Dear Felix:

I know you worry a whole lot about being rejected by women. But consider this: a woman whom you may want to be your wife is not likely to be a Judge, an objective judge who looks at you coldly and lists all the things that she doesn’t like about you, then takes a few minutes to deliberate and then makes the final judgement: no, Felix is not good enough for me. I better look elsewhere!

Way more likely, the woman is afraid of being rejected as well, she is not an objective Judge, she is as subjective as you are, worrying about the future, worrying about things, not comfortable about her own looks (even if she looks beautiful!).

Here is the problem: if you show a woman in your words and behavior that you yourself believe that you are not worthy of her or of any woman, if she sees that you believe this is true, then she will automatically believe it herself.

When I read your words in your various threads, I know that even though you don’t believe that you are of much value, that you still are valuable. But most people, and particularly younger people, when they see someone with a very, very low self esteem, they figure the person really is of no value.

So you have to watch what you say and how you behave around women so to not express to her this message. Is this making sense to you?

anita

Dear Felix:

You are welcome. As far as the situation you described, I am not familiar with the Chinese culture and Chinese New Year gatherings, but I figure this: your father cannot possibly be the only person in your country that has problems with a couple of his siblings, this has to be the reality in many families.

Please pay attention to the following point because it can save you a lot of distress and make your life so much easier:

You worry about this and that being the reason why a young woman will reject you. I appreciate you not bringing the same-old-same-old other reason that I got very tired reading about. But the list is endless, if it is not this worry, it is another worry as to why a woman will reject you.

This is my point: don’t focus on the reasons, focus on your behavior. Let’s say you sit with a woman for a family gathering where the relationships between your father and a couple of his siblings are not good- focus on how you are behaving. Have a confident body posture, your voice strong and confident, your eyes looking into her eyes and not away or down, smile at her, smile calmly and confidently.

If your words and behavior show to her that you are feeling not worthy of her (no matter the reason and circumstances!)->  she is likely to reject you.

If your words and behavior show to her that you are feeling worthy of her (and that you like her and value her), whatever the circumstance-> she is more likely to accept you.

anita