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wrought with guilt for pets

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  • February 3, 2014 at 11:00 am #50215
    Ace I
    Participant

    Hi again everyone. While I’ve decided that moving away from my toxic family is the best decision for my health, my heart breaks at the prospect of leaving the dogs at their house. We have three dogs, but I’m the only one who takes care of them. Everyone else is content with ignoring them so long as they’re fed and bathed. I feed, bathe, walk and train them, or try to; I’m actually pretty horrible at keeping a routine, but I tire myself out doing these things anyway because no one else wants to take responsibility for them, and that won’t change when I move away.

    Realistically speaking, I can’t properly care for three large dogs by myself, but I can’t think of leaving my willfully ignorant family without also thinking that I’ve “abandoned” the dogs to them. It triggers the helplessness that I myself felt as a child. I also fear that they’ll be too large for rehoming, and I’m seriously contemplating euthanasia for the biggest and rowdiest one because no one could give him the love that owned pets deserve.

    February 6, 2014 at 2:21 pm #50459
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Ace 1,
    That is such a dilemma! I believe we have to take care of ourselves first and send prayers for those around us.

    Perhaps you can give them to a more caring family?

    Mark

    February 7, 2014 at 2:04 am #50487
    Alf
    Participant

    A more caring family is definitely worth considering as Mark suggests.

    Also, is it possible that you could take just one of the dogs with you? That way one will get looked after well, and the others will stand more chance of being looked after.

    You could also tell your family to sort themselves out. If you want I’ll gladly drop them an e-mail/msg and tell them to sort themselves out too.

    March 7, 2014 at 4:34 am #52451
    Ace I
    Participant

    Hi again. An update on the situation, particularly the last dog.

    My mom admitted that because the latest dog (the largest one) is a “gift”, they couldn’t refuse it. They took it in because it was the “proper” thing to do, despite the hassle it would give us all. Because I’m the only one who cares for it so much, she said, I’m the only one who should take responsibility for it, and that I shouldn’t blame them.

    Are they right? How am I supposed to go about this? I want a better life for myself and this dog, but taking care of myself is hard enough as it is. I have three choices: training, rehoming, and euthanasia, if a better life cannot be given to it.

    The family will “respect” my decision in exchange for my respecting their choice to neglect it. I am so upset that my family is antagonizing me and something I love so much this way, and there’s no one else to seek guidance for without being judged. More than anything I want to kill the dog or myself or both.

    March 7, 2014 at 7:32 am #52457
    Kelly
    Participant

    Ace,
    I can see how this whole situation is plaguing you and I feel very much for your situation. You are distressed. I urge you to call a crisis hotline if you are sincerely contemplating suicide. As far as the dog situation, I would try not to focus on who is “right” and instead look to solutions. Placing blame won’t help you or the dogs. Perhaps you are feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of continuing to take care of the dogs. That is understandable but please only consider euthanasia as a last resort if these dogs are healthy. There are many families who would love taking a dog into their family. Post an ad or contact a local no-kill shelter. You have options.

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