December 19, 2015 at 10:04 am #89939
I just feel so depressed that I turned to google and it led me here to Tiny Buddha forums. I just don’t know who to vent out my regrets to. I hope somebody here will tell me what to do. I’m feeling so helpless and stuck I’d value any advice. I’m 24 and graduated with a business degree last year from a top school in my country. But I have no motivation and passion to do anything with it. All the time I keep wishing I could turn back time and do an engineering degree instead. or at least something more technical. I had all the resources and opportunity, but I was so stupid I didn’t listen to my heart and went with the flow.. And now here I am, with no idea what to do with my life. I look at others who are passionate about what they do and I feel left behind by miles. I wish I was them. I wish I had made better decisions. I work but I have no passion for it. I don’t even look for other jobs because I know if I get an interview call I won’t have the motivation to make it. I recently tried to learn coding from scratch online but found it too difficult and can’t feel enthusiastic about it. I feel like I have no skills. I feel like quitting work. I feel so left behind. And I’m not moving ahead either.
P.S. Thank you Lori for such an awesome website. It’s what I need to feel better.December 19, 2015 at 10:28 am #89940AnonymousGuest
Going back in time, how did you feel through getting the degree you have, four years of schooling? What was your focus then? Did you have regrets in the beginning, during, only after?
What about before your degree, five years ago, you as a teenager? How was your life then: were you motivated then? What was your motivation?
And back even more, as a young child: what was your life like then? What was your motivation then?
anitaDecember 20, 2015 at 7:27 am #89995
Thank you for your reply. Back in the days of my childhood and teenage, the thing keeping me motivated and driving me forward was my desire to travel the world. It’s the only thing I feel passionate about. 5 years ago I lived in a fantasy world where I used to feel happy thinking about traveling the world one day. Now that I’m in the real world, I realize it’s not so easy. It requires truckloads of money and in my case (a powerless passport), a lot of luck as well. So now I have no motivation. I tried for one or two scholarships abroad, but didn’t get it because it was so competitive (obviously, like everything is).December 20, 2015 at 11:03 am #90015AnonymousGuest
Back in the days of your childhood and teenage years, when you daydreamed about traveling the world, what was happening in the home of your childhood? What was happening there, day in and day out?
anitaDecember 20, 2015 at 12:19 pm #90020
My home is the same. It’s me and my parents. Nothing’s changed, except that I’m older and feel like I didn’t live up to my potential.December 20, 2015 at 12:40 pm #90024AnonymousGuest
If you would like, share how it is the same. What is the nature of this sameness? The ways to find motivation and enthusiasm is in INSIGHT into the early – and in your case, still the same- home life, particularly, your relationship with your parents.
anitaDecember 21, 2015 at 12:51 pm #90140MarkParticipant
That feeling you’re feeling is very common. Hang in there. It’s something that most people would agree they have felt. If they say they haven’t, they’re lying to you. 🙂 Although I don’t know your personal circumstances, from my own experience and the research I’ve done, depression tends to come from our anxiety about the future. We look into the future at the person we want to become and see a big void between that place and where we are now. The trick is to pay attention to that ideal in your heart (the what) and forget about the how. You don’t need to know. There is too much in that void that you discover on the path to getting there anyway. It can’t all be worked out before you start something. Just start, and then change course… The real drama (drama in a good way) comes when we begin to take small steps toward that thing we want. For you, it seems to be travel, or doing something more mechanical. (Keep in mind also that you can travel most of the world on less than $10 per day. In my early 20’s, I did just that and spent a year traveling all over the world. There was a site called “ArtofTravel.com where I got most of my ideas for traveling on a budget, and traveling light. I think it’s still up.)
The other area I’d caution you on is the regret piece. It seems you are regretting your choice of study and wishing you could have chosen something different. Regret tends to come from too much thinking on the past could-have-beens. In reality, you may find that someday, everything you have done in the past was for a reason and the fact is that you actually needed all that experience. Any way you look at it, the solution seems to be to focus on today, right now, your first step toward what you really want to do and be. Be it now.
I wish you the best!
MarkDecember 21, 2015 at 2:47 pm #90152SaiishaParticipant
I’d agree with Mark’s advice above – what tiny steps can you take today toward creating your dream life of traveling the world? (or whatever else your dream life would be) Every step you take adds momentum to your new journey. Even the one or two tries you had about foreign study scholarships might have created momentum, but maybe you stopped too soon. Don’t stop… keep going. Knowing that the job you have now gives you money to create the life you’re seeking might make it easier to keep going. Good Luck!!December 22, 2015 at 12:18 am #90252FreesiabellParticipant
It sounds to me like you are not seeing a reflection of your self and your deepest desires in the life your have currently created for yourself.
from what you describe, the path you chose has not eventuated in the outcome you really desire.
The way I believe you can get back to that path is as other people have said in this forum take a radical look at what you would most desire to do then take the actions it takes to get there. I read an inspiring blog today that suggested that before inspiration strikes you you have to take action- don’t wait to be inspired. move towards something new and the inspiration and passion will come.
On another note, your comments about how hard it is to travel as a life choice seems strange to me, in my country (New Zealand)m we are so far away from the rest of the world that we expect to travel to the rest of the world as part of our early adulthood so we all make plans to get some sort of transferable work skill set that will keep us employed while we travel. this is so common and we have no pressure to pick a sensible career path at your age at all!
So maybe your current mindset is also holding you back with preconceptions about how impossible it would be for you to live out your dreams. I suggest you look into stories and forums of people who did travel and find a way that you could do this too. when you decide what to do magical things can happen to drop into place. 🙂December 22, 2015 at 3:41 pm #90311MarkParticipant
I agree with Freesiabell. In fact, while I was traveling, I met so many people from New Zealand, Germany, Australia and Israel. All of these places promote travel. For me, coming from California, most people who found out I was planning to travel tried to discourage me. Anyway, you can create your own path. Just start.January 22, 2016 at 4:07 pm #93377AnonymousInactive
Hi Maria. I suggest that you get out there and try different things. You can apply to jobs abroad, in the travel sector or a technical education if that’s something you want. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, try to let go of the self-doubt and comparing yourself to others. Remember that happiness, meaning and so forth comes from within.January 23, 2016 at 2:56 pm #93431MichaelParticipant
There are a lot of people that go throught this in one way or another. So you are not alone 🙂
Others’ success is only your PERCEPTION .You follow particular mass-BELIEFS about what success is and through this judge yourself and others (as you have been thought). Within this judgement, you do not understand whether anyone is actually happy including yourself… Nonetheless, you have learned about what makes you unhappy early in life and this is good! For you are still young and these days we have more opportunity and time to get things right in life… So be excited!
Know that there are many people out there that did not follow anyone else’s footsteps to create their happiness! Don’t wish you were someone else, you are just as mighty as anyone else! Go be special and unique as you already are, and create your future!…
Consider that first of all – This is your life and your journey. Forget others, expectations, standards and time milestones… How can anyone have an expectation about you, if they do not know who you are… – Do you know?.. Go find out!! In small, big or unusual steps… no rules!
It is often when you start thinking for yourself that you have to break through limited beliefs that you or others may hold, and you find they have limited you or misguided you. In this moment, you experience what can work for others may not work for you. You experience that the choices we make sometimes lead us in a wrong direction. This is not failure!
Going through this experience might actually make you more self aware from now on and, as a result, you will make better choices and be more successful in the future! Moving forward in life ‘automatically’ is not a feat, so you have woken up 🙂 Remember, you are not alone in your experience!
In the same way you perceive your peers and their ‘success’, others may view you and see how wonderful you are in achieving your success in obtaining a degree etc… This is just a beginning. Now, you need to find a focus wherein you are happy again to self-express and for it to be nurturing rather than depressing. This may mean more soul searching, study or work… You sound very capable and so I expect you have the powers to create the reality that you want for yourself! And so, trust you are able to do this!
As soon as you start following your wants and needs, you will attract things/people that will help, inspire and inform you on the way! Do not hide and stay away from where you want to go!
Do not fear or ‘be embarrassed’ to have to follow your own journey. If your journey is not ‘appreciated’ by others in your environment, remember there is a whole world out there that doesn’t really care and will appreciate you as you are. There are millions of others who struggle with similar ‘transformations’. We all land on our feet in the end. Some are even ‘successful’ people you know or learn about and they can inspire you!
You may find your business studies may help you in the future, they may set you apart or contribute to your future success. Remember that your experiences and learning so far are not time waisted! Do not be disappointed yet… there is no reason.
Currently, it is you who chooses to ‘wallow’ and self-inspect… but this happens and it is OK 🙂 Perhaps you need something to ‘shock’ yourself, a different environment or something that throws you into the deep to kickstart yourself. Sometimes it can also be your environment and the beliefs that circulate that depress you, but you do not realise. Go challenge!
Remember that what often limits you are your perception and your beliefs, not reality. You are disappointed with is in fact your perception. Change your mind; There is not one way. No belief is absolute, and often they are not even true 🙂 Anything is possible!
– Capture your dreams, inspirations, wishes, wants and needs (images, texts, subscriptions or your writings). So you can define, understand and visualise your direction better.
– Soul searching does pay off! Go travel or put yourself in different environments. Maybe you need to be inspired or discover yourself on a completely different or unexpected ‘level’.
– Hard work does pay off! Try out different things. Or choose to study again – a masters or another degree, full-time or part-time in the evening while working. Or try plan out different journeys you could take in achieving goals.
– There is no one way, it is only your fear, perception and beliefs that block you – these may be yours or others’.
– Focus inward to move forward! In focusing outward you are not considering what you want and ignore discovering your purpose. You are like no one else 🙂
You are just as wonderful, talented and mighty as anyone – and maybe you are just waking up to it. This is exciting. Go find, express and realise how wonderful you can be! Trust in that 🙂