Hi Laure,

I have found in the past that the people who I feel a magnetic attraction towards are those who are what I call complementary opposites to myself. They are complementary in terms of views/beliefs/outlook on life (what I’d loosely call conscience), but are opposite in terms of their psychology, e.g. introvert vs extrovert, open and carefree vs. someone who is a creature of habit and security. Is this true in your case? I think such people make good partners because they balance one another and the universe is always seeking balance/harmony. This is why I personally think we feel a magnetic attraction for such people: they are displaying all the character traits which some part of us recognises is absent in ourselves. I tend to think that there is an innate drive in us to approach balance/wholeness so the deepest part of us wants to do this. I don’t mean by the way that you are not whole on your own, of course you are. I used the word wholeness as the best word I could find. Really however you can become completely whole on your own and that is the way to the healthiest relationship I believe.

All I can say with respect to letting go is this: let it be, I mean accept the attraction is there, it is there so let it be there. Don’t ask why, don’t try to fall out of love- that is all very tiring and causes a lot of suffering. It sounds like you are fighting with it rather than just accepting that it’s there. Stop trying to get away from it. This doesn’t mean dwell on it though, just get on with things despite its presence and it will gradually lose it’s power. It’s the way of the universe from my own experience that if you will let the universe take care of things then what is best for you comes to you, there’s no need to try to force anything. So, you may really want to be with him. Well, let it be for now, and if/when an opportunity presents itself to advance then go for it, without hesitation, who knows which way things might go. When I look back on all the painful hours of suffering I caused myself years ago by brooding over women, I was going to say it was all unnecessary, but actually it got me to where I am now and I now know just to let things work themselves out, and actually not just with relationships but in all aspects of life.

All the best,

Ben.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by AikiBen.