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why is this happening,isnt this too much,just weird in my opinion

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Mark 3 months ago.

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  • #202487

    alexa05
    Participant

    My older bf (46), told me(29) that this upcoming weekend we were not going to see each other because he was going to go back to the city where he lived before with his ex wife, and that he was going to do some things, like look for a ground (property) to build a house that his mom/him was interested in,, he is going to visit 2 friends, and was also going to go back to his Ex Wife home to look for some stuff that he still had there, (even though he has his storage over there) so I don’t even know why he still has some of his belongings wondering around in her house. And on top of that he will stay to sleep there.

    He is a Latino and she is an American, so my theory is that maybe he married with her for the papers like many people do, but i figure out 10 years of being married to her would be too much just for ONLY papers!, or maybe he really did fall in love with her, only god knows,,They also have 2 dogs, they stay with her, but he adores these dogs, and has of what I can see some sort of attachment to them.

    Am I overreacting here or is this too much??. He asked me if i was alright with him sleeping in her house or not!, I answered that i trusted him(stupid me,now I feel like a fool, cause this is wrong!! I did not want drama so I decided to not say how I felt), but now i feel angry and impotent. We have 2 months together they got divorce 5 years ago. What should i do? He is in his mid 40s and she is 58.

    I Really don’t want an older man to make me look like a fool, what is your advice? break up or talk straight forward to him. He has been really nice,kind and generous with me I don’t want to screw it up, but I also don't want to be taken as an idiot/fool.

    #202507

    anita
    Participant

    Dear alexa05:

    I suppose it is convenient for him to sleep in her house, that he doesn't have elsewhere to stay the night and/ or that a stay in a hotel costs money he doesn't want to spend, plus he can be in the company of the dogs he loves. Not weird to me.

    A man sleeping in his ex girlfriend/ wife's house would make almost every woman uncomfortable, so I understand your discomfort with it. But as far as his motivation being possible convenience, saving money and spending time with his dogs, I don't see these motivations as weird or as indications he things that you are “an idiot/fool”

    Congratulations by the way for no longer being in a relationship with the man you posted about March of last year!

    anita

    #202545

    Mark
    Participant

    alexa05,

    So why can't he stay with one of two friends or mother?

    I would not worry about whether or not he makes you look like a fool.  I would be more concerned if you are speaking your truth or not, that you two have good communication, that you are able to do so without worrying about drama.

    Talk to him.  Tell him your concerns.  This is part of having a mature relationship.  You don't need to bring in “drama” i.e. blaming, yelling.  You can do so in a calm way that honestly express your real feelings.

    Mark

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