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why is it so hard to let go?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 month ago.

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  • #187167

    Aztekkaa
    Participant

    Hello everyone, Im new on here and I’ve read just about everything online regarding overcoming a broken heart due to infidelity, how to heal a broken heart, etc. My 13 year relationship is pretty much over. My boyfriend has chosen to lie, deceive, manipulate, and worst of all, prioritize this other women he just met (or so he says) above my kids and I. Its been a month since he finally admitted to it, even though I had definitive proof. He says he loves me and would never jepordize everything we’ve built over the last 13 years and would never do anything to lose the 2 kids hes helped me raise since birth. I love him very much. I’ve never loved someone so much and I think that’s why it hurts so much, the pain is unbearable. But when he comes back and promises that hes ended whatever it is he had with the other women and doesn’t want to lose us, I give him chance after chance after chance. What happens is, he starts acting all suspicious again and I always catch him whispering on his cell phone or some other stupid secret things he does to talk to her. I’m so tired and weak and ashamed of myself for allowing him to treat me this way. My youngest son, who is attached to him and cant live without him, is developmentally delayed and doesn’t understand the situation. Every time I kick him out, my son cries his eyes out. I pray and pray for strength and I just want it to stop. Love isn’t enough anymore. I am so mad that I love him and let him hurt us. I just want it to stop. I want him to leave us alone. He continues to come and act out his sob story of remorse which is 100000% fake.

    Does anyone have any advice how to get through this? How do I gather the strength and pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move forward. The pain is so intense somedays I feel like its the end. I know this will pass and I’ll get through it, I’m divorced and have dealt with heartbreak before. But this, this is so, so much more intense. I just need a light, some good advice, to know that I’m not alone. I needed to vent, I needed to let this out. Thanks everyone!

    #187255

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aztekkaa:

    For your son’s sake, better no longer have your ex boyfriend in and out of your son’s life. Your boyfriend is like a co-parent to your children, having helped you raise them since birth. I hope you can arrange it with the practical co-parent of your children visitations with your children, much like in the case of divorced parents and keep your anger at him out of your children’s experience.

    Regarding your broken heart, the pain, the anger, frustration, these have to be endured while you function best you can in spite of your heartache. The better you function, for your benefit, as well as for the benefit of your children, the faster you recover.

    When overwhelmed with the emotional pain and distress, calm yourself in some effective way, such as taking a hot bath or doing some aerobic exercise, listening to relaxing music, or just breathing slowly and deeply. Every time.

    Do it day after day after day and your persistence will pay off.

    anita

    #187257

    Aztekkaa
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you so much for the wonderful advice. I appreciate it! I agree with you 100% about keeping myself and my anger calm and collected around my son when he’s around. I need to arrange a schedule that works for us both where he can come and see the kids or spend time with the kids. Yes, those techniques sound great and I cant wait to try the hot bath and relaxing music….maybe I’ll try them both tonight. Thanks so much!

    #187379

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aztekkaa:

    You are very welcome. I hope you post again with more of your thoughts and feelings as you go through this challenging time.

    anita

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