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How To Move Forward When You Feel Paralyzed by Uncertainty

Walking in Fog

“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle

A woman in a relationship that is breaking her spirit might remain there for fear of what leaving will bring.

She doesn’t know if she will find another to care for her, and having a warm body is better than having no one. The uncertainty about whether or not she will survive that decision, and be happier for it, keeps her there.

I know the harsh clutches of uncertainty all too well. It wasn’t long ago that I waffled and wavered about every decision I faced, feeling afraid to make one for fear that some mistakes cannot be undone.

I resisted relationships because loving led to marriage and then divorce. I resisted starting my business because seven out of every ten businesses fail. I refused to quit the job because it was the only way I thought I could succeed.

I allowed myself to fall in love only when I was certain that he loved me more and would stay. To ensure that it worked, I planned every detail of the relationship and the wedding.

Feeling doubtful that this relationship was truly the one I wanted, I was unhappy and silently praying for something to happen to help me out. But I stayed the course because at least I knew what would happen next; I had it all planned.

My awakening came when my engagement fell apart and there was nothing that I could do about it. I broke into a million pieces. I lost twenty pounds in one week and wept until there were no more tears.

I had placed a certain level of trust in things working out and was certain that it would. The experience left me paralyzed because “I had it all planned.” What was I supposed to do then?

I woke up daily gasping for air, knowing I’d go to work where I’d help people and come home to a crumbled life. It was then I knew that if I didn’t move I would die.

I fought against the emotional pain of the break-up and decided that I would have no more of it. I quit my two jobs, went home, and began packing my bags.

Two months later I sold my belongings, counted out the little savings I had stashed away for a safety net, and moved back to Jamaica to be with my family.

I had no fear about what would happen; I had been so fearful for so long and life happened anyway. All I knew was that I needed to have a hand in my own life, to be an intentional co-creator of my reality, to accept uncertainty as a friend.

So how do you move forward in uncertainty?

1. Accept that at the root of uncertainty is a fear of failure.

We’re not afraid that we don’t really know what’s going to happen tomorrow. We’re afraid that what happens tomorrow will be so painful that we won’t survive it. We have already created a worst-case scenario in our minds, and the likelihood of it becoming reality is what really keeps us bound, not uncertainty itself.

Action Step: Examine your uncertainty. What lies at its root? What emotion comes up when you think about doing the thing that you’re uncertain about?

2. Understand that failure is a natural part of life, and embracing uncertainty is key to defeating failure.

Everybody fails, and failure holds the best opportunities for growth. When we succeed without experiencing failure, our account is narrow. A person who can speak to both failure and success has a much more textured life and can help others navigate both waters.

For every success story that you hear, there are at least ten stories of failure to supplement it.

Action Step: Talk with someone who you view as successful and ask about the times that they have failed.

3. Embrace the idea that nothing is completely within your control.

We saunter into the world daily, ignoring the many risks that we encounter. When we step out the door, we take an enormous leap of faith that we will get to our destination. We trust that other motorists are as diligent as we are. We hope that no one decides to harm us. We assume that we are healthy and nothing will happen to us.

We hedge our bets with the universe, forgetting that nothing is guaranteed. It is just as likely that you will survive your break-up as it is that you will find another partner. It is just as likely that your business will succeed as it is that it will fail. Life is about taking risks, and without uncertainty, surprises would not exist.

Action Step: Make note of everything that requires trust in the uncertain. Some of them are automatic, such as driving. Note the times you rely on others to make decisions in your best interest. What are you really in control of?

4. Be willing to open up to the universe.

When we release our expectations of what should happen for us, we allow the universe to deliver in ways far beyond our wildest dreams. By dwelling in uncertainty, we limit the space in which the universe has to work.

Approaching the unknown with openness breeds a multiplicity of experiences that strengthen our resolve and help us grow. I learned my best lessons when I relinquished control.

I quickly came to understand that in order for me to grow, I had to let go and leap. By choosing to remain paralyzed, I was choosing to rob myself of some of the best experiences of my life, like a new relationship that supports my growth and my beautiful daughter who helps me appreciate life.

Action Step: Take a situation that you are uncertain about and imagine what could happen if it turns out ten times better than you hope it will. What emotions would you have attached to that experience? How would releasing expectation free you?

5. “Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.”

This quote by Epictetus is an excellent piece of advice. It provides a clear path through uncertainty—taking one step at a time. Sometimes we look at the first step as insufficient, but all you need is one step.

Once you take that step, the next step becomes easier, and so on. Having too definite a path can serve to block opportunities disguised as surprises.

Action Step: Think back on all the experiences in which you only saw the first step. How did they turn out? Was the second step anything that you could have predicted?

6. Take your worst-case scenario and dissect it, asking “what if?”

“What if?” is a powerful question. It primes us for possibilities and allows us to examine the constancy of our reality. If we are fully devoted to the process, asking “what if” can challenge our perceptions of what is possible for us.

So what if you did quit your job and had no money? Would you be forced to use talents that you have kept hidden? Would you face your fear of asking for favors?

What if you left the relationship and didn’t find someone right away? Would you sit with yourself getting to know the you that you forgot in that relationship? Is the worst thing that could happen truly that bad?

Action Step: Complete this activity with a trusted friend and continue until you can’t think of anything worse. Build a scenario of survival and thriving from your rock bottom.

7. Keep moving forward.

Nothing beats uncertainty like facing your fears. Moving forward brings you face to face with risk but also with hope.

Your life is not the same as it was last year, nor will it be the same tomorrow. When you make an intentional choice to embrace uncertainty, you take back your power. Not only will you be at peace with what may come, you will also have released your attachment to things going exactly as planned.

Action Step: If you are facing a paralyzing fear of the uncertain, your best bet is to take a step forward. Everyone has experienced the negative effects of uncertainty. The majority has thrived. You are not alone and you can do it.

What steps have you taken when faced with paralyzing uncertainty? How did you move through it?

Man walking on foggy road image via Shutterstock

About Susaye Rattigan

Susaye Rattigan is a Clinical Psychologist and Coach for women who are desperate to connect with themselves so that they create the happiness, joy, and success that they are seeking. She lives in Jamaica, West Indies with her partner and daughter.   You can find her at shesinspired.net, Facebook and Twitter.

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  • Hi Susaye,

    Your article came at an interesting point in my life. Throughout my life, I have always chosen the path less traveled. I didn’t even choose uncertainly, it just happened, as if it was a part of my DNA. And then, in the last couple of years I experienced an unprecedented (for me) period of stability, in every way. It’s good and I enjoy it. But there are challenges there making me question if I can and should continue this way. And what I then notice is that even if I have a vast (and positive) experience of living without a safety net, I do at some level cling to the illusion of peace, stability and control. I have clearly more inner work to do in this respect – so thank you for the reminder!

  • Hi
    Susaye, I really enjoyed this post, especially where you mention that we need
    to accept the idea that nothing is completely within our control.
    And really nothing is, except…how we react to whatever life throws at
    us. I have learned over the years that regardless of what life throws at
    me, I am in control of how I respond. I can respond with courage and inner-strength,
    or I can allow myself to become the victim of my circumstances. Modern
    life is so full of uncertainty, that we really do need to follow the steps
    you’ve outline to move forward when faced with paralyzing
    uncertainty. Great post!

  • Ronda

    This was a great article, and very appropriate and timely, as I am struggling with indecision about a major move to another country (Netherlands) to marry my sweetheart. Of course I want to be with my love, but am paralyzed from thinking about leaving behind my career, my friends, my home, and getting rid of nearly everything I own in order to downsize into our tiny home. It’s exciting but also very difficult.

  • Kelli

    This article truly resonated with me. I was afraid of leaving a job where I was employed for 11 years to pursue another opportunity and begin a career change. I am sooo happy I did it! I am so much happier now and my career change is even better than I had expected. We cannot fear the unknown because sometimes the unknown can be a lot better than the known. We should all take risks ESPECIALLY if we’re unhappy or not satisfied in our current situation.

  • kelli

    So True!

  • I have often struggled with expectations. The adage of hard work always pays off always rings in my ears. So when I feel I have invested such a massive amount of time and effort and into things and don’t feel rewarded I struggle to let go and let God out of my rigid expectations.

  • Otto66

    Very thoughtful and helpful, thank you.

  • DB Hoster

    Oh my…this is a profound article. I really needed to read this. The question where I was asked to think about what happened in the past when I only imagined the first step in a scenario, and was uncertain about the rest? Totally relevant. I thought of several times in particular where I was afraid, then summoned the courage to take a TINY step (hating it and fearing it all the way); and then the universe met me halfway, handing me a Gift I could never have imagined the wonders of. It’s true…we cannot even imagine what the universe has in store for us. We only need to take one step at a time. Such a beautiful piece and a great boost to keep moving forward…thanks for sharing!

  • lv2terp

    Wonderful post!!! What a great message and awesome advice! 🙂 Thank you for sharing your wisdom! 🙂

  • MarpD

    I suffer from anxiety that is mostly brought on by pervasive thoughts of failure in EVERY aspect of my life (guess that’s what happens when you’re a perfectionist). This is amazing advice! You hit the nail on the head when you said, “We’re afraid that what happens tomorrow will be so painful that we won’t survive it.”

    It’s hard to accept failure, especially in this fast-moving world, but these are words of wisdom I think everyone should try to live by.

  • rt

    Susaye such a powerful story. I am leaving my marriage of nearly 30 years and can say the decision was not an easy one.I am also doing it alone since making the decision to leave. My family told me it was my problem and friends stopped contacting me. It was just another thing I had to learn to accept and move on from.
    I’ve had many days of worrying about how I am going to cope,will I cope financially and with no support. Leaving a place of financial support for a future of uncertainty I can say emotionally has had a huge impact on me. I know the “if’s” or the “will I” can keep us paralyzed because I am still going through them.
    Though what I do know for certain is, I’ve taken my power back after so many years and I’ve given myself the chance to be happy again. Something that I would not have if I continued to remain in an unhappy marriage.
    I know nothing is easy but can admit I haven’t had it easy in the marriage anyway. Everyday I try to focus on the hope I have given myself that one day things will be better because I took a chance to make them better.
    There is a lot of uncertainty ahead of me but I try to remind myself why I made this major decision at the age of 53 and it was because my life mattered and so did my happiness.
    Thank you so much for sharing your inspirational story it has given me words of hope.

  • cna

    Great post – really enjoyed it. Lucid advice. Thank you!

  • I hate that fear of failure monster because the truth is we experience more failures than successes. Success is on the path to success. We don’t only experience what works. We experience what doesn’t until we get to something that does. We have made failure something to fear but really it’s something to embrace because if we’re not failing we’re not trying. Our goal is to take back the power that we have given to failure or maybe even reframe it, as necessary experience!! I’ve recently started aiming for NOs. Although no-one likes Nos, my getting Nos means that I am going after the big things I want. Sometimes I have gotten them. Other times, I haven’t but I am trying and that’s good enough. Good luck MarpD and happy failing

  • Congrats on making such a huge move, Kelli! To have the great life we want, we have to be willing to do the tough things even when we don’t know how it will turn out. It just may be an adventure, right!? Good luck, my love. 🙂 Life is too short for prolonged unhappiness, so go Girl!!

  • Aww, Hugs Rhonda. This is a big move and uncertainty is not an abnormal response. I applaud you for even going after it in spite of the fear and uncertainty that comes with it. Remember that life is about living. Maybe things will work out as you hope it will and you will learn that taking risks work. Maybe it won’t and you will learn a heck of a lot more–about struggle and rebounding and creating magic in the midst of chaos. Maybe it will be the most challenging and enlightening experience of your life, but you’ll only know after. I would encourage you to visualize the life you want and let the universe help you to sort it out. You’ve got this! Even if it doesn’t always look like it.

  • Definitely Darlene, except for our reactions to our experiences. We determine whether something is good or bad. Imagine a world in which we accord neutral feelings to what we previously perceived as offensive…we would eliminate so much pain. I love that you take power over your experiences, Darlene. this epitomizes the Inspired and Empowered woman’s way. Keep doing the work.

  • RT, so much love and compassion to you, my love. Making the decision to walk away from something that was a major part of your identity for 3 decades is an amazing thing. Having the courage and strength to take back your power and go for your peace of mind, especially in the face of rejection is a demonstration of your innate capacity t survive and thrive. The uncertainty is expected given that you don’t know what is to come. What I do know is that most people who make decisions to leave marriages that were not fulfilling to them do not regret leaving even if financially they are not in the same place. What is your vision for the next phase of your life? Developing one, creating visual images in the form of a vision board, box or even pinterest board will help you to create a stronger, more lasting vision (at least in your mind). Getting some new friends and other like-minded women for support will definitely be a plus for you. Also, I would recommend making peace with yourself–forgiving yourself for staying when you wanted to go, disappointing those who feel hurt and sad by your choice and accepting this new path. No-one knows what it will bring but can you imagine making it the best of your life so far You can definitely do it!

  • Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Your energy is much appreciated.

  • DB, you brought up an amazing point that I love love love. The universe is in favor of our success and once we show the universe that we are serious about what we want, it totally has our back! One step at a time. 🙂

  • Thank you, Otto.

  • That is a great approach because the truth is that our reward may not look the way that we expected it. No-one says our reward has to come back in kind, right! A massive amount of time, energy and effort results in massive payoff–maybe not right now and maybe not in the way that we expect but know that it will pay off.

  • Halina, I love that you have experienced both and have realized that there is no constant in each. Both stability and uncertainty come with challenges. Your questions seem to be guiding you to a middle ground but like life’s cycles, some times you’ll have peace, tranquility and solace, other times (especially times of growth and development) will feel uncertain. Accept both but let your intuition guide you as to the place and purpose of each period. Love and light to you.

  • Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts, CNA. Much appreciated

  • Alex

    Thank you for this article. I am currently facing a “failure” or stumbling block in my life and I have read lots of posts, but this one really helps me out a bit. When I think about tomorrow, it quickly turns into the day after, and the day after that and it just sucks. I know this too shall pass, but sometimes when you’re in the thick of things, it just seems horrible. However, I really enjoyed this article, thank you.

  • Thank you, Alex. I am glad that this article has helped you somewhat. All failures are defined by us. All failure by definition have lessons to teach us. Stop and embrace the fact that things didn’t go the way you planned. It’s okay. Maybe it’s better for you that it didn’t. It’s difficult to see that when you’re in the midst of it but holding that as a possibility will dull the intensity of the pain. Maybe it is the best thing that could have happened to you and this frees you up from a future that would have hindered your best possibilities. Who knows? What you do know is that you have an opportunity to pause, reassess, and re-calibrate the vision. Take heart in the fact that another day is another chance and the universe has your back, no matter how it seems. Blessings and positive vibes your way, Alex.

  • Exactly Susaye! Taking power over our experiences and refusing to let life’s challenges defeat us permanently is the empowered way. That does not happen automatically. It requires action, courage, and determination on our part. But we are all hardwired to survive life’s ups and down. We simply need to learn to access our well of inspiration, empowerment, and determination, and tap into our ability to bounce back, no matter how haywire things get. Inspired and empowered! Well said. 🙂

  • Talya Price

    This really struck me, because last week I had a BS casting that caused me to spend most of my saving and I have rent to pay and I am very uncertain of how I will pay and what will happen. Will I be homeless, poor, out of work? Will I be stuck in Poland for the rest of my life? Will I end my life soon because I cannot cope anymore? All of these questions run in my mind. I am not where I want to be in life and I am unhappy about. And I am scared. Nothing in my life is certain, but I still keep going for some reason.

  • Kathryn

    I fought against the fears i had surrounding uncertainty and my relationship for years. SO scared to change the status quo for fear of what would happen. This involved marrying my long-term love, packing my bags and moving to his country with him. I was so scared of leaving everything I had worked for, the friend-family i had built. But i worked hard and did it. No less than 2 months later, after sacrificing my work, my friends and a country I grew to love, he left. Left me alone in a country with no friends or family, no work. In an apartment that i had just rented for us and then furnished.

    in many ways I have been more angry with myself – this was my greatest fear coming true, and as i surveyed the distruction of what my life had become, I couldn’t help but ask “why, universe, why?”. What lesson were you trying to provide here? I faced those fears, i worked hard at them and finally took that keep of faith and did the right thing. My doubts were never about him, but my own fears and own insecurities of leaving my comfort zone.

    I’m still struggling to figure this out. And figure out what the lesson is, because in many ways, what happened almost solidified that my fears were right. My uncertainty was correct and that everyone encouraging me; friends, family and therapist alike; were wrong. because now I’m the one living with the mess that my husband has left behind. I don’t want to look at my ‘leap of faith’ as failure, but how can i not? How can i walk away and trust/take leaps of faith EVER again?

    Confusing and hurtful. It’s been 6 months and I’m still in a raw place, one I’m afraid ill never leave behind. It’s hard not to be bitter, but what lesson do i take from this pain?

    much love

  • Hi Kathryn,

    As someone who has lost my country and everything I knew twice I can imagine at least part of how hard this must be. But then again, I probably can’t… In my experience, lessons these size take a long time to move through not to mention understand. Moving through it and taking as good care of yourself as you possibly can is what it’s all about for now, I think. You’ll understand the lessons when it’s time for it. Love and hugs from Denmark. 🙂

  • Reece

    I love this post, because a lot of people around me right now seem paralysed with fear. It’s about their jobs- they can’t imagine what would happen to them if they were to leave the job they’re in (we’re facing redundancies).
    They also think it strange that this doesn’t stress me out (I’m leaving very soon, with no next job lined up). I may not be very old, but what I have learned is that if you can learn to trust in yourself, everything will be fine. When you genuinely believe that no matter what happens, you’ll deal with it, it’s as though a huge weight gets lifted off your shoulders.
    Don’t get me wrong, I still get scared on pretty much a daily basis. But that fear doesn’t control my life. It just doesn’t seem worth it!
    Thanks for the great article 🙂

  • m(-i-)_ Phone

    I think we can all relate to the fear of the unknown. But that’s the beauty of it. Just allow yourself to live in, and resonate closely with each passing day as you stride towards your dreams. As long as you are actively living as the person you want to be, just being you as you know yourself to be truly, each day has a way of taking care of itself. 😀

  • I completely agree. Thanks for the comment.

  • Thanks, Darlene. The glory really comes from mastering the journey, bouncing back, struggling and everything in between.

  • Wow! Congrats, Reece! You are making an amazing step to the life you want. I am super happy for you. For those people who are paralyzed by fear, please share this article with them. Maybe it may help them to begin to take the steps they need to free themselves. Keep going, Reece. You’ve GOT this!

  • Mahesh Sahu

    Nice post..Susaye..Thanks.
    The difficulty and pain comes to make us more strong and mature. Just imagine a life where there is no challenges and uncertainty.. how much boring it will be. Just imagine any holywood movie without any problems and difficulties. In fact, without the problems we will not be able to enjoy fully any thing in life. We must have complete faith in God or universe or whatever you call.
    One way is to think and do something for betterment of other people, society and whole world without any expectation. This approach will also help us to be away from too self centred approach. It will make more welcoming to uncertainty.

  • Dearest Kathryn. I am so sorry that you are experiencing such deep pain and regret. I don’t know the specific lessons that this situation has for you but I do know that there are some powerful ones. This may help you to realize the depth of strength that you have. Like me, you may have been so fearful of the future that this may teach you t live wholeheartedly, once you let go of the idea that maybe you messed up. You did nothing wrong, dear one. You loved, took a leap of faith and weathered the storm. Sometimes the leap ends in flight, other times we fall. Just because you fell doesn’t mean that you failed. In the process you learned to sacrifice, throw caution to the wind, trust and many other tings. I can bet on it. There is a lesson there that you need most. It seems to me that it might be forgiveness–of yourself for losing the things you thought you loss, when in fact, you gained a world of experience. Too bad experience doesn’t feel as great when it comes in the form of pain. Please keep going, Kathryn. It will pass and it will get better, I promise. You will look back and know that you’re so much better off at this place than anywhere else you thought you could have been. If you need to talk to someone, it may benefit you to see a Psychologist or counsellor, or Dream a new bigger, brighter kickass dream and start going after it. It will cure any sense of uncertainty about going after what you want that you are having now. If you haven’t as yet, come by the blog and see if anything there helps you. Love and light and tons of compassion to you.

  • You’re welcome, Mahesh. I agree that trusting that the universe or God has our back and is for us will definitely help manage the uncertainty.

  • Serendipity Tess

    Wow. this post could have not come at a better time. I can truly empathise what it means to have everything planned out. I actually made it my project to trust the unexpected and see what happens. I’m open to not have a plan – not to be in control and not to give into fear. It’s hard. Some days I’m good at it – on other’s not so much. Trusting life and the unexpected is a wonderful thing. It’s the miracles that are waiting just around the corner ready to flourish in your life.

  • Absoloutly Loved it. examining the root of this fear was the key solution to be ok with it!

  • Hi Susaye – i can definitely relate to some of things you wrote about here including a breakup. Thank you for sharing your story and showing us a path to deal with fear. I’ve had to learn #3 the hard way- no matter how much I think or thought I had control of some situations, I didn’t. The fact that things fell apart so dramatically and regardless of what I did was a painful experience but a life-changing one that led me on a path to learning how to accept uncertainty and facing my fears more. I guess it’s practice – once you deal with fear a few times, you get pretty good at dealing with it when it shows up.

  • rt

    Thank you so much Susaye for your kind and supportive words.I can say I see my future to be a happy one. I see myself healthy,happy and even with someone special beside me. I guess the struggle I am having is trying to get through this alone now and staying strong until things eventually are better. I do love your ideas of a vision/box and finding supportive people to have around me. Your words have given the strength to stay strong and I am sincere grateful.

  • JEG

    I have to comment because this article pertains to me! Thank you for your courage. I left a job after six years never being fulfilled, knowing I did not belong there. It was merely a paycheck. The uncertainty while I was working there, along with the uncertainty that followed compounded! I left knowing the road ahead would be more challenging. I do have dreams, I believe I can work, do what I am passionate about and still produce ‘a paycheck’. Everyday day I am committed to receiving what the universe has planned for me. Your story helps me believe I will triumph as well! I can not thank you enough for sharing your story. Love & Light. 🙂

  • Thank you Susaye for sharing. I recently have been struggling with a life change. My mind went into work mode trying to figure out all the answers. But this was putting so much stress and pressure on me and partner. But the turning point came when the answer was “I don’t know”. I don’t know the answers or the unknown hiccups I may or may not face. I don’t know if this is the right decision or not! But I am willing to let go and take the first step. Since then the weight has been lifted off my shoulders and magic has began. Such an empowering, but simple change.

  • Thank you for the insight and for the love. Shining it right back at you! 🙂

  • Such a fantastic post. Many of my clients experience paralysis by analysis and I use similar tactic and tools to help them get unstuck. Thanks so much for writing and sharing your wisdom with us all.

  • J

    Wow. This article is my life right now. I’m having trouble making a decision whether or not to stay home and teach here, or do what I really want to do which is teaching abroad. And part of what’s holding me back from making a decision is uncertainty. It’s like some days I say “today I’m going to make up my mind” but most days it’s like “meh. It’ll be better if I just stay home”. And of course I go through “what if, what if, what if”. And it sucks because this is something I really want to do.

  • Ashton Usher

    Thanks for posting this, I am feeling this right now as things look uncertain. It helped a little. 🙂

  • Guest

    Talya hang in there,try find a job or some help.Which country are you trying to return to? Keep coping,praying,hoping and do your very best to survive.You must be very young,can your family help? I pray that a job comes up for you.Look at your own talents,abilities and keep looking for work.All the best to you.

  • Anna

    I understand why I stay where i am .. happy or not.. its because I am use to the same old thing, and I know what to expect on a everyday occurrence.. I have let most every thing I love fall by the way side, because its hurts to much to even try and be that happy.. but i love your story, and your happy new beginning.. =)

  • Lynnie

    Thank you! This post helps me so much 🙂

  • yesterdaysgoddess

    Hi Kathryn, I have never gone through anything like you have, but all I can share is that it took me many, many years to forgive myself for loving someone who wasn’t very nice to me. I held it against myself for so long as a failure, thinking that I was weak-willed for not having recognized his emotional abuse for what it was.
    It took me years to realize that I needed to let those feelings go. Not forgiving myself, because forgiving would mean that I had done something wrong in the first place. I had to simply let it go because I had done nothing but do my best and follow my heart. It wasn’t my fault he was mean to me. I was kind to him. I was young and had never been in love before. I listened to my heart as best I could and followed its advice. I tried to fix things when I could, and when our relationship reached its natural end when I graduated, I let it go. Six years later, I can remind myself – I am not a failure, I am not weak, I am not broken because someone else decided to be cruel to me. I chose love and just because it wasn’t returned, that doesn’t make me a failure.

    Taking a leap of faith and love is never a failure on your part. You thought carefully on what you should do, talked to many people, and followed your heart. Just because he turned out to be a loser, that doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision or that you failed in some way. You did something very courageous and loving. He was the one who was cruel and selfish. I hope the pain doesn’t last too long and that you find a bright new dream very soon <3

  • Saying hello from Kijgston, Jamaica:) I found this article right in time. Fear is eating at my guts right about now and i dont have the luxury of curling up in a corner, which is what i feel like doing most days. My 3 year old needs me to be alert, loving, and strong. Its hard when inside youre crumbling. Thank you, I will read this again.

  • May

    How about if you have taken that step of faith, faced your uncertainties head on with the hope that everything will be alright, but life happens. A year ago I quit my previous job of over 8 years and moved me and my family to another state in the hopes for a better life. But the last 6 months have been truly difficult financially. I thought I would’ve had a permanent job by now. The part time or substitute job I have is not bringing in enough money because the hours and locations where I work are not guaranteed to be the same month to month. I’ve applied at numerous jobs and haven’t heard back. I’ve never been so uncertain about my future till this moment. The more positive I try to be the more negative comes my way. Now I’m drained and don’t know what to do. I never thought it would’ve taken this long to get on my feet. I know trouble don’t last always and that there will be light at the end of the tunnel but the feeling of not knowing when is really consuming me.

  • May

    Everyone comes in our life for a reason, some are here to stay and some are here to teach us a lesson. Have your pity party. You have every right to feel frustrated with the outcome but look at the brighter side of it there is something great that will come out of this. Don’t let this make you bitter. You will look back and say wow I had to go through all of that to get here and be stronger than I was going into the situation. You are strong, and I hope you are in a better place today than you were when you wrote this. Blessings to you!

  • Krit

    I know this is an old discussion but I’m struggling , I’m an English girl living abroad with my partner and I’m stuck with fear, worry, anxiety and uncertainty. I’m at the point when I don’t want to leave the house, I speak the language basically and have a few friends but I miss family support. I have no job at present, every time I’m offered a job I panic and don’t go then once again I’m stuck in the house with nothing to do all day. I’m crippled by fear, I’m even scared to be happy be cause if I am then it’ll mean I’m abandoning my parents back home and the future here scares me as it’ll be a challenge. We have spoken about moving back to the UK but we don’t own property there plus we tried once and I was similar not taking a job etc.. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I really love my partner of seven years but I don’t know how to pull myself out of this black hole .. Any advice please ?? Tia

  • Hamosi

    How are you doing now, Tia? I noticed that your post was 2 months ago. Have the feelings of dear and anxiety subsided? I ask because I have been going through the same thing but in reverse. I’m a kiwi living in the UK with by british girlfriend. I’ve made good friends, and I’ve got a good job, but everything has felt empty, compared to feeling whole at home. It’s bloody tough mate, so I know exactly what you’re going through. A weird thing happened the other day though. I wasn’t sure if I could do it and all but decided to leave it all behind to go home, but before I did I spent 3 days soul searching for a lack of a better term. I just became open to whatever decision felt right for me. I’d been pushing against this life in the UK for ages, and once I’d opened myself up to anything and just my thoughts come and go, I was surprised to realise that this was the life I wanted and I started seeing things in a different light. Anyway – hope you’re all good now but if you’re still struggling, try this: stop trying to control your thoughts. Let whatever thoughts come and go, and become completely open to whatever thoughts came your way. Once you’re there, you may be surprised what thoughts flow in. Peace out!

  • Heather

    I felt that because I know death is one thing that will certainly happen someday that that was the only thing left for me. I became incredibly paralyzed in that feeling because it felt safe knowing that it would happen someday. I make a declaration to chose to brace uncertainty. I know in my heart that I am here to make the world a better place. I have a goal for that and I am in route (literally) to meet it face to face. I will look to the light, goodness, compassion, freedom, and magic in this world more and more to find acceptance in uncertainty.

  • lliz

    What if you’ve no family, no money and are too sick to work and there are no options?

  • Olivia

    Like many of the comments have stated, this article was so appropriate to where I am right now. I quit my high paying yet unfulfilling job in New York City 15 months ago and moved back home to get my sanity back and figure out where i am headed next. While I’ve worked hard on some personal development, I am more paralyzed than ever and still unable to move forward after all of this time. The part about “accepting that the root of uncertainty is a fear of failure” really bodes true. Despite identifying my highest held values and strengths to determine my next career move, I am still completely and utterly stuck because I do not have clear picture of what my “purpose” is and what I meant to be doing. I keep telling myself, “If only I absolutely knew what I wanted and had firm conviction, I would move forward and do it!” For anyone who can relate or has helpful insight, I’m open to suggestions to get out of this mode and FINALLY move past this! I’ve got so much raw energy and frustration built up but don’t know how to put it to good use!