Ian,

I’m sorry that there is a lot of confusion on your end. The best thing to do is dumb the situation down, meaning don’t put so much thought into it because she may still really care about you and you’re assuming she wants nothing to do with you which most likely may not be the case.

Anyway let me share a similar story I went through almost a year ago – I was invited to my ex-girlfriends twin sisters birthday party and my ex was living on an island at the time and were were all on the mainland and she was EXTREMELY angry at me for going when I had no way of even contacting her to let her know anything (which was her choice to not let me have any contact with her.) It was out of my hands and she was on an island while her sisters & I were on the mainland. Anyway, my little sister ( who was 18 y/o last year) who was a part of our family for 16 years was at that party and met a mutual friend, one of the twins celebrating the birthday and was a friend of mine at the time, whom she only knew on FB before the party that night and whom I introduced her to, might I add my little sister almost didn’t even go and didn’t even contribute any money for all the gifts I bought for the twins birthday. The twins birthday evening went well with all of us that night at the pool party, we all had fun like responsible adults. A few days later my ex’s twin sisters gets news that I am this horrible person, I can’t even go into all the details anymore because I know it isn’t true what I was accused of and i’ve moved on from those details. So my sister was angry at me that she was un-friended by twin C and girl (who we’ll call) J my ex’s niece and is getting told all these horrible lies about me from ex’s twin sister C and the niece. Then 2 minutes later while my sister was running a LIVE VIDEO broadcast on the internet, she is talking shit about me saying I was going to end up with a restraining order while me and 2 friends of mine were all watching this LIVE. She was obviously messaging my ex’s niece ( or It could have my ex doing, who the hell knows.) Anyway, we were all watching my sister deliberately messaging on FB and talking crap about me that night.

Then she uses her boyfriend cell phone at the time because she didn’t have her own cell, text messaging me that my someone, either C or Joanna is claiming that my ex had a restraining order against me. I immediately said ” That’s a lie!!” If there was a restraining order against me, I would have been served one and not to mention I did nothing to warrant a restraining order. So somebody was telling an extravagant LIE that evening, whether it was my now disowned sister, C, or her niece J or my ex. I’m thinking it was my sister that was lying but who knows since I wasn’t there while people were talking shit behind my back. I kept asking my sister to send me proof of a restraining order and she failed to do so.

The entire situation was horrible, after all these years I had been there for my sister, bought her clothes, picked her up from her house when her mom wanted her out of the house on a few occasions and defended her always when people at her school hated her and bullied her at her high school for supposedly creating drama all the time. Now It makes sense why people disliked her at school after what she did. My sister and I were never related by blood but we always acted & treated each other like it, even on FB we’d call each other “sis” her mother began hating me years ago bc she didn’t like that I was a lesbian – Owell, it didn’t bother me after awhile anymore. Anyway, as you can see my sister stabbed me in the back and showed her true colors not only to me but to my ex’s family and to my family. What kind of normal person stabs someone in the back that you’ve known for 16 years and knew each others families and spent time together and then decides to defend people my sister met and knew only a couple hours at a birthday party . Whether I was right or wrong, the right thing was for my sister to not side with anyone or stab me in the back. She should have stayed out of it. My sister made it obvious to EVERYONE involved that she cannot be trusted by anyone, she is not a LOYAL friend or lover. This was a superficial act on her part because she’d rather be COOL and make new friends she only knew a couple of hours, instead of doing the right thing – Shameful.

In addition, what made things worse, is that I allowed her to stay friends with a few of my friends who are my age that I grew up with. Why you ask? because I am the better person. Some of my friends immediately un-friended her for her irrational behavior because they witnessed what she was doing. That was their choice and not mine. 1 week later after all this, my sister did something even more heinous towards me and that was just the end for me – I was completely done with her. What made matters worse was that a few months later she was publicly posting on Twitter how much she missed me and then saying “I have feelings for someone I really shouldn’t” which completely disgusted me because she was my sister and my sister was having romantic feelings for me while keeping an eye on my FB. I’m sorry but that is just so very wrong! Even though we are NOT bloodly related, that kind of behavior is extremely inappropriate and disgusting as she is someone I viewed as my sister and never a lover. She is now 19 and I am 31 years old now, months ago she un-blocked me from FB and wanted to be a part of my life again. I forgave her a long time ago yes but I will not allow her back into my life again, I understand she’s young and immature but she cannot be trusted. She made it clear by betraying me back in July of 2014 how she really felt about me & her loyalty to me after 16 years.

My ex is an easy one to forgive and allow back into my life for personal reasons. My ex during and after all this mess didn’t lose any of her family members and nobody in my ex’s family stabbed her in the back like my sister did me. My ex’s family did the right thing and stood by her side whether she was right or wrong, they all defended her, which again was the right & normal thing to do. They stayed loyal to her which I very much admire and felt was definitely the right thing. There were things that were said about me that I feel was so very wrong but that is up to my ex to make things right and if she doesn’t want to, then it’s best for her and I to not be in each others lives again. It’s her choice. I take my partial responsibility and hopefully she has taken hers. It’s in the past now, dead and gone, can’t change anything and I moved forward from that event in July because the past doesn’t define me. What defines me is the here & now – The present.

I will end by saying this, if your ex-bestfriend, friends are going behind her back and giving you personal information about her, then that should tell you right there that those are really bad people! What kind of friends gives somebody’s ex a play by play on what going on her life? Those are NOT normal friends & definitely people I would never trust because eventually they will do that to you. It also makes you look bad and makes you look sneaky that you are even in contact with them, unless you’ve always been close friends with them during the same time as your ex, then I understand. They are probably very jealous that you still care about her so they are making up lies that she’s a player so that you will just stop caring. I advise you to go directly to the source and that is your ex-bestfriend, talk to her and not those people who are being a two-face. My mom has always said, which is true, is that you should always talk directly to the person as you will get answers directly from them and not a 2nd/3rd party. Very immature and disgraceful of people when they assume someone is a player, it appears that the accusers also have no respect for themselves either by calling someone a player. It seems like from reading your post you really care, so I’d suggest that you contact your friend so that you two can talk to each other. Going through a 2nd or 3rd party is just very messy and not to mention very un-reliable.

It’s not good to assume that she would ignore you and to also put negative thoughts in your head that she would even reject you, when you don’t even know that for sure. If you can’t find the strength to get a hold of her, than that should tell you right there that you don’t truly love & value the relationship that much to take that step in contacting her. If you do value her and miss her like you’ve been saying, you will contact her and if you don’t then you will just keep beating yourself up and may end up having regrets later which is something you don’t want. Or it goes back to what I just said, the relationship is not that valuable to you but it appears it is very valuable and worth your time. Although I could be wrong since I don’t know you or your ex- best friend. I’m just going by my own personal experience, as that is the best I can do. Either way, the choice is yours to make and I know you’ll find the strength. I believe in you and I send you a lot of love, strength positivity and light whatever you decide to do, it’s your life my friend. <3

When deciding to finally take that step, know that things will work out in your favor if you believe in yourself, trust yourself and most importantly – love yourself. Maintain a positive attitude but you have to take the step in contacting her in order to move on and break the ice.

Namaste

(((Hugs)))

My favorite version of this song – https://youtu.be/GN3P9HwLlKE
E.

@IanTing – This is my belief, If my ex-girlfriend wanted me back/wanted each other in our lives again, than it shouldn’t matter what was said in the past. The past is the past, can’t change it. So why should we suffer over things that are in the past, unless my ex felt that going to counseling would help her and I, then I would go with her. If she doesn’t feel we need to go to counseling together then we could both work on a future relationship without a mediator, I am just fine with either choice. My ex & I have said some hurtful things to each other when we’ve been angry but that has only happened twice in the past 5 years and I think that’s very normal, given that there are some really crazy & emotionally abusive relationships out there that are happening on a daily bases. My ex and I never called each other horrible names. Well, I know I haven’t. I was always good to my ex and I loved her a lot but she cut all contact and left me in the dark because she wasn’t ready for her family to know about us, not knowing how to go about our relationship because of cutting contact with me anyway. So therefore, I had to make decisions on my own. Since she was the one who cut contact and changed her number on me more than once, it is only appropriate & normal for her to make the move in contacting me now. I’m a positive person and know that I can achieve a healthy relationship with anyone, as long as the person that is with me is willing to have a healthy relationship too with trust & communication.

I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to my ex since I’ve already done that in the past many times, it’s her turn now to show me whether she wants me in her life or not. If my ex loves me, she will contact me and if she doesn’t then things will just stay as they are. My Mom has even told me ” If Angela really loves you, she will be the one calling you and texting you. You’ve already done enough in the past.” My mom is right and she knows what’s best, so I’m sticking to that.

So in saying that, I can only go off from my own personal experience. You don’t need to worry about the friends and what has been said as they are not the ones you are trying to re-connect with, you just need to worry your ex & about the present, formulate a plan on how you want to go about contacting her. You don’t need to fear anything, just the word fear itself. I keep reading what you wrote earlier and it seems like a good idea that you contact her so that way you can stop suffering, watch you get a hold of her and things go right. Then you wasted all your energy and time on worrying for nothing. It’s obvious that in your heart you want to speak to her, so go ahead. You’ve got nothing to lose but time hun.

I wish you all the best, positivity, love & light!

(((hugs)))

E.

Well if she chooses not to then that’s fine but you’re the one who mentioned in your very first post that you wanted to contact her and now you’re basically answering your own questions you had from your first post on your last post. So you have answered your own questions. I’ve done all I can do. Sorry but like I’ve been saying, I’m speaking from my own experiences and on how I would personally handle things. You can disregard all my posts, as they are now irrelevant.

Best of luck on your life’s journey.

Namaste,

E.