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Loneliness and Limberance

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  • April 10, 2024 at 9:49 am #431516
    G
    Participant

    Hi,

    After working in isolation for 3 years (forced to work from home) i’ve become really lonely and lost my confidence, was so used to having lots when I was out and about.

    At the start of the year I made an effort to get out and meet people and push myself out of my comfort zone, after a risky introduction to a girl I have know at the gym for quite sometime we go out. But suddenly it moves much faster that what I was bargaining for, then suddenly I find myself like a stupid puppy dog wanting this girl, who does like me, much more than I know my non isolated self would and I feel like a drug addict, it’s silly and we have decided to have a break as we are both overwhelmed and am (not so much ashamed) but feel silly with the way I have been acting, over praising her and wanting to hug and kiss her all the time, I am 47 years old.

    I need some advice on how to regulate myself and calm myself down, we do have a lot in common and I need to calm down and stop acting stupid as I am letting myself down and risk losing a friend, it is solely because I see nobody else all day as I work from home alone all week.

    April 10, 2024 at 10:36 am #431534
    anita
    Participant

    Dear G:

    “After working in isolation for 3 years …suddenly I find myself like a stupid puppy dog wanting this girl… (I) feel silly with the way I have been acting, over praising her and wanting to hug and kiss her all the time, I am 47 years old. I need some advice on how to regulate myself and calm myself down.. I see nobody else all day as I work from home alone all week.“-

    – I have an image of a puppy coming out of social isolation and wagging his tail too hard, being overly excited, jumping around, bumping into people and things, getting dizzy, being overly stimulated after a long period of time being socially under stimulated.

    Here is what I suggest: go out and about every day for a while, maybe work from a coffee shop around other people, so to gradually re-expose yourself to social living. Start small (half an hour a day, let’s say), and increase exposure over time.

    Also, incorporate aerobic exercise into your daily routine as well as perhaps guided meditations. Taking a yoga or a Tai Chi class with people can do wonders for you!

    anita

    April 11, 2024 at 6:02 am #431574
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi G

    It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself at the moment. Don’t beat yourself up about this. You’re just getting back into the swing of things and a little rusty.

    Don’t know if you’re into sports at all? Or what your game is? It’s like if you missed the basket, scoring hoops. It’s not a big deal. Are you gonna get in your head and continue throwing off your game or relax, take a deep breath and focus so you can make the next one. It’s awesome to play basketball again.

    Taking up a hobby that involves other people could be helpful with socialising. Or are you thinking of looking for a new job that is in person?

    Wishing you all the best! 🙏❤️

    April 11, 2024 at 7:11 pm #431608
    Tommy
    Participant

    Love is wonderful fresh and new. At 47 years old, love shouldn’t be so fresh and so new. One should have perspective due to the time passed and experience done. What is wrong with moving fast if it feels right? Do both parties feel the same? Space, take a break? Is that because of the speed you were moving or is it because it felt too needy and clingy? Or did you feel the walls of your safe house begin to shake?

    I am not one who says they are on your side or try to make you feel better. You will get enough of that from any acquaintances you have who hear your story. My life is full of regret but those were my decision that I made. So, I live with it and move on. And I give up on rehashing everything and give up on regrets. I will tell you what I think from reading what you wrote. You might like being alone and feeling safe with no one to disturb your life. Or do you want someone to be there to talk to and give you other opinions? Decision is y0urs. Wishing you all the best!

    April 28, 2024 at 1:12 pm #432111
    shirley pevensey
    Participant

    I agree.  It is difficult to get back into it.  And I certainly know that feeling when you get overwhelmed and excited about another person and then scare them off with your intensity.  I think yo got some good ideas here on this site about how to back off .  Notice “the other” more.  Look into their eyes when you talk with another.  Notice when they are getting too much of you.

     

    I used to hear this a lot “You’re too much”  or “I need space from you”  and it would hurt me till I realized yeah I was quite needy and neediness does scare people off.  So what I did was I got a list together of about 30 people that I could invite to my home for a luncheon.  We just had fun.  After that I felt like I had about 30 people now that I could perhaps call my network, that I could call.  This way I distributed my charms and my vibration .  When alone, I tried to up my own vibration by singing.  I am a musician and with a higher vibration and more peace in my soul, I did not come across so needy.  And most of all, I learned to be my own best friend.  When I am with others, it’s all about what can I do for this person or that, bringing joy to the event.  So it’s not about me.

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