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Worried how long I'll be ill adept at relationships

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 month, 1 week ago.

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  • #339974

    Catherine
    Participant

    Hi there, first time posting.

    I’ve been struggling with levels of OCD and depression in a big way since 21.  I’ve only had one relationship where I was really in love- when I was 18.  Thing is, I’m afraid that the only time it was possible for me to fall in love with anyone was to be outside of this fog,and the longer I’m in it, the harder it’s becoming. I remember having regular crushes and how it felt to fall for someone, and it just wasn’t as complicated as it is now.  At 26, I just recently dated someone for 3 months-which is farther than I’ve gotten since college- but broke it off.  I couldn’t find the levity or the love.  It’s not an uncommon thing for me, but I try not to string anyone along anymore, and this person just deserves to be with someone more present.  I know I confused him because everything probably seemed just fine for the most part.  We had a nice routine, and while I did have some crying fits (coming off of one med and onto another) he probably thought we were communicating just fine, and I did try to let him know about my anxieties.

    Overall, the hardest feeling coming out of the relationship was the realization that it feels so hard to develop feelings for anyone.  People tend to bleed together, and I find myself wanting to date and be close to someone, but I might just miss my past life when it was easy.

    If anyone else has had a long similar period, I’d love to hear about it.

    #339978

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Catherine:

    You referred to your high “levels of OCD and depression, as “this fog” that you’ve been in since you were 21, suggesting that this fog makes it “so hard to develop feelings for anyone”.

    When you were 18 you did develop strong feelings for a guy, being “really in love”.

    Maybe it is the OCD/ depression medication/s that you’ve been taking since you were 21 that is causing this fog and the numbing of your feelings, and the reason you were able to feel strongly at 18 was that you weren’t on medication at that time. Could this be it, partly perhaps?

    anita

     

    #339984

    Catherine
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    You could be right.  Meds I’ve taken in the past have put me into more numb states.  Though, before them I felt too manic to consider dating at all.  It’s a hard balance.

     

    #339988

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Catherine:

    I was diagnosed with OCD and depression myself. I was prescribed with Zoloft, one of the SSRI drugs prescribed for the two conditions: depression and OCD. Other drugs were then added and overall I was quite numb. What drugs are you  on?

    anita

    #339996

    Catherine
    Participant

    I’m glad to hear from you, then.  I’ve only recently began Wellbutrin.  Previously I was on Effexor, but found that I’d plateaued, and wasn’t reaching much further than managing.

    I can’t really be certain how far meds will take me by themselves, but this is also pretty genetic in my family, and my mom has been very antidepressant positive because of the effect they’ve had in her life.  It can be hard to get an unbiased opinion based on my own experience, hahaha.

    To be honest, the whole previous relationship made me realize how on autopilot I’ve been.  I’d be interested to hear your experience with all this.

     

    Thank you

     

    Catherine

     

    #339998

    Catherine
    Participant

    I also believe my doctor had me on Zoloft at one point

     

     

    #340002

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Catherine:

    I will be glad to share more with you, but will need to do it Wed morning, when I am fresh. I will get back to you then in about 15 hours from now. If you want to share more about your experience in that fog (I used that word myself to express how I experienced life), please do. Reading more about your experience will help me share more of what is relevant to your experience.

    In any case, if you post again before I return or not, I will share with you more tomorrow morning.

    anita

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