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Why have I been extremely unlucky with respect to myself?

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  • #406294
    zaredkhan
    Participant

    Firstly, I want to clarify, that I won’t say myself more unlucky than others in the world because that’d not be true. I’m saying this wrto myself alone. Wrto my life alone. I had lots of unlucky moments in the past, but I don’t remember much of them very easily, I just remember them vaguely.

    I had 30 days to study for just 1 exam and now I’ve 6 days for it. The entire month, I kept getting problems and problems. I don’t even remember them. Firstly, my laptop hard drive went bad. I had to change Operating System. It took me 1 clear week to do this and that. Then, my father hd to torture me just at that time, wasted my 3-4 days of productivity and slowed down my focus. Uff. God!

    Then, just today, I was planning to go on full focus, my leg cracked up while walking. It looks serious. It is swelling there as well. (If google doctor is true then this is something big issue, hopefully not, but I felt like something broke there when it happened).

    I wasn’t in a hurry or walking in a hurry. Why would every bad things, unlucky things happen to me?

    Most people claim bad things happen to people because they believe they’re unlucky. Yes, we believe we’re unlucky, but it’s events like these, that made us feel that we must be unlucky.

    I’m not comparing myself with anybody. Just to myself and what I want to be. Why’d I had to go through all these garbage stuffs? Why can’t my luck be better?

    The sad thing is that I meditate, chant mantras, do “OM” humming, do yoga! But still these things keep attacking me. (I’m not doing any yoga after the leg cracked up in collision with the ground. IDK what do they tell it. It’s sth when you’re walking normally but the leg which was in horizontal direction slants a bit and it feels like something broke now. Oh God!

    Honestly, I am taking medications and that’s making me better, but I wish I could just leave this world w/o any pain. Why should I live if I’ve to always live with badluck? (And mental fear as well, but leave it for that post).

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    #406316
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zaredkhan:

    You shared that you had 30 days to study for one exam. Your laptop hard drive broke and it took one week to change the operating system (which controls and manages the hardware of a computer). Then your father.. broke your productivity and focus (which are needed to study) and it took 3-4 days to fix some of the damage he did. Then today, your leg cracked up while walking (can you describe exactly what happened and how it happened, what part of your leg got injured as well as whether you have a history of injury in that part of your leg?)

    Most people claim bad things happen to people because they believe they’re unlucky“- some bad things happen because of bad luck, some bad things happen because of believing one is doomed to be unlucky; other bad things happen because people make them happen, (ex., your father torturing you).

    Why’d I had to go through all these garbage stuffs?” – partly because of bad luck, partly because of people’s bad choices.

    Why can’t my luck be better?“- you  can’t control (as you know) who you were born to, where and into what circumstances you were born, whether there will be a flooding or a heat wave next week… you can control only your choices. I wish that your father chose to control his anger!

    I meditate, chant mantras, do “OM” humming, do yoga! But still these things keep attacking me“- … maybe if your father meditates, chants and hums, maybe he will never torture you ever again!

    I wish I could just leave this world w/o any pain. Why should I live if I’ve to always live with bad luck? (And mental fear as well“- we all wish at times to leave this world, and no one wishes to leave the world with pain (I may be wrong about it…?) You are welcome to share about your mental fear, if you’d like.

    anita

    #406340
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Zaredkhan

    I’m sorry to hear that you hurt your leg (I hope it gets better soon), your father was mean to you, you had computer troubles and you are having difficulties with studying for your exam. It’s a lot to happen in a short space of time .

    The following I’m saying not to compare our difficulties. But to acknowledge that this is the reality of what life is like.

    I’m in a similar situation to you. Studying for an exam. At the same time my sister has gone into homeless accommodation (I am her carer), there have been issues with her supported accommodation and we are trying to set up a care plan for her, my supervisor had to take leave because of an emergency (I will be covering her classes) and I have to trek to a hospital for scans to decide whether I’ll finally be allowed surery for long term health issues.

    It is a blessing when there are calm periods in life, but more often than not as adults we face regular challenges. The trick is developing ourselves, so that we are functional and able to cope with challenges occurring.

    It sounds like you have a lot of good techniques and practices already and medication to help. I hope that with each issue in life you tackle, you get stronger and feel more confident in your ability to handle challenges in the future.

    Are there any times where you feel calmer?

    #406341
    Helcat
    Participant

    *surgery

    #406681
    zaredkhan
    Participant

    I’m generally calmer. But all things happening against me have made me a failure even if I keep my cool. That hurts the most to me. No matter whatever I’m trying, I feel I’ve been  destined for much less. I’ve been destined to not succeed. Why should I act like trying(I’m not asking this because I’m angry rather deeply trying to learn why should I try?), when I can’t try with 100% of how I could try due to situations that I keep facing?

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    #406683
    anita
    Participant

    Dear zaredkhan:

    Why should I try.. when I can’t try with 100%.. ?“- maybe trying with 75% or 50% will do? I mean, try studying as calmly and as patiently as you can, not pressuring yourself.

    I don’t know if I just answered your question or not. Please let me know.

    anita

    #406699
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Zaredkhan!

    It is good to hear that you are generally calmer. I hope once the exam passes and all of these bad things happening to you settle down you return to feeling calmer again. Perhaps the level of stress at the moment has been very intense?

    Do you think this fear of failure is related to your exam? Or is it a more general feeling? How do you feel the exam went?

    For some people, this fear of failure during exams passes when they understand that they won’t fail and they become more confident in their own ability.

    There is a saying that if something is worth doing perfectly, it is worth doing imperfectly. If you try your best, that is all that matters. We all make mistakes, we are all imperfect.

    #406722
    Tee
    Participant

    Dear zaredkhan,

    I am sorry that you had bad luck with your computer, which took away 7 days out of your time to prepare for the exam. Also, that you hurt your leg. Have you had it checked with a doctor, btw? If it’s swollen and you cannot step on it, it could be sprained ankle – you better get an X-ray for that.

    It seems you are ambitious and want to perform well in your studies, but you feel there are forces against you that are preventing you. And that no matter how hard you try, you’ll never succeed.

    I understand your frustration but, if we look at it objectively, the mishaps you had to face in the last month are not a proof that you are “destined to fail” (I’ve been destined for much less. I’ve been destined to not succeed.). They are just temporary problems, which you’ll recover from (but do check your leg and get proper treatment if necessary!) Even if you fail this one exam because you didn’t have enough time to prepare, you can pass it next time, which I assume is in a few months from now?

    What I am saying is that in reality, these mishaps aren’t so huge as to come up with such dramatic conclusions, such as that you’ll never make it in life. However, what could be the reason for such pessimistic thinking is that you adopted a false belief about yourself, e.g. “I’ll never succeed”, “I am destined to fail”, based on the experiences you had so far in life, starting from your childhood. You said:

    I had lots of unlucky moments in the past, but I don’t remember much of them very easily, I just remember them vaguely.

    And also:

    my father had to torture me just at that time, wasted my 3-4 days of productivity and slowed down my focus.

    Perhaps you have a demanding father, who makes your life harder, not easier? Also, if you had lots of “unlucky moments” in your childhood, and no one to help you and protect you, you would have started believing that you have bad luck and are destined to fail, because there were these outside forces (be it poor treatment by family members, or adverse outside events) all lined up against you, and you feeling helpless? And so now, when you encounter an obstacle, you start feeling helpless and desperate, even if it’s something you can easily resolve?

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