Forum Replies Created
July 7, 2015 at 4:40 am #79449
@ElleTinker700 When you said “if your ex loves you”, do you mean romantically or just as a friend? In my case, I know both of us really cannot be together as she clearly showed it already. I was really depressed and suffered in the first few months. I can say that I am more than 50% fine as compared to the past.
You are right that I have fear of her just tossing me back into the fire again. So are you saying that despite still being blocked on whatsapp, I should just try to initiate a conversation? Your mum said “If Angela really loves you, she will be the one calling you and texting you. You’ve already done enough in the past.” I forgot to mention that in the whole episode, she ended things thrice, all of which I felt really hurt. Can I also say that I have already fought enough for everything and it should be her turn to text me if she really wants to be friends? I have actually learned many lessons from this whole episode in my life and one of them is the fact that we should not chase after people who has made the choice to leave and do not give attention to those who clearly do not want it. By chasing after somebody already past the expiration date can bring us suffering too. What do you think?
Frankly speaking, I am quite surprised that you think that I should speak to her. I was expecting people to tell me to move on and forget about her since it doesn’t seem like even a platonic relationship is not working out for her and she has the right to choose not to be friends too.July 7, 2015 at 2:36 am #79440
@ElleTinker700 Thank you for your advice. I don’t think that our stories are similar but the advice at the end can still be applied. Allow me to just clarify my story again just in case you may re-evaluate your advice. The person I am thinking of talking to cannot be considered my ex-best friend. If you want, she can be considered my ex. It was complicated. We started of as friends, then she got infatuated with me. I liked her for a start but it was only after a while that I started to fall in love with her. Like all infatuations, our relationship could barely take off since her infatuation died down and she realized she didn’t feel the same way for me. I convinced her to give me another chance but things just went from bad to worse. She just found me annoying and that we were incompatible. The ‘friends’ whom I confided in were actually part of her ‘clique’ and to be honest, I wasn’t considering the fact that I was not as close to them as they were to my ex. Unfortunately, when she found out that she was judged, she got mad and said that I shouldn’t have brought her friends into issues between us. Note that she used “her friends”. There seems to be a clean line drawn between me, and them. She was angry, wanted everything to end and not contact each other anymore. She even said to “remove each other from our lives”. I will always remember those words she used. I was the one who, once again, fought for whatever was left – a friendship. I don’t know if I was just being obsessed with her or what. I always thought we were close but after hearing the things she said about not trusting me, it feels like everything was built based on her infatuation and all was an illusion. I do yearn for a good friendship but at the same time, things will never be the way it was anymore. I really don’t want to assume that she will ignore me but hearing the words she said and the way she blocked me and asked her friends to block me as well, I do not know how else to interpret her actions. I am really considering the fact that you said ” If you can’t find the strength to get a hold of her, than that should tell you right there that you don’t truly love & value the relationship that much to take that step in contacting her.” I strongly believe in this as well. However, I also believe that the one who walked away should be the one to take the first step in repairing the relationship. And if she doesn’t, it shows that she does not truly love and value the relationship. Let me know what are your thoughts on my reply.July 6, 2015 at 11:32 pm #79427
Sometimes, I also think that if I am making her that unhappy then I should just give up. She has nothing to move on from so she probably doesn’t even care about me anymore. Such thoughts make me feel hurt and think that it is impossible to be friends anymore.March 23, 2015 at 3:01 am #74298
Don’t think about the time you will take to heal. It is a slow process. Don’t count it. Focus on getting past each day. Find ways to distract yourself while remembering the important things you need to get done e.g. academics. She had feelings for you and ended on good terms. Mine was infatuated with me, leading me to think everything was real. Then it became my unrequited love and finally treated me in a way I did not deserve but I cannot do anything about it. I am currently trying to move on with my life too and I have good and bad days. I just keep pushing on. Kat gave good advice which you may heed. Do what is best for you now. Try to workout. Channel your negative energy there. It helps. You and I are empathetic and highly sensitive people who feel more than those who are not. Be patient with the healing process. Don’t fear the length of time you will take. The goal is to heal.March 20, 2015 at 10:49 pm #74208
Thank you for the advice. I am actually unsure of whether I can still be friends with her but I know deep down I keep expecting her to talk to me. On the other hand, I know everything will definitely be different between us. The connection we once had is already gone. How I wished it all did not happen. I keep imagining how different it would be and it is saddening. Her “we will be friends again” could mean years down the road right? I hope I will stop worrying soon. I shall follow Will’s advice and move on.February 17, 2015 at 1:21 am #72873
You are spot on. I went to an 8 while she dropped to 3. I have learned my lesson that throwing more love at the initial stages doesn’t work well. I didn’t have to distant myself away from her since she already cut me off. I think feel too hurt to loiter around now even if she didn’t cut me off. I know time will heal but at the moment, I am just really tired and frustrated while trying not to dwell and feel sad. I think a love-hate feeling for someone is torturous. I hope the day I no longer think of the incident will arrive soon. This is really a growth experience for me. Thank you for your advice.