Dear “I can’t get over her”,
A warm hello from “I couldn’t get over him”.

I’d like to share some thoughts and advice from my experience of heart break. I too have recently undergone the toughest struggle of my life, trying to move on when my heart and body are not yet ready for it.

Without going into the gory details I have learnt:
1. I suffered a traumatic experience, my heart and mind were is shock.
2. I could not stifle the pain. It felt far better to feel it completely. I lay on the floor curled up and cried my heart out until I was done. There is no shame or weakness in this, You are mourning a loss and this is a natural reaction.
3. Keeping him in my life made it all so much worse. Every little smile or act of kindness had me hoping he would come back to me, only to be disappointed again.
4. There is no time frame set to get over a broken heart, everybody is different. So be gentle with yourself and take as much time as you need. The people who love you will understand this.
5. Get back into life gently. Focus on the things that made you happy before you met the person.
6. Know that in time the pain will lessen and you will smile again and feel a weight lifted from you. But it does take time, you can’t force it.
7. Most importantly of all, appreciate the fact that you are the owner of a beautiful big heart that has such a capacity for love. A heart that can be broken is a heart that is strong enough to mend itself and love even greater.
8. and my favourite, if you can get someone to buy you or lend you a puppy or kitten, these delightful little creatures are the best medicine ever.

My thoughts are with you, remember you are loved, be gentle with yourself and please be patient with your healing process. And don’t change yourself for anyone, because if they really love you, they’d never ask you to change. They would make the sacrifice themselves.

Kat

It’s never a one off cry out. It happens a lot. But it’s your bodies way of clearing stuck emotions. I know it’s painful, frustrating and we so wish it was over already, but no matter how much will power you try and throw at your grief, won’t make it disappear faster. I know this is not what you want to hear, and I’m sorry. I really am. If I could hug you and tell it’s going to be ok, I so would. Because it is.
Once the tearing pain passed for me and became a dull throb I started to look around for things to take up my time with that would expand my circle of friends and life experience. I live in Melbourne Australia and I attended events held by a group called Future Crunch, I also took up oil painting and made the effort to go out more and arrange outings with my friends. Life goes on, whether we’re ready for it or not. So, when you start to feel a little better, a little more like your old self, get out and about and see what makes you smile and keep following that. Hang in, and don’t linger too long hanging on to what you cannot change. I believe in you, please believe in yourself. You’re stronger than you think.

Some great advice here! I have found breakups never easy for both parties.
There are many great posts on this site that would benefit you, as they have
done for me these past couple of months. I hope you explore the site as I
have done. You see, I’m dealing with the aftermath of my recent breakup as well.
The mixed signals, reading into things too much, the fact that we work together
and she wants to still be friends. Some of this sounds familiar, right?
Things will get better, Ray. Breakups suck. Plain and simple. Know that these
feeling will pass. It will just take time, as already mentioned.

Do yourself a favor, stop reading her texts. You may have already done so since
posting this. Regardless, delete them. Any pictures you have, burn them to a disc,
pack them away, or get rid of them out right. There will come a time when you can
look at them without the pain that you are currently going through.

Also, stop wondering what could have been changed, what could have been if things were done
differently. It sucks, but you have to come to terms with the reality you are facing now.
What has been said/promised no longer stands.

You said that you cry a lot, and you’re a guy? Nothing wrong with that! You’re
only human. You cared for her and invested in your relationship, it is only natural.

You’ve cut off communication with her? This is good, and will help you in the long
run. Just refrain from emailing or calling until you are ready. This is easier said
than done.

Live in the moment. Don’t worry about the past or future.
It won’t always be easy, but things will get better!