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Will you risk a friendship for expressing interest in a friend?

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  • April 24, 2016 at 3:19 am #102580
    Ian Ting
    Participant

    I have a friend whom I have been texting for about 4 months now. She is also a colleague who sits on the same level as me in the office. I took notice of her on the first day she arrived. After texting her for these few months, our conversations have allowed me to find out a little more about her as a person. And I have become more interested in her, in finding out if there is a potential that we could be more than just friends.

    I once told her during one of our conversations that I wanted to ask her out for a light exhibition which was already over that time but I knew she was busy, so I didn’t. Anyway, she didn’t express much interest and told me that she was going to be busy for the next few weekends even though I didn’t ask if she was interested in hanging out the next few weekends. On another day, I asked her out for dinner but she was going to visit her grandma so that was too bad. What I have gathered from this is the fact that she has never asked me out when she was free. I would think that if someone was interested in hanging out with you, he or she would at least take the initiative to ask you out. Hence, I made a conclusion that she wasn’t interested in me.

    This is a friendship which I am starting to like. I do not have many friends, not those with whom I am this comfortable talking to. Furthermore, I know that relationships/friendships are never equally mutual. I may like her but it doesn’t mean that she likes me as a friend as much. But I do not want to lose someone again. And this poses a dilemma for me.

    Should I risk the friendship right now by telling her that I am interested in her? And in addition telling her that I honestly don’t expect anything as I just wanted her to know? I have not expressed my interest in her because I believe that friendship is the fuel of a good relationship and if we couldn’t even be good friends, a relationship is off the table.

    Or should I stop myself from having feelings for her right away?

    I don’t want to hold on to any unrequited feelings. I have been hurt before and I don’t want to lose someone again. I know I feel safe right now in this friend zone but it is always risky to confess – to be rejected or to lose what I have now.

    Any advise please?

    April 24, 2016 at 8:13 am #102594
    Anonymous
    Guest

    dear Iang Ting:

    I think it will be unwise to tell her that you are interested in her as a girlfriend because she works in your office, and if you tell her that, it can create a very uncomfortable situation at work, for you and for her. Better prevent such a situation than having to deal with it later.

    If you were not co workers, that would be a different story, somewhat.Being co workers makes it clear to me that it is not a good idea.

    It seems like she doesn’t have an interest in having a dating, girlfriend-boyfriend relationship with you. Quite obvious. So, if I was you, the most I would aim at with her is a friendship of the kind that is appropriate for co workers, so that work is not interrupted or compromised as a result.

    anita

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