Why isn't what I have enough, how do I fall out of love?

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years ago by Inky.
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    For the first time, in a very long while, I “fell in love” with a guy from my college. I never felt so emotionally attached to someone, and I still cannot figure out why. I love all people, and care for those that I meet, but I don’t easily get attracted to people romantically. Maybe I like him because we have similar interests and beliefs, or if it is his character, but something about him feels right. Either way I have found that I have little interests in other guys.
    As much as I wish he was part of my life, he is not. He may next year (most likely not), but as of now I cannot deny that he has little interest in being apart of my life. Summer is fast approaching and I will not see him for months.

    The thing is, I feel so grateful for what I have gained in the last few months. I feel like I have friends, I have conquered my depression and past emotional turmoil, I am coming closer to my goals and I have a future to look forward too. Life in this moment, could not be any better and I am far happier than I have been in years. My situation could not be anymore different from when I first met him, yet I still have not changed the way I feel about him. I have found myself consumed in this feeling for this guy. For some reason, I don’t want to give up on a love I never had, even though I could not be more complete on what I already have.

    Why do I still feel like I need this person in my life, even if I am happy with what I have? I have tried to let go over and over again, why can’t I move on. I want to believe time will help me heal and move on, but I feel like I should be over this by now and I do not want to spend the entire summer missing him. How do I fall out of love?


    Hi Laure,

    I have found in the past that the people who I feel a magnetic attraction towards are those who are what I call complementary opposites to myself. They are complementary in terms of views/beliefs/outlook on life (what I’d loosely call conscience), but are opposite in terms of their psychology, e.g. introvert vs extrovert, open and carefree vs. someone who is a creature of habit and security. Is this true in your case? I think such people make good partners because they balance one another and the universe is always seeking balance/harmony. This is why I personally think we feel a magnetic attraction for such people: they are displaying all the character traits which some part of us recognises is absent in ourselves. I tend to think that there is an innate drive in us to approach balance/wholeness so the deepest part of us wants to do this. I don’t mean by the way that you are not whole on your own, of course you are. I used the word wholeness as the best word I could find. Really however you can become completely whole on your own and that is the way to the healthiest relationship I believe.

    All I can say with respect to letting go is this: let it be, I mean accept the attraction is there, it is there so let it be there. Don’t ask why, don’t try to fall out of love- that is all very tiring and causes a lot of suffering. It sounds like you are fighting with it rather than just accepting that it’s there. Stop trying to get away from it. This doesn’t mean dwell on it though, just get on with things despite its presence and it will gradually lose it’s power. It’s the way of the universe from my own experience that if you will let the universe take care of things then what is best for you comes to you, there’s no need to try to force anything. So, you may really want to be with him. Well, let it be for now, and if/when an opportunity presents itself to advance then go for it, without hesitation, who knows which way things might go. When I look back on all the painful hours of suffering I caused myself years ago by brooding over women, I was going to say it was all unnecessary, but actually it got me to where I am now and I now know just to let things work themselves out, and actually not just with relationships but in all aspects of life.

    All the best,


    • This reply was modified 7 years ago by AikiBen.

    Hi Laure,

    Emotions are seldom on our mental timetable! It’s frankly maddening. Congratulations ~ you’re human!! This crush is simply your Being saying, “HEY! Look! A genetically, mentally and spiritually compatible person to have babies with!!” If people didn’t have crushes, sex drive or relationships the human race would have died out long ago. Think of it as a carryover from an earlier time.

    I would have fun with my impossible crushes. Have a drink whenever I saw them. Write in my journal. Create some of my best poetry and artwork. 🙂 One of my roommate’s made a spreadsheet of her crush’s schedule and would accidentally on purpose run into him! P.S. They got together!



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