Life is certainly tough. We don’t always get what we expect or want out of it. What we do get is the opportunity to learn and grow from challenges. You have already proved to be a very resilient person. Surviving through an eating disorder and depression I can tell you from personal experience too, it takes guts, stamina and something else that you may never understand to get through it all. It’s the something that I may never understand that keeps me going. I can point to several times in my life now where I have gotten so down that I never thought I could get back up. Recently I keep discovering a new bottom it seems each month. I hate to say it, but this kind of questioning and confusion doesn’t necessarily go away. It’s just how you manage it in life that changes. We can either decide to let the spin control us or you take the reigns and take the spin for a ride. This may seem hopeless and dreary now, but you never know where opportunity will come or what you are meant to learn or do from this experience. Sometimes, well most times, it has nothing to do with you personally. You may meet someone and have an impact on their life and never know it. All out of a seemingly negative time. Hindsight is very important. One thing I tell most young people is that it isn’t important for you to know what you want to do. We end up doing many things in life. Just try anything everything you think may bring you joy. And when it doesn’t, stop doing it. Look at life as an adventure in finding out what you don’t want to do. Makes it much more interesting in a way. Opens up opportunity to explore and alleviates the need to know and nail everything down in some kind of definition of self. Work inwardly on how you perceive the world and how you relate to others. Life inherently has no boundaries or limits. Know that you are the only one who can hold you back. These are easy words to say. Doing the work to free yourself is much harder. But know this… Awareness is half the battle. And you already have the recipe for a great wonderful life full of resilience, adventure, experimenting etc… It is easy to go down the negative spin. For every negative thought combat it with five positive ones, even if it has nothing to do with you. Our thoughts are habits and patterns that take time and diligence to change. Open yourself up to it. Embrace what you do have and search for the growth and opportunity life is presenting you. The world NEEDS you.