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Why has my pain suddenly stopped?

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  • September 1, 2016 at 5:47 am #113896
    Eliza
    Participant

    If you check my previous messages, I have been living a nightmare after my brother’s death just less than 2 months ago. Some days were worse and other better but I always had this emotional pain deep in my chest. Monday I felt really down, sad, angry, disappointed, etc., a mix of feelings and emotions and when I got home I broke down and cried non stop for nearly an hour. then, I talked on the phone to a good friend of mine who always gives sound advice. Next day, I woke up anxious as usual, but as I got to work I noticed something different: I no longer was in pain. I was sad, of course, but I didn’t feel this strong anxiety that messes with my concentration, I no longer felt like crying, I felt at peace, I felt…GOOD, and it felt wrong to feel good. Although it’s been a relief not feeling this pain anymore, I don’t think it’s normal. I know that one day I should start feeling better, but I expected it to take longer and to be more of a progressive process.
    I haven’t cried for two days and I feel bad for it, like I’ve forgotten my brother or I don’t feel anything for what he meant for me.
    On the other hand I’m also afraid that this is just a plateau phase and that the pain will come back. It’s difficult living in such an emotional rollercoaster.

    Is this normal?
    Has anyone gotten through something similar?

    September 1, 2016 at 6:26 am #113897
    Kynthia
    Participant

    Hi, Eliza.

    Yes, it is perfectly normal.

    When my husband died suddenly last year at only 37, I thought I’d never get over the pain, but gradually, day by day, it went away until I woke up one morning, and not unlike you describe, I felt… GOOD! It’s not wrong. You have to go on living. There will still be days of indescribable sadness and days where you don’t want to get out of bed. The best thing you can do is be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would a good friend. Living your life is not an insult to his memory. Giving up is. It will be a bit of a roller-coaster, at first. Then, those bad days will become fewer and further between. Personally I don’t find birthdays and holidays tough. For me, it’s the mundane things we used to do together that gut me. For instance, shopping for groceries, or taking my son to Scouts. I eventually had to change where my family did both, because I invariably always found myself looking for him even though logically I knew he wasn’t there.

    This is not a plateau; it’s a progressive a step up.

    Eliza, you are going to be OK. I promise.

    September 1, 2016 at 12:54 pm #113944
    Eliza
    Participant

    Thank you for your kind words, Kynthia. There have been days where I have feared I’d lose my mind. I agree with the mundane things gutting you. Last week I was at a shopping mall and all of a sudden I saw this tiny figures my brother used to collect, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Even thinking about random moments of the past triggers the pain, because he was present in those moments, and he’s not here anymore…
    I’m glad you feel better now, too!

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