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How to not be scared of change

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  • #65148
    lexy99
    Participant

    Hi,

    Im not sure if this is the right place.

    Im 24 and still living at home with my parents. We get on great but I feel like my life is hold on at the moment. I have a job ive been in 7 months that I dont enjoy and I dont feel like its what Im meant to be doing. I go straight home at the end of each day, back to my parents house, barely any social life, where the only space I have is my room and i cant really call that mine as its not. I feel like when i move out and get my own place my life can finally start as I’ll have freedom and be able to do things the way i want, make new friends. (I live in a small village so not great)

    Ive decided that I do want to move away (about 2 hour drive max) and do all these things and im trying to get excited about change and get up the courage to ‘just do it’ but the main thing im scared about is a new job. I previously worked at one place for 7 years and changed so i get office/admin exp and now work for an insurance company. Im interested in getting invovled in student support/advice in higher education and think that getting a uni admin job will get my foot in the door.

    Im terrified though that if i move to a new town, rent a flat and sign a six month lease, get a new job, that I’ll hate it all and want to go home again which i cant just do. If it all goes wrong ill be stuck on my own, paying for something i dont want anymore, doing something i hate. Of course i know that the odds are just as likely that i’ll love it.

    How can i get over these fears and have the courage to just go out and live my life? Until i do i feel like im frozen and jus going through the motions of everyday, not living.

    #65153
    Tina
    Participant

    Hey there 🙂

    For a long answer there’s a great book that helped me a lot: Feel the fear and do it anyway. The first thing is realising that the fear just won’t go away until you do it. If you sit there waiting to not be afraid you’ll wait forever. The good news is that it’s ok to be afraid, it doesn’t have to hold you back, you can be afraid and still do stuff. I’d say that everyone is afraid of change.
    The next thing that helped me a lot is realising that you’re afraid of something that doesn’t exist. It’s just some fantasy and you just won’t know until you try. So even if the worst case scenario happens and you totally hate it, at least you will know and you won’t sit there forever wondering “what if..?”. A friend told me a great thing that I hold onto: “I trust my future self to deal with it.” It can also help to have a plan B prepared for the worst case; this could be as easy as asking your parents if you could come back for a few weeks if things fail or find a friend that would have you for a short while. It doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck there forever!
    So all this could help you to feel a bit better but the fear will probably still be there. So there comes the (for me) most important thing: do things one step at a time. You’re already focussing on the future way too much; instead you could do tiny little steps that bring you closer to your goal, like just looking for a new place or a new job. Maybe drive to a place where you’d like to live and have a stroll and imagine living there already. Anything that’s not too scary. Even if you apply for jobs and turn up for interviews it doesn’t mean that you have to take the new job if you don’t want to, so there’s no reason not to try 😉 And I’m sure chances are very good you won’t regret it, even if your worst case happens. Because first: you’ll know why you didn’t like it (no what-if’s anymore) and second you’ll know that you did it once so it gets easier to do it again.

    Hope this helps, all the best 🙂

    #65230
    Monica Dubay
    Participant

    Hi. Thanks for your candid story. As someone who struggled with finding what I wanted to do with my life, I just want to honor your feelings of fear and trepidation. In spite of this fear, you do have a purpose and your life has meaning. But it is the purpose you give it. So, this is where the rubber meets the road. I found that going deep within myself and asking “what do I want?”, and letting the answer come, helped every time.

    It might astound you what the answer is, but you have the ability to always go inside and ask yourself this question. And if you don’t know, just admit that. There can be many answers. But one will ring true.

    Just remember, you aren’t alone in all this. I needed community to help me see what that feeling isolated is a big problem in itself. You will never feel happy if you are disconnected from people. So, finding a group to talk with, opening up to a new way of looking at the world, would be great. Where? Again, go within. What are your interests? Try Meetups.

    You have the ability to make this change. And the courage to find it within yourself.

    Hope this helps.

    Monica
    resurrectedmind.com

    #65272
    lexy99
    Participant

    Thanks everyone, half of me is excited and wants to do it but there’s just that niggling fear. I keep having dreams that show that Im nowhere near ready for change, at least not a change like moving away. Last night I had a dream that I freaked out because all the furniture had been moved and I hated it!!

    I really do want to leave my job though, and Ive been for one interview so far and i went to stay at the place for a couple of days and decided it wasnt for me, so at least i can rule that town out. I do have a couple of plcaes in mind, mostly the town where i went to uni as i loved it there. i know i would always be able to come back home and im deciding to live somewhere thats not so far that i cant come home on weekends

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