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Can't find the motivation to help myself

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  • #62162
    Jess
    Participant

    Hello everyone, this is my first post here.

    I found out last month that by August my current job wants to replace me, essentially pushing me into another role that won’t sustain me financially. I thought that this shift would be the motivation I needed to finally get a new job, but so far nothing has happened. I can’t seem to want to help myself; I think about it and plan to do it, and then I spend hours on my laptop staring at the screen with everything I was planning gone from my brain. Instead of searching for new jobs I’ve applied to none, have found nothing for my future, and I’m inching closer and closer to unemployment day by day. I have all this pent up energy within me and I get so frustrated with myself when I do nothing with it. I don’t know how to actually start working on the few goals I have, let alone formulating new ones for a better life.

    #62164
    Matt
    Participant

    Jess,

    I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand how paralyzing a blank canvas can become. Anything? Nothing? Good enough? Left? Right? Yeehaw. Anything could happen, good or bad, and we get distracted (often painfully) by the possibilities. And so our concentration disburses, whatever we were about to do, gone. Path appearing obscured. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

    The simple answer, don’t dwell. When we hit a block, its better to set it down awhile, step away, go do something else. Perhaps do some cleaning, help a neighbor, go exercise… try to do something active and nurturing to yourself or others. Then, as you’re out dancing your dance away from the canvas, if an idea pops in your head, pull out a napkin and jot it down. “Oh, maybe I could apply…” or “oh, I could check with…” or whatnot. An idea comes up (often inspired by auspicious coincidence), just make a note, keep going. When its time to be in front of the canvas again, pull out the notes, and pick the one you like the most. Even if it feels bleh, with fears and such, pick the best of what you have. Then, jump into one of them. Courage, girl! Follow that dream! Plant the seed! Charge! Heartfelt hopes have a way of blossoming when tended skillfully! Said differently, put some energy behind the seed, accepting that it might not grow… but hoping that will.

    Finally, consider starting a metta meditation practice. As we cultivate metta, our mind becomes more stable, smooth, open. Much like a chef might eat before cooking, so her pallet isn’t influenced by her hunger, if we cultivate metta before trying to paint, job search, or whatnot, our discomfort at something new isn’t compounded as much by our daily stress. This let’s our attitude remain positive, seeing potential success alongside the potential failure. Balanced, stable. Some seeds grow, some seeds don’t. Conditions favorable sometimes, unfavorable sometimes, we do our best, pray for rain, etc. Our happiness, contentment, arises from the planting, trying, tilling.

    Such as, who knows just how perfect this next job might be for you! Maybe the blankness of mind has been cropping up so you don’t do something hasty, from fear, anger, greed, entitlement, or whatnot, so you can find a path that really sings to you. Slow blossoming dreams are often the best. 🙂 Said differently, when we’re open, working to see our heartfelt dreams come true, its good to spend time growing more heartfelt, feeling the heart, before trying to make decisions. It makes it much easier to navigate, less mental noise clouding everything. 🙂 Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

    Namaste, dear sister, may heart set your path aglow.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #62181
    Maria
    Participant

    What is it you’ve always wanted to do? Maybe it isn’t your current profession. I’ve been stuck in a similar pattern. In the past, I’ve achieved peace and clarity through meditation and yoga when I came to this point. So far, nix, nada, blank. If you have the opportunity, find somewhere you can stay for awhile that might be rent-free (even if it’s with the parents). Give yourself the time and space to figure out what you need, don’t let yourself be weighed down by others’ perceptions. Volunteer doing something you love. May lead to a new profession. Give to yourself, and to others. Find a place to express yourself. Sing, dance, write, act, or do whatever comes naturally to you. It will give you a breather in the space you now find yourself.

    #62208
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Jess,

    I’ve gone through job loss and in my case I let it affect my self worth initially. I felt shame. Eventually I was able to get going again and I’m back in my groove with the best situation ever.

    To get yourself going first you just need to accept yourself and what is happening.

    Matt’s suggestion for a break is a good one. Also, do other things for your health.

    Then make yourself take steps for a job worthy of you. Yes do some online job hunting (I got one job this way), and also meet people. Identify places you’d like to work and find a way to talk with someone. I’ve found jobs through contacts.

    I found a great recruiter who helped me.

    Go for it. Plan on getting rejections or non-answers, and also interest and offers.

    Big blue

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 7 months ago by Big blue.
    #62220
    Jess
    Participant

    Thank you Matt, for your kind words and guidance. I’m a novice to meditation but I’m willing to try more in-depth methods of self-realization. I really appreciate the time you took in answering my question, it means a lot to me.

    – Jess

    #62223
    Jess
    Participant

    Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. My biggest problem is I’ve never known “what I wanted to do”, and I still don’t. I only went to college because I thought it’d help me figure that out, and it only somewhat relieved my fears of finding something. Since I don’t feel as if I have any direction, I only continue to feel worse and worse…

    #62237
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Jess,

    Ok got it. Hmmm. Rather than “what,” the “why.” And the “how.”

    Why

    To help the world.
    To raise a family.
    To have things.
    To travel.
    Etc. fill in yours.

    How

    Working with my hands.
    Using numbers.
    In teams.
    Alone in a studio.
    Etc. fill in yours.

    Do this exercise. What does it tell you?

    Big blue

    #62287
    Raeeka
    Participant

    Jess – maybe you’re thinking about too many things at once?

    I would say first of all start by accepting that it’s ok not to know what you want to do. Close your eyes and breathe. Direct healing + compassionate energy towards yourself. Treat yourself as if you would treat a friend. Scolding yourself + not providing self-care won’t get you where you want to get to, + you wouldn’t do that to a friend.

    You’ve obviously been through a tough time, so allow yourself to send love to yourself. It’s ok that you’re struggling. It’s completely normal in the situation.

    After you’ve done that (don’t skip over it!), share with us what the ‘few’ goals you said you have, are. Also really like Big blue’s exercise.

    #62796
    hopefull
    Participant

    Hey Jess,

    I to have difficulties in what I want or who I want to be when I grow Up I have also gone to college trying to find myself. It did not work for me either.

    I met some people gained some insight for sure enough I guess to continue on my journey of discovery.

    I hope you find what you are looking for.

    My best.

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