Would love some input

HomeForumsRelationshipsWould love some input

New Reply
Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
  • #43115

    Hi community,

    I love this site…it’s so inspiring. I’ve been following for about a year, and just realized there is a forum!

    I need some advice….I’m not very good in relationships. I don’t know sometimes if it’s me or the other person, but there are often similar issues that arise, and I think I’m paranoid and not trusting/guarded. I haven’t had a good history with relationships, and I tend to get into sort of “catastrophic thinking,” which I am working on, slowly.

    My boyfriend of 9 months and I are trying to work things out. We had a few bumps along the road, and I withdrew. He asked what I needed and how to fix things, and I told him. He travels a lot for his job. The first week of this, he was really romantic, accommodating and over the top. I loved it, even though it made me a little nervous that it wouldn’t last. He mentioned trips and all he wanted to do for me.

    He’s been back in town now for the second week, and although I can absolutely see him trying and taking steps, there is less talk of all the castles in the sky he built. I am worried that he said things to “win me back,” but perhaps didn’t mean them.

    I get the sense from him that when I hold back a little, he comes swooping in, but when I am fully in and engaged (and myself), he gets nervous and pulls back himself. He generally is kind and his actions speak loudly — he cooks for me, helps me with work/problems, always wants to talk. I think I like to hear words; affirmations and reassurance, and he is not always verbal.

    I don’t know if this stuff is normal, as I don’t think I’ve ever had a “normal” relationship. Any thoughts?


    This sounds absolutely normal to me! I had a similar experience with my BF; when we first met, he did everything in his power to court and woo me (randomly dropping flowers off at my house, bringing me dinner after work, lots of affection and praise, etc.) I’m not a naturally romantic or trusting person so I had a hard time reciprocating. Then we had a big snag after 6 months together and as a result, things sort of flipped. Now he’s a lot more casual/distant while I’m the one who craves affection and contact. But when I haven’t seen or talked to him for a while, I can tell he’s been missing me because he ramps up the affection again.

    Personally, for our relationship, this is the new normal. We both have agreed that like any relationship, the initial burst of newness and excitement can’t really be recaptured. We’ve been together for 3 years and we’ve figured out what works for us. My BF being a little more distant/busy is actually a blessing in disguise, because it gives me more time to refocus on my own needs and goals. So while he works his second job on weekends, I work on my novel.

    I also like hearing him verbalize his thoughts and feelings, but he is more of the “actions speak louder than words” type and his effusive praise when we were first dating was actually something of an anomaly. So when I feel like I need some reassurance, I have to tell him straight up: “Please use your words right now, I am not a mind-reader.” 😉


    Hey Jade,

    Thanks for the response! Our experiences do sound similar.

    I agree, I actually get a lot done when he is traveling for work, and it helps me keep an eye on my own life/goals. I think I am nervous that he too likes newness/excitement, so the traveling works to our advantage now, I worry about if we’re capable of being stable/stationary.

    It’s really intense when he’s in town. It feels like everything else stops for a week or two, because we don’t have much time together. Would it be best to absolutely stick to my schedule either way? Sometimes I want to rearrange things to get more time together.

    I like your straight talk. I’m going to try it. =]

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.