Karene,

No, you don’t need to change anything about your appearance or your body, as he already likes you for you. From what it appears, he seems to be attracted to you and genuinely have special feelings towards you, to invite you to this house and watch movies on the couch. He definitely respects you to know that you were raped in the past and to respect your personal space. When the movie was over, you could have both went to bed cuddling each other without the expectations of intimacy. I don’t see the harm in cuddling and holding each other in bed while you two slept that night.

If he follows you on FB, that is yet another good sign that he really admires you and wants to have concerns with you on social media. I’m sure he still has a lot of feelings for you but there’s an obvious lack of communication going on between the two of you. I’m not sure why that is but you’ll have to reach out to him. Also, those women are probably just friends and don’t believe he would photoshop people in his photos. I’d talk to him about it though first, before assuming anything. Many people have nicknames on their FB accounts, it isn’t anything unusual these days.

Again, there is definitely no need to change your appearance, you are beautiful just the way you are, he loved from he beginning just the way you are and he will love and care for you just they way you are now. Everything you wrote at the beginning about him, tells me that he very much so thinks you are special and beautiful and enjoys every moment of being in your presence. His big smiles towards you and the face of you not working on the weekends weren’t of rejection, they were of disappointment because every moment spent with you was special, so when he knew you weren’t going to be around on certain weekends, he was going to miss you dearly. All these things spells – I am in love with you, I miss you when you are not around/present.

You are certainly good enough and you’re not plain nor ugly! Hell no hun! “body dysmorphia” That isn’t true either, as I can tell you care about your body from what you’ve written about yourself. Everyone woman craves attention and deserves it from the person she loves and vice versa. He probably does believe all the other women at your workplace are average and that you are the only the beautiful one, which is most definitely a great thing. 🙂

I hope for your sake, you get back in touch with this person, you seem to have had a very special bond with him and you don’t need to be hard on yourself anymore, you are a beautiful woman inside and out. And remember – You are always good enough hun!

Sending you lots of love, positivity and light your way…<3

M.

Dear Karene:

When you started to lose weight and exercise as a result of his attention to you at work, that was a good thing for you. It means to me that you like getting positive attention from a person, from a man. You very much like to feel special in the mind of a man. This is not… uncommon, I mean, who doesn’t?

Feeling you are special to someone motivated you to effortlessly, almost, lose 30 kg. This means feeling special to someone means a whole lot to you.

And then you noticed things and you realize you are not special to him, not at all like you believed earlier. And I agree, from your post, it is true: you are not special to him like you thought you were.

But it is also true: you still want to be special to someone, very special.

He places himself inside photos of pretty blond women on his FB page, together with romantic pictures and songs, following those blond friends who do not follow him back- this means to me that he lives in fantasy.

When you try to fit his idea of female beauty, you are trying to enter his fantasy, his psychosis.

Better stay in reality, keep your weight loss, keep exercising and find the man who sees you as the special person that you are (not only by physical appearance!) in reality, not fantasy.

anita

Dear Karene:

You mentioned that you suffer from body dysmorphia, social phobia and that you are antisocial. And he has schizophrenia.
These disorders (root cause is fear) play a big part in the interactions you have with him and your thoughts and feelings about him, as in during the weekends when you are not working.

You wonder about his FB presentations: isn’t he aware of what’s in there? How can he have this page knowing you are looking at it? Good questions. Here are possible answers, only possible: He sees nothing wrong with following women he doesn’t know. Maybe he believes he does know those women and that they are following him as well. (Hallucinations and delusions are part of the diagnosis of schizophrenia). Maybe what is real and what is not real are (at least at times), mixed in his mind and he can’t tell the difference.

Those women on his FB that he likes for their looks, he liked them before he met you. It is very possible that in his mind, he does not know that you are offended by those photos, that you are comparing your looks to those women’s looks. He probably never entertained those thoughts.

It is possible that he has never had a physical relationship with a woman, too afraid to, and that he finds comfort in fantasy. In his interactions with you, his real and fantasy world come together, but he may not know or care to know what is real and what is not.

Did you ask him questions in the past? About his illness (he told you about it, is that how you know?) Did you talk with him? You can clarify a lot of your questions if you could talk with him.

And if things became clear to you, if you could see yourself, and accept, what is real and what is not, you will have peace of mind. It is not only people suffering from schizophrenia who believe things are true that are not true, we all do. This is why we have to ask, examine, check and find out for ourselves what is really going on.

Please post again with your thoughts…?

anita