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5 Questions: When You Aren’t Sure What You Want in Life

“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with.” ~Tony Robbins

There are times in life when we just don’t know what we want. These are the awkward in-between places where we feel uncertain and unsure, and perhaps even question our purpose.

There was a pivotal time in my life, after I got my Counseling Psychology Masters degree and had a private practice, when I knew I did not want to be a therapist.

I left counseling to help my husband start his fashion business, even though this was not an interest of mine. My true desire was to write and publish books, but at the time I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about.

A year later, while riding my bike on a beautiful sunny day, I tried to pop a wheelie over a curb and fell, hitting the back of my head on a car bumper and then the road.

The neurologist told me I had a moderate concussion and I needed to lie low for three months. I got migraines from simply walking around the block, so I had to stop completely.

While I was sitting at the kitchen table one afternoon, I got the idea for my now published book and card deck set. It hit me harder than the fall off my bike. After helping my husband with his business for a year, without knowing what was next for me, I was ready to hit the ground running.

These places where we are asked to be still and experience the unknown are as important to our journey as the times when we feel certain. An empty blank canvas permits the unanticipated and unexpected to appear.

Like a trapeze artist letting go of one bar we suspend in a gap before the next bar comes swinging towards us. This space is the catalyst that creatively births us into new ways of being.

Here are 5 key questions to experience relaxation, stillness, and peace while resting in the uncertainty of the unknown:

 1. What if I didn’t have to search and know what I want right now?

Searching causes us to look for something “out there” in order to fill a perceived sense of lack, when what may serve us more right now is to simply be in the emptiness.

When something is ripe and ready, it will come to us as an insight, a direct “knowing,” as if from a higher place beyond the mind.

As if from nowhere, we feel in our hearts an unquestioning “Yes!”

In the effort of “trying to find,” we jut out into the future. Yet, it’s really in the present moment where we actually discover it.

Looking back, I realize there were many important things I learned while helping my husband with his business that helped me in the business of publishing my book.

It was all divinely perfect.

2. What if I didn’t have to force change to happen?

I used to love puzzles, but those 1,000+ piece puzzles, where all the pieces looked alike, freaked me out. I remember out of frustration picking up a piece and trying to force it to the fit in the puzzle.

You know exactly where this got me.

We can’t force something to come, but we can set our intention for it. I set an intention to write and publish books 10 years before it actually happened. But during that time, I gathered all the pieces I needed to create my first project, including the content, the personal experience, and the inner–growth.

One day, beyond my control, all the pieces came together for a moment and fit.

3. What if I focus on how I can help others?

Even if you don’t know exactly what you want next, you can start by helping other people, in a way that feels meaningful to you, and see where that leads you.

When we look at what we love doing and we combine it with the desire to help others, these two components come together and ignite like a match against a surface.

4. What if I could let go?

What if you could let go of the need to know it or discover it right now?

This is not about resolving yourself or giving up on a dream. But when we drop the grasping and the need to have it, we give ourselves some room to breathe.

Then we are freer to explore, to be inventive, and to create just for the pure sake of creating, without being attached to the dream having to come into form.

With some spaciousness, we feel more relaxed, and more able to meet the present moment and enjoy the process.

5. What if I could feel safe in the unknown?

Unfortunately, my mother who has cancer goes in and out of the hospital almost every three weeks for chemo treatments.

Every day when I see or speak to her, I get the same unbelievable attitude. While waiting for news from recent tests, she always surrenders to the unknown.

“Mom, how do you do this?” I asked wanting to learn. “Isn’t it hard to wait like this—in the unknown?”

As if I asked a silly question, she responded quickly, “That’s what we all do, Lynn, all the time. That’s what life is.”

“How did you get so wise?” I asked. “How can you be so patient?”

“That’s all we can do,” she responded. “We have no other choice. One step at a time”

For my Mom, it’s more like “Don’t sweat the big stuff.” The small details are where she can gain some sort of control.

She likes her coffee poured two inches into the cup and microwaved for thirty seconds. Her day planner, Chapstick, and crossword puzzles are stacked neatly to the left on the hospital bedside table, and the phone sits on the bed next to her hip for easy access.

She always put out a bowl of mini Snickers, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, and Three Musketeers, as a gesture of gratitude for the hospital staff, doctors, and nurses.

Doing what she can, creating a simple daily structure within the uncertainty of the unknown makes her feel safe.

During a time of uncertainty, remind yourself to let go of the big stuff and focus instead on what is in front of you now.

I admirably think of my mom, determined to build her strength daily by walking rounds, smiling and carting her chemo drip on the hospital floor. It reminds me of what life is all about:

“One step at a time,” as my wise mother says. That’s how we experience the uncertainty of the unknown.

So, what small step might you take? What simple thing might you do to embrace the fullness of your life today?

Photo by chema_foces

Avatar of Lynn Newman

About Lynn Newman

Lynn Newman’s (aka Lynn Zavaro) book and card deck set, The Game of You™- An Interactive Way To Know Yourself, Create The Life You Want offers a powerful, profound and FUN experience of self-discovery and transformation. Her board game, The Game of Insight comes out soon. She has currently finished her memoir. Visit her at gameofyou.com.

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  • http://twitter.com/SmittnbyBritain SmittenbyBritain

    Thank you! This is just where I’ve been for the last three or four months. Dealing with the unknown and trying to figure out what I what to do “when I grow up.” Never mind that I’m 44 yrs old! Your mother’s story is really touching and inspiring.

  • http://big-zen.blogspot.com/ Big Zen

    I couldn’t agree more. From my own experience, the greatest leaps forward have been born out of times of uncertainty. Your Mother’s story is inspirational!

  • Kayla Albert

    It’s funny – I had just decided last night that today was going to be my day to release all expectation and let the universe handle it from here. I think this post was just reinforcement that that was EXACTLY what I needed to do. Thanks for the inspiration :)

  • Kate

    Thank you so very much. I feel as though I’ve been grasping for change for over a year now, and your perspective here is very helpful. I will be following your advice!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    You are so welcome! May it be fruitful:)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Love this! So cool!!!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Thank you. My mother is an inspiration to me:)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    I totally understand where you are. We are ever-evolving and re-creating ourselves anew! Thank you.

  • Kelly Machleit

    This is an amazing post. Thank you. I appreciate your mom’s wisdom. I am going through a similar situation with my dad and I think our family is really learning to stop trying to change what can’t be changed. Your point about not forcing change to happen is also very valuable. Just setting an intention  is enough to get your world moving again. Thanks for this inspiration. 

  • Lisa

    This couldn’t have been posted at a better time for me. There are big changes coming to my family and when it comes to changes I’m a mess. I tend to spiral downward and start questioning my own life. Your mom reminds me of my mom….and I am going to bookmark this post so I can be reminded to breathe and try harder to focus on what I can control rather than what I cannot!!!! Thank you for this. Lisa

  • Tabitha

    I think it’s hard to feel like this though because it just seems in direct opposition to what we’re told as far as ‘go out there and make things happen’. At what point are you supposed to feel comfortable allowing things to take shape on their own, without feeling like you’re sitting back and letting life pass you by? I’m having trouble with this currently.

  • http://www.theunlost.com Therese Schwenkler

    Great one, Lynn! This is the same sort of experience I had, which I wrote about here in my post “Why it’s OK to be Lost And Confused”:

    http://www.theunlost.com/?portfolio=what-to-do-when-youre-lost-and-confused

  • Meljohanna

    loved this. your mom is a trooper. however, microwaved anything is really bad for you… an article recently showed where they watered a plant seedling only with microwaved water that had cooled, and it died. so see if she might embrace stove-heated coffee instead, possibly. thanks for sharing story, great article! ~

  • Anonymous

    My FAVOURITE and MOST HELPFUL piece of writing I have seen in a while. THANK YOU SO MUCH for writing it! :) *hugs*

  • Jan-Inge

    Thank You
    for sharing this story about your mother, I get so happy to hear that there are
    people like her! This story makes me more grateful to my life. God bless you
    and your mother!

  • http://twitter.com/J75067 JRN

    Perfect post for me today. 

    Have to chuckle… I did the same as Kayla last night, but right before reading this post was in moments of deep despair – knowing it would pass, but still…!!

    Thanks, Lynn.  And thank you, Kayla.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    So happy the article came at the right time!!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    How beautiful. Thank you. My mother makes me grateful for life every day.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Hugs back! Thank you:)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    thanks for the advice on the microwave – yes I know this – but whatever makes my mom happy makes me happy!!

  • Domenica Lopez

    omg!! this article came to me at the precise moment!! Thanks for sharing!! and for the wise words of encouragement when I needed them so badly, it’s the same point I’m at…. one day at a time! Thankss!!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    It’s a balance between “Efforting” and “effortlessness”.  It’s good to remain engaged with what brings you fullfillment in your daily life without having to grasp or force the  “big dream” to come. Sometimes things just take their natural time to unfold. We have opportunity to have faith in this at the same time we apply ourselves to the day-to-day work at hand. Doing our best, nothing but our best – that’s all!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    This touches me! Thank you for your comment:)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Sending love and light to you and your family. YOU are an inspiration:)

  • Simonevh

    Thank you for this. It helped me to put things in perspective a little and calm down. :)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Very cool!!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Woo Hoo!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    I liked your post Therese! Brave, honest and heartfelt:)

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for sharing this wisdom with us:)

    I feel this is a true breath of fresh air in a world where most self-development techniques push into the idea of “certainty”…”in order to succeed you have to know exactly what is your goal”, “you have to plan your goal(s )diligently and work on following it every day”, “knowing where you want to get, is most important thing one need to get clear”…and so on.

    But the truth is we do find our selves sometimes in a stage where we don’t really know exactly where do you want to go or what is that big goal that should drive us ahead…and just pushing and forcing yourself into finding it, may seem to only lead to more uncertainty.

    Especially when one gets to a point where his / her previous goals that made sense and seemed to have the most meaningful purpose there was, just don’t feel that meaningful anymore…

    And weather there were life experiences that changes our perspective on the world and life or there were other inner / outer factors at play…it comes sometimes to that point when you just don’t know where you want to go from there.

    I would dare to say this is evolution… and in between the old you and the new more evolved you, there is a gap where settling needs to take place.

    Thank you again for such an inspirational story that helped realizing that are times in life when being still in the present moment is the only way of allowing inspiration and guidance to happen.

  • Karen

    At 58 years old, everything I thought I had and everything I thought I wanted has been severely and painfully challenged. I would like to think my choices in life have all been made with intention and consciousness. I believe I am being given the opportunity now to learn how to rest in unknown and really listen to my hearts desires; that I  need to grab at anything out of fear and uncertainty. Thank you;  I needed to hear this; I needed to know this.

  • http://www.twitter.com/rebeccatherouge Rebecca The Red

    Thank you for sharing this article, and your mother sounds like an amazing woman. Her outlook is something I aspire to be everyday. Have a great weekend!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Thanks Rebecca – you too!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    How beautiful Karen. Thank you so much for sharing this!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    I love this “in between the old you and the new more evolved you there is a gap where settling needs to take place” – its like we need time and space to integrate, to restore our energy and balance what we have experienced and learned. Like a computer our bodies need breathing roo, to download updated programs and recalibrate. Thank you for this reminder…

  • http://www.sweetoniontart.com Lucy

    This article is just what I needed today, thank you. I believe it was John Lennon who said “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

  • Anonymous

    Thank you…sharing your unique experience helps many other to understand their own..and then share it with others..and so on. It’s a give an take process with unlimited possibilities :)

  • http://uzma7.wordpress.com Uzma

    Very wise. Life is in the details, life is here – right in front of us. Thank you for this reminder, to not struggle, to accept, to let go and most importantly, in this moment – to just be :)  

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Woot Woot! YES:)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    It was and it is good!!!! Thank you:)

  • Katherine

    Wow this could not have come at a more perfect time for me. I’ve been stuck in the comfort rut of my current job which is boring me, but I’ve been scared of breaking out of my shell taking on a new job which has just been offered because of the fear and uncertainty of change, the challenge of a new job and not being in control…Thank you. Your article has helped me to let go. 

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Wonderful to hear this! Perhaps you are being called to be an explorer and jump into the unknown!!

  • Carissa

    This article was exactly what I needed to confirm to myself to let go of always over analyzing and trying to predict my future. Thank you!

  • Hazel

    Thank you for your article. The bit about your Mum really helped me.  My Dad is very ill and getting weaker all the time.  I sometimes find it hard to cope when I think about not knowing what is going to happen next and how we will deal with it.  I do find though that when I’m there with him and just focus on getting through the day and helping him and my Mum with each little problem and task that comes up, it is easier to cope with  – as you say one step at a time.  Many thanks

  • Lynn Zavaro

    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad Hazel. Rough times. Sounds like you have the right head on your shoulders! Lots of light to you and your family:) Lynn

  • Lynn Zavaro

    You are welcome Carissa – yay!

  • Anonymous

    wow. this is simply beautiful. i’m experiencing that “what do i do now/where do i go next” thing now, and for someone who always likes to know what’s going on/what’s on the agenda/what’s coming next, it’s not so comfortable. 

    but you’re completely right…just letting life unfold and appreciating what’s going on here&now is so much more rewarding than trying to control everything. because trying to control everything is draining. complete control over life is impossible. 

    thank you for reminding me to let it go, let it flow. it’s a friendly universe; it’ll work out in the end. 
    :)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Thank you for your beautiful words. xoxoxo Lynn

  • Srinidhi

    Hi Lynn,

    Wonderful article indeed. But, Krishna should have patented what he told to Arjun. Well, i am referring to what you said is a re-invention. Please dont misinterpret me, but “to stay in the present and not dwell in the past or future” is dealt in one chapter of Bhagavad Gita. I am not a religious guy but, BG is a wealth, which if followed will lead us to everlasting peace, everlasting stability.

    Wonderful article, and i hope to read more from you. Take care and my regards to your wonderful mom.

    PS: I am amused you have Buddha as your avatar. We Hindus believe Buddha as an incarnation of Lord Mahavishnu.

    Regards,
    Srinidhi

  • Pgolato

    I am in school to get my masters degree and become a family nurse practitioner after 18 years as an RN in the hospital. I am asked all the time what my plans are when I graduate and I just don’t know, yet. I used to feel guilty that I was so unsure, but not anymore!! Thanks.

  • Melva Curry

    Just what I needed at this moment – and I found it in the space between rushing and forcing.  Funny how that happens, huh?

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Love it!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    It’s a relief isnt it? Thankyou.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Happy your enjoyed the article and thank you for your regards to my Mom!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/hillary.rubin1 Hillary Rubin

    Excellent post. Thanks for sharing your story — you had a course changer and fumbled towards your desire beautifully. Love this question :

    What if I didn’t have to search and know what I want right now?

    The best part is we don’t. Can’t wait to read your book. Many blessings :)

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Thank you so much Hillary!! LOVE this: “you had a course changer and fumbled towards your desire beautifully” Stellar description!!! You are a dear. xoxoxo Lynn

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Thank you for this. It inspires me to keep on… xoxoxo Lynn

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  • http://www.wiseatwork.net Susie @ WiseAtWork

    Hi Lynn.

    Your post comes at such a perfect time as I was just discussing William Bridges book “Transitions” with a friend today.  I so like your Question #1 and your description of being “ripe and ready.”  Last year after my own treatment triathlon with cancer, I asked myself “truly what is my heart’s intention, my life’s work?” Two months after I asked this inner question while driving to town, the answer dropped in as a knowing — it was “ripe and ready.” And like you, I so strongly believe in those inner knowings. They are indisputable — and claim their own pacing.

    Your mom is full of wisdom and I was so touched that she practices your Question #3 and has figured out a way to help her caretakers. What a giving woman. Just as your quote states, life is really about our relationship to the unpredictable and uncertainty. And though we may think all of life is certain, we all get our chance to live otherwise.

    Blessings to you and your mother. I send her healing energy.

  • Shahid Latif

    what a nice article like a dressing for a broken person. I have dropped my
    selfish load after reading this and make a decision for surrender to the fear
    of unknown future. I feel emptiness is better at this moment, if i do not know
    what future is. I agreed to set myself in given circumstance. Story of your great
    mother inspired me very quickly to reach a decision and clarity. Keep on work for
    needed persons. Thanks for this helping article. 

  • http://www.bradentalbot.com Braden Talbot

    “What if I could feel safe in the unknown?”

    Assuming we actually feel safe in the known. We think we feel safe in the pseudo-known until we discover that we never knew it at all. We simply made an image.

  • http://www.bradentalbot.com Braden Talbot

    “What if I could feel safe in the unknown?”

    Assuming the known is a place of security. Eventually we discover there was no safety in the known. We simply made an image of what we thought we knew and remained there.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    You are welcome Shahid. Thank you!!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    How dear. Thank you Susie. And I send you blessings and healing energy too. xoxoxo Lynn

  • Sasalool

    thank you for the post Lynn, I like it!! I have this feeling of uncertainity each time I finish a project or change my working place. I believe that this time is essential to recharge your energy, to process what you learned from your experiences and to simply grow.  

  • http://www.tracyshaffer.com tracetime

    Wouldn’t it be nice to practice these regardless of the feeling of “what do I want in my life”? Living comfortably in uncertainty is key, making friends with the unknown by acceptance and not having the need to chronically fill the hole. Ah… when will we learn to recognize that the ‘hole’ is where the divine lives? Thank you for an insightful post this Sunday.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Yes! Beautifully put. Thank you!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    I’m with you on this:) Finishing something and change always has a discomfort that comes with it. It’s like, “where did that thing I thought I had go?” Recharge, learn, grow. Terrific!

  • http://twitter.com/AlannahRose Alannah Rose

    Lynn, this is so true.  I experienced this personally last year, when I had someone pressuring me to come up with “goals” that just weren’t there.  The more I tried to look for them, the more elusive they were.  When I let go of the idea of forcing them into existence, I had a lightbulb moment where I just knew what I wanted to do and it was a huge “YES” from out of nowhere.

    Just as you said helping your husband gave you needed wisdom for your book, I have found that during times of what seems like treading water, there are always valuable lessons & practice for what will come later.

    Your mom is so courageous and wise.  What a beautifully written piece–thank you so much for sharing it here.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Alannah, I appreciate your comment so much. You beautifully captured exactly what I was trying to share with your own story. Thank you!

  • Sarah

    This is just great: “When we look at what we love doing and we combine it with the desire to
    help others, these two components come together and ignite like a match
    against a surface.”
    And that’s what I hope to be able to do in this lifetime.

    What a wonderful, thoughtful, insightful article!

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Thank you Sarah. I wish that your dreams come true:) xoxoxo Lynn

  • Davidals

    This was a beautiful, somewhat familiar story.

     I am a recent cancer survivor, and I can recall the doctors and nurses commenting on how un-hysterical I was.  I did 4 chemo treatments, with two week breaks.  I did not feel good through the chemo treatments, but I bounced back very quickly during the breaks.

    Since then I have had some struggles with the emotional implications of what I’ve just experienced, and have undertaken several steps to resolve this:  a therapist and meditation coach.  I have been uncertain about how to write my experiences out – what I have learned, for this was and extremely educational and insightful experience.  For all the fear and loathing and anxiety going in, I learned a lot which I find valuable, I my instinct keeps telling me that it would be a waste to keep those insights to myself.  I’ve begun making text and collage based artwork – both to tell a story, and also to try to work out my own post-treatment emotions.

    The love I felt was unbelievable.  I’ve always been cynical, snarky, so to receive this outpouring of good wishes and concern from family, from friends, college acquaintances I had not seen in 20 years in a few cases, cards from distant friends in San Diego, San Jose, Dublin, Toronto, Ciudad Monterrey was overwhelming.  I was often tearful, from joy.  I’d taken these people for granted, and I can’t do that any longer.

    I have a college education, but am certifiably low income, and have often looked down – snobbery and contempt – upon the mostly service oriented jobs I’ve held, even though I learned quickly that I was not psychologically well-suited for the white collar world (I only wanted a white-collar income).  My colleagues donated their hard-earned vacation time to help me maintain income to help get through this.  This brings tears to my eyes EVERY time I tell the story.  It may be the greatest lesson learned:  I live at the edge of the ghetto.  I will never have my dream house.  I may never own a car.  I doubt I will see the world.  I can’t afford to visit my far-flung friends and family.  But I have great people around me, and I never saw it until now.  I owe them a lot, in a multitude of ways.

    My won mother was there day in and day out.  Even at 76, she’s a retired nurse anesthetist, so I was fortunate to essentially have a second doctor who could help me to understand what I was going through.

    YOUR mother seems brilliant.  You do all you can do, day by day, riding this out.  Even during the most upsetting times, there is always love and grace around you.  You just need to accept it, receive this, and recognize that this will help you heal.  To quote the old art-punk-ska-hippie band Camper Van Beethoven:  “Life is Grand.  And I will say this at the risk of falling from favor.  From those of you who have appointed yourselves to expect us to say something darker.  And love is real…”

    Patrick David Alston

  • Lynnzavaro

    Thank you Patrick for sharing your story. I have watched a friend of mine who went through cancer  and now is in remission tell people that it was the best thing that ever happened to her in her life. The way her family, friends, and community showed up was beyond belief and she is eternally grateful. whenever I hear her speak of this I am in awe of her. And I am in awe of you. Light to your journey, Lynn

  • Vianey Q.

    I was emotional and had a lump in my throat while reading this article.  By the end of it, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and remembered to breath.  I’ve been lost in the uncertainty and the need to know, but recently made a decision to simply let things be and have taken steps to learn to live in the present. I am patiently waiting for the pieces of my puzzle to come together and fit.  Thank you.    

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Lovely. Thank YOU!!! (when the fruit is ripe it will fall of the tree…) xoxoxox Lynn

  • Akelly158

    Awesome Blog!

  • Adele Uddo

    What an inspiring story about your mom at the end Lynn! She’s quite a courageous example of surrender indeed. For years, I’ve worried myself about everything from potential earthquakes to what I should eat for dinner…and your story reminds me that there is a divine plan in everything (even life’s hard “falls”).

  • CBonilla

    Such great thoughts…this is exactly the type of phase I’m going through right now and it truly speaks to me.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Thrilled to be a support! xoxoxo Lynn

  • Federico

    this is great, my life is kind of in pause right now, I still have 2 signatures from highschool but I can’t find any inspiration to study, because I don’t really know what will come next, I now what I want to do but sometimes I question myself and think I’m not strong enough to face the challenges I’ll have to face in life as an independent grown up man, because I want to move out from my town because I’m gay and there’s a lot of discrimination here, thanks for posting xoxo

  • Sonia

    Great post Lynn. Thank you so much! I feel safe in the unknown but it is so hard for me to let go and surrender. To stop wanting to control what is not under my control. I need to give myself more room to breathe. Definitely. I’m going to bookmark your post to come back to it when necessary. I also like when you say “During a time of uncertainty, remind yourself to let go of the big stuff and focus instead on what is in front of you now.” This really talks to me. I so much want to see the big picture all the time.

  • Lynn Zavaro

    Happy you enjoyed Sonia:) xoxoxo Lynn

  • Lynn Zavaro

    You are welcome Federico – it takes courage to question and not to question at the same time… xoxoxo Lynn

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  • Susan

    thanks Lyn, I was nearly close to tears this morning but after reading your article it has given me strength to calm myself and take things one step at a time with hope. 

  • Lynn Zavaro

    How lovely Susan. And you know its OK to cry too:) xoxo Lynn

  • Michelle Attah

    I read this post every day.

  • Dheeraj Kapoor

    nic 1….

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  • http://agalincity.blogspot.com/ Monica Sharma

    Thank you…sharing your unique experience this will help others to motivate own self

  • Aminah

    This was a great read, very inspirational! I needed this, thank you!

  • Jit

    I traveled around the world … and done stuff but I am still searching. There is a specific feeling (I think) why people have affairs but it is somehow connected to this quest. This happens, if it happens, the fantastic feeling remains for a very small time. That is, (say) someone really likes someone else; wants to sing that perfect tune; trying to solve that very difficult engineering or some scientific problem; or … even trying to answer these questions and … we find that space. That is, she turns around and tells me, for the first time, ‘I love you’; or the song sounds flwless … and so on. At that moment there is this strange feeling, a merger with something more than myself. But, then on … it is spent on remembering that moment of time.

    I think, that is why we have affairs (try to feel that moment again), try to compose another song or paint another picture; have another baby; solve another problem … just to feel ‘I exist.’ For really we do not exist and the definition of existence is very strange. A moment that has passed by is a memory. A moment that is yet to come is a possibility. The universe does not exist now because ‘now’ does not exist. Even mathematically, if we assume time t=0 (freeze time) then all quata, being a function of time, also vanishes. Thus, like ‘now’ does not exist neither does the universe.

    So … in our illusive universe where reality is a memory or a possibility … those little beautiful moments simulate ‘now’ because we do not want to leave those moment. Sometimes, it takes a night to sink in the fact that the other person really reflect my image but that night remains that night in our memory.
    Are we trying to figure out ‘what is the best way of life for me’ is our relentless persuit of feeling that oneness that shatters our ego based self? I think, even our answers would be short lived – for that moment when we find the answer, only to see it vanish into the past.

  • Zenzele Mfayela

    wow!!!!!!!!!! I’m blown away by this article, thank you so much. Lovely words.

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  • Lynn Zavaro

    so cool! you are welcome:)

  • bunnygal

    what if you had to pay rent?

  • maris

    you are the one who handle your life..without knowing the your desire you can’t encourage yourself to deal with it..
    but for now i am afraid to do my desire because i’m afraid to loss and i have no confident to face it.
    that’s why i’m just doing this for my family, this is what they want for me and i’m not happy..

  • MIchael

    I’m in the middle of this fog right now! Too much going on …. or not going on…wanting to feel as if my life has a purpose and meaning… thank you for the powerful questions.

  • tamara

    Wow,thank you for this.i been wrestling myself..is it drawing,painting writing,photography,singing or designing that i want to do but after reading this article,i realise that maybe i should jus stop with the fighting and feel the moment.i believe something will come along,i now feel safer in the unknown and relaxed more than ever.thank you again.

  • Shanker

    Good Article. Thank you Lyn. Mm… I realize that my post is very late here. Just that ‘Better late than never’!

  • Radhika

    I don’t know sometimes i am closer to give up. Sometimes i strive…and engulfed in something uncertain!