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9 Essential Tips to Face Fear and Live a Bold Life

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

Too often, we allow fear, worry, and doubt to dominate and define our lives. We allow them to steal our joy, our sleep, and our precious dreams.

I made up my mind, very young, that I would push forward no matter what.

I was 17 and pregnant when I married my boyfriend. We were young and foolish, and because our only plan was “love,” I gave birth to three more daughters by the age of 22. My last pregnancy was twins.

Kristy, one of the twins, was born without a right hand. My biggest fear, at the time, wasn’t how we would make it financially, but how would Kristy make it?

How would she hold a bottle or a swing? In a culture where we worship physical beauty, how would she adapt?

Kristy faced many struggles, but she was a fighter, and she pushed back. Hard!

She held her bottle with one hand. After she sucked it down, she would toss it, grab her sister’s bottle, and drink hers as well. She learned how to swing by putting the right chain in the crux of her elbow.

Her biggest struggles were in school, where she was teased, mocked, and bullied. It was painful to watch, but her sisters helped protect her.

She was determined to keep up with her sisters. She followed their lead and learned to play soccer and basketball in elementary school. She would go on to play sports for two years at the University of Chicago.

One of Kristy’s biggest fears was that boys wouldn’t want to date her. She didn’t date in high school. However, I don’t think it was because of her physical challenge but because she challenged them in sports and would beat them—their egos were bruised!

Today Kristy is 35. She was married last month. I think Pete is a great match for her. He is strong, has a lot of energy, and participates in marathons as well!

If you want to know happiness and realize your dreams, you have to be willing to take a leap of faith despite being afraid.

Too often, we hold back and play it safe, in order to avoid becoming successful, feeling embarrassed, looking silly, being hurt, and facing rejection or possible failure.

We cling to fear from our childhood, traumatic experiences, and the negative media, like Linus, from the cartoon strip, Peanuts, clings to his security blanket.

It’s our responsibility to acknowledge, face, and dissolve our fear.

Are you willing to begin now, to dig for the courage to do all the things you were meant to do, but haven’t yet begun? If the answer is yes read on!

The following tips will allow you to face fear and put it in its place.

1. Get comfortable with fear.

Invite fear into your life. When you fear something, move toward it.  Feel it, and breathe through it.

Do the things that frighten you. Action builds courage. Tell yourself, “This fear will pass.” Your world expands as your courage expands.

2. Make your dominant thoughts positive.

Fearful thoughts attract more fear. Positive thoughts attract success. Instead of expecting the worst, train your mind to expect the best. Make positive assumptions about your future.

3. Don’t give time, attention, or energy to fear.

Hold yourself accountable. Be consistent, be prepared, be dependable, and focus on solutions.

Be innovative, take the initiative, and go the extra mile. If you don’t take action despite your fear, opportunity will pass you by.

4. Never dwell on scarcity.

Learn to think, speak, and live as an abundant person. Turn off the news. Celebrate what you have. Be generous.

Focus your attention on being ready, willing, and prepared for the beauty, wonder, connections, good fortune, and favorable circumstances that are yours if you are willing to work and be open to it.

5. Revisit your victories.

Strengthen your belief in yourself by reflecting on the last three years of your life and every success you’ve experienced.

Close your eyes and feel the celebratory emotion of each one. Bring the same drive, persistence, and talent into now and allow it to inspire and motivate you.

6. Live vicariously through the victories of others.

Use the success stories of others. Read how the Brooklyn Bridge was built. Study the success of Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Steven Spielberg, and Oprah Winfrey. Take note of the courage they developed and follow their path to greatness.

7. Ask your family and friends for encouragement.

My family can see my strength when I forget I have it. At my request, they don’t hesitate to remind me of all trials and triumphs we have come through. They’re generous with praise and encouragement.  Ask your loved ones to do the same for you.

8. Create a support group of friends or colleagues.

Robert Fulghum said it best in his book, All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “When you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.” Sticking together makes tough times easier and easier times more fun!

9. Plan to be great.

Step into your power and dream big. Follow it up with calculated risks and deliberate action steps. Have no doubt about your success. Your dreams are at stake here!

You have the power to do what it takes to break through any obstacles that stand in the way of yourself, your dreams, and your happiness.

Photo by I P O X Studios


Note: This week Tess launched her eCourse Take Your Fear and Shove It, and I’m so grateful she’s offered to give 3 Tiny Buddha readers access to the course! I had a chance to take a look in advance, and I found it inspiring, insightful, and oh so helpful. Leave a comment for a chance to win, or click here to purchase Take Your Fear and Shove It now. Full disclosure: I am an affiliate, meaning a proceed of sales made through this link support Tiny Buddha.

Avatar of Tess Marshall

About Tess Marshall

Tess Marshall M.A. is a risk taker, author, and courage coach with a master’s degree in counseling psychology. Register early for her new e-Course, “30 Days of Bold” at her blog The Bold Life, and learn how to live in the bold zone!

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love with the Tiny Buddha course!
  • Paula

    I would love to take this course, I let fear stop me from doing many things!

  • http://waynewirs.com/ Wayne (Wirs)

    One of the joys of believing in reincarnation is realizing that you will still be alive in 50,000 years (and more). That this life will seem no more important to you than what you had for lunch three months ago.

    When you truly LIVE as a Soul, you lose the fear of Death. And when you lose the fear of death, you lose almost all fears – and they you are free truly to live.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    I was with my mom for the last three days of her life right up until the end. I don’t fear death anymore.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Paula,
    Your welcome to come to my blog anytime and get constant inspiration about living boldly. You can also get the course and have it as a resource. 

  • http://www.vidyasury.com Vidya Sury

    It would be a privilege to have access to this course. This is a beautiful post, Tess. Thanks for sharing. I find it very inspiring to read your story. Happy weekend to you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lina-Dickinson/1477845590 Lina Dickinson

    Living in fear is such a waste of time…what ever is going to happen, is going to happen, regardless if you worry about it or live in happiness.  I’d rather live like everything is going to be just fine!  Nice, post, Tess.

  • Erica

    Facing fear is definitely something I’ve learned a lot about this year – and it’s something I’m trying to work on!

  • STM

    Timely reminders as I move along my journey of coming to terms with my fears, and learning to use my energy in a positive manner instead of a negative one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/zazazu Karen Beth Martin

    This article came at a very handy time.  Thank you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=541977138 Cal Wiggin

     I can definitely point to times in my life where I have not done what I could as a result of fear. I just need to push myself more and let go.

  • Lori D

    I have a paralyzing fear of the unknown. So scared of the “what ifs” that I sometimes am a spectator instead of a participant in my life. Thanks for the article and a different perspective.

  • Jennifer Childs

    Another timely post. Worth printing out and referring to throughout the day. Sounds like an amazing course.

  • KJones

    Fear is my biggest hurtle. With small steps I have done more than I ever imagined I could do, but fear still keeps me from achieving my greatest goal. Your list hit home. 

  • Renate

    Thank you for allowing us a glimpse into the life of your beautiful daughter.
    Stories of other people conquering their fears have been a great part of getting myself out of the mud in life and learning to trust that I can cope with whatever comes my way.
    Your post is beautiful and I have a few people to whom I will pass it on.
    Thank you ;-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000038925531 Andre Wiley

    This is amazing! I especially love to hear how she found her other half. What strength!! I am trying to apply this to my music, and not being afraid to fail some before I succeed. http://www.facebook.com/andrefromidlewood

  • http://www.margotduane.com/ Margot

    This year I plan to do something each month that *really* scares me. Fear be danged!  ; )

  • Brbholloway40

    It is the year of reflection and self discovery for me and I’d love to win this e-course to help me in this journey.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Vidya,
    Thanks so much for your compliment. I am truly blessed.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Lina,
    I do think we have a lot to do what is going to happen, that said I like to have positive expectations of the future.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    That’s great Erica! March right into 2012 and make it YOUR year!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    STM,
    I’m glad I could be of help! Thanks for stopping by!

  • MCR

    Great Post….I’ve had a tough year or so with a bad relationship and job situation at the same time.  But as I have worked on myself and healed over several months, I have decided to “no longer let fear control my life”.  This post just confirms and reiterates all that I am trying and need to do to achieve the life I want for myself.  Thanks for your wise words Tess!!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Karen,
    My pleasure, I’m happy you are inspired.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Cal,
    Yes be determined and persistent with your actions and then let go! The rest will flow.

  • beachyaya

    Your article went in a different direction than I thought it would. I assumed your focus was going to be on the ‘love’ you and your husband share and how that was all you needed…..that was your plan.

  • Elsa

    Thank you for sharing, Tess. I’m in a constant battle with fear/ failure and reading this powerful article has calmed my heart and mind today. Thank you for that, I look forward to learning more from you.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Lori,
    Think of the great unknown as your paradise…then create it like you want it. Let the rest go.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Jennifer,
    It is quite amazing. I gave it my all and I think it turned out beautifully. I only want to create with integrity and joy.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Renate,
    Thanks so much for your beautiful reply. You inspire me to share more.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    If you’re taking small steps the only thing you have to do is keep going. I have a small penguin on my desk to remind me of just one  more small step even when I don’t feel like it. You can do it!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Andre,
    Yes allow yourself to fail…it’s the only way to go..I mean grow;)

  • Tess The Bold Life

    You go Margot! I love your name:)

  • Tess The Bold Life

    B.
    That’s a wonderful commitment for the year. Like Dr. Seuss says, “oh the places you’ll go!”

  • Mudds4

    Found this very inspiring.I lost my Mom this past year and I’ve been having a tough time remembering this. Feeling a little lost at times. Thank you so much for the light and inspiration. I will definately share. <3

  • Melanie

    Last year, I made a conscious decision to live my life in the face of my fears. Since then, I’ve earned a photography certificate, started running (did a half marathon!), been an extra in four movies, and even ziplined. These were all amazing feats for me – each for a very specific reason. Every day since then has been so much more abundant. I am so excited to see what this year brings me. Moving outside of your comfort zone is so immensely empowering – and truly life-changing. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/amymbrinkley Amy ‘Kittymommy’ Brinkley-Osbo

    This really resonated with me. Thank you for writing it!

  • Cynthia Crysdale

    I could definitely use this course.  Such a great and generous giveaway! Thank you for the opportunity.

  • Vinda Mary

    Amazing story and thanks for sharing it! By the way these tips will make a great poster. ; )

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elle-Sommer/100002909360878 Elle Sommer

    What a great reminder to us all to choose love instead of fear.  Thanks Tess for sharing your wonderful story.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elle-Sommer/100002909360878 Elle Sommer

    I lost my Mum a couple of years ago and I totally understand about feeling ‘a little lost’, and now, more than ever, I have her wise words in my mind and it’s such a comfort.  Many blessings to you.

  • http://twitter.com/LesCritton Lesley Critton

    The need to create a story that is fearless.  Would really love to win Tess’ ecourse.  TinyBuddha rules.

  • Jocelyn

    Thanks for this great post! This year my motto is “from deprivation to abundance”. Loss, change, heartache, negative thought patterns, and yes fear, are all part of this process. I look forward to finding out more about your ecourse.

  • rosebud

    I am writing a book about a woman who was fearless and it is so inspiring. Yet I feel stuck myself (as the poet says, “Do I dare to eat a peach?”). I would love to take the course.

  • Sandee

    This was such a beautiful and inspirational story and exactly what I needed today as I’ve been struggling with old fears that have come back out to torment me.  I’m encouraged to keep moving forward and let the future unfold as it will.  Blessings to you.

  • helga

    thanks for the terrific post:-)

  • Collsbag

    I am new to this site and what a gift for my first day.  Thank you. 

  • Allison

    What a wonderful and inspiring post! I love the tips and am going to print them out for a daily reminder to live fearlessly. Thanks Tess (and Kristy)!

  • Christa

    I came to the site earlier to enter to win and then walked away because I was afraid I would not leave a good enough comment.  I then realized the absurdity of not entering a contest to win a class to overcome fear BECAUSE I WAS TOO AFRAID and came back. I think, in some small way, I did win today.  Thank you.

  • Colleen McCracken

    Thanks for these helpful steps.  I’m in the midst of a difficult situation where following my heart means someone will get hurt; it’s a hard thing to do and I don’t know how to do it.  Does the course help to live with less fear or just deal with it differently? 

  • Pamela

    Great post with some wonderful tips on facing your fears and moving past them. I’m a writer and my fear of the words not being good enough confronts me daily but the only way to deal with it is to write regardless of the fear. It’s the same with horse riding, my other passion. I love it but fear it. When I do it anyway I experience the thrill of being one with a magnificent animal and tasting freedom.

  • Debsemp

    Facing my fears resulted in tiny steops forward

  • Erin-elliott

    I feel empowered and energized the way these incredible tips. If the course builds on these tips then I’m definitely “in”!. Scaredy cat be gone

  • Geri

    I loved reading your article and would love to read more of your writing. I am going to go and read it all over again and have a cup of tea. I let fear rule far too many of my decisions and time for a change.

  • adanary

      I remember the days when my kids weren’t old enough to read their own fortunes out of the cookies at the Chinese restaurant, I’d have to read for them.  The first one my son ever read for himself when he was about 6 years, was bittersweet.  He was my youngest and I wouldn’t be asked to read his fortunes evermore.  Anyway, he remembers it to this day and it is a message that has stayed with us all.  He’s about to turn 10 :)  “FEAR IS ACTION’S WORST ENEMY.”  Your post is beautiful and awe-inspiring of a life experience and brilliant advice!  Thanks!  

  • Tasmanianvegan

    Please pick me !

  • Linda

    I am always up for anything that can help me in my journey to become the best me I can be. Love the read and would love to be part of the course.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Christa,
    I think you did as well…positive expectations my friend!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Vinda,
    I like that idea! Thanks

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Linda, Thanks for stopping by and with an attitude like that you can’t go wrong!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Adanary,
    Wow what a bittersweet story. I love that fortune and how lucky for him to get a lesson at 6 that stays with him forever. Thanks for sharing.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Geri,
    Well what an awesome compliment. I’m filled with joy over the comments here.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Erin,
    That’s funny…scaredy cat be gone… that’s a name for a children’s book! OK maybe audults as well. LOL

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Woo hoo!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Both and someone is going to get hurt??? Don’t predict that. Take this in…only our thoughts can hurt us. I know kind of a stretch but thing about it. And besides we can protect people from pain. That’s how they grow. Or choose to grow.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Pamela,
    I go horseback riding each time my granddaughter comes to visit. I love it too. Sounds like you’re doing great!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Collsbag,
    Well thank you. I’m sure you’ll love it  here. We all do!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Allison,
    I think I’ll alert Kristy to this post. She’ll be pleasantly surprised.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    helga,
    You’re welcome!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Sandee,
    Don’t torment yourself. Change your emotional state by taking a brisk walk, sing your favorite song. Anything! You deserve so much more. Fears aren’t real…read over these comments. That will inspire you!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Rosebud.
    Love that name! It’s OK to be stuck…just don’t stay stuck.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Jocelyn,
    What a wonderful year you have in store for you!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Lesley,
    Thanks for stopping by!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Your welcome. Everyone has a story. I hope you share yours as well.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Cynthia,
    Have a wonderful fearless year.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Your welcome!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Mudds4
    I lost my mom as well last year and I KNOW exactly how you feel! It does get better. Her spirit will always be with  you.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Elle,
    That makes 3 of us! It’s makes the burden lighter to know that doesn’t it?

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Melanie,
    A big Fat Congratulations to all that you’ve accomplished. Rock on!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    Elsa
    I’m glad I could help!

  • Tess The Bold Life

    beachyaya,
    I’m laughing can you hear me! I suppose you could say like the Beatles is all you need is love…but love means commitment, patience, understanding, compassion…if you include all of that it’s true then that’ all any of us need.

  • Tess The Bold Life

    MCR
    I’m so happy that you resonate with what I write. You’re going to have a great year!

  • http://www.poweredbyintuition.com/ Angela @Powered by Intuition

    Tess,
    This was awesome. I never tire of hearing your story. It’s so inspiring – just like you.
    xoxo,
    Angela

  • Christina

    This is the year that I’m releasing my fear! I’m already off to a good start by doing something that has taken me out of my comfort zone. I would love to take your course! Thanks for the great tips. :)

  • Pansrey

    Sometimes what we fear most is what we NEED most.  Losing my life with my ex- of 5  years what I fear most.  I hope to work through it.   I need to. 

  • Desertstormveteran

    I am so glad i saw this post on Facebook. Thank you so much for today’s article. I hope i win and i wil pass the book on.

  • ilovejohn

    This story couldn’t have appeared to me at a better time. Yesterday i was terrified, suffering anxiety & panic attacks about a certain health problem. As I lay in bed today unwell, waiting on test results, I will take a deep breath when negative thoughts come to mind. I’ll wash the negative thoughts away with the positive thoughts “everything is going to be ok”.
    Your story made me positive and smile. Thank you so much xo

  • Karen

    Tess,
    Thanks for the kick start to 2012. You are right on. Kristy is an inspiration to all of us that think life is unfair because of what we don’t have or can’t do or won’t allow ourselves to overcome. It reminds of when I learned to ride a horse – I was frozen in fear and sitting on the fence. I could walk through the fear or pretend I didn’t care. Neither choice was easy. I not
    only learned to ride, but my horse would teach me many life lessons. My favorite one is, ‘to ride like the wind’.

    Best,
    Karen

  • Nancy

    Fear has ruled my life for too long, I am ready to learn how to let it go.  Thanks for the chance to win.

  • Erin-elliott

    Ok I’ll write the book after I take the course :)

  • http://twitter.com/AnnieAndreHacks Annie Andre

    This comment made me smile. Too afraid to enter a contest to overcome fear because you were too afraid.  I’m not laughing at you i’m laughing because it’s something i might do.  

    This was one of the best articles on facing fear i’ve read. I especially liked your comment about

    “Too often, we hold back and play it safe, in order to avoid becoming
    successful, feeling embarrassed, looking silly, being hurt, and facing
    rejection or possible failure.”

    I often wonder thought, how can i be so fearless about certain things, like traveling, living abroad or certain risks but other things less daunting and scary scare  the hell out of me. I used to clean my house before the house cleaner came over. if it wasn’t tidy enough i would feel compelled to cancel her services. WHY??

  • amore28

    This one is one of the best articles I’ve found on the site today, truly helpful. I’m going to save it for future reference to read every time I feel I won’t be able to make my plans materialize..

  • Hazeltree

    this post is exactly the kond of reminder I needed. 2012 found me scared beyond my wits, time to face it and ge through it :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1128236262 Travis James Holasek

    I enjoy the “getting comfortable with fear” portion. So many time we are taught to run away from it. But once we turn and accept it as part of our lives, we soon learn that we have a lot to learn from that fear. 

  • http://www.theemotionmachine.com/ Steven | The Emotion Machine

    Your daughter sounds like a very inspiring role model, I really enjoyed the anecdote. These tips are perfect too. Thanks Tess.

  • http://www.justdailyliving.com/ Kathryn Trombly

    Tess,

    Very helpful and practical steps that anyone can begin to take today to overcome fear.  Fear can be a helpful tool when used to understand where we are in life – our current challenges and what is preventing us from living the life we yearn for within.  But all too often it becomes our place of being and when we make decisions or act from fear it simply becomes a well of darkness that goes on seemingly without end.  

    Thanks for shining your light on this most important subject and helping others to others do the same!

    Best of luck with the new course :-)

  • TFJ

    This is just where I am right now. Trying to learn to embrace my fears while honoring my instincts. I can see that the effort to shy away from fear and pain don’t make them go away, but create a numbing that prevent a vital and passionate life. If we can try and sit with them, they do become something completely different to deal with. It hasn’t been an easy process for me, but I feel more alive than I have in years even with my small attempts!

  • http://twitter.com/PhilFeelsGood Phil Drolet

    Thanks for the post Tess.

    I’ve invited Fear in my life a lot more this year but reading this post served as a reminder not to be “afraid” to seek support & encouragement from people around me. Cheers!

  • Ang

    Love this article/post! It screams out to me as I work through my huge fears of both failing and succeeding… I’m finally finding “me” again – I’ve been “lost” for over two decades now. it’s scary facing the things I’ve let go by but exciting to see the faintest sparks of the original me being rekindled through my discovery quest… The sparks & glimpses are coming more often – it’s feeling good again to be “me”…

  • Efoxy

    So, I have to ask…… Is it my time ?….cause I believe sometimes I have no control what so ever! You see I’m indecisive and am never sure? I believe I’m missing an ACTION bone as well. But I do always try to see the gift given every day that can often be right in front of me. You sound like a gift I could treasure forever, please sir….. can I have some more?

  • Lois

    What an inspiring story and I agree that the list is valuable to review, maybe often, and possibly create a poster to remind us to rethink some of those thoughts.

  • Renee

    Kristy is one inspirational lady!

    All nine of these tips are excellent. #4 is one I struggle with on an almost daily basis, which is crazy, because I have seen the abundance of the universe, but I guess I never feel that there will be enough for me.

  • Renee

    Kristy is one inspirational lady!

    All nine of these tips are excellent. #4 is one I struggle with on an almost daily basis, which is crazy, because I have seen the abundance of the universe, but never think there will be enough for me.

  • No name

    That is what I really need right now. Courage, thank you so much, you and your daughters inspire me.

    I hope you will be happy for long time.

  • AnabelH

    This post is a godsend. I hope i get to enter the course

  • http://jaredakers.com/ Jared Akers

    Great article Tess!

    “If you want to know happiness and realize your dreams, you have to be willing to take a leap of faith despite being afraid.”

    That’s so true. I remember meeting my wife, and after our first week of dating I felt I needed to tell her something about my past.

    Prior to our meeting, I had been working on self-discovery and emotional connectedness for a solid year and had come from a place of total desperation and surrender. I knew I was enough and deserved to be happy for who I was completely. So I took a chance, for the first time in ANY relationship (besides my life coaches and spiritual advisers) and opened up completely and was honest.

    So after praying on the elevator before our date — we were meeting for lunch and I worked on the eighth floor of an office building — I got in the car, turned to her and said, “there’s something I have to tell you…” and I said what I need to say. Ready for her to be in shock and throw me out of the car. But even if she did, I knew I’d be OK with that. Her response was, “OK… so where do you want to go for lunch?”

    That led to the most amazing relationship, marriage, and life full of love, happiness, joy, and peace. Just being honest and stepping out of our comfort zone. I often tell people when they start this journey of discovering their authentic self and working on surrender, forgiveness, self-searching, etc. That if it feels uncomfortable, then it’s working!

    Thanks again for the great article.

  • http://jaredakers.com/ Jared Akers

    Great article Tess!

    “If you want to know happiness and realize your dreams, you have to be willing to take a leap of faith despite being afraid.”

    That’s so true. I remember meeting my wife, and after our first week of dating I felt I needed to tell her something about my past.

    Prior to our meeting, I had been working on self-discovery and emotional connectedness for a solid year and had come from a place of total desperation and surrender. I knew I was enough and deserved to be happy for who I was completely. So I took a chance, for the first time in ANY relationship (besides my life coaches and spiritual advisers) and opened up completely and was honest.

    So after praying on the elevator before our date — we were meeting for lunch and I worked on the eighth floor of an office building — I got in the car, turned to her and said, “there’s something I have to tell you…” and I said what I need to say. Ready for her to be in shock and throw me out of the car. But even if she did, I knew I’d be OK with that. Her response was, “OK… so where do you want to go for lunch?”

    That led to the most amazing relationship, marriage, and life full of love, happiness, joy, and peace. Just being honest and stepping out of our comfort zone. I often tell people when they start this journey of discovering their authentic self and working on surrender, forgiveness, self-searching, etc. That if it feels uncomfortable, then it’s working!

    Thanks again for the great article.

  • http://www.rileycentral.net/ Damien Riley

    This is a great post. It gives simple, methodical steps to conquer fear. I’ve gotten a LOT better about some of the suggestions but a few I need to work on. Thank you.

  • Annie

    Day by day, I’m trying to put fear in its place. Thank you for this post! It would be awesome to take your eCourse!

  • siobhan doherty

    I have been afraid of putting my own writing out there for a long time, and finally started a blog this week. After choosing the name, writing a few posts, and telling some friends, I was seized by this huge fear that the name I chose was too complicated for the blog to be any good. I thought about changing it, about starting the blog over, and then I realized that it’s just cause I was scared that it was out there for people to read now. So I left the name as is, just to remind me of how much it scared me :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sarah-Fischer/725916507 Sarah Fischer

    Thanks Tess! These were awesome suggestions! Even though I’m not yet in the place where I feel I’ve completely “made it”, I still feel my story is a success story! I’m the ultimate come back kid. I went from almost failing high school to straight A’s in college. I haven’t had nothing but an A since I decided to go back to school 3 years ago. It’s a miracle!! The miracle happened when I decided school was for me and school was where I was going to make my dreams my reality. I’m going to be the first in my family to get a college degree. I want to join the Peace Corps and travel across the world to help others. I feel like my life was meant to help others somehow. Then when I come back I want to use my degree to be a forensic anthropologist to help even more people. These are HUGE dreams for the girl five years ago that skipped so much school my teachers didn’t really know who I was and didn’t have much faith in me. I still have far to go and things coming up that bring up that feeling of fear, but just so long as I remember how far I’ve come and my bigger dream in mind, I will surely make it through with grace!!

    Love,
    Sarah

  • Tiffanyboyes

    Thanks for this blog. What a gift it is to have come across it today! I am going to participate in something today that I have been putting off due to fear. And when/if those feelings of inadequacy or inability creep up on me and show their ugly face– I will think of Kristy and draw from
    Her strength to succeed :)

    Thanks again,
    Tiffany

  • Stefanie

    what do you do when your life is a complete mess of fear and resistance from most things around you: you find a wondeful website such as this. finding a blog as the above is even better as it shows you one essential barrier closing off the road to what it is you want out of life. thank you for sharing these words, gently reminding that we have to spit fear in the eye and say: ‘hey, i know you but you ain’t gonna bring me down mister!!!’ thank you so much tess

  • Cammille26

    More often we fear that negative things will brought us negative results. Not knowing that making mistakes are really the best teacher in our experiences. Live life to the fullest! Thanks for this! :)

  • Niall

    Thank you so much for this, its really what I needed to read right now! Fear has been consuming me recently, and I have felt so far away from my former self. I once had great hope for the future, and could face my fears like public speaking in front of 700+ people, then feel amazing about it… This article has made me realise I should cultivate those feelings of achievement of my past, rather than dwell on unhelpful fears I feel today.

    I did have one query though, if anyone could help I’d be delighted – Referring to points 1 and 3 in the post; how do you go about getting comfortable with fear, whilst not giving time, attention, or energy to fear? I see the logic behind both, but together there seems to be a tension between the two. Should you try to balance both approaches? Do step 1 first, then move towards step 3? Any ideas are greatly appreciated! Many thanks again for a superb post, it really has brightened my day. :)

  • Anonymous

    Great article! Just a minor correction, though.  The author of “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten” is Robert Fulghum, not Folgrum.  He’s one of my favorite authors.

  • Soukaina

    Great Saying :)

  • Wlad Huber

    Nice article/post! The problem with fear is that it will never go away. Thus, the only thing we can do is to live with the fear and to find ways to overcome it every single day. Sure, there are strategies and tactics but theory will never reduce fear. It`s basically about “feeling the fear and do it anyway” – in other words, to take action and to step into the unknown. Wlad

  • Why not

    Is it the same place one builds the fears and plants the loves?

  • Angie Townley

    I know fear is a lie…I bring to my awareness as much as possible my feelings before they become reactions…..progress not perfection

  • David Sadler-Smith

    That’s a nice post… feeling a little stuck at the moment.

    I’m not sure you can ever fully conquer you fears… loved the kindergarten quote – All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “When you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.” Sticking together makes tough times easier and easier times more fun!.

    I think sometimes when you push forward too hard you’re in danger of leaving people behind. And then who will be there to hold your hand.

  • Joe Affran

    thank you