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Dealing with a Break Up and Learning from the Experience


“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

Relationships end; everyone knows that. The tough part is actually dealing with suffering, accepting, letting go, moving on, and processing a whole lot of other feelings at the same time.

Six months ago my ex-boyfriend decided to end our relationship because he couldn’t forgive me for a mistake I made.

During the first weeks of our break up I decided that it would be best if I just gave him some time to think things out.  I accepted the consequences of my error and decided not to pressure him.

I knew it was my fault we were in this mess, and he was suffering from my wrongdoing (which didn’t involve infidelity).

After a month we saw each other again, and he told me that he could not forgive me for what I did—that my mistake meant that I didn’t love him and had never loved him throughout our three years together.

I asked for forgiveness. I asked for a second chance. He told me he couldn’t trust me anymore and couldn’t risk getting hurt again. I accepted his decision, and started moving on with my life.

Two months passed, and one night he called me. He told me that he missed me terribly and wanted to see me. The next day we went to Starbucks.

He told me he couldn’t stop thinking about me, that he compared every woman with me, and that he wanted to give “us” a second chance. But then he told me he was too scared to fully commit to me and that he wasn’t sure what he wanted.

I was surprised. I thought he came to me because he knew that he wanted to be with me, but he didn’t. He was confused. I told him he should figure out what he wanted before hurting someone.

Three weeks went by, and one day a friend of mine told me he had a girlfriend.

He had made the decision to move on. Now I had to do the same.

I was devastated. I loved him so much. I was still waiting for him because I had hope. I was still waiting for that second chance. I was left with a big hole in my heart and a turbulent, uncontrollable mind.

If you’ve also had to accept that someone you once loved doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you probably understand the rush of feelings and thoughts that come to you every day, every hour, every minute.

It feels like even though you try to move on, to stop remembering, to stop speculating and thinking about this person, you make no progress.

Even though I never felt guilty about the end of the relationship (I am certain I did everything I could to save it and I was not going to torture myself), I did feel sad that he was with someone else, and I was still thinking about him and how great we once were.

Talking about it to my friends only helped momentarily. Hours later I always found myself thinking all those things I shouldn’t be thinking again.

My mind was a hurricane of all the wrong thoughts.

Suddenly I found myself not worrying about the fact that the relationship had ended. Instead, I was worrying about the way I was living each day, the way I was thinking with a “victim” mentality.

I was torturing myself with my own thoughts! And the only person who could help me was me. The answer was inside—and only inside—me.

I read books, articles, essays. I was trying to find the key wisdom that could allow me to finally feel peace of mind.

Through this process, I discovered the power of positive thinking and acceptance.

Everybody is different and therefore handles situations in different ways. For instance, I am a very sensitive and vulnerable person. When someone hurts me, I cry a lot, I forgive immediately, I don’t hate, and I don’t seek revenge.

However, the feelings of disappointment and sadness stick with me for a long time, and I strive a lot to finally let go of those feelings.

Dealing with a break up requires immense strength from us. We need to be strong to control our thoughts, to stop the crying, to find happiness in the present moment, and to let go of that person we love so much.

So, how do we get this strength? How do we start moving on? How do we begin to let go?

I’ve come to learn that there is no one single effective method to deal with a break up.

Some people might tell you it’s better to get involved with someone else as soon as possible; others might tell you to be alone a couple of months; and some others might argue that love is not worth it, and that you will always get hurt.

I want to share what I have learned from my experience. I’d like to tell you it’s easy, but it’s not. It requires a lot of strength, patience, determination, hope, and self-esteem.

If you are currently dealing with a traumatic break up or you still have the memory of the loved one so close to your heart you think you might never forget them, these tips may help:

1. Stop any contact with that person.

Stop calling, sending texts or emails. Respect his/her decision.

2. Stop looking for reasons why it ended and of what you could have done better.

The only thing that matters is the fact that the relationship came to its end and it’s time to move on.

3. Stop thinking about what that other person thinks, does, wishes, plans, and feels.

The only person that matters is you. It matters what you think, do, wish, plan and feel.

4. Practice acceptance.

Commit each morning to fully accepting what is happening in the now. Believe there is a reason why this is all happening and trust that it’s for the best.

5. Do not hate or wish anything negative to that person.

Negative feelings are like holding a hot piece of charcoal expecting to be thrown at someone else. Only the person holding it gets hurt.

6. Allow yourself to feel and to grieve.

This was the most important one for me. Do not feel guilty for being sad or wishing things were different. Allow yourself to feel the pain of losing the person you love.

Do not hide your emotions; do not be embarrassed because you are hurting. It’s only worse to respond to a negative feeling (i.e. sadness) with another negative feeling (i.e. guilt). Just let yourself feel for some time.

7. Enjoy the sensation of knowing you did everything you could.

Maybe you fought for that person, or asked for forgiveness. Be confident that in the future you will never regret making the wrong decision and will never think about “what could have happened” because you made an effort.

8. Practice gratitude.

Make a list of everything good going on in your life that you’re grateful for. Include attributes that make you a special and desirable person. Keep adding elements to this list, including all the things we take for granted, such as our health, our education, our families, our friends, and our skills.

9. Embrace positive thinking.

Start each day thinking something positive, something that inspires you. Fill your mind with positive thoughts to counteract the negative ones.

10. Read.

Read self-help books or articles related with this topic. (Don’t be embarrassed—no one needs to know!) Stop watching romantic movies and listening to love songs. Instead, read, read, read! Books can transform your life.

Even though four months have passed since my break up, I still practice what I have shared with you. It’s not easy and it’s definitely not an automatic change. But the key is to start.

Only you can change how you are feeling. No one else can.

Remind yourself every day that life is good and that eventually the pain will pass. Life is happening right now, and there’s no reason to waste more days feeling sad about the past.

Change your perspective about life, loss, and pain; learn to view everything that happens to you as a positive thing.

You can’t control someone else’s decision, so focus on what you can control: your thoughts, your attitude, and your reaction. 

We’ve all dealt with break-ups before. You are not alone on this. Don’t give up hope; give it time!

And remember:

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall” ~Confucius.

Photo by Ed Yourdon

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  • Lholderied24

    Hello. I found Tiny Buddha 4 mo ago. I had been trying to find anything that would help me deal with my life & the fact that my 12 yr relationship was falling apart./ending. I struggle everyday to learn & keep embracing all the life lessons shared on this site. I can relate to every article I have read lol. Tonight we got into a bad fight & I logged on to tiny Buddha to look for solace & this article had just been posted! Unbelievable timing lol.

  • JP

    This article was a fantastic read for me.  For the past few weeks, I have turned to this site for help processing a similar situation.  I couldn’t believe how well Ana articulates the experience, and the list of tips is tremendous and a great reminder of what I need to continue to do.  

  • KeepYourHeadUp

    Ana, great post. Once again I am struggling with a sleepless mind dealing with a seperation. I can relate to your story except I don’t have a resolution yet. My wife has not come to a decision about the future of our marriage. I have acknowledged where I have gone wrong and make a daily concious effort to not repeat those behaviors. I have grown tremendously but my mind keeps focusing on the worst case scenario which negatively impacts my actions and words. It is a struggle at times to keep positive but I know if I dont things will not go well, that has been what has landed me in this situation. I live in the now and make every attempt to block out the future, because yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and all we have is the present which is a gift. I am trying to find acceptance and to strive for a better way of life and have faith that no matter how our seperation ends, I will be a better person because of it. That is the only control I have. I am being patient and doing everything I can to repair the damage I have done, that is all I can do. After almost 9 years together my words have no meaning, and it is my actions that will say I am not that person anymore. Thank you for your thoughts and I wish you the best.

  • Nelsi

    Great article! Keep writing! 

  • Colleen

    They say it takes two weeks to get over loss, that might be a relationship that lasted 15 years or 15 weeks, the death of a loved one (although you never get over that, the pain just lessons), or a traumatic incident. I’ve found this to be very true in all three cases. So its best to keep breathing, be kind to yourself and don’t expect things to be better too quickly. Each day will get better, but don’t be hard on yourself if it takes awhile. Also thought I’d share one of my fav sayings, it’s from Anais Nin “forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it”. Bestest!

  • Margie

    So happy I found this blog. I love it. This article helped me tremoudously. Thank thank you

  • Victoriasquare

    I am dealing with a somewhat similar situation and am glad to know that what I am feeling is normal. Thanks for sharing. 

  • Linda Rennie

    This is so timely.  I love reading these day to day and they either apply to my life or someone I care for.  Thank you. 

  • Confused

    I am in the middle of a breakup and this article has definitely come at the right time. What’s confusing for me is that we both stil love each other and want to be together. But know from previous experience that for some reason we can’t work as a couple.

    For some reason even though we love each other so much we both agreed to split up because we agreed we didn’t bring out the best in each other. Since we broke up we have both become a lot more active and productive than we were. 

    I just don’t understand how I can love someone so much but am also not meant to be with that person.

    Any advice? We are still e-mailng occasionally and it’s been 2 months since we broke up. I know the article says avoid all contact but I would still like him in my life even if only as friends, although that probably will make it harder to move on… 


  • serafinadellarosa

    This was a timely article for me to read.
    At the very end of July I left Italy and the relationship with the man I lived with for over 6 years. Everything fell apart. I didn’t know what was happening. He was having health problems. In fact, as I found out later he was terminally ill and kept it from me. After I left he never communicated with me except to write and tell me that my beloved dog had died. She had cancer, too. But he didn’t tell me although I knew she was ill. I thought it was just arthritis. She died a month after I left. He died on Jan.31. 
    Talk about letting go. I know all to well the mental hurricanes that rip through the mind. I have good days and bad days. But what scares me the most is the feeling that I’ll never trust anybody again.

  • Anonymous

    I am trying to cope up with a breakup from my
    “BFF”. I helped her through some very difficult times sacrificing a lot of my
    time and energy to support her. When it came time to support me she didn’t give
    a damn. She was getting judgmental and started criticizing me for small things.
    I finally broke up with her. I am learning to cope up with how to deal with
    this break up as I still feel heavy resentment towards her for taking advantage
    of me. I hate this negative feelings as it is all consuming. It is getting complicated
    as we are connected thru common friends and it is hard for me to put on a
    “being nice” show. I am also going thru some rough patch in my life. I
    also desperately want to have some good friend and just have some good times.
    No drama queen and someone who wouldn’t be “me me me” all the time. Just some good
    laughs. Any good advice would be appreciated!


  • Ellie

    Great article!

  • Antparty

    This is exactly where I am right now! My Ex broke up with me last November. The key thing that Ana said that I want to reiterate is that THERE IS NO ONE ANSWER. So I’m journaling, talking to friends, breathing, meditating, crying, yelling, drawing, starting new projects and practicing self-inflicted compassion. :)

    One thing that has also helped is that I taped a picture of a 6 year old me on my laptop. I’m in front of it 12+ hours a day. I’ll look down at that little guy and tell him I’m here for him and that I’m cheering for him now. 
    Kind of weird, I know. But strangely enough, it helps. That younger version of me is getting unconditional love now. 

  • Littlemitesmom05

    this made me cry so hard!!!! but is soo true 
    thanks for sharing!!! the steps will b hard to do 

  • Kyria

    I’m in a committed relationship right now and I don’t foresee having to use any of these tips again, but I really enjoyed reading this and thinking about how I handled past relationships. Thanks for taking the time to write this. 

  • Joyce

    I needed this… thank you! but I don’t know if I could enjoy the sensation of knowing I did everything I could, I do most of the things you listed there but I don’t think I did my best, because he just left without saying anything… but I am getting by and I try to stop asking why.

    We should focus on what we gain than the loss…

  • Gnomaedh

    Very very well written. Thanks so much for sharing.

  • Dante Johnson

    I have been recently faced with a similar pain. It seems there care many of us dealing with this pain. For me I believed so strongly that we should be together, that I did nothing wrong, and that we worked well together. She was in many ways everything to me and I loved her fully, openly, and without fear. She was tired, overwhelmed, and scared with things in her own life and so when things got rough and we lacked the communication and selflessness needed to make our relationship strive she ran. I could not let this happen I smothered our love instead of nurturing it and now all she can see is the negative things about me. It’s hard to deal with. It hurts really bad. I feel like I have reached most of these steps and it’s incredible to hear someone else feeling the same thing, especially when I couldn’t feel more alone. The unfortunate part is even after the attempting to move on, the acceptance, and the all of it it doesn’t make it hurt less. It doesn’t make me not wake up and think about her only to remind myself not to. It’s rough and I feel for anyone going through this right now. Thank you for you’re contribution.

  • Pratap19901990

    good post really enjoyed soooooo much …….i like u ann really really great post 

  • ideologicfern

    Thank you for writing and sharing this. Last week my fiance broke up with me. We’ve been together for 5 1/2 years and we live together. He has struggled with untreated mental disorders that have changed him and I often struggled with the decision of whether staying him was good for me or not in the long run. His thought process became distorted at some point and he decided that the only thing he wants to focus on in this life is enhancing his spirituality and personal spiritual growth. And for him, that now means there’s no room for me in his life. It’s pretty clear that he has no idea what he wants and is just as conflicted as me. He still lives with me and is trying to find somewhere to live but he quit his job, owns no furniture, and somehow expects to find somewhere to live. I’ve given him a few weeks to find a place. I don’t know what to do. He acts like nothing has happened: still smiles at me and he’s told me he still loves me and it hurts him to end it. I still have to see him everyday and I don’t know how to cope. I’m finishing up a medical degree and already under so much stress. I moved away from my family for school and only have a few friends here. I have no idea what to think … part of me really wants to be with him and live my dream of getting married and having kids. And the other part of me is mad at him for doing this to me and for “wasting” so many years of my life. At the same time, I wonder if it’s best to just let him go and try to move on. He has been my best friend for a long time and I just feel lonely and isolated. This was helpful to read. I’m going to try my best to take this advice to heart. 

  • Eva

    Ahhh break ups are so sad and yet. More times then not the most necessary. This post has been well written and one I would have loved to read several years back when I went through yet another breakup. 
    Now looking back at those tears I can easily see why they needed to happen as they were so unhealthy. Now I can say thank you for dumping me . 
    Now my life is full to the brim with love, honesty, and same mindedness…what a joy..

  • Ana S

    Hi JP, I actually also started reading Tiny Buddha because I was trying to deal with my break up in the best way possible. I am very glad my post was helpful. I was wishing that some of the things I’ve learned helped others. I want to advise you that if you read something helpful, memorize it, write it down, read it or repeat it constantly, every day, every second. Everything will get better soon. Never give up hope, give it time =)

  • Ana S

    Hi! I am glad you liked the post and that it helped you with what you are going through. What I can see from your post is that you also made a mistake and that special person is having a hard time forgiving you. You have already taken the first step for making things better, you have acknowledged your error and are willing to make it up to her. You are going in the right direction. If you hurt this person, try to understand her. Practice patience and empathy. Please keep your mind flowing with positive thoughts. This happened to determine how strong or fragile your relationship is. Any outcome will be for the best. You might not see this soon, but eventually you will see why everything happened for a reason. I hope everything turns out ok, but in the meantime don’t let the negative thoughts consume you. Focus on all the good things going on in your life and keep it positive! =)

  • Ana S

    Hi Colleen, I adored your quote about forgiveness. Thanks for sharing that =)

  • Anaruth_sm

    Hi Margie, I am glad this article helped you. Keep practicing patience and acceptance. And always keep the positive thoughts flowing. =)

  • Ana S

    Hi Victoria. It is definitely normal. Please allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling right now. Do not pressure yourself to feel something different, if you do this you will only end up more confused and overwhelmend, trust me. Everybody goes through hard times in their relationships, you are not alone. Be strong =)

  • 7.24pm

    Go back to him. Make it work. Life is short and full of sorrow. Don’t let anything stand in the way of your love.

  • Alix

    Thank you for this essay. The advice is excellent. I recently went through a very painful breakup, one that was not my choice. It has been perhaps the most wrenchingly painful experience of my entire life (and I’ve been around for a while!).

    As difficult as the parting has been, it’s helped me discover quite a few things about myself. I’m seeing how I compromised in the relationship, in areas where I should not have compromised. And I’m seeing that even breakups, when handled in a spirit of gentleness and compassion for all parties, can bring powerful clarity.

    Thank you, Ana.

  • Mary

    Ufff it´s so hard for me to let go… i waqnt so bad to stop regreating and just accept he doesn´t want to know about me. it was a great and yet hard relationship… we loved each other but we couldnt be together. We couldng see often, but talked every day and shared every momento. i was getting really hard on him the lasts months, every time finding a reason to fight and argue… and he just said “don´t write to me anymore, you tired me” and never talked to me again. i phoned him and he said we werent a real couple, that he decided to stay like he was and not choosing me. that he loved and maybe, some time, will met again.. i am still trying to understand what trigger his decission and why after 3 years he wouldnt give us a reall break up… he just waited for me to call him to say reasons i still cant accept. they are not enough. we deserved at least a reall end, not this…. he said he loves me but if he does, how can he just vanished without explaining his decission? im a mess, i know. he hadn´t written since january and i still cry for him and think it just imposibble for me to stop loving even after what he did. thanks for the post, ill try to put this in action. i was doing well till a week ago that i just went a few steps back again….

  • Ana S

    Hi Linda, thanks for your comment. I am glad this article will help you or someone you love. =)

  • cassandrasdream

    i read the article and all the comments and it made me cry so hard. when i met my bf i was the brightest, happiest person. i was sure it was meant to be and after 3 years of being single and rejecting any possible commitment, i met this man, fell in love and devoted myself to him in a fearless way. the past months have been torture though. now i am standing in front of him, looking at him as if he was a stranger who humiliated and insulted me in every way possible. still i love him so much and the fact that after every crazy fight he crawls back telling me how much he loves me, drives me completely insane. this relationship turns me into a person i don’t want to be and i need to find a way to let it go. i have lost my energy, my light, my happiness and feel completely worn out and empty. i will try to apply everything i read but it’s gonna be so hard to do, as i feel weak and vulnerable.

  • Margiej777

    I love this idea! It helps to have an outward representation of the inner you that needs to be loved and cherished.

  • Ana S

    Hi. I am so glad you are writing what you feel and are asking for advice. I understand how frustrating can be havin the dilemma of  being with someone or just let them go. I totally understand the feeling of loving someone but also knowing deep inside it’s not the best option to be together. I know it’s confusing and overwhelming. I am going to try to summarize everything I have learned from my relationships and also my friend’s. Sometimes its hard to end a relationship because you still love him and you are used to sharing everything with him, and its hard to let go because the first few months you will obviously miss him terribly. But here’s the thing, nothing nothing in this life is permanent. Everything changes. If you break up, you can someday get back together, or you can meet someone else who you will love even more. If you already know the reasons why you shouldn’t be together you need to be brave and be without him for a couple of months. In the article I wrote that you need to end any communication, this is because I believe it’s the only way you can actually think, live, grow and find a solution to your problems. When you stop seeing or talking to this person both can grow and change. Let time pass, and then maybe you will get together again, but you will be stronger and wiser. And this time it might work! But I strongly believe you need time apart for this to happen. And time means 6 months or one year, not a few weeks. It might be hard at first, but remember, we humans get used to everything, eventually you won’t be missing him so much, you will get used not to talk to him. Also, remember not talking with him doesn’t mean you have erased him from your life. You can always start a friendship or relationship with him after time has passed. Just make sure everything ends in good terms. Let me put it this way, you can either  have something beautiful and permanent in the future, or you can have something brief and fragile right now. Trust yourself, trust life, trust the universe. Nothing is permanent, so don’t worry to much. If you need further advice we can talk any time! I =)

  • Tara Scott

    oh my goodness. My heart goes out to you, Sera.

  • Ana S

    Hello! Thanks for sharing your story. I can imagine how hard it must have been for you. I haven’t gone through the same situation, but hopefully thethings I shared on this article have helped you let go. My only suggestion is for you to start trusting again. Life is fill with different persons and opportunities. And I know for sure love is the best medicine for a broken heart. Time helps too, but love really makes everything better. Love of yourself, love of your friends, love of a new girlfriend or boyfriend.  =) 

  • Tara Scott

    Last year I went through a really intense breakup…we were together for 10 years but had just grown apart, and it went from bad to ugly. I can definitely say that all you’ve said here is incredibly helpful and accurate. I actually just sent it to a good friend of mine going through the same thing right now.

    Many thanks. :)

  • Ana S

    Hello! I am glad you are sharing your story and you are channeling your frustration by writing. This is the first advice I can give you, never lose control in front of her or your friends. Try to keep it together and then find another place or person that will be there for you when you release your anger and resentment. It’s hard when you have people in common with your ex, I know how that feels, but it’s impossible to change things. What you can change is your attitude. The first days or weeks will be rough, but eventually you will not even notice that you have friends in common any more. Trust me. I also wanted to recommend you to try to eliminate all negative feelings towards this person. Those feelings and thoughts will be of no use. You are not making things easier for yourself. Holding to anger towards someone is like “holding a hot piece of coal on your hand expecting to throw it at someone”.. “only you get burned before you even throw it”. Beleve me, you are doing more harm to yourself by remembering all those bad things she did to you and not letting them go. I am not telling you it’s easy, I am telling you it’s possible and it’s your best option. Forget about what she did, that’s her issue, not yours. If you did everything right then be proud of yourself. Feel good about yourself because you did everything you could to make this work, it didn’t end because of you. Also, if you say you do not derved to be treated this way, then this separation is a good thing for you. You will find someone else who will treat you like you deserve. Keep looking, keep living, have patience and never give up hope, give it time =) 

  • Ana S

    Hi Kyria, thanks for your comment. It really made my day =)

  • Ana S

    Hello! Thanks for your comment and for reading the article. =)

  • Anaruth_sm

    Hi Joyce, don’t worry if one of those tips does not fall in your list of thing you did or didn’t do. Every situation is different. Be proud of yourself because you are doing the rest of the things on the list. Besides if you are telling me he left without saying anything, it means you couldn’t really do more, since he left, it was his choice. I am glad you know that you need to focus on how much you have gained from the experience , because it’s always the biggest reward. We grow, we learn from these situations. Be sure that you have gained more than what you have lost. It’s all a matter of perspective =)

  • Ana S

    Thanka a lot for your comment, it means a lot.

  • Mohamed Bader9

    Thanks for the advice it’s really usefull and true as well

  • Ana S

    Hi ! Thanks a lot for your words, they mean a lot to me. I am glad you liked it =)

  • Ana S

    Hi Dante, I am glad you responded to this post. I know how you feel. I know for sure that this pain will soon be over. Trust me. Right now it might seem it won’t, but it will. Even if you don’t end up with this person, you will eventually be happy and be ready to move on with your life. Please feel free to feel whatever you want to feel. Don’t feel bad for feeling this way, it will only overwhelm you. Give it time. Write down everything you feel, and then write down everything you SHOULD think, and repeat it every day. This will give you a boost of energy you will see. If you want to talk deeper about this topic I will be pleased =)

  • Ana S

    Hi Nelsi, thanks a lot!

  • Paul Pritchard

    I am moved by your testimony Dante, and that pain can be immense. The only way is through it, every step however small moves you onwards. Remeber you are a good person and deserve to be safe and happy, treat yourself with kindness.

  • Ana S

    Hi! Thanks for writing and sharing your story. I think there are a lot of key points on what you wrote and I am going to try to give you an advice for each of them. First of all I don’t think those years with him were “wasted”. You learned from him, you grew, you shared happiness, that’s not a waste. Even if the relationship in the end did not work out, you need to see those years as good memories and experiences. The fact that he is still living with you and you are helping him move out shows you have a really big heart and what you are doing shows you are a great person. I think in this case if he has made the decision you need to let him go, because that’s what he decided and that’s what he wants. If he needs his time and space it’s a good thing he told you before you got married. So please look at this as a positive thing! You will also have time to think things over, since it appears you are confused about certain things. I think this separation has come in a very good time, try to see it this way. Eventually when time has passed you will look at things differently. Trust me. Besides, nothing is permanent! You can always get back together =)

  • Samy09

    I was with my ex for 20 yrs when he ended our marriage, and we lived together for a few months whilst he tried to find somewhere, looking back it was the worst thing we did because the conflict is always there…maybe we will work it out, is thus really over, how will I cope. When he did move out it hurt like hell, and it was extremely difficult. But then the grieving process begins and eventually the acceptance. It will and does get better and at times you wonder if you will get through it, but you do and although you will miss everything initially, you will learn to manage to deal with things differently and with different people.

  • Ccasley

    Isn’t it odd how you stumble upon items at significant times. This was just what I needed to read at this moment in time. I was feeling extremely hurt and vulnerable tonight as I have done randomly on and off for the past few months. I had a long and drawn out parting from my ex whom told extreme lies to both myself others and the woman he left me for and then returned to once I had asked him to leave my home last May. I have found moving on very hard, not because I miss or want him but of the fact I probably never really knew him in the first place.
    (he told me he was single or as good as and moved into my home living with myself and my child for almost a year, yet his ex at the time knew nothing of me and thought they were on a break)

    Lots of what is written makes sense and helps.
    Thanks to all for sharing and thank you Ana for your article.

  • guest

    “Enjoy the sensation of knowing you did everything you could.”

    This is the most important for me.  Once I realized this, the pain and hurt of the breakup practically vanished.

  • Jeepgirl541

    Wow! What a great read! A friend if mine passed this on to me and ai am so grateful! I am dealing with a loss myself. You see I fell in love with my best friend. We started out as friends…then progressed to more than friends…then to something else. He would often tell me how much he loved pieces of me, how great our sexual chemistry was, hiw great I was with his kids and what a great mom I’d be. Then…….out of nowhere he tells me that he’s asked a mutual friend out. And suddenly things I’d chosen to overlook because they were friends became so utterly and painfully clear. I even got a comparison that night…..and still he picked her. It’s been over a month and it still hurts like hell! I love him and wish the pain would go away. It is encouraging to hear that I’m not alone. There is comfort in that. I just wish ….nope not going to go there…..taking advice from the article. I don’t expect to get answers from him (and I’ve asked for them) and that is ok, too. No answers are answers. Perhaps the door shut forces me to build a new exit/entry. Thank you for posting!!!!!

  • Ms. Minerva

    Sounds like you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship. I’ve been there, and it will never, ever get better. It only gets worse. Get out while you can still remember your old self… you will find happiness again.

  • Mitali Kainthla

    Great post Ana….. I can so relate to it….. Its pretty comforting to know that there are more people like me out there who have similar experiences and most of them came out strong….
    While going through my break up I was always looking for guidance and i was told time and again to give it time and it will get better with every passing day… I promised myself that if I ever see someone struggling i would give them all the support they need ….
    But in hindsight I realise that the best way of dealing with it is to actually take it easy and give it time…..Time heals everything…..

  • scarpetta

     thanks for this. i noticed i cried intermittently for 15 days straight, and then on the 16th day, no more tears….well, am just on the 21st day….sometimes i still get sad, but then i remember why we broke up, and i just shook it out, that sadness. cuz there is no point anyways. we were together for 2 years and then he just said he will never marry ever….and not even to say, he is not ready to get married ye but he is fully committed to us or to our relationship…and to think we are not teens, he is 31 and am 37. anyways, life goes on. it gets easier to breathe as days pass by. we who are in the heartbroken zone might be almost immobilized by sadness but eventually, we’ll get better. i wish all of us a fast recovery :))

  • Joyce

    I would try that…. :)

  • Tejbharat

    Hi .. I’ve a different case here . Don’t know how to cope up with this. Looking forward for your guidance.
           I have this friend, who used to care me a lot back thn (5 months back). whenevr our buddy group hangs out, she always used to sit with me and reserve a place beside her whenevr I am late. And In Office, whenever free, she used to come to my desk for a gleeful chatter, playing lots of pranks and stuff. we had had wonderful breakfasts filled with her immense energy and bubbliness. She used to drop me at my home on her bike, sharing all her personal stories or things that pops up in her mind.. whenevr any movie is being screened on TV, which she likes the most, she would call me up to watch it and tell how I feel and stuff. when In a group, she used to involve me somehow, giving way to open up and talk freely before others.

          For a shy and Introvert guy like me, it looked heavenly and even I became active and bubbly amoungst our group.But slowly things changed. She stopped being as intimate as she used to be. She stopped pinging me in our office CHAT BOX. And I kind of started missing her. So for four days, i completely ignored her, thinking that it would make her realise and come back to her old ways of being intimate with me again. But THAT was really a BLUNDER tht I had made. Adding toast to it, when she enquired why I was acting so strange, I told her on face tht I acted to her JUST like I do with a COLEAGUE and I don’t feel her as my friend anymore. This came out of sheer Anger during our heated conversation.
          In the evening of that same day, I realised my mistake.. yes it’s my mistake. People get busy and YOU JUST CAN’T EXPECT YOUR BEST FRIEND to be in your pockets all the time.  You gotto give them time..but I din’t .. i made mistake after mistake making things more worse. I told her sorry and it was not intended. She said its okay and she never remember things like that and all. i felt happy and at peace.

        But slowly things changed … COMPLETE IGNORANCE from her fell on me. No more Msgs, No chat on Office Chat box, No eye-contact while talking in a group and whn I try to strike conversation with her,she would just reply to my questions and asks no questions, No more involving me in a group, No more calls during occasions. Even when I call her up, she would just answer to what I ask. This kinda passive response from her is making go nuts. All the things tht she do, is making me remember the blissful past and the way things used to be, between us. YET I ain’t getting that HATRED feeling on her. But these experiences hit me badly. I lost my CONFIDENCE. Now I kinda feeling inferiour to her .. and yet I try stopping any contact with her, its only lasting a while. Unknowlingly, I again Ping or text her now and then. Though she never responds or texts back, I keep on texting her every now and then. I try hard not to, but i fail. Last month, I kinda totally obsessed, I feared I would drip into depression or a mental disorder. But Luckily, as Im staying with my another friend, who counselled me to  be positive all the time and I kinda got saved. yet now and then, i stroll back past into my PAST memories which hurt me a lot. Even I try, i can’t stay away from her, because, she is the part of my BUDDY group with whom I hang out all the time. And Everyone loves her including me. I sometimes feel, Is it me, who is making things worse by OVERTHINKING much, that she isn’t close with me like before and all.. BUT again I feel, May be She stopped liking me because of my OVEREMOTIONAL charecter. BUT over all, this brought more negativity into my life.

            I still want to get things normal between us and I want her to be like before, caring me and respecting the way I am. But again, I feel I should npt expect those kinda things, as she would never like me again and would never accept me for who I am. I’m in a MESS right now. Please help me out. I need tons of advice regarding this. I want to be that BUBBLY, ENERGETIC Tej who is intimate with his LOST friend again.. Commanding respect for what he is and for things he does !!!! HELP ME OUT PLEASE !!!!!

  • LifeisAwesome

    Yesterday morning, I was looking for another “answer” to ease the pain after seeing my ex over the weekend and I saw this article. She moved in to a new place with her dog who I adore. I looked around and I really like everything about her new place except for one thing… I’m not in it. 
    I’m doing very well moving on but I took another step back from my “moving on” life.
    We miss each other but as friends. I made her favourite meal that night and I felt really good

    Before I used to say “I’m ready to fall in love again” but now I keep telling my self “I’m ready to share my love again”

    I told her that all I want is for her to be happy with her new life.
    I told her that I am grateful for all the great memories we shared together.

    I took one step back… but I think I took 20 steps forward.
    Tomorrow, I have to it all over again. It’s not easy but you have to do it.

    “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” Zig Ziglar 

  • Sebslittleaussie

    I sort of know how you feel. Strangely enough I don’t even know if I should call it a break up because neither one of us really said ”Enough is enough, we have to end it here”. There was no closure. The relationship was intense. Tons of romantic e-mails, text messages, hour long phone calls several times a week, regular suggestions for romantic getaways, years of him confiding in me about his life (both personal and professional). He knows I love him. Yet when I needed him last year his response was perfunctory and his behaviour has become somewhat distant over the years. I just can’t fathom how this situation went from such am intimate, loving relationship to ”this”. Distance has killed it somehow but somehow it seems like it’s not the only issue. I can’t help but feel like it was all a sham and I was taken for a ride. Our last contact with each other was in end of Jan. 2012 but we’ve known each other since 2008. I’m not looking for friendship because I wouldn’t be capable of being ”just friends” after what we had. We’ve often gone for long periods of no contact but sooner or later we end up contacting each other again (which probably explains why I feel like I’m in limbo). I can’t understand how you can go from telling someone that ”they renew your faith in humanity”, that they are your sweetheart, that they ”kiss you with tenderness” and spend inordinate amounts of time confiding in you if there is nothing between you. How can you knowingly hurt someone who loves you by acting in such an incoherent manner? Letting go and moving on are just not possible… forgiveness also seems impossible. I wish I could know with certainty that I would someday very soon find great love (respect and tenderness) but I just can’t see it happening for me. Taking a chance on someone else means risking being duped again. I guess that hard part in this trying to stay strong and keep the faith (i.e. that one day your relationship situation will be what it’s meant to be).          

  • Colleen

    Gawd, that was supposed to say two YEARS not weeks… Sorry!

  • Ana S

    Hi Eva. Thanks for your comment. I am glad to see you now know that everything happened for a reason. =)

  • Ana S

    Yes, there is no one answer. All the things that you mentioned are great ideas to distract your mind from falling in negative thoughts. =)

  • Ana S

    I loved your quote. I am glad you know that you have to keep a positive attitude every day. You need to make a habit out of it.

  • Ana S

    Hello! What you are currently dealing with is recent, please feel free to cry and be sad if you need to. It’s perfectly normal. With time the tears will eventually fade away. I am glad you remember the reasons why you broke up, this will give you a lot of strenght to stick to your decision.

  • Ana S

    Hi Mitali. I am glad you related to it. When I was going through my break up I also needed to hear someone telling me they could relate to what I was feeling. A lot of people have gone through this, that’s why I decided to write this. And you are right, TIME heals everything. You just have to be patience and focus on something else.

  • Ana S

    Thanks for your comment and fo sharing your story! Please remember that the pain will eventually go away, just give it time, and try to follow the tips I included on this article. They really work, trust me. But you have to apply them on a daily basis! Everything will be fine, trust me, you are not alone.

  • Ana S

    Hello! Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad the article helped you. Everybody goes through different types of break ups, what we share is the way we react and respond to those events. Everything will get better soon, that’s for sure.

  • Ana S

    Hi Tara, thanks for your comment. I am glad you liked it and you are sharing it. I wrote it to help other go through their own break ups. I felt so alone when I dealt with mine that I decided no one should feel like that when going through such harsh times!

  • Ana S

    Hi Cassandra. The first step is always the hardest. But I think you have mad eprogress because you have already identified the reasons why you shouldn’t be with this person. Now you need to make a decision and stick to it. Find support on friends and people you love. Tell them to remember you how strong you are and how much you deserve from life. Be brave, you know you can go through this.

  • Ana S

    Hi Mary. Thanks for sharing your story. I know how you feel. It’s really hard when we dn’t understand why the other person reacted that way. But you know what? We will never understand. We will never be able to look inside their minds to figure out what are they thinking. So please try not to question his behaviour. This will only drive you crazy. Just think that he made that decision and that you need to accept and respect it. Of course he loves you, but maybe he thinks this is not the right time for you two to be together. I strongly recommend you to stop thinking so much about what he is doing or thinking. Focus on you. Try new things. Do fun things. Read. Go out! Stop thinking of why he left. If you did everything you could you have to be proud of yourself.

  • Confused

    Thanks for your reply Ana, I really appreciate it. I’m still very confused but think you’re right. What I didn’t write above is that he has bi-polar and doesn’t manage it very well. I tried to help him but I know he has to do it for himself not for me. I was fed up of being let down constantly when he couldn’t give me the support I needed. And I also feel terrible for being upset when he let me down because I know sometimes he can’t help it. 

    Other times I feel like he is using his illness as an excuse to do things he doesn’t want to do. And then feel bad for thinking that, even though my instinct tells me it’s true. I felt like I was giving up my life for him and have since done research into unhealthy and co-dependent relationships, which I think we were unfortunately both. I can see now that a lot of this stems from my parents unhealthy relationship and repeating the negative patterns. So I feel like I can’t have a relationship again until I sort these issues out with myself and learn to stop myself from repeating this negative behaviour in the future. I also can now see how his fear of abandonment made him act in certain way. He was very jealous and possessive, which I pointed out to him wasn’t healthy. He agreed and then continued to act in this way. I still really love him and believe he loves me too. I just want us to be able to have a healthy relationship which I’m not sure is possible. 

    I look forward to your reply. 

    Confused x

  • Confused

    I want to make it work more than anything, but don’t see how it can :S 

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  • Ana S

    Hi Alix, I am glad you liked the article. I know how it feels, to let go of someone because it was her/his decision. But we have no choice but to deal with it in the best way possible!

  • Jacquie Warner

    I both love, and disagree with this post.  I think the advice and wisdom shared is wonderful!  I also think there should be the caveat that a break up (especially from a serious/long-term relationship) is a major loss.  And you must grieve that.  There needs to be a balance between focusing on today and remaining grateful for the blessings in our lives, AND processing the very real, raw emotions that we experienced from yesterday’s heart break…without actually working through these emotions and going through this process (which is, unfortunately, always longer than we’d like) we never get past them.  It’s ok to be sad, and to honor the time we spent with someone we loved by letting ourselves be upset (and also reflecting on what we need to learn!!)…after losing my father to cancer one of my favorite quotes was “Grief is the result of loving deeply.”  A break-up is like a mini-death.  Move forward AND honor that time and person.

  • Confused

    Ah only just noticed this response. It is very confusing. I try and have faith in the fact that some of my friends who have been in similar situations have gone on to find ‘the one’. One of them is eve getting marries this year and I am sooo happy for them because they are obviously perfect for each other. I often think that if your friends and family are encouraging of your partner then that is a good sign. And if they’re not, it;s for a reason and should probably ring alarm bells (obviously there are exceptions). 

    Since we’ve broken up my friends and family tell me that I am much better off without him and that I wasn’t myself when we were together. Something I am now starting to see, although I still love him and part of me does want to give it another go. 

    In terms of my friends and family, I can see the ones who are with the right person and am deeply happy for them. I can also see the ones who perhaps aren’t such a great fit and wonder if they are stopping themselves from finding that perfect person by ‘settling’ for what they’ve got. 

    I suppose what I am saying is that you should try and look at your relationship objectively (easier said than done I know) and see if he really is the person you think he is and actually do you deserve better? 

    Also, are you scared of moving on because you don’t want to get hurt again? I sense the answer is yes, but you have to take risks in life if you want to get anywhere and hopefully once day they will pay off. 

    Wishing you all the best x

  • laura

    Hello, my husband decided to end our 6-year marriage a couple months ago. I am from Europe and in the process of moving back. In the meantime, he texts me to go for coffee or out for dinner (once a week). Is it wrong? I feel like it’s ok since in less than a month, I will be so far from here, that we will not have the opportunity to see each other at all. It is still really hard to accept the reality of the situation. I still love him. I try not to hope for anything but its hard. Do you think it’s wrong that we keep contact?

  • Anonymous

    you so much for replying back. I am trying few of your tips / advice from
    article and already see a huge relief!! I am just hoping it is not a temporary
    thing. I am trying to get back to focusing on life instead of being in grudge.

  • Lacyssin

    Thank you I needed this story. I recently broke off my off and on 4 year relationship. We have broken up no telling how many times throughout the year’s. Yet this time it’s different. I still love him more then I can express, yet this time I know its it. I set him free and in doing that I set myself free too. I think its so hard because we a child together, and he continues to lie unnecessarily. Life goes on!! I wanted change in my life, and now I got it. I decided I have to take care of me first.

  • Laface

    Wow! Breakups must be an epidemic…or maybe it’s just at the top of my consciousness. My ex broke up with me in November because he started seeing someone else. I’ve been a mess and there were a couple string along times until he decided to move IN with the new girl after only a couple months.  I know that I will eventually reach a point I will be grateful since this will open up a space for someone that is more suitable, safe, honest and trustworthy, as well as much more like minded. We weren’t a good match and this is best. But I’ve still got lots of grieving ahead of me. I’m still a mess. And oh yeah, I love the suggestion to read, read, read. It’s been my escape, therapy and best friend. Great article.

  • DeeDee

    This is an amazing article that definitely hits close to home! I was running though tough times when my ex broke up with me after 4 1/2 years into our relationship. Must say that it was by far one of the most terrible times in my life. I have always wondered what it would be like being together again after the break-up? I really don’t know. All I really know is that I got over the hardest part: Letting go. Redefining myself through self taught lessons and understanding full the consequences of my actions brought me on a journey to meet the most amazing girlfriend! See things happen for a reason. Yes, it will hurt at the beginning but there has to be an ending to the story for the next chapter in your life is waiting. Everyone will get over this with the true and well devoted heart to yourself, giving you the ability to “find you.” When you finally meet the other person that will treat your heart with respect and love in equal amount to them. Then you will think back reminiscing upon the time your heart was broken from the previous relationship, but if it was not for that break-up you would have never ended up where you are now. “Things always happens for a reason and if things were meant to be, then it will be!”

  • DeeChea

    This is an amazing article that definitely hits close to home! I was running though tough times when my ex broke up with me after 4 1/2 years into our relationship. Must say that it was by far one of the most terrible times in my life. I have always wondered what it would be like being together again after the break-up? I really don’t know. All I really know is that I got over the hardest part: Letting go. Redefining myself through self taught lessons and understanding full the consequences of my actions brought me on a journey to meet the most amazing girlfriend! See things happen for a reason. Yes, it will hurt at the beginning but there has to be an ending to the story for the next chapter in your life is waiting. Everyone will get over this with the true and well devoted heart to yourself, giving you the ability to “find you.” When you finally meet the other person that will treat your heart with respect and love in equal amount to them. Then you will think back reminiscing upon the time your heart was broken from the previous relationship, but if it was not for that break-up you would have never ended up where you are now. “Things always happens for a reason and if things were meant to be, then it will be!”

  • SomeChick

    This is exactly how I feel right now. I’m in the same situation…

  • Ana S

    The key is to start! Then time will pass and everything will be better. Have faith!

  • Ana S

    I think you are on thw righ path. Maybe I don’t know all the details of your relationship and of your personalities, but I can obtain from what you write that you are perfectly aware of the situation. You have detected what needs to be changed, and you have almost mad eup your mind on a solution. Keep doing that, keep thinking about you, about what you want and need, and go for it! I know you love him, but you also need to think about yourself.

  • Ana S

    Hi Tej,  Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad you are asking for guidance. Everybody needs advice! The first thing that I want to tell you is that we can’t control how other people think, feel, behave or react. You have to accept that. Even though we wish they treat us differently, there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s their decision how they act. What we CAN do, on the other hand, is control how we respond to those behaviours. You can decide how you respond to her indifference or to her lack of communication with you. Try not to take it to personally, because if you do, you will suffer. We don’t know what’s going on on her mind, so I think it’s best not to make assupmtions. Let her be how she wants to be. And you move on with your life as if nothing had happened. I know it’s hard. But it’s the only choice. When time passes you will feel better and better, trust me. But you have to start today! Please don’t let this situacion lower your self-esteem. No one has the right to make you feel this way. You have to love yourself and trust who you are. Someone will soon come to your life and appreciate all that you are. Maybe it wasn’t her. Also, please stop questioning whether her change in attitude towards you is your fault, because we will never truly know. So why bother thinking so much about something we will never know?

  • Ana S

    Hi Jacquie. I agree with you 100%. A break up is a mini death, and that’s why I support the idea of letting yourself feel the pain and the sadness.

  • Ana S

    Hi Laura.  Thanks for writing. I don’t think it’s wrong that you keep contact right now. It’s only been a month, and your marriage lasted 6 years. I think it’s ok to keep in contact before you make a big decision such as moving back to your country. My only advice for you is to be smart and be very aware of his intentions. You have to think about yourself also, think of how seeing him makes you feel. Also, try not get your hopes up. You first need to know what HE wants by asking if he can talk to you. Ask him directly what his intentions are. Think about yourself, of your own well being.

  • Ana S

    Hi Lacyssin, I am glad to hear you say that. It’s very important to think of yourself also and not get lost in the relationship. I knwo you still love him and it hurts. But I strongly believe things get better as time goes by. Have faith and never give up. In a relationship that goes on and off multiple times, I think the best medicine is to spend time apart. But not a few days, but months! That way both can really think things over and decide if you really want to be together or if it was just a routine.

  • Ana S

    I am so glad you liked it! Never lose hope, things will get better. And it’s perfectly normal you still feel this way. Don’t pressure yourself. Feel what you need to feel but also do something to make yourself feel better =)

  • Confused

    thanks Ana, I guess you’re right. It’s so much easier to see when you’re not in the situation yourself. Really appreciate your reply and looking forward to the day neither of us are upset anymore. 

    Best wishes x

  • Ana S

    Thanks! It will be very soon! That’s for sure =)

  • Cherrie

    Thank you Ana for sharing this and writing this. Last night I almost had the urge to call him, and even though I initiated the break-up. I felt guilty that I couldn’t change. I realize that I need to respect myself and my desires. Thank you thank you thank you. This is exactly what I needed this morning to hear.

  • Alannah Rose


    I just had to comment and say that this piece was so kindly written, in such a heartfelt way that I found it really touching (and I’m not talking about the actual content, which was fantastic on its own).  Then I read through the comments, and your response to them, and I was just so impressed at how thoughtful and empathetic you were to every person.  That is such an amazing gift, and that you shared it here is really special.  I appreciated seeing that here!

    The one thing that became clear to me after my last breakup was how many of us are going through something similar, all at the same time.  I have tried, ever since, to treat everyone with extra kindness and compassion because I know what a difference those things made for me during my most painful times.  You’ve done that here for others and that is so awesome!

    Best to you!

  • Mirelle

    I am going through this right now. Thank you so much for your tips. 

    My ex and I had not communicated for almost 2 months. However, I did e-mail him a few days ago to say a proper goodbye (I said if he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, he didn’t have to reply to the e-mail. I asked him how he was doing and then said if he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, he didn’t need to reply to the e-mail. But I said I felt better if I could say some last words — thanking him for everything, apologizing for my behavior, and thanking him for allowing me to learn how to start loving myself.)

    He responded to the e-mail just a day ago and the tone lacked sincerity — (although he said he was very tired at the time of writing it) — just as our communication was a few months ago when we were talking, I can tell he’s very distant. (He has a right to be of course, I hurt him a lot emotionally, I was very insecure and created a lot of nasty arguments.) But I just wish he would say that he’s not comfortable talking to me anymore, instead of creating bland conversations. That what has been frustrating for me when we were talking a few months ago.  

    I replied with a short e-mail, saying that if he wanted to keep in touch, he could e-mail me whenever. 

    I think this will be the last e-mail I send unless he e-mails me in the future. 

    Even though the same negative thoughts that caused our relationship to end pop up for me every now and then — I am trying to be present, but I allow myself to cry when I feel the urge to. 

    I just want to stop being selfish. I want to be 100% happy for him even if he finds someone else to be in a relationship with. I want to unconditionally love him, no matter what. But I feel like I’ll never get to this point, when I have these negative thoughts and feel so angry or sad thinking about him being with another person. :( I don’t want to be this way! I want to be selfless.

  • Sebslittleaussie

     The MAJOR problem I have is that there is no closure. There is no real ”break-up” as such. Polite, bland e-mails sent by someone who always seemed very, very keen to communicate with you is very hard to take. Was I insecure? Yes, yes I was. I always felt his attitude was a little too ”joke-ie”, always the clown. His own insecurity of not being sure he was ”special” (i.e. he felt like he was just another guy who didn’t warrant being “chosen”) enough probably pushed him to be ”charming” to all women. What hurts is knowing that I spent years (countless hours) being there for him when he was going through some difficult times but he was not willing 9or capable) to do the same for me. I was his ally, confidante and backed him up but he wasn’t willing to back me up, fight for me or our relationship. I’m not perfect but I deserve an explanation. Even if he’s hurt or angry by something I did, the least he could do was tell me. All this potential lost …That’s what hurts.     
    You think you’re over it and then it all those feelings come back like a tidal wave.
    In any case I hope you (Confused) end up finding the right person for you.
    Take care.

  • guest

    Holding on to past relationships may be the need to avoid the true situation which always returns to self and the choices the self makes not the  ’object/person of love’ which has nothing to do with the self …In other words when I have rerun a past relationship it is to make myself right and avoid the real problem of my poor choices and own up to that …the person could be is my growth and ownership of my actions which leads to a better self.. these thoughts are related only to my individual path…wonder if anyone else experienced this…

  • Toni

    I agree that you have wasted nothing, although have felt the same several times in my life after a breakup. NOw married 30 years, I know that I would never have in my life now what I have had we stayed together. This is a time for YOU to discover new possiblities.One thing that may help is to start a list of what the possible benefits to you may be without him. Worked for me!

  • Dawn

    Please tell Ana S. that we are very much alike, & that I love her for helping me so much today. I’d love to see more of her work or follow her on twitter. Thank you for posting! Much love to you all: If we’re alone, are we all together in that? Dawn

  • Ceriannowens

    I know what you mean, it must be really hard for you. I suppose if it’s meant to be its meant to be… Whether that’s with him or with someone else you meet in the future.

    Maybe you should request some time where you don’t contact each other. This might give him the kick he needs to decide what he actually wants. Weather it’s what you want to hear or not, at least you will know then and you can take the next step weather that’s getting back together and making it work. Or finally saying its over and moving on.

    I still think about my ex all the time an want to speak to him every day. But I know that’s not what either of us need at the moment so I’m trying to be strong. It sucks but I believe everything happens for a reason and soon you will understand why this has happened to you and what lessons it has taught you. Whatever the outcome im sure it will make you a stronger person and help you grow.

    Not saying its easy at the time but when you look back maybe in a year or so it will all make sense.

    I have seen so many people break up with a long term partner who aren’t 100% sure. Who have then gone on to find someone who is a million times better than that person and who really seems like they were meant for them. And I trust this will happen to both of us when the time is right too :-) cxc

  • Brokenheart

    Yes Please ! Very nicely and very well said “Relationships do BREAK ” – but – which break naturally due to some concrete resons – one can face and forget easily – but those which are intetionally broken for selfish reasons – are very painful for those you suffer the jolt ! Those people are who TRUST their partners / friends – and when this TRUST and LOVE is shattered – one feels very broken and lonely ! It is very difficult to forget and forgive ! Memories haunt you – and – One cannot FORGIVE – others meanness ! and I feel one should not !

  • Uuvy

    I haven’t spoke to my ex-partner in a few years, and I often wonder how she is. I can’t recall why we broke up, or what was said, but my heart is still heavy for her, at times. We came from 2 very much different backgrounds, and there were times where we couldn’t reach common ground or understanding about each other.
    I want to get in contact with her, but I don’t want to open any old wounds. After 3 years, my love still equals pain.
    I like this article, but sometimes things are more easy said, than done.

  • Snhahaj

    I broke off a 4 year relationship that was on the verge of an engagement one year ago. I regretted it and tried EVERYTHING to get him back, but he refused and entered into a new relationship only a month after we had broken up. I spent month after month being angry at him for wasting 4 years of my life as I am now 30 and wanting marriage and children, but then I realized something that helped me forgive him and let that go…no matter how sorry he could ever be, he could never give me back those years of my life. Even if he wanted to, it is impossible, so what was I holding that anger for?

  • Kim

    It’s always good to remember that we are not alone, even when we really feel like we are. My ex and I broke up back in September, and it’s been a long road.  We’ve had little to no contact since, but we ended on really good terms, and I thought we could stay friends (silly me.) It’s been harder to let go of that best friend I had, and I miss him terribly. I struggle with feeling hatred towards him when I hear he’s moved on, dating other people.. but then I calm down and remember I truly wish the best for him. I do struggle a lot with the “what ifs, what could have beens”.. even almost a year later. I’m someone who really needs a full year to heal and move on from a serious relationship. I thought that I was weird that it takes me so long to feel comfortable letting go. But once you get to that beginning point, and I think I’ve reached it recently.. you can just feel that weight lifted off of you. One day, we’ll look back on today and smile, I’m sure.

  • Srey

    Really great idea. I often think of my younger self.  (^_^)  Would she be proud of me or how I handle certain situations. 

  • kcm

    I am so horribly lost in this right now. I was dating the most loving, devoted man for 2.5 years, and I broke up with him for the 2nd time a week and a half ago. The first time we’d only been dating a few months, and I thought we were too different – he was messy, seemed a little too new to life, etc; I was career driven and knew the way that I liked things. But I asked for him back a few days later that time, and he took me back immediately. I saw something incredible there… and then somehow, over the last 2 years, lost sight of it again.

    We moved in together too early, but it was either that or not see him. We talked a bit, about the messiness and him playing computer games when I thought he should be looking for a job – I took it as an indication of a deeper flaw. After a while the talks became fights, and then at some point I stopped fighting because we weren’t getting anywhere, but I didn’t stop feeling it. I just bottled it up, tried to fix it myself, and became deeply unhappy. I stopped being affectionate, and starting being cold and passive agressive. All the while, he kept his affection for me, which in some ways just made me resent him further that he could be happy when I was so unhappy. I passed up sex for weeks sometimes, even though I was unbelievably attracted to him, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

    So a week and a half ago, I don’t know what clicked, but all of that resentment clicked on and I broke it off without much explanation other than that I was unhappy. He begged me to stay, to work it out and go to therapy with him, but I was convinced that I was right that we didn’t work. I spent a whole week in my indignation, coldly dealing with logistics about who was going to move out and who keeps what. He was devastated, completely surprised, and confused at why I would do something so drastic.

    It wasn’t until Saturday that I realized I needed to tell him everything, even if we didn’t try to work it out. But we couldn’t talk until Sunday morning, and when we did, I started going through all of the reasons and they all sounded so shallow and unworthy. In that moment, I let go of so much horrible pent up emotion, and all of a sudden I could see him again, and I saw what a horrible mistake I’d made. I asked for him back, and he said he needed time, because he couldn’t get his heart broken a 3rd time. And he shouldn’t take me back, I let so much trivial frustration steamroll over our relationship and tear him apart. But we talked and it seemed like, with time, it could be good again.

    But I found out from him last night that he’d been with someone else the morning before we talked. He said he’d lost all hope, and that it was part of him moving on. Being sexually exclusive with him was so sacred to me, and to know that he’d given up on that… well, I know now that it’s over. I have barely gone a waking hour since then without crying.

    I’m starting counseling today to figure out my shit. He said he can’t imagine his future without me, and that he wants to find a sublet temporarily and we can look at things in a few months, but in the mean time this is his opportunity to go out and date and try new things. And it makes me physically ill, I want to crawl out of my skin. I can’t stand the thought of him no longer sharing our home, but him being with other people is just beyond my dealing scope right now. I want to look forward to the fall and if we can work it out, after I’ve had some therapy and he’s been able to heal from the hurt, but that seems like an impossibly long time away. If I let him go, I just know in my heart it’s forever.

    It hurts the most because of how senseless it was, how horribly I handled it, and how I cruelly hurt him so badly that someone who once looked at me with the most loving, adoring eyes now wants to leave. It’s all my fault, and I don’t know how to forgive myself for the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.

  • DREY

    Well said Kim! Would you please email me at ( I have experienced something similar. Would love to chat with you:-)

  • blueblueblue

    Thanks. I need reminders such as this. It’s been more than a year and I still feel the pain from the break up.

  • babuu

    hey..i hav got bak wid my ex jus two months bak..he had left me for his ex two yrs bak…he’s all d way caring,sensitive and very thoughtful…bt i olways hav negative thots dat he myt jus again leave me,or wht if he somhow comes in contact wid his ex and again m d one being left…i hav comparisons dat he used to hav his ex’s walpaper on his laptop..y not ours on it nw..dis is killing our rltnshp..he says my undue negativeness wud take me well as it is frustrating fr him too..he says he neva eva bent down in frnt f he’s changd so much having me ard him..but m still haunted by my past experience..nd a setback i suffered bcoz f him nly two yrs bak..which had me in depression…m myself troubled bcoz f thots nd visions i get all d tym.even whn i set fr stdyng..i lose focus quickly nd my mind wanders..i re love him,nd wana hav him love me d same way..

  • Gigi_horn

    Thank you for all of the good advice. I reunited with an old love. He contacted me after 20 years. We had met as freshmen in college. We talked on the phone three months before meeting. I live in California and he lives in the south. It was so romantic on the phone as we planned to both meet in Vegas. Sometimes we  would talk on the phone for 5 hours at a time. When we met in person, we shared a fun and awkward reunion. I had been married and divorced and he had never been married and not able to have children. After the reunion, he went back home and so did I. The meeting show me things in person that I had forgotten about him. We declared our love , etc.

    The end came near Christmas, he had asked me what I wanted, I told him and he joked about it and this made me feel as if he was not going to get it. I make considerably more money than he does so I could have gotten it for myself but his joking by texting made me unlease an invective of meaness to and about him in texting…………………I felt bad afterwards and tried for three months to apoligize………………………he text three months later to tell me his dad died and that he missed and loved me…………………….I have heard nothing since. It has been five months since my mean text and finally, I have peace and am moving on…………………………….I wish him well and I can smile and forgive and accept it now.

    I think about him now and smile and laugh about the fun times on the phone we had or songs that he liked or things that he said……………but, I don’t cry anymore!

  • Dave

    You just…kind of glossed over what mistake it was that you made, Ana.  Wondering what that might have been.

  • Ute Lark

    This is absolutely true, and I should have read that 2 years ago, when I went though with a broken heart. I am happy to say I did the right things as described step one to 10. I still can’t listen to love songs, but I found other music I love instead. I have learnt to love myself again,  accepted that it wasn’t my fault, and continue positive thinking. I always was a fighter and positive. I got backup and it does help to read these sites, knowing you are not alone through this. What I still miss is an adult to talk to when coming home from work, exchange views, have a little moan and share happy thoughts. Sure it will come eventually. Well, yes I am happy again and started a “new” life. It does take time, but life has so much to offer, go for it, I say! Thank you for posting this.

  • elitay

    Brilliant article Ana S. I was wondering if anyone has any advice from moving on from a long distance relationship break-up? My ex broke up with me in dec and i am having a really hard time moving past it ,  I know acceptance is they only way to move forward but how do i do this? its really keeping me down, i don’t want to be stuck in the past its too painful:( 

  • izza24

    I was in a long distance relationship, broke
    up 2 weeks ago. Many times i asked myself, what went wrong. We had great times
    and never thought something would ruin the plans we made together. Whatever the
    reason of break up, one chose to let go, and the other one should follow that
    step. I understand your pain. Articles in tinybuddha really helping me in the
    process and I suggest you read more – number 10. I believe in this: “Life is
    10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.” Think of the now, love
    yourself and learn to control things you can control – your emotions.

  • JulieB

    Wow, what you have said is so spot on into what I’m going through at the moment. “If you’ve also had to accept that someone you once loved doesn’t want to be with you anymore, you probably understand the rush of feelings and thoughts that come to you every day, every hour, every minute. It feels like even though you try to move on, to stop remembering, to stop speculating and thinking about this person, you make no progress.” It’s been over for over two months now, but I still think about it constantly everyday. Thank you for the tips! 

  • seandeb

    I really liked the honesty of this article. My ex of 5 years broke up with me in October and I was devasted.  She had moved to New York from Europe as it was a dream of hers and a then one evening she rang to say that she did not want a relationship anymore – Since then lots has happened, I moved to NYC beacuse I had to be true to myself and at least be in the same city as her as I believed if there was a 1% chance that my presence here would change things, then that is what I had to do.  However, since I moved here, she really wants to make her own way here and not with me. 

    In a sense, I have done all within my power to retrieve the relationship but I have finally reached the stage where I had to accept it was over.  Reading this article made me realise that there is a mourning process everyone goes through when a relationship breaks up…it is different for everyone…I made some mistakes in the relationship but I was lucky in that I was able to apologise for them and in a sense put them to rest.  Today, I started a diary as I want to be able to see how my thoughts look to me when I write them down.  I also try to take it one day at a time, living in the presence and be mindful of the now (which is not as easy as it sounds!).  My mum tells me that you need to surrender yourself to God and in a way this really works whether your are religious or not as it is the surrender that is inportant.   You just let go of what happened, you cannot control the future so you surrender yourself to the world and deal with things as they happen.  Worry never helps.  Sometimes I try to step outside myself and just observe – like I am watching a stranger on the street.  I find that this helps me put some perspective on some of the emotional moments I have.  It is like your are your own best friend just observing and gently giving advice.  The key in all of this is to learn from the past, grow from it and be open to the future while living in the now…..

  • Justrhea1010

    I am faced with very similar situation right now. I cried while reading this because I was and still is in that situation. To make matters worst, a week after we broke up, I found out I’m pregnant. I handled the break up with dignity but after finding out I’m pregnant, I became bitter, I became a totally different person. I was confused, sad and angry. I feel alone.
    I’m this person you described yourself after you broke up. I became a totally different person. I find myself crying all the time, lost interest in everything used to enjoy. I lost my faith and my hope. Until now, despite his effort and assurances that he will be there for the baby, I’m still feeling alone. I’m so tired. :(

  • Jane December

    My best friend stopped contacting me in Septemper which was when I needed him most because my world was crumbling around me, I almost got delivered into psychiatry because of psychotic depression.. it’s been around 10 months but I still lie awake every night wondering how he could just leave without saying good-bye when he told me he loved me. i want to move on an let go but he meant everything to me and I don’t know how to just forget him.

  • Rachel

    It’s hard, my situation is similar to this only we were friends, best friends, not a couple.  We also started a business venture together.  We got into a personal disagreement one evening and fought a little.  He was clearly upset with me so I decided to give him some space.  We communicated through email and text then all of a sudden he ignored me for several days and then when we spoke again it was him telling me I had been removed from our business relationship an he didn’t want to see me ever again.  It’s sad because we never worked through or discussed the argument.  It’s been a few months but stings daily.  

  • aba

    I broke up with my boyfriend four days ago after I had forgiven him when I caught him in bed with another woman. He convinced me it was over and I believed him because after 5 years this was the first time he had done that. I read his text msg four days ago and he was telling this woman how much he loved her and how he couldn’t wait to be with her. I am hurt and sad and angry for allowing him back into my life when I saw what he had done. I am on the fourth day of no contact and I feel so much misery and lonliness because he was my best friend and confidant. How do I face the day?

  • Ravenaanna

    Hi Dante, thank you for your testimony.  Am on the start of this journey and feel so lost.  I will follow the advise from this blog and will definitely read a lot.  Thank you to  people who shares experience for others to cope up with life better.  I will do the same.

  • Mike_Ollis36

    This is so good that for the past 3 days I’ve been coming back to it and re-reading the 10 tips! This is exactly what I need, I just need to keep practising and I’ll feel much better :) Thank-you :)

  • Mike_Ollis36

    Before me and my girlfriend were together we were best friends. I think its so much harder when you know you’ve lost a friend rather than just a lover. People say keep busy “occupy the mind” but i say face it head on and try and get over it, its so frickin difficult but the difficulty in trying to get over it is normal and most people punish themselves for feeling negative about it. Just remind yourself that you KNOW for sure that you are more alive for feeling these feelings.

  • aba

    Ur message uplifted me today because I realised after all the years spent together I had to feel the pain of the loss. I have lost my best friend but I would eventually find another, I just have to be patient and kind. Everyday gets better, the pain would always be here, but I would pull through it knowing am not alone. Thanks Mike_Ollis36!

  • Joan Patson


  • akhil_techie

    reading the comments of all, really makes me strong and so connected to all of you in some way or other. i feel like i am not the only one and here are ways it eases up my pain in some way or other

    a) keep desktop wallpaper of your childhood photo, single or better yet if with a family
    b) change perspective, do not think of any time or person as loss, think you tried and reached with a courage to pursue your dreams or person you love
    c) keep a gratitude list, to draw myself to everyday what i have done, i write in my diary
     ”Today I am really happy for ……”, it helps me connect to my daily life and let go of grief of breaking up

    you cannot decide if your significant other decide to leave you, all you can do after that is being proactive in changing yourself for better and best.

    CAUSE …you deserve all the happiness and love of the world.

    and remember
    Watch your thoughts, for they become words.Watch your words, for they become actions.Watch your actions, for they become habits.Watch your habits, for they become character.Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny

  • Karina_huizar

    This is just what I’m going through! My ex-boyfriend broke up with me unexpectedly after 3 years together. It’s been almost 4 months and I still wish we were together. He was my first boyfriend (I’m 19) and it really really hurt. We were committed to a future together, he even gave me a ring… Thank you so much for this article! I really needed it! :)

  • Yeiflute

    You did the right thing

  • Xx:D

    Your response touches me… I’m in the same situation. We were good together but when things got tough he wasn’t emotionally open enough to communicate and resolve things with me. I’ve accepted and even feel better most of the day but still wake up thinking of him with a pounding heart. Let’s “let go” together. If they were truly right for us they may come back one day. And if not, there will be others to love and be loved by :)

  • Baldur5

    Words of wisdom right here. Thank you. Even though I am not going through a breakup this is helping me sort my life for the better.

  • Starman06

    Hi my names Eric my girl friend of eight years left me this may and then July first she goes and gets married to her ex boyfriend from the past she acts like I don’t exhist what do i do and will she always hate me

  • Starman06

    Why is it after a break up everything feels so empty inside will this emptiness ever end

  • Ymoney264

    I was a man without happiness until i met the The DR.CHECK Temple. I took responsibility of Leticia academic and general well being when she was in the high school and we both where happily living together until i sent her to Germany to further her Education and for her to become a medical doctor. We where on mobile communication during her first 2 months in Germany but during the 3rd month, the communication was getting poor as she was no longer picking calls and not responding to my emails. I was surprise when Leticia sent me an email August last year that she is getting married to a German man. My World was full of sorrow and loneliness because someone has stole my better half away from me. I shared my problem with a female colleague in my working place and she directed me to I contacted him for urgent help cos i cant think straight without Leticia. I was when Leticia called me four days after i contacted DR. CHECK at about 6:23am and told me she is sorry for all that she has done in the past. We got married January 7th and we are happily living together now. All thanks be to DR.CHECK Temple and if you need to be in happy, i will strongly suggest you contact DR. CHECK Temple through DR.MORE Temple

  • michelle

    AFRICA VOODOO thanks for making my wish true! I was totally devastated when Frank left me. It was like all my world vanishing into sorrow and pain. But your kind words when I first emailed you gave me hope. I felt how sincere, honest and authentic he were from his first email. I know it sounds weird but out of all the casters I contacted, he were the only one to give me that impression of being so true and caring. More than your words, it s the fantastic work you accomplished for me that I will keep in mind. He brought my lover back and he made all my wishes come true. He s now loyal, pays attention to me, he offers me flowers every Sunday, and we often go out at the cinema or at the restaurant. I will be forever thankful for turning my life from hell to heaven! if there is anyone to get your ex back to you, it is

  • ggn

    I’m doing whatever I can to let it go for his sake as well as mine. It was a roller coaster of a 4 1/2 year long relationship that he ended a week ago. I’m going through every single thing you have described. I’m desperate for this to end. It ended because he went through all of our ups and downs and realized just how out of hand we had gotten. He was my best friend for five years. I miss him. I miss him guiding me through life and helping me understand the makings of the world, I only trust his opinion on things because I know that he is one of the few people who I know that truly want what is best for me even if it doesn’t involve him in the picture. Now he’s gone. I keep imagining him around and know that it isn’t right. I keep posting on facebook so that he can see what I’m feeling and going through and I don’t know why I want him to see that I’m hurting. He told me not to text him again and that he knows it’s hard for me to respect his decisions but he needs me to respect that one. It’s not like I’ll feel better if he comes back because I’ll feel guilty and I’ll know that we never really fixed our relationship or ourselves to begin with. I’m just having trouble realizing that our dreams are over, that he’s not going to call me or write, that I’m not going to see him ever again. One thing is to break up with your lover another is to break up with your best friend. I had someone suggest I date someone else I’m really close friends with yesterday and the more I thought of having someone to hold the better I felt, but I can’t do it. I am only attracted to that person because I miss my ex. It’s time for me to learn how to be alone which is something I can learn and am used to I’m just having a lot of trouble with my mind understanding that it is over. 

  • ggn

    Another thing I’d like to point out is that friends will take a judgmental approach to your breakup because they are on YOUR side but you can’t hate them, you can stop them though. I told a friend yesterday that we were over and she giggled and thanked the Lord. Another said “finally,” another called him an asshole, another called him a coward. Friends are meant to be your fountain of support and you may not agree with the things they call your ex-significant other.

    I just want to ask for some help on something that’s bothering me, I only feel good about this break up if it means that by growing up I get to be with him again, how can I train myself to understand that it is the incorrect way to move forward? How do I stop waiting or expecting his hello again? 

  • hewa

    I have to say wholeheartedly I believe that VADOO is a very gifted individual and gentility his second nature. I have received the most rewarding and spiritual experience whilst conversing with him on the telephone. I heard and saw an angel in my minds-eye it was so overwhelming. I knew at that moment finally my difficulties were over. He deserves recognition for his powers and talents as a beautiful individual who brings spirit close to those in need. I have been touched deeply; nothing has come as close to me before. I am in total awe and have a great deal of respect. Thank you VADOO for reuniting me with my estranged husband. email

  • Broken

    My Story would probably read like a movie script.  Many years ago I was in a marriage where we had grown apart and I met someone overseas who followed me back.  Against not wanting to feel anything and hurt my ex husband I was a friend to this man but the inevitable happened I fell in love with him. He pursued me so lovingly was always there for me, promised me a better future with him that he would never leave me. He knew my two greatest fears.. one not to be alone and second that I wanted a baby so desperately and my ex husband was not doing anything about it:(( So in time the marriage ended and we became a couple. I was sad about hurting my ex husband but never told him nor did I end it, I let him I could not hurt him more like that… Anyway my partner and I had wonderful times, we thought the same, loved all the same things etc He was kind and loving and perfect. I still had insecurities about myself that I did not understand why he loved me so much. But he did and I relied on him for everything and he loved taking charge. His soft sweet side when ever he did something that might hurt me would beg me not to leave him. I said I never would.  Years later he started sometimes needing to escape, he never understood it neither did I, it would come without warning and it seemed always at December. He used to call it his male menopause. Sometimes he would go to see his family or it would just blow over. He had troubles with work so he left his job (said he was being bullied) then he worked with me and it was great. We had big dreams together and worked for a future. He did not get on with my sister and that caused problems. But he got on well with my Mum and she loved him and when she sold her house he insisted she live with us as he would always help me look after her and I loved him even more for it. So out of the blue in August last year he says he needs to go away for few days. He said part of him was fighting to stay with me and another part needed to run but he assured me that he loved me to death and that it was all ok.. So I waited. He came back and it all seemed ok, we planned to get engaged in December and to do something serious about having our baby.. Then come December he went off again and this time took money from our account and would not tell me why. Later he did it was to help someone. Then one day in that month he says to me that he wants to just keep working together but not be a couple anymore. He did not talk about it other than to then start bringing up my family not thinking he was important enough and not thanking him for all he did and that he suffered when I was married and waited for me.I won’t bore everyone with the details. However at some stage he says to me I need to find a girlfriend to try and appreciate you….l:( I would go for anyone a dog even just to see if this is right…. you can imagine how I felt. So he goes and finds a tutor in a foreign language and hooks up with her still while coming home and sleeping in our bed.  Then he goes for a trip back home and tells me there that he is moving out, presumably setting up with this woman he knew for a month. We had been together 13 years!! So I have cried and died everyday since December last year and even more when he just did not come home. He wanted to still work together and all his things are here like he never left….
    Everyday I would see him for work except the weekends. He would help on our family property as well. No one knows we are no longer a couple it would destroy my Mum but he is still holding my hand, calling me my love kissing me on the lips etc.  So fast forward to now, he decided to go back into his field of work as he had spent a lot of money and accrued debts and my job could not pay us both. A few months ago he increased our mortgage to cover money he had used and we got life insurance together and I thought maybe that woman had gone. He got closer to me also even though he still did not tell me where he lived. Now it seems she is still there and not only that but he told me he lied to her and told her that he owned part of my family’s property and he never told her about that person who he helped that he still talks to her. I don’t know if he even told her when he went to the movies or anything with me…. She knows about me and apparently said to him does she even know I exist. So now we reach that he wants to do work with me in the future etc but wants his name off our home loan as I believe she said to him to get it off. He feels he has to justify the lie he told her about the property by saying that in the future he wants a part of it…. I love him and miss him and yes he still sends me texts daily last night was goodnight my love i miss you to death and I love you to death. He told me however two days ago never doubt that I love you to death but I had to move on, he said I had to have something to live for????/ He never even discussed the problems if there were any. He was depressive a lot and even spoke death which scared me. All in all I don’t understand what happened or is happening, he used to get angry and smash things in the house. Now he just gets sometimes depressed and other times very loving and close. A month ago we went to the coast because he had to work there and slept in our bed like old times. The only nights I have slept in months….
    This woman… he told her that my family is wealthy and also that he was getting an apartment from the development in the future she apparently said why only that if you co own it? So he thinks he can now get a percent to cover the lie. He said he worked for years for my family and has no property to show for it. Yes he is a hard worker but it was his decision to leave his job and work with me. Also he has never wanted for anything and he paid off his car by putting it on our home loan which is for the house my Dad built me.  He always said he would never touch my house after seeing how I fought to keep it from my ex husband. Lately however he is saying I should have put his name on it and that I used him to refinance…. that is so untrue:((( He recently bought euipment for work using that extra money we refinanced as well as using a lot of money to help that person in the past.
    So now he wants his name off the mortgage like he said and even though I don’t think the bank would agree I don’t know how I will pay on my own after we had to get more money to cover his debts:(((.. Yet I still love him as he has worked hard for me and his family and I feel bad for him and understand he feels he has nothing. I am in such turmoil and pain and confusion and also hiding it from my mother so she does not suffer and the burdon of the work he would leave me with and the mortgage etc but I don’t want to not see him or talk to him. He was my life for 13 years and still is. I only wake up in the morning and exercise and look forward to the days I will see him. Other days I feel like staying in bed all day:((((There is so much more to all this but I am sure most of you out there are asleep by now…I still wear his bracelet he had as a baby, it has been there for 13 years, I still call him my husband and only today someone asked him where is your wife and ‘she’ was sitting next to him…..He seems to get closer sometimes and then drift a little other times. I don’t get it… he put me as the recipient for is life insurance even though she was around. We refinanced and he was so talking to the bank manager about when we have our children etc that the bank manager said you two are too romantic. She was around then too. He has lied to her and yet says she treats him well etc apart a few times. He said to me she does not understand us she does not understand I would never take anything off you. She does not understand my job how hard it is you do. My head is spinning everyday with this….:….( I am so lost and sad and confused and desolute.. it is soul wrenching:((

  • Sumpishang

    Its been month that i’ve break up with my b.f im still missing him alot but from the point of your view i’ll try to dealt with this thank you for your advice…thank you

  • Expa

    Thanks this is really good… Thank u

  • Expat

    I’ve been they now three very painful breakups and this just happened today. It was on the brink for some time… I beefed space, then he did, then I, then he and when he felt he was ok and wanted to fix, I didn’t and vice versa. That feeling of me wanting yogic when he wasn’t ready was unbelievably painful. He Perseus me so hard in the beginning and I constantly pushed him away. then after


    Type your comment here…. Then after he pursued me so hard about 7 mo later I really fell in love w him.. But he dragged his heels.. It began to really hurt. I lanes out and it was aweful. We even went to counseling, but every time we ended a session, things it worse, the only better thing was hat sometimes we fought better… Just now he said he’s not ready to “fix” us but loves me and doesn’t knew what to do.. I could have waited yet again, but I can’t.. Something inside me says don’t,, and it’s too painful. This way I have control over my life and decisions…he was very passive aggressive I was the opposite, but honestly I think now passive is better bc I never it berated w bad words like he did from me…I will only kick myself in the ass every day for how I ran my mouth off or texted… It’s a big lesson for me now and I am so upset w myself and life… Crazy thing is, 10 mo b4 him I was celibate, and for 2 yrs b4 that engaged and in a very verbally abusive relp.. I used some of my ex finances tactics to abuse my current ex and it was horrible. I thought I was ready for a relp after 10 mo, but I wasn’t. I still look at my ex finances fb page… Now I’ll be doing it to both… I was in school too ( 2 nd degree) and it was intense dying the 10 mo celibacy.. I spent the entire summer we broke up mourning and cryin and feeling he pain… I must have not been doing it right. He was arrested for attacking me so he break was clean… We never and still haven’t had contact..2 yrs later… Rly sux bc this guy was so solid, but he did also contribute w his own baggage, making us dysfunctional… Well I guess I’ll sleep now and learn from my mistakes and really try and heal myself and mourn healthily… Thanks for the guidance…


    Also sorry for the grammar/some autocorrect words, I’m too tired to re read b4 posting

  • Xxikkle_lxx

    I’m in this situation right now and we have a 3 year old boy together I’m fine during the day as I have him to keep me going and I have to be strong for him,its when he’s in bed It gets to me we where togther for 5years and he was my 1st love. I just feel really crap I just keep crying, it was his decision I wanted us to last! I just want this pain to go away I dnt wanna feel like this anymore

  • Xxikkle_lxx

    Its was also a shock as we were trying for another baby

  • mary

    thanks for sharing your feelings…

  • Rebecca Abigaile

    I really enjoyed reading your articles, and I believe this articles will blessed other ppl.

  • Asnea

    Well today my boyfriend decided to break up with me because he was actually going through a rough time. Were friends now, because it was no one’s fault. He’s so far away and stressed out, so it was best to let go of the relationship and be just friends.

  • Hurting so much

    I would love to talk with you , you seem to be going through same feelings that I’m going through right now .

  • Sj

    I’ve had my heart broken once before from someone who i ‘thought’ i truly was in love with, 2yrs only to find out through means of email that the reason why he never really pulled me in close was because he had someone else. My heart was shattered.
    During this time i met someone who i can honestly call my best friend. He listened and shared his own past experiences of the pain his had and how his pulled himself away from having any relation for 4 yrs.
    I was just starting to deal with my previous love tank and thought to myself (honestly speaking) he might be able to help me calm the pain of my heart. What neither of us expected was to actually fall in love with it each other. It scared me to no end. The problem was we lived in totally different countries me in the uk and him is the us. But we both agreed to see where this could go. I visited him every year and each time we grew closer. It was obvious to his and my family by the time it hit 2yrs that we really were serious about it. We spoke about our insecurities, hopes for the future and what we really want out of a relationship.
    I realised then that what i felt for my previous bf was not the real love i thought we had.
    This guy scared me because he was everything i wanted and thought i was not allowed to have. I’ve not had an easy start in life, but that’s never stopped me from hoping for happiness. I thought for the first time i can give my all to this person and i know for a fact he’ll give me just as much back.
    I’m very cautious in nature due to a lot of past hurts, but this boyfriend who was even angry at the thought that i’d think for a second he’d leave me, was patient, caring and giving.
    In our 3rd yr, we were still going strong. We didn’t really fight and we always spoke about our disagreements and sorted them out. His family fully accepted me and i absolutely loved them (still do) we had the full support of all our families and friends. He was working hard to get me over to him permanently, while i did my best to save and visit as much as possible.
    Then out of the blue 2 weeks ago he said his granddad has 3rd stage cancer. Now his family are really close nit, so this completely devastated him. I felt useless not being able to do much but comfort him over the phone, but he said its more then enough to know im there.
    A week after he broke up with me. I felt like the world ended. He did it through email and instead of giving him a hard time about it, i just let him know, ”im here for whatever your going through but please don’t shut me out like that”. He wouldn’t let me call him though i did ask if i could call and if not now next week to give him space.
    I got an email back that same day with him telling me, ”its to much, his stressed, he hasn’t been happy for a while and even when i was there with him not to long ago he felt that way to. He said his to weak and im sorry, i wish i didn’t have to but its better for the both of us and i really do love you, im just tired of fighting and doing what i need to do as well, if were really meant to be things will work out on there own, but right now i see us going nowhere”.

    Im beyond heartbroken. I’ve tried to recall in so many ways how suddenly our relationship out of nowhere just became to much for him. And why if he felt that way, why did he not talk to me about it fully. Because from what i remember, we did and he was the one telling me that nothing could get between us.
    I spent so much energy helping him through all the really bad things he went through, being there fully and then suddenly its to much?
    A lot of people have said to me its probably due to the stress of his granddad and work etc I want to believe that i did mean something to him, but right now it does not feel that way. Instead i feel like i’ve been pick up and just dropped.
    I’ve spent the past couple of days trying to get over the pain of losing someone i was in love with but its left me feeling like what hope do i have if i cant even keep someone who says they still love me? Friendship was offered and i would really love to hold onto our friendship, since im still worried about him and how his coping but i cant bring myself to say ”its ok” yet.

    Coming across this thread randomly believe it or not and seeing everyone’s stories, helped me see im not the only one with heartache.
    These words really jump out at me:

    “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall”

    Made me remember the amount of times i have fallen and i’ve still got up again. They gave me this surge of hope that i can keep walking forward. One painful step at a time.
    I really do wish everyone the best in the future, keep walking :) your not alone.

  • Ohemaah

    Soo inspiring and true

  • lunita

    don’t blame yourself! you did your best.

  • Cynthia

    I swear each time i read what u wrote i feel much better,its the same thing that happened to me , i made a mistake around his family and they werent able to forgive me sowe broke up of course it was not only because of this mistake but things were not working ouy lately , its been only week since my break up ,i am starting to accept the idea of losing him but what bothers me the most is that i am still thinking about the things he might do when he comes back (he s out of the country) , i ask myslef if he s going to come back regreting leaving me in such cruel way, or will he start dating someone else and that idea scares me the most,
    I still thing about the things that went wrong and how it was not only my fault and how he didnt know how to deal with the situation maybe because he couldnt take any more pressure! I dont know im trying not to think about whats going on in his mind but thats the hardest part..i am so upset because he left me when i needed him the most.i am so scared if he never comes back regreting what he did and never talk to me again..and even if we meet there s alot on my mind bothering me specially the way he acted during the situation and i dnt know if should tell him that

  • Charles O’Connor

    Hello Ana S,

    Thank you for the article.

    It’s been a year now, I’ve read countless articles, books and even had therapy. I’ve tried to face all the feelings this unrelenting pain has to offer. Her face is still a silhouette behind my minds eye and everything seems to tie into some reminder of us. No amount of proactive positive thinking seems to heal the emptiness. Yes, I can smile and enjoy single moments but they seem fake and meaningless compared to what I know I had, especially when left alone with my thoughts.

    Steps 7-9 are hard for me.

    7. I know I could have done more or done things differently. I’ve replayed the entirety of our 5 years together over and over, usually involuntary and once I start it’s pretty much a spiral of despair.

    8. I like how this article doesn’t first suggest what just about every article suggests; “surround yourself with family and friends.” My family is my parents and dysfunctional to say the least which provides zero comfort. My friends have their own lives (wives, children, etc) now and don’t need me mucking up the works. Yes I’ve spent much time speaking with them but it’s not as comforting when everyone seems to be in such a separate stage in their life than your own.

    Without getting into the major details of it all; it’s hard to trick myself into feeling gratitude when compared to what was lost. I put everything of myself into her, her family and friends. When I lost her, I lost her family and friends as well including the life we all shared together. Knowing that all of them are creating new and positive experiences every day without me is consistently heartbreaking. I really do try to practice gratitude for everything through out my day: the small and large things whether my job, accomplishments, ability or nice things that just seem to happen. But to no avail, the reality of what is and what was cannot be escaped and am left with a void in my heart that has no end.

    9. It’s hard to have positive thinking when I feel inspired by nothing. I used to live life inspired by everything and everyone. I prided myself on loving to live and experience anything and everything. I feel like I’ve lived life and done everything my heart has desired.

    A few months after our relationship ended I made a list of things I’ve never done in an effort to find passion for life again on my own. The list reached 230 activities; many of them very obscure things which were a struggle to think of. For example (won an auction, gave blood, rode a horse full speed, swallowed a live fish, surprise party for my parents, hit a hole in one (not mini golf), fasted for a full day done stand up comedy, etc.). I was impressed with the list and have actually accomplished a few since then looking back. I could have kept thinking of more things but even to this day those life activities don’t illicit passion because they are just a distraction from what I’ve wanted since I can remember; that special someone who completes me. I thought I had found her but once again I’m lost broken and alone. I feel no purpose or true joy any more. I’m seeking meaning in my life, constantly questioning of myself looking for answers and trying to look forward to something new and amazing but it just feels futile in the end.

  • saiqa

    i had a break up just last night n i knw it z my fault because i didnt told him anything about my past..i alwz thought dat he z my present and future.i really love has been 2 years of our relation n in dese 2 years he had done a lot f mistakes but evytym i gave him other chances as well,,but wen i did smethng wrong n dats 2 first tym he left me..he told me dat i thought i m wid d most perfect gal in dis world but she deceived me…really i gave him my 100% evytym coz i loved him n i still love him..<3

  • ben

    This guy has some useful tips:

  • Lilly

    Hi Ana,

    I am
    really torn on what to do. I have read your articles and everyone’s story here.
    It does help me a little bit, but it is not easy to actually deal with it. I
    have this feeling of crying in every minutes, i just dont feel like to
    eat, i have a sense of hot water running through my chest every time the memory
    appears, my hands cold and shivering. This is so difficult for me to realise
    that he actually gone for real. I still secretly hoping that he would come back
    and say he still wants me, but i know it is nearly not possible. I really dont
    know what went wrong, it happens so sudden. He went emotionally disturbed for
    the last couple of days without any reason, we dont fight but it seems like he
    wants to make a big deal out of tiny things, and i just felt something is not
    right. And on that night, he just texted ‘ you need to forget me’…and its all
    over. He just shut me down, didnt picked up any calls, didnt replied to text,
    switching off phone. And all i discovered recently, he’s going back to his ex
    and kids. It hurts me real bad. I dont feel like to do anything. But lying on
    my bed doing nothing is the perfect chances that i will think of him and
    getting hurts badly. I just passed step 1 of ‘stop any contact with that person’.
    I break the sim card already, and thinking of change my number. There is still
    a feeling of ‘What if he wants me back and couldnt reached me’.

    I love
    everthing about us the fact that i can be myself around him, and he can be
    myself around me. We went silly together. And our relationship went so perfect
    and i just dont know where is the void. I staying late at night to bake him
    cookies, ice cream, cakes, and even made
    dishes. I even applied couple of loans about 50 grand for him to start a new
    bussiness. I really dont mind because its for our future. We planned so many
    things already, and im in heaven all the way there. But those were the times. I
    love him so much, but i have to let him go…..But it is so difficult and
    everything seems like dying to me. I really need to talk to someone who felt
    similar way as mine..

  • Louise

    Hi Charles,
    I happened to see your post and wanted to just say hi and let you know you are not alone. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this. I can only imagine how difficult the year has been. Congrats on surviving–really. It is something to make it through so much heartbreak. Not that the heartbreak is over, but you have lived through a year of great difficulty. I can tell you are in pain, but, you must have some strength in you.
    I am no expert, but it sounds to me like you are on the right track. You are doing things, or have done things–making lists, reading, therapy.
    Again, I’m no therapist, but I’m wondering if you are experiencing depression on top of the heartache. I say this because you mention a lack of passion for things in your life. That sounds like classic depression. If you are truly in a pit, could you look into a temporary form of help like antidepressants? I have been there myself, and I know it’s no one’s first choice to take meds. But they could give you the extra help to make it out of this pit.
    As a tiny measure of relief on the really bad days, I have one piece of advice that was given to me: do push-ups. I laughed at that, but my friend told me that it releases a chemical in the brain that helps with low feelings.

    One last thing. This may be hard to hear, and I’ll say this is the exact thing I’m struggling with now. We have to complete ourselves. If I feel like I’m waiting for a guy to complete me, and one comes along, breaks my heart and leaves, I will feel incomplete when he leaves. I will then be devastated (which is what happened to me this year).
    If I (somehow, ha) find a way to feel complete without someone in my life, no one can EVER take that away from me. If I face another breakup, I will be sad, even very sad, but not devastated. This is what I am aiming for right now. It’s hard work. I feel like I’m getting to know myself for the first time. I never took the time or energy before. I never loved myself.

  • Nicole Magincalda

    Its not the break up that sucks its finding out after a year that the man you are seeing dose not want the same things in life you do. I was seeing this guy for a year and even when i would ask if he wanted more kids or wanted to get married again he would not tell me. Then i ask point blank and he finely tells me he dose not want to marry again or have more kids. The hard part about the relationship was relizing that i had to beark it off. I want things he did not and to stay with him was what i wanted but knowning i could never have those things just made it torture for me. So i finely did what i had too. I said sorry i got to go, what sucks is that i miss him and wish i had never got that involved in the first place!. Now i must feel the pain that comes from the fact that i allowed myself to get so involved with him. Everything was good the sex, the time we spent together. I really just feel used!. If you love someone you must let them know what your true intenions are. If you can’t do that then you should never get involved with them in the first place!.

  • ankita pathak

    hey dis is ankita ,mere relatn 6 yrs ka tha,and dan my boyfrnd wanted break up with me,but i love him wat should i do

  • SNC

    My boyfriend of four years ended it with me just a week ago he claims he has forgiven me for my mistakes (not infidelity) but he doesn’t act that way I truly love him and this is so hard on me he says he still loves me and i begged and pleaded for another chance but he is just lashing out. He is my best friend if i have a problem i go to him… now this is my biggest problem who do i turn to where do i go from here? He says he needs time to think…. What if when he is finish thinking he decides i am not worth it and moves on? We both still love each very much…. but it is so hard….. I wouldn’t want anyone to experience this …

  • Michael

    Louise, this is an excellent, caring response to Charle’s post, which itself was a helpful response to Ana’s post.

  • koky

    I don’t know how to feel right now. My boyfriend of a year and a half told me we should break up last night because he feels he can’t trust me anymore, because of a mistake that I did. I asked for forgiveness and told him that I give him all the assurance that if he could just give me this second chance I will do everything right by him, but He doesn’t seem to care to even listen to me. I love this man with all my heart and I really can’t see myself without him. He had become my best friend the only friend that I could rely on when I needed to talk. Right now I’m going through a lot of emotions I don’t know what to do. Thank you for a wonderful article I’v read it and it made a lot of sense. I’m just confused I don’t know where to start inorder to sort out myself and pull myself together all this just feels like a dream that I can’t wake up from.

  • jil

    me too is suffering from so much pain right now and its so hard to handle really even if i kept on trying my best. i kept on thinking everything happens for a reason but still im in deep pain. my so called bf doesnt communicate wirh me at all. i did some mistakes and i apologize but he is so cold already. i message him if we are still together but he said he likes me but i drive him nuts so he dont know. after 2 days i ask him again about our status and i even told him if he wants to break up with me its ik coz i want him happy but still he said he dont know if he wants to invest his self for a long term relationship with me. we’ve been dating for 3 mos only but i so damn love him so much that i can sacrifice everything for him but he just kept ignoring me. i dont know where i stand anymore so im trying to lessen the pain coz i feel that any moment im gonna die coz im having a hard time to breathe just thinking of what happened to our relationship. i am not that religious but right now what helps me so much is praying to God to help me get through with this and at the same time praying that hopefully someday that guy that i love so much who is giving me so much pain would be my husband and that we’ll be together till the end, and that problem may still arise but wishing we could be stronger. sometimes i feel that its impossible coz it seems that my so called bf doesnt really care about me but i still have hope in my heart coz they say anything is possible with God.

  • Kevin64

    It has been almost 3 months now and I still can’t get out of the “shock/disbelief” stage. the no contact is killing me but I know is necessary It’s very important to do this otherwise after each “contact” you will end up back in the dark place you are desparatly trying to get out of. the questions you want anwsered need not be they will just end up being negative and drag your self- esteem down further. Out of sight out of mind is my motto. I asked for answers and I regret it now all it has done is made me question myself and thats the last thing I need stalling the healing process. the pain we have shows us that we have a kind compassionate heart and we will eventually attract the same.

  • Cristina

    I’m Cristina
    I read Charle’s article, very touching and i feel for you. I went through a terrible break up last year, to a guy who only liked me for my looks, i never knew It would feel that bad, cause i didn’t know i had let him so deep into my heart, I felt depressed and thought i could never feel happiness again. Somehow, someway, i found myself -my cheerful, fun self, and i left everything in the past and cut all contact with him.
    I’m seeing a guy now for 5 months and I’m so in love with him but i started being afraid to commit now, Im scared and I hope he doesnt do the same thing, and lately he picked up more hours at work or made excuse not to see me as often (thought his car did break down) but I just realised that if i lose him, i will be depressed an sad again, and because i forsee that, i prepared myself.
    I told myself, what have I got to lose? I wil always be an awesome person, and I will always find someone better then the last retard who made the mistake of leaving me for some dyke–needy-golddigger, I keep my thoughts positive and if i find out that he wants to leave me, i iwll respect his wish and tell him to go, and i will turn my back and move on. I have cried enough tears but these tears are not worth wasting for somene who doesnt love you back.
    When i’m with him, i feel complete and everything is good, yet i remind myself that even the nicest and most charming people can be the worst ones, and I will always have my guard/wall infront of me.

    Make sure that you will always prepare yourself for the worst scenarios, and also make sure that you will KNOW how to react, because our reactions can make matters worse. Be calm, and just move on, dont even look back. and if they ever ask and want to contact you, just say you’re too Busy having FUN! loll :)

    God bless all those who’ve suffered and shed tears for people who didnt deserve them. If you need help and guidance, ask me anytime
    ( I can give alot of tips and advice on how to heal and prepare yourself.

  • Lucian

    Hello everyone. I am kind of in the same situation. My girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago. My problem is more complex. I have been suffering with anxiety disorder for the last 6 years and mild depression because of the anxiety. Those were 6 long years of suffering. I never gave up. I still did the things I used to do ( snowboarding, mountaineering, cycling, paragliding, etc.) but rarely I found joy in anything I did. A year ago I met her. In 2 weeks we were together. We moved together. I showed her another side of the world. I showed here the mountains, the rush of adrenaline. She liked it. I only wanted her to love me. She was always so critical of me after a while. She was blaming me for the disorder I had in the times I was feeling sick or depressed. I felt so guilty (still am feeling) for the fact I had this problem. She was the most important thing in my life. I could not see a future without her (still can’t). 3 months ago I started drinking (her criticism was part of the reason). I stopped doing that now. She was always very jealous and searching through my e-mails and fb accounts. Did not bothered me too much. 2 times it happen that I talked some trash to her while drunk and hurt her (not physically). She says this is the reason and I should change. I am a really nice person even if sometimes I do not feel this way. All I wanted was for her to love me and to feel that. Now I am suffering like never before. All of my symptoms are 10 times stronger. I am really making an effort to hold on but it hurts really bad. The only things that help me are talking to friends and the rush of adrenaline. But this is only for a short period of time. I can only see her face and right now I can only see the good part of the relationship. I so sick and tired of this loneliness. I am afraid to stay alone in the house with my thoughts. I leave the house at 6 in the morning and get back at 11 PM. This is so exhausting. Any advice?

    P.S. Please excuse my bad English, I am from Romania.

  • Lynne

    Very wise advice. No one likes to be hurt. It sucks. I feel for anyone that has to go through anything like this. Your article was very touching straight to the heart. Thank-You.

  • Naty


  • Protik Hazra

    I lost my love before 2 years and still it was chasing me and from now i promis u i will follow u

  • Protik Hazra

    Not only i fell better now but i am happy to have the accompany of yours.

  • Protik Hazra

    I want to make frindship to u as i m feeling very good to have u all

  • NotSoSmartyPants

    Hi.. Great article Ana!
    My ex broke up with me a month ago and I’ve still not come to terms that this is over. Its worse in a way, as we had done our post grad studies together. We now work together in the same institute, in the same lab and even share the same workplace!!! I am still talking to him as our work overlaps and sometimes I require his help. This only makes things even more difficult to deal with, as I have to see him all day everyday, and he seems to be doing a much MUCH better job of moving on. I feel like crap most of the time and am bound to have crying fits in the middle of work, and have to run to the restroom to just breathe.

    Some days I feel better and I can ignore him, but most days its this horrifying urge to just want to hang around him. He is still confusing me as when I ignore him, he starts to text and tells me that he doesn’t want so much tension between us and he would really appreciate it if I were just a friend to him. Then when I start to do that, he goes on the defensive and starts getting annoyed and angry. I don’t like this feeling of being whipsawed back and forth and quite frankly don’t know what to do..

  • Hachiko

    Thank you

  • Cristina

    you’re doing well, i hope you will heal soon and find comfort and confidence to start again :) I’ve always thought of myself as being a really awesome and hard-to-get kinda person, that way if someone wanted to date me, it will show how much they’ll fight for me to get me and be with me. Those who dont fight and have stopped fighting to win over their lover’s heart, have lost. And they’ll realise what they’ve lost when you’re gone. As the saying goes :)

  • Cristina

    Yes it’s true Jil, Anything is possible with God, and you know what, everything else does happen for a reason, I’ve gone through a break up once just like u. My ex, bf at that point, said the same thing, he wud ignore me, he wouldnt want me back. So after i moved on, he realised im happy again and He remembered what he loved about me, and he wanted me back! but i didnt take him back, even though I felt like i should, I thought that it was not the time anymore and I stayed friends. Had i gone back to him, i would’ve never met my soulmate :D I love this bf im with 10 times more! I didnt even know I would have it in me, but he is definitely the right guy for me and I dont regret my decision. So follow your heart and look for the signs, God will try to lead you to the right place, even though there’s no one right now, God has prepared the right one for you and everyone else. :) God bless you and i hope you can heal and move on.
    His mind seems to be made up already so just tell him bye, and end it there.
    Dont wait for someone who wont come to u.

  • Kevin64

    thank you for the reply:) It’s comforting to know you care. I too think I am an awesome person. what I don’t get isI have been told I am a great boyfriend/husband/ potential father then why do they leave? 1st relationship lasted 7 yrs 2nd 1.5 years (current breakup) I am not emotionally unavailable on the contrary very open about myself and how I feel

  • PennyPup

    Hi. I am currently going through the same situation. I read your post and could relate to your pain. I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and we lived together for 2. I also think he is battling with some sort of mental illness but doesn’t want to seek help for it. His dad was schizophrenic and I don’t know if he is for sure but I have wondered. After 5 years, he has decided there is a calling for him to move to California without me bc we are not right for each other. He is also obsessed with conspiracy theory websites. He has also been my best friend for years and i’m very sad at the thought of him leaving for good. I am also in graduate school and feel immense pressure on top of sadness. I think in both of our situations as hard as it will be, is to let them go. If they come back they love you, if not they were not meant to be in your life forever. Think of this person as there for a season to teach you something. Good luck to you and may your heart heal.

  • Cleey

    The love of my life ended us two weeks ago I feel so low
    Thankyou for your words xx

  • nitish

    hey m i made so many mistakes in my relationship and she always for give me
    and now i realized that she is the only one whom i need the most in my lyf and decided to tell her all these thing to her but when i called her she was crying and saying i want brake up

    she make this decision without discussing it to me and even she don’t know what i was thinking about our future

    pl tell me what to do and i dont want her to go from my lyf

  • Chris

    I needed to read this tonight. Today was suppose to be our 11 month anniversary. We spent it working the same time today (yes we work in the same place ) we split up a month ago. She doesnt look at me or say anything, she acts like I dont exist. after all we been through… but… I read your post here and liked it. gave me hope to move on for good.

  • Zsa

    So i have a problem with number 1. I still have a good amount of things at his house that I am not willing to part with. We broke up 2 months ago. I was very devastated at first…. Actually I still am…. I have not contacted him in over a month and it was a text asking for my things back… he hasnt got back… I want to call him. I just want my things… I think it would help me with closure for this break up at the very least….
    What do you guys think?

  • Tiny Warrior

    Smarty, if it is any consolation, here is another woman who is going through the same thing with a different guy. He wanted to be “just friends”, but the minute I gave him his wish and began treating him platonically, he behaved like his world was crashing in. I finally ended things about a week ago. As retaliation he did something truly awful to me, a betrayal no one would forgive easily. It’s turned into a lawsuit now. I experience good days and bad days, and sometimes hours of crushing pain followed by elation he is gone. At the very least it is a relief I never have to deal with his “on again, off again” hijinks any more. I feel sorry for the next woman he falls in love with.

    Here’s a virtual hug from someone else going through the same thing. Part from him, make it clear, make it clean, walk away, and then watch your back. This kind of male does not like being told a woman is over him, I’ve learned.

  • heartbroken

    I just found out that my boyfriend of one year has been dating a lady on the floor above me at work for three years. He was going thru a divorce and I always felt sympathteic for him because he said he was going thru a hard time with it. He may have been but the real reason why he was a wreck emotionally was because he was juggling the other girl friend and me at the same time. The other girlfriend also caught him cheating on her with a lady from his gym. All the while I had no idea of any of this. He told me daily that he loved me and that he wanted to be with me. Sure we had our hard times and i thought he was being somewhat distant because of the divorce but never in a million years would i have thought it would turn out like this. The sad thing is that we were best friends for two years. So i have lost my lover and my best friend. I have to keep in mind now that if he truly loved me then he would have never put me thru hell like he has. The other girlfriend has taken him back but i dont know for how long. Its hard to believe that she can let him back in her life like she has. He is using her for her money and sex. I was mostly just for the sex looking back on it all. Its sad how a person can throw away something so precious like love. How they can lead so many people on like he did me and whoever else. He has no concept of love and has shattered my heart but thank you for your post. It really helped me.

  • Galdor

    I’m going through this right now and the sadness is absolutely crushing.
    My ex and I had been together for what would be 17 years later this month, had a joint mortgage for 10 and but she decided to end it a 6 weeks ago and took our beautiful 4 year old daughter with her. Through despair a few days later I attempted to end my life , although looking bac k at this now it was merely a cry for help.
    I regarded her as my soul mate and thought we would be together forever. She says she had been thinking of ending it for a while and the argument we had when she left was the final straw. I just couldn’t see it coming and still feel that there is something else behind why she left, a month earlier we’d been in a showroom testing new sofas and chairs for our front room.
    To make things worse the equity in the house is now a great big massive bone of contention between us. To give you some background if the house sold for the asking price there would be approximately £78k equity which normally would be split 50/50 when the house is sold. She wants me out of our house(my home) for just £20k which would mean that I would walk away from the house with less money than I have actually paid as mortgage payments over the 10 years. So she will have the house and I will get less than I need to get a mortgage myself for a place with an extra room for my daughter to stay.
    I think that her judgmental mother (my ex has called her this before, not me) has been giving her 2 pennies worth and offered the 20k buyout and may have had some sway in my ex’s decision to end our relationship permanently and not give it another chance. We now have lawyers ivolved and things looks to be heading for the family courts.
    What is also absolutely and completely heartbreaking is that my daughter seems to be being used as emotional blackmail weapon by her, so I accept the 20k offer. I have only seen my daughter once, for an hour since we split up 6 weeks ago. It looks to me that my cry for help/suicide attempt is being used for leverage on the equity so I am told I will only get access to my daughter if it is supervised by another member of my family. I would never harm a harm my daughter and feel like I am being made out to be some kind of monster which I am not.
    I am living at the house now, which feels like a museum of broken dreams. I sometimes wake up in tears and have no motivation to do anything. I must have lost at least a stone and a half in wait and at 41 years old feel I am too old to get over this. I cry several times a day over it.
    The only thing that keeps me going at the moment is the thought of my daughter and seeing her. The coldness of my ex makes me think that I have wasted 17 years of my life and can’t seem to hold the thought that I will bounce back, love again, find a new future and get over this. I feel totally betrayed by the person who I feel was the love of my life and every minute feels like a lifetime without them both. I sometimes feel like I should have ‘done a better job’ when she left. Despite all this I lover her.

  • Frances

    My bf and I broke up two weeks ago because of different views on religion. We’ve been together for 1 year and 2 months. Before him, I was not in a relationship for almost 7 years, so I thought after a long wait I finally found the person who will love me. I’m in a religion wherein members are not allowed to date and marry nonmembers, but he’s not into any religion but he claimed to be a christian. Even though I know it’s prohibited in my religion, I dated him anyway. From the start, I know that he doesn’t want to convert, but we agreed that we should give our relationship a try, with the thought that he might change his mind and join me in my religion along the course of our relationship. After 7 months, he surprised me by telling me that he already decided to take bible classes and eventually convert. I was so happy, thinking that everything is going smoothly. We already talked about of getting married while finishing our Ph.D. degrees, the number of kids we’ll have, future travels together etc.. But I never saw it coming.. until one day he told me that he doesn’t want to continue converting in my religion. He has principles in life that he cannot change, that includes religion. He told me he tried his best, but he can’t do it anymore. I felt betrayed and that he only gave me this false hope. My world, dreams, plans crumbled into pieces.. I felt that he love his principles than more than he loves me, that love cannot change a person’s heart. I have no choice but to let him go.. I did everything to save our relationship, but he told me that his decision is already final. I am already 29 years old, and I’m afraid that I will not find the right person anymore. Right now I am still struggling because the experience is still fresh… I really want to move on and let go of him. I deleted his number, his e-mails and unfriended him on facebook for me to stopped obsessing about him. I bought a journal yesterday to write down my thoughts and feelings to ease the pain inside. I am also planning to do pilates and start eating healthy. Reading articles on dealing with this situation, people’s similar experiences kinda helps me and give me strength to move on. I know right now no one can help me but myself. Every night I pray to God to give me strength so that I could overcome this stage in my life. Thanks you so much :)

  • ouch it hurts

    the heart is a funny thing it has a mind of its own when it comes to loving some one

  • What__Meow

    What happens if after everything, and yyou recover weeks or months down the line theey try to come back? Then what?

  • JustinLife


    I have read this and most everyone’s comments.

    Allow me to start i am no rookie in love i have had my share of heartaches and given them too. Yet this past week the woman whom i gave my all dropped the i need to be single.

    Back story,

    We dated for about 5 months and I moved 1300 miles away bc i needed to. We broke up, dated other people and yet still talked and yearned for each other. I apologized for hurting her bc of the move, she forgave. We began planning to get back together. I moved back, we got a place and a month in she said i need to be single. …Crushed me. She says i love you and etc..lately has just become saddening. We are working out finances etc but i feel its forever lost. Like there is no third try. I dont know, but this is the first time i have had a true heartbreak. Im sure i smothered her and im sure alot of it is my fault. Just hurts, and cant sleep at all.Its like i just wanna run away or hide.

    for everyone else it truly saddens me reading these and truly feel for all of you.

  • Galdor

    I would say don’t rush in. You broke up for a reason and during the seperation probably found your pre-relationship old self again.
    Don’t get me wrong I hope for this too, but some things just aren’t meant to be and cannot be fixed no matter how hard you try. I think you need to evaluate it thoroughly. Only you can make the decision in the end.
    Good luck

  • EmMa

    I am going through this right now at this current moment and it sucks! #1 would have to wait because tomorrow I am traveling to visit him. The trip was planned before this whole thing occurred. It’s torture and so much pain. I just don’t understand why a 2nd chance can’t happen. I gave him 2nd chances before. I am so forgiving. I know i made a mistake but it was a whole year ago. 2.5 years later and our love means nothing?! that is what’s killing me.

  • Taylor

    it sure does hurt so bad 8(

  • Ssh

    Skip the trip if you can. It will only cause you more pain.

  • Freacky Rue

    I think this is really going to help,broke up with my ex boyfriend and the worst part of it he got back to her ex galfrnd & he ddnt say anything 2 me that really sucks a lot coz l kept hoping maybe the 2 of us were getting back 2 getha & l was willing 2 forgive him bt now everything is really changing,hopefully it’s gonna be like that always…

  • Taylor Downing

    Amen!! I totally agree with you

  • ammu

    dear friends i m also going through the same pain..i cant say break up..bcz v have done it hundered of tyms in these two yrs..i love him so muchand he aslo did..but i never understood what he wants frm me.we lived in a same country..i moved bcz of my new job.after coming here i missed him a lot..i use to call him whole day..but he always used to say..i m busy…since one week we are fighting wid eachother like anythng..after hurting eachother ..we decide we will not talk to eachother or..will not keep any kind of relationship..every tym when i askd him abt our relationship”s future..he used to tell me..i wll marry you..but dnt knw long long shud i be waiting for him..he is not gvng a clear answer to before yesterday we fought again..he told me..he dnt want any relation wid me..bcz he thinks i m irritating and torturing him…now he feels my love as an torture..i dnt knw want to do..i cnt stop thnkg abt him…

  • Tee

    my boyfriend broke up with a couple weeks ago. i miss him and we barley talk any more i text and he takes hours to reply but he said he done for real but the sad part about it is im 7months pregnant and want him back so i text in call him alot no response what do i do leave him alone and let him think im done?

  • moss Bioletti

    I’d get out of that environment and move on 5 and a half years is longer than a lot of marriages. It is ridiculous that someone would put you in this situation. I really don’t think that is fair on you and would recommend going to live with your parents family or a friend and ditching your place. I believe people deserve what they give others in return when there is an uneven exchange it’s time to scadaddle. Strength to you and happiness in your medical career I believe that to help oneself is as honorable as helping others.

  • moss Bioletti

    great words never even thought of this by breaking up it opens the door to a something that was never possible it’s almost like reversing my problem

  • moss Bioletti

    Dante my position is 100% identical to yours.

    It’s been a long time for me 9 months and sometimes pain chases me and catches up with me. But I know that I will be happy and so much more happy without a person that just gave up and rolled over.

    I’d never just give up on something least of all love. I wan’t a person who would be there for me if I was dying and needed them and they were the only person I could depend on, and who were not only there for me but made me feel secure that they would be there to the end.

    I’d highly recommend listening to the album Battle Studies by John Mayer it has made me feel a lot better, it’s a smorgasbord of feelings and emotions that mirrors relationship issues from a male perspective.

  • martha s

    I and martins has been together for 5 years. We both

    put our capital together to open a supermarket and

    since then we have been living happily without any

    problem. I always discuss about marriage with martins

    but he replies me with, we will soon get married. I

    was surprise on Friday evening when i was in my

    brother’s house,martins called me on phone and told me

    that we can no longer carry on with the relationship

    because he has find himself a rich a lady whom he want

    to get married to. I shocked and hospitalize for 4

    days. I was so tired and tried to take my life because

    i truly love him. All the investment was opened in his

    name and signature and i am left with nothing. One

    Sunday evening when i was searching online for help, i

    was directed to I

    contacted him and he told me what i need to provide

    for he to bring back my happiness today i am happy that

    i got my man back we are happily married.

  • ada taylor

    What I have read has been very heart felt and what I needed right now. I’m in love with my exboyfriend rd who no longer loves me. I’ve tried everything to help myself heal and move on. It hasn’t been easy at all. I’m broken, but still healing. Reading all of this has helped me a lot to know I’m not alone with heartbreak. Thank you.

  • JD

    Here we are the holiday season, and everything should be all about love and happiness with family and friends. Instead, my girlfriend and I are dealing with a breakup just a week ago! It’s not the first time, we’d actually been back together for about 6-8 weeks after the last split, which occurred the evening of our 9 mo celebration dinner. Things had been coming along quite well, and it happened again. Centered all around her religious conviction and feelings of guilt for the “immoral” relationship we’ve had. Someone else mentioned a similar experience below, and I was surprised to see that I’m not alone. I feel very alone though.

  • HelHer

    This blog helps because so many of us believe we are alone, that our emotions are alien to anyone else. The one thing I have found that has helped is to analyze the way I imagined the relationship to be versus how it really was. This helped me from feeling like a victim because in the end we were two people trying to figure each other out. I found peace when I realized what I had done. I took a beautiful feeling of mutual admiration and converted it into a life committement. I had ignored all the resistence just to create a life that he did not want. This self analysis allowed me to move away from the hurt.

  • Danny DiPrisco

    I know its been like 9 months since any posts/comments on this so idk if anyone will see it. Just wanted to say thank you to Ana S and all those who contributed comments. This is exactly what I need to hear. I wont go too much into the specifics but just had an important relationship end. We had only been dating for about 5 months but it was great..we spent alot of time together up til the end (she was spending weekends with me from october into nov 4th, then was busy with life, went on vacat with family to the bahamas, then pretty much stopped talking to me without reason or incident so its hard to accept. Edina and I got along well and shared alot together. She has alotta family issues (living with her family in a city 40 mins away) and had said before that I was the only good thing in her fd up life. I know that probably shouldve been a red flag but I didnt see it. Its been 2 months since she came to see me and we were still talking daily up to a few days before her vacation. she said theres too many things she was neglecting in her life when she was with me so cant give the attention i deserve now. I know no other option but to move on but I still do little things for her. we work in the same office one day a week at different times so i will leave her little stuff like non perishable food or burned dvds cuz she is often hungry and bored there. Idk. Ive stopped trying to contact her really although she works alone so i still call during work hours..and have hung out up there on my day off for like the past month. I know thats not something i should be doing but she had said she didnt mind. I know thats alot of time spent explaining shit that doesnt cant be fixed. I just love her and have by her own admission treated her better than anyone ever has before. I feel like a sucker of sorts but I cant quite let go. Damm I wrote a novel that probably nobody will read. Kinda fits the situation I described. haha

  • sweet sugar

    I’ve been with my ex boyfriend for 14 years. We met when we were 16 years old. Our relationship was a relationship to envy. As we grow older , we began to grow apart. We no longer shared the same intrest anymore. He began to become distant from me, spending time together and not communicating. On the day we broke up, he told me he felt in love with someone else and he thinks I can’t make I’m happy anymore. I was so crushed that I began the no contact policy immediately. He no longer call me , and I have accepted his desion.I have moved on with a great guy, and taking things one day at a time.

  • Andy

    Nice post. I have a small problem yet.
    “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall” ~Confucius.
    Could anyone find the corresponding Classical Chinese original text ? It seems hard to find out in baidu or google so far…Most of which are the contemporary Chinese version translated from English…

  • Andy

    I’m curioused to know what you had provided for him to get him back.

  • Belle

    My boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago and I still miss him but I hate myself for it. He spent four years with me, lived with me for two and all that time, he didn’t love me at all. He said he did but he didn’t. All that time, he was using me for sex and as soon as I couldn’t have sex with him, he left me. He broke up with me knowing full well what it would do to me and he has been nothing but cold and cruel to me since. He got over it so easily. Four years of love and he doesn’t even acknowledge my existence when he sees me. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to forgive him for it. He is still in my head, every day and every night. I’ve never wanted to hurt someone so badly, or wanted to just erase the last five years, even if it meant erasing everything else too. I just want him gone.

  • IamMikeD.


  • Veronica Claire

    “Enjoy the sensation of knowing you did everything you could.”

    But what if I didn’t do everything I could? What if I kept making the same mistakes over and over again and the feelings of guilt are just as strong as the other feelings associated with break ups? He gave me so many opportunities to make things right and prove that I loved him, but I took advantage of them and was in denial about him ever leaving me. He deserved so much better but he still chose me. How do I find any kind of resolve in treating the man I’m in love with like that? There was no infidelity on my part, either, but I put myself in positions that tested his trust in me and he thought to be disrespectful. I agreed with him but selfishly defended every incident. He believes we didnt see eye to eye on them. Of course we did, but I could never admit it. How do I resolve this when I’m the bad guy?

  • gracey

    Thanks for that, really helped, was just like reading my story….but other issues, family etc :( Most painful thing I have ever been through. Also had the promises, text arriving at door, crying…….then he’s confused? He contacted me over past 3 months and i said nc 15 days ago…. just like its started all over again. Feels like you are living in a bad dream and need to wake up. Even when you still love them doesn’t mean it will work…..I knew for a long time things just didn’t add up. He pursued me for the majority of the 4 years. I just want to feel happy inside again x so thanks, hopefully I will get there soon x

  • Tbabe

    I can’t believe i’m on this post…. i thot i had been healed…after crying and telling myself it will be fine…it’s been 5 yrs, and i still can’t summon the courage to tell myself he’s never coming back… Just reading your comment enables me to yell at myself and say same thing…”he’s never coming back”…and those precious 5 yrs are all gone… these methods above didn’t seem to work for me…but i’ll keep trying… Thanks all the same…

  • minuskp

    I know this feeling. That was the hardest part of the article to swallow for me, because like you, I didn’t do enough. I blamed my own problems on him and demanded so much more than he rightly could give, even though I didn’t need it. I called him selfish and slammed doors and brooded over things that were nothing more than him pursuing his own independent needs occasionally and asking for a little healthy space. I treated every single choice he made to not include me as an affront to his feelings for me, even though they were always made clear in all the other moments. He was so patient and kind with me until the switch flipped, and he told me calmly and quietly that he was done. And only now in the midst of all this heartache and loss does it become clear how childish and inexcusable my behavior was. And I wish to God I had realized this sooner and treated him with the respect he deserved. It’s hard to heal when you know you could have prevented the pain in the first place.

  • lably

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  • Guest

    Hi Tara,

    I realize your entry was made over a year ago, so I’m not sure if you’ll even get this. Anyway, I was wondering how you’re doing now? Does it get easier? I was in a relationship with my best friend for 10 years, and it’s finally come to an end. I am heartbroken and I just don’t feel like it will ever get better. I am drowning in sorrow and I miss him so very much. It was a tumultuous relationship, with both of us saying and doing hurtful things that left scars and irreparable damage. It seems that this day was always coming, but now that it’s here, I just cannot bear it. I feel weak, like a loser, and like a failure. This man who loved me with all of his heart, and showed me in so many ways, has left for good. He got tired of me leaving him time and time again. I always felt the reasons for my leaving were legitimate though– I didn’t like the way he would speak to me sometimes. He sprayed me down with water for several minutes during one argument. He was not always kind when he was angry, but he wasn’t that person all of the time. He loved me and was such a caring and sensitive person. But it’s over and I am mourning this loss. I just don’t think I’ll ever be okay again. Please tell me that it gets betters. Have you found love again? I just turned 35 and I don’t want to give up on love yet. Sorry to ramble on like this. Thanks for reading.

  • Brio

    Wow just read this and have to say so very much mirrors what i am going through .Your experience is so close to mine Thank you for sharing as it has helped me . I have have heard all the sayings that well meaning friends can say to you . Time heals, better to have loved and loss, etc and just thought is it just me or do not people get the pain i am going through. To me its the mornings when i wake up and plan my day ahead seems so sad and empty . So to you and every one else here who has shared thank you :) . I will read this article again and again ,as i try to get through this very sad time.

  • turtleheart

    I apologize in advance for the long post. This is only my second relationship if you can even call it that and I’m having a lot of trouble forgiving and letting go.

    I started crushing on this guy about a day into working with him back in December. We hung out, he introduced me to Karaoke, emotionally it just felt so much like we clicked and we also seemed to be good friends. I’m a very overweight guy so though I was physically attracted to him, I never really expect complete reciprocation on that part. He started giving me signs in February and in mid March after karaoke one night I told him I really dig him, he said he liked me more than a friend too. I start sleeping over about once every week or so, nothing sexual, though I did get slightly aroused during cuddling which is sorta obvious for a guy. It never got very physical. He came over and slept over at my place for my birthday in mid april, he said how he liked how it was low-key and that only two people at work knew about it, I could’ve cared less, I thought that the guy I liked wanted to be my boyfriend. And even though he never initiated, he almost ever said no when I asked if he wanted to. One week after that was the last time I slept over.

    He never was much one for texting and when he moved to a new job and only started working with me one day a week, I tried to ask him to hang outside of work with me. The answers were “yup”, a legitimate excuse, or nothing at all. I went to karaoke a few times but never hung out with him after anymore because I was getting the feeling he didn’t want me around. He didn’t treat me poorly, but the avoidance and ignoring me really hurt. This went on till late May, when I had a few cracks at stalkerdom, once, when offering him a ride to work when we had a similar shift, by txting, then calling when I got near his place to drive past his bus stop and see him standing there. I continued going to work and waited for him outside to ask if he was ignoring me. He was his same friendly self, and said he’d missed both the call and txt, I believed him. We went out with a group of people the next night from work and after a few drinks I hugged everyone goodbye, I thought his lasted a bit longer than it should have, it gave me hope. I had the next day off and was feeling nostalgic in his neighborhood, so I drove past his house thinking he was at his other job, and he happened to be crossing his street to the bus stop at the exact same minute. I did a quick turn around the block and called to offer him a ride on his voicemail. There was no answer and the next day I txted him and apologized for the way I’d been acting and that we should talk. He agreed and said we could try for the next Tuesday(this was on a Thursday).

    I waited and about an hour in I txted and he said he’d forgotten. That was three weeks ago and I’ve been trying to meet again ever since. A good 8 or so long and emotional txts about how he is my friend and I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. I was very cold to him at work last Tuesday and my friend I confided in about it said the awkward tension between the two of us was very palpable.

    I feel extremely bad about how this never took off and never happened and I still have feelings for him. But throughout all the ignorance. I saw and heard about him out with other people, one of the curses of working and being involved with someone who is a popular party guy.

    I have my own set of psychological issues, but i still wanted him as a friend, which I made clear on a few occasions. But he is not biting, like he hasn’t been for a month and a half or so now. I still have to work with him, and I don’t want to be that person I was last Tuesday. I don’t want to feel ashamed to approach him because of my obsessive behavior.

    Does he deserve forgiveness? I also wish he’d give me some too, or at least let me know it’s ok. He comes back full time again this coming Monday.

    I really hurt, and I still love him as a person despite everything. How can I forgive if he won’t even acknowledge me as a person anymore?

  • Des

    I love this article. My ex just broke up with me on Friday (6 days ago) We only dated for 9 months, but he was my first boyfriend after a 19yr marriage. I fell in love with this man, I even introduced him to my 11yr daughter after the 8 month as did he the same with his daughter. We both had a lot of drama with our ex’s they are both psycho/stalkers. But in the end it was his ex that pulled the finally straw in his eyes. She treated his career if he didn’t breakup with me and give her another chance. He actually stayed with me for another month, but I felt him pulling away, so I made a stupid mistake and told him maybe we needed space, I still wanted to see and be with him, but he need to handle the issue with his ex. Needless to say he felt I was giving up and walking out on him so he decided to end things with me that day. I finally talked to him yesterday in person and he still does not want to work things out with me. He said he was going through too much stress with his ex treats that he couldn’t take the stress from me. He felt I left him when he needed me the most. I didn’t leave him, I said what I said because I needed to see where his head was. I begged….YES begged for him to give me another chance, but in the end he said he made up his mind and WE ARE DONE. It’s driving me crazy to think he is back with his ex, after everything she has done. But he is all about his career that he would do anything to keep it, even trying to work things out with her. He told me he thought about it, but doesn’t see why he would do it. But I think he just might. I don’t know how to handle this breakup, I fell in love and now he’s gone.

  • susan

    I am Susan from london and I have always look forward for this day to tell the world about the the great powers of Dr.Okafor. This great man called Dr.Okafor was able to bring back my lover who left me before within the space of 48hours and since then my love life have been more lovly and peaceful than i ever had. You can also strengthen your relationship or get your lover back by contacting Dr.Okafor on

  • me

    Thanks so much for the tips. I feel better and confident now.

  • robb

    This is such an amazing idea(antpartys idea below) I wish i had a picture of me when i was a kid and im only 21. Guess my parents didnt like taking pictures!:/ this whole situation is driving me crazy!! But i gotta be strong and move on with my life. I really gonna try one or all of the tips above. What hurts me the most is the way she paid me back! All the sacrifices i made, all the countless hours i work my ass to get a big check and save up money so when we wouldve gotten together we wouldnt have struggled at all. And all she said is tht i wouldnt support her on her studies and i tried to make her understand tht i would always support her n whatever she wanted to study but she said noo im not changing my mind, goodbye. Can you believe tht? 3years together and she just dumped me like tht! What a …… Ughh i tried to talk to her the next day but she never replied back. What do you think? Do you think she broke up with me because of her personal goals and archivements like she told me or because she doesnt love me anymore and didnt wanna tell me tht?

  • Guest

    I would like to ask for your help regarding my ex boyfriend He broke up with me last year and I want to talk to him and I want to know the truth why he leaves me. I also want him back.

  • hurting

    I’m going thru something similar.My fiance n I live together for almost a yr. I have children he thinks they are brats n that they don’t show him love n affection.He is going toschool wks n when he gets home he is on his phone texting his friend supposedly.I says he needs to take care of himself first before anyone else. He gets angry at my daughter a lot n he thinks he’s always right. I don’t argue with him. Last night he told
    me once our lease is over we need to go our seperate ways. I know

  • sally

    What to do. I just let go of my job. He doesn’t want me to have any contact with my family.I feel trapped alone. I love him but I don’t think its right for him to treat me like this. I know I need to go asap but its so hard to find a place when am unemployed and with children.

  • hurting

    My boyfriend doesn’t want me to touch him because he says he doesn’t want to be sucked in by me. What should I do??

  • KeepyourheadUp

    Music is always rejuvenating. Delve into a whole new set of positive feelings these numbers have to offer:
    1. I Hope You Dance – Lee Ann Womack
    2. Hall of Fame – The Script ft. William
    3. You Gotta Be – Dezree
    The first one has the most inspiring lyrics. Be sure to let me know how you feel and if you have similar songs in mind.
    Happy living!

  • joanna

    Hey Dante:) What you described, it’s as if it was written exactly about my situation..I could have not put my own thoughts better (I even can’t believe it)..the only difference I am a woman and I am in that position now..nearly 4 months from break-up ,but really just a month living on my own now. I feel really hopeless and depressed so much sometimes that i don’t feel like getting up in the morning..and feel so lonely,coz I live abroad with no close friends or family here. He was my closest person here for last good few years (and that was my mistake) .
    Your comment was posted a year ago. I I hope you feel much better now and have managed to move forward..and I wish the same for myself and others somewhere there , who feel the same incredible pain..

  • Roxanne

    I want to say a big thank you for the good work you have done in my life
    and that of my friend Peggy, for helping her to get her job back and others
    you have helped in one way or the other. What more can i say, please keep
    up the good work and thanks a million times for bringing my partner back to
    me. For the sake of those that will love to contact him, you can contact
    him via email Roxanne

  • M@verick

    Did all the things except… No. 10… and it works… U CAN MOVE ON!

  • Nik Jones

    This is pretty much where I am right now too, I ended a 4 year relationship because it wasn’t really what I wanted but stayed in it because my self esteem was low and all the other reasons you stay in an fulfilling relationship. I’m going through the above steps 4, 5 and 6 at the moment, dipping in to all of them at different stages, practising more yoga, learning to love myself again because I realise I was struggling with all this way before the relationship ended, I just have to deal with ALL of it but doing it the TinyBuddah way is absolutely the right way for me. Thanks Guest Contributor, whoever you are, you’ve helped me realise I’m not the only one and that helps too :D

  • Blaze78

    I am testifying on how Dr upesa help me to bring back my ex-husband who left me 2 months ago i got his email on the internet on an article how he had help so many people,so i emailed the Dr and tell my problems to him and after that day he gave me assurance of 4days,to my greatest surprise my husband came back to me in third day of contacting him,i want to say a very big thank you to for all his help..

  • Masaku

    Wow. This is exactly what I wanted to hear. I could read this over and over again and feel a lot better. My boyfriend broke up with me less than 24 hours ago, I cried a lot, I spoke to him, I tried everything I could and I’m not sure if he’s coming back or not. But I can assure you, even if he doesn’t come back I will survive especially now that I’ve read this article.Thank you very much for this.

  • R Rathore

    You’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s a process, and there is no right or wrong way, there is your way. The common theme in all your points is to focus your attention on what you can control, and that is your own actions and your emotions. Focus on yourself, don’t look for blame or answers. And accept that all this is character building exercise that will make you more resilient.

  • PINK

    Thank you Dr.ODILI for helping me to unite my relationship just within the period of 48 hours. I can still remember those period when i was having problems with my lover but today through the help of Dr.ODILI of land of solution, i am having joy in my relationship. And if you are having problems in your relationship the right place to get it solved is at: or you can give him a call on +2347039462479. By his help all your problems will be solved within 2 days Dr.ODILI you are the best you are like a father i will always give you thanks for your job well done in my life keep it up Dr.ODILI. My Name is Julissa Garcia from UK;;

  • wayne22

    I have to say wholeheartedly I believe that dr obosianzen is a very gifted individual and gentility his second nature. I have received the most rewarding and spiritual experience whilst conversing with him on the telephone. I heard and saw an angel in my minds-eye it was so overwhelming. I knew at that moment finally my difficulties were over. He deserves recognition for his powers and talents as a beautiful individual who brings spirit close to those in need. I have been touched deeply; nothing has come as close to me before. I am in total awe and have a great deal of respect. Thank you dr obosianzen for reuniting me with my estranged husband. email

  • Crae

    I know this is a year ago but I am just going through a similar painful breakup. How are you now? I hope all is well with you! Your words really touched me.

  • doris

    thank you very much

  • heartbroken

    Its been 2 weeks from my breakup. Still crying, anxious, wondering wat hes doin and worst of all hes ignoring me

  • appy

    Its around 2 long yrs when my x broke up with me! i dnt even knw even she is alive or not. My heart still beats for her. I can feel her presence in the air and in every breath. Wish she ll b happy where ever she is.

  • luccy23

    Am so happy today that God has sent this great man and there is one thing i believe as well that Dr samba of is not God sent but he his actually god,when i taught there was no more hope and agreed that i would loose my marriage because my love Davidson decided to have a divorce with me i was so unhappy and it was like the word has turned back against me but Dr samba made me smile again after 3 years in marriage my husband work up one morning and told me That Lisa i need a divorce it was like a joke i was like wow without no reason he said he wants to move on with his life that same day he said that i was going for an interview and also got a letter from the lawyer that i need to be in court on the 11th of June 2013 when i read this letter was so depressed i left the house and went to a friends place where i cried out my life where i was listen to some cool blues then this program came up (HOW I GOT BACK MY EX)i never really focused on the program but when the program went on it was like they where talking to me and it was similar problem with mine that they where giving testimonies how Dr samba helped them in bringing back there ex i was so happy i contacted Dr samba and share with him my problem he then told me that divorce will be cancelled within 36hours i was so happy believe my friends as the 36 hours was completed it was a call from the lawyer that the divorce has been cancelled that where am i that my husband wants to see me that he has been in tears then i told them he came over with the lawyer went on his knees and apologize to me which i forgive him and told the lawyer to file a paper and make me his next of Kin and make my name be on all his document am so happy today and am also thanking this great man/god and we are planning on bringing Dr samba to the USA to solve lots of problem here please you don’t need to be scared just contact Dr samba on

  • Anabel

    Dr. Lee just wanted to update you, that Luis came to my work today, he was amazing towards me, just wanted to hold me and kiss me, I don’t know what you’ve done, but that was absolutely amazing, he was all over me, I want to thank you so much for that, you are my angel send from God. I don’t know what to say, that was amazing, I have never seen him like that. He just wanted to hold me and kiss me. I thank God everyday for knowing you and having you in my life. I love you, you are my angel…. If you need his assistance in life contact him:

  • Selina12

    I’m sharing this testimony because someone out there might have same problem,Am very happy today because i was having a sleepless night since the only man i have ever love in my life left me for another girl,trying to get him back i met this testimony of a Woman called Sandra and she said somebody called Dr abacha helped her to bring back her lover. i took a leaps of faith and contacted Dr abacha and he also brought back the only man i have ever love to me.I’m so happy sharing this testimony,contact Dr abacha in his email: and believe me his going to make you happy once again okay

  • chill

    Thank such a big help reading this makes me feel strong and positive at the same time…

  • buddhabar

    Its all an illusion of the mind “attachment” we were perfectly fine before we met person x and will be again after they leave or it fails, the realization that we cannot live without them is an illusion. People will come and go iv learned that to be a fact of life for me anyway. Relationships and possibly all run there natural course.

    Focus your attention on being happy for yourself and not seek it from others and then you will set yourself free and possibly draw the right person for you to you naturally. Be true and honest and be your beautiful self. Peace and love people i send out good vibes to all that are down and feel broken! lift your head and smile :)

  • Sam

    Hey Joanna :))
    What Dante described is exactly my situation right now,adding to this, I am a man, working abroad, had a 5 years relationship with my ex, she broke up with me last month, because she wasn’t fighting as I was for our relationship and wasn’t feeling love anymore (she still has fellings but not strong enough), and she felt that it’s better for her to focus on her life and let me go! It was a shock for me since I was living here alone, sacrificing evth and just waiting for the day we can get married and she can join me! I’ve read a lot about post breakup advices (since it’s the best thing I can do) since I was alone by myself, without close friends or family here! I totally feel your pain, I’m feeling like an idiot since it came out of the blue and couldn’t see it coming! I would like to know what happened with you and how you’re dealing with it… I am following the no contact rule of course, working out and keeping myself busy as much as I can, but right now, I am not able to enjoy life, I am waking up every day thinking about her then fighting with my subconscious mind to stop it! I would be glad to know what happened with your case and how you feel right now. Thanks :)

  • Mil

    I’m in the same boat, however I was the one to break up with my bf because we just kept fighting and it was exhausting! It was weird, when I first broke up with him I felt really good for about 2 weeks straight. But now, I’ve just been crying and feeling weak and wanting to call him. It doesn’t make it any easier when he texts me but I’ve been strong enough to not reply! I know it’s only been month or so since we broke up but I thought I’d be feeling at least a little better by now :(

  • Suzel

    The reason you guys are all hurting is because

    1. You haven’t accepted it yet like they said.
    2. You obviously liked them more deeply than they did to you
    3. You feel rejected and have had a big blow to the ego.

  • naf

    That was really insightful. We have something similar in Islam where we call it tawakkul. It’s when you do what you can and leave everything that you can’t control in the hands of God. Everybody heals in their own way, but your article struck a cord with me as I am very similar to you in the sense I find it difficult to leave the feelings of sadness behind. Thank you for the beautiful advice, it’s really helped. God bless you

  • Lynda

    I had a huge bust up with my partner and he left me, i was so frustrated and i email Dr. Stanley and he said he could help, I must admit, I was very, very skeptical as didn’t really believe he would be back after all he said, but it was just a few days when he phoned and asked to come over to talk, we talked and talked and the silly misunderstanding was all forgiven and we are back together now for good, all thanks to, I would highly recommend his services, they do really, really work. Lynda.

  • James Margret

    Hello friend’s i have a good news to
    share, my name is DILARA, am from united state, i want to use this
    medium to thank Pastor Crunkawi for what he did for my family, i was
    facing a lot of problem’s since i got married to my husband, my son was
    in jail, i lost my job and my husband left me for another women, i
    thought this was the end of the world, i told my friend the problem’s am
    facing she introduce me to Pastor Crunkawi, and when i contacted Pastor
    Crunkawi he to me what to do and also assist me in fasting and praying,
    and he sent me an anointed water, and i applied the anointed water in
    my going out and coming in day by day for a week, i prayed and fasted as
    directed by Pastor Crunkawi, on my greatest surprise my son was
    released from jail and i got a job worth $2300 and my husband called me
    and begged for reconciliation, am now living happily with my husband and
    my son and the new job, you can contact him for any problem you are
    facing SPIRITUALLY and PHYSICALLY via email:


    (1) Spiritually
    (2) Physically
    (3) Mentally
    (4) Emotionally

  • Tammie

    Thanks to dr oshoum, i am very grateful to him for bringing my Man back after two years of broken marriage because of pregnancy problem. I Timmie love my man and he is my source of finance. we love to have kids and his dad want to see him bear kids before he can will his property to him but i could not bear him a child dew to miss_carried then he decide to live me for another another lady. i search every where him and i could not find, i read different book on broken marriage just to encourage my self, i visit different site then a friend on face book( Nora war-land) direct me to Dr oshogum with his email address OSHOGUMSPELLTEMPLE@LIVE.COM, than i contact him and tell him my problem and i did what he ask me to do after two day my handsband called me and ask of my location. To the glory of Dr. oshogum my Husband is back my life and the lady she married did not also bear him a child all for the help of Dr. oshogum. now i have a baby boy for him and still expecting another child by July.
    for any marriage or relationship problem contact oshogum now with
    contact oshogum now with

  • carol

    Thank You Dr aziza. This has been a horrible week where I felt as though I was hitting a wall whenever I tried to pray. What I didn’t know was that Dr aziza was working on my husband heart. He arrived home suddenly with all of his belongings to move back in. Our son was so happy he was crying. We all went to church the next morning and our son could not stop hugging his dad. Thank You Dr aziza for bringing my family all back together. I will never stop thanking you Dr aziza or praying for my marriage and other standers’ marriages. believe and trust him. ‘Do not fear, only believe. look at his email address:

  • Trying2move4wrd

    Thank you for writing this article. I’m still struggling with the breakup but It was my fault and I have to learn to forgive myself for hurting me ex love.

  • Jose Patrich
    Comments: My name is Elizabeth morales am from USA. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man DR.adamuku brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i should not worry about it at all, so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that’s why i want to say a big thank you to DR.adamuku. This great man made me to understand that there is no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man. you can email him

  • Filippa

    Sam.. when we are heartbroken and in a situation of breakup no wonder all we do is to think about the other person, including when we wake up in the morning. its just natural. I am or at least i think I am in a same situation. Since my boyfriend breaks up with me several times in a month and he comes back calling and begging to take him back. He knows I love him down to my soul and i know I am being stupid to do so. But here i am in love with a man who abusing me emotionally every other day! and i just let him do it because its impossible for me to leave him. But since yesterday I just decided to tell him its over and I cant take it anymore. So we are now not talking but I know he is going to send texts and call and try to make me to have him back, just to break up with me again! I just have to mention that we are grown up people, with kids from previous relationships we are both 47 and we are kinda act like we are 18! But love doesnt know age. So even if was me ended with him this time, my heart cries and missing him but i know its a impossible love. We have been together more than a year now, nd i have to come to this situation where you all people are now many times! Heartbroken and left by the same man so many times. And each time he comes back i accept him back. I really dont know whats wrong with me.

  • Filippa

    Sam.. when we are heartbroken and in a situation of breakup no wonder all we do is to think about the other person, including when we wake up in the morning. its just natural. I am or at least i think I am in a same situation. Since my boyfriend breaks up with me several times in a month and he comes back calling and begging to take him back. He knows I love him down to my soul and i know I am being stupid to do so. But here i am in love with a man who abusing me emotionally every other day! and i just let him do it because its impossible for me to leave him. But since yesterday I just decided to tell him its over and I cant take it anymore. So we are now talking but I know he is going to send texts and call and try to make me to have him back, just to break up with me again! I just have to mention that we are grown up people, with kids from previous relationships we are both 47 and we are kinda act like we are 18! But love doesnt know age, when you are in love you feel young. So even if i ended with him, my heart cries and missing him but i know its a impossible love.

  • Jessica

    Wow! It does really hurt when you’re going through. I have been with my boyfriend since I was. Know I am 19. When we broke up, I couldn’t stop crying in the corner of my room. I had no one to talk to. He eventually called and I moved back.this night he just asked me if I would move back with my mom. I’m done trying I swear.

  • rose

    Thanks to dr olori for At last my happiness has been restored by a Man
    named Dr olori ,, my name’s are miss KIRSTEN i want every one on this
    site or forum to join me thank this DR olori for what he just did for me
    and my kids . my story goes like this i was married to my husband for 5
    years we were living happily together for this years and not until he
    traveled to Italy for a business trip where he met this prostitute who
    be witched he to hate me and the kids and love her only so when my
    husband came back from the trip he said he does not want to see me and
    my kids again so he drove us out of the house and he was now going to
    Italy for to see that other woman. so i and my kids were now so
    frustrated and i was just staying with my mum and i was not be treating
    good because my mama got married to another man when my after my daddy
    death so the man she got married to was not treating i and my kids well
    so i was so confuse and i was searching for a way to get my husband back
    to me and my kids so one day as i was browsing on my computer i saw a
    testimony about this MAN DR olori of
    shared on the internet by a lady and it impress me too so i also think
    of give it a try at first a was scared by when i think of what me and my
    kids are passing through so i contact him and he told me to stay calm
    for just two days that my husband shall be restored to me and to my best
    surprise i received a call from my husband on the second day asking
    after the kids and i called Dr olori and he said your problems are
    solved my child so this was how i get my family back after a long stress
    of brake up by an evil lady so with all this help from DR olori of i want you all on this forum to join me
    to say a huge thanks to olori and i will also advice for any one in
    such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him
    for help
    Good bye,

  • naomi

    my 3y relationship ended two months ago and i couldn’t agree more with this post.
    no matter how things ended, if you truly loved that other person with whole your heart you should let him/her go and wish them all the best and also wish it for yourself.
    by coincidence ,around same time,my relative died and i came to realization that there are really bigger things in life, more definite and beyond us. not denying break ups are tough, but that is life, people come in to your life and people go and in the end you should be left with that endless love you should feel for yourself.
    i would recommended for everybody to read When things fall apart by Pema Chödrön.
    if somebody could recommend a good read please share.

  • prettySunflower

    I’m living with my ex boyfriend right now until I can get a job and move out. I still care about him and it’s hard not to want to hug him or kiss him. I still expect things to be like they were and have to remind myself that we’re over when I think that way. One night he told me I was crazy, he didn’t think I had this many problems when we first got together, and that my son was this much trouble. I cried so much that night and felt horrible, but it was the push I needed to leave him as I’d wanted to for a while. I have issues from my past that I buried and haven’t dealt with because they were too painful. I was afraid of being alone, but now I just want to live a happier life. He never understood or just didn’t want to.I think he only cares just enough to not kick me out on the streets. I hate him for the way he talked to me that night, but it finally came out how he’d felt about me and I deserve better. I’m not going to be in relationship until I’m a truly happier person. I want to make sure I don’t end up with a jerk like him ever again.

  • mabel

    i want to give thanks and i will always give thanks to DR.agbadi who brought back my love that has left me for 6years within 48hours, i have said about this last week but i promised to always tell people about this every week end so that those that did not read about it last week will read about it this week, i have been looking for how to get this boy back to my life because i love this boy with the whole of my heart, i could not replace him with any body,one day i was watching my television when i saw a lady giving thanks to DR.agbadi and telling the world how he helped her i was so shocked i could not believe it because i never taught that there are powers that can bring back lost love, then that was how i decided to contact him too because i do really need my love back,when i contacted him i told him everything and he told me not to worry that my love will surely be back to my arms within 48hours at first i could not believe because i was thinking how could somebody that has gone for 6years come back within 48 hours,so then i decided to watch and see,unbelievable within the next 48hours i got a call from unknown number so i decided to pick the call the next thing i could hear was my loves voice he was pleading and begging me on the phone that i should forgive him that i should forget all that have happened that he did not know what came over him,he promised not to leave for any reason, that he was really sorry for what he did,i was so surprised because i never believed that this could happen,so that was how i accepted his apology and the next morning he came to my house and still pleading for me to forgive him i told him that everything is okay that i have forgiven him, that was how we started again and now we are married, i promised to say this testimony in radio station, commenting this testimony is still okay but before this month runs out i promise to say this in radio station and i will,sir thank you very much.World please am begging you people to try and thank this man for me,or if you need his help here is his email or you can also reach him through his mobile number,+2347067607812 or visit his website at

  • Jesse

    Thank you for this article, my bf and I broke up 4 days ago and I’m geartbroken en devastated, reading this makes me feel better and gives me hope.. thanks..

  • Whitney

    I’m dealing with something like this right now. I was with my ex for 7 years, and we eventually grew apart; we’d become different people and no longer had much in common, but it was hard for both of us to accept this and let go. So when he finally did break up with me, I was devastated. Eventually, though, I began to feel much better. I was actually feeling like I was over him when, one night, he called me and told me he’d had a girlfriend for months. (We’d hung out since he’d had the girlfriend and he’d never mentioned it until that night.) I was crushed; it felt like I got dumped all over again. I just have so many questions — why did he tell me he loved me but couldn’t commit, only to get a girlfriend immediately after? Why did he replace me after only 3 months? — but he doesn’t want to speak to me. I’m absolutely miserable. I just want him to call me and tell me WHY.

  • kattie

    Hi everyone,I have just read all of the posts and I am in tears! My life for the past 10 yrs has been,I don’t know how to put it, I guess lonely and loveless. I’m 26 I ve been with my fiance for 10 yrs and we have 2 sons. Our oldest 7 has AS too and my youngest 3 has autism. I feel so lonely in my family, none of them understand me at all and don’t try. I feel like i ve lost myself. I is much harder to deal with my Fiance then my kids of course, because I shouldn’t have to parent him. I don’t want to parent 3 people, I want love. He doesn’t even feel love I don’t think! I’m very sad thinking that I am putting my self in this position, to never put myself 1st or get anything I need or want it life. My family nor his gets it and they say that because he works and takes care of his family with money I should be happy enough. I wish there were groups where iI live but I haven’t found and yet. I’m very happy to find other people out there dealing with this, because living life like this is very lonely. I would love to start talking with some of you,all things happen because great zalilu was very great to me,after he help me getting back my man every thing have be working fine.Please you can contact he for help so you can be happy in your relationship.Email him at;

  • drakenfeld

    Quite funny really, your boyfriend was cleanly right you never loved him at all. if you already near recovered or recovered from the break up only 4 months afto. it’s been over two years for me and i feel exactly the same or worse since my relationship ended. you clearly are blinded. donno the difference between lust and love. lust you can get over rather quickly but love takes years up on years if not more a life time.

  • Valencia

    I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Prophet Osula the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Prophet Osula about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 1 to 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Prophet Osula at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: and get your problems solve like me.

  • still using me from a distance

    Thats all good….but…my ex who up and took a temp job in ohio and has one of his “girlfriends” there with him….but he is still having his mail sent to my house, the probation department still thinks he lives at my house, i have a room full of his mail and clothes and junk, and a garage full of his tools his junk parts, his boxes, his mess. He also left in car registered to my daughter and presently insured by me…… tell me to let go and move on….I .just got over pneumonia; i am trying to quit smoking; just stopped “using”. And he knew all that when he continued to smoke while i was sick and refused to leave..claiming “i get my mail here”…now he is gone and i am left with this f…ing mess, bills, etc.
    For a week or so i told myself all that good advice (above) then i realized that i am not similarly situated.
    So now what….kill myself (just kidding) ..,find him and kill him (just kidding) ….that would give me temp relief, but id still have to deal with all this …..
    Any words of advice…..

  • steph

    I have the same heartache right now as you all did, im just curious how you’re feeling today? I hope and pray for you that you have found happiness and that you take pride in what you have overcome. It really is a great feeling to know that you im not alone and that they’re are such great people as yourselves to share you’re experiences with the rest of the world. Its been a battle between with me and my ex for almost a year now. I have a love for him ive never felt before. I havent spoken to him in 11 days. Best no contact trial I have ever done, and hardest to say the least. Hes tried contacting me. More these last few days. Call maybe, a couple texts, now fb messages. I blocked him today, as much as I didnt want to, I did. He is notorious for playing games, while he does his “soul searching”. If I continue to ignore him and he stays contistant in his attempt for us to try to work it out, should I give him a chance? Idk. Sometimes I think I got this, I can handle it. Then sometimes I really really don’t think I do!!! :(

  • Valencia

    I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how i got my ex love back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month,But when i meet a friend that introduce me to Prophet Osula the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to Prophet Osula about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 1 to 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact Prophet Osula at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: and get your problems solve like me

  • vera

    I don’t just know how to start am just short of word’s and happy that i would be celebrating my Esther with my wife,Due to the help of dr idielu,This dr idielu has brought back happiness into my life that i have lacked for year,My name is Maxwell am from the United State of America,Am just so happy today and today has been the happiest day of my life and this happiness has brought me joy and am so happy,Because dr idielu brought back my lover tricia into my arms without any delay,After my lover left me for good 2years,i was in deep pain and always thinking because i truly loved Tricia,Until a faithful day listen to the radio due to boredom,Then in which i had a lady shouting in happiness about the great thing dr idielu has done how dr idielu brought back her lover back into her arms within 36hours,when i had that goodness i decided in contacting dr idielu immediately,Because i was desperate in getting in touch with him,So i got in touch with him,Which then i told him my problem and he promised in bringing back Tricia back to my arms within 24hours,And then when i had that Tricia would be back to my arms within 24hours i was so happy and waiting to feel Tricia,And really Tricia came into my arms within 24hours,Begging me for forgiveness,i was so happy when i saw Tricia now my lover is fully back to my arms due to the help of this great man dr idielu who has bought back happiness into our great country(Usa)Please friend in need of help you don’t need to go far all you need to do is for you to kindly contact dr idielu for help,Because he his trustworthy and straight forward,You can contact him on his private mail,