2023 at 9:58 am #419499

Helcat
Participant

Hi Ben

I’m sorry to hear that you feel judged by your partner.

What exactly was said? It would be helpful to know the age difference between you both for a little more context.

You mentioned that you have past relationship scars too. Would you like to talk about any of it?

June 6, 2023 at 7:54 am #419782

Ben
Participant

<p style=”text-align: right;”>She said. Your 53 year Oldman and shouldn’t be told what to do. We only have 8 years difference and she is younger but consistently mentions my age. She makes me feel so sad sometimes.</p>

June 6, 2023 at 12:41 pm #419793

Roberta
Participant

Hi Ben

How long have you and your lady been together and do you live together? I guess you are both working have you talked about fair distribution of household chores? In our house who ever cooks does not have to wash up was the rule when it was a functioning household. Were her previous relationships with older men? and what about you. do you have financial parity? Respect & honesty should be the bedrock of any relationship.

June 6, 2023 at 5:02 pm #419796

Helcat
Participant

Hi Ben

8 years doesn’t seem like a big age difference.

Can you provide a little more context? What was she wanting you to do without being told?

Ah yes, that’s a familiar phrase. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my flatmate. He wanted me to remind him when he should do all of his chores. As he’s an adult, he has a responsibility to manage his own chores. I shouldn’t have to tell him what to do.

Mentioning age seems to have been a trigger for you. Are there any other situations where she’s mentioned age? Have you communicated that you don’t like her to talk about your age?

How do you feel about getting older? It seems to be a sensitive subject for you.

June 18, 2023 at 7:57 pm #420132

Sarah Jeanne Browne
Participant

that sounds like a “put down” and is insulting to keep bringing that up. I wouldn’t want someone around me that did that to me. You deserve to be valued at any age! This is demeaning and slight emotional abuse.

An analogy would also be like someone commenting on your weight, disabilities, looks, etc. It’s the subtle type of abuse that people sometimes get away with.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an age gap. But using your age against you and to guilt you or manipulate you or just being mean about it is not right.

July 10, 2023 at 10:58 am #420750

Ainy Waya
Participant

Oh,
Thats not pretty good but we must accept the view of everyone in our life. This depends upon every person that what he thinks. Specially in a relationship this is premature to react on this type of chices. I think this is good to have a positive chat with her on this topic. So that she can understand your feelings and know more about you. Good Luck.
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