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Lost and Confused

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of Jodi Jodi 5 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #82888
    Profile photo of julie
    julie
    Participant

    So, I had been talking to this guy. We’ll call him C. We started by talking online, we were really close. He’d text me constantly, try to get to know me … and at first I was withdrawn dealing with things, but after he told me he had a dream about me, that’s when we started to kind of talk more, and it wasn’t just him trying to message me when I wasn’t busy between school and work.

    So we began talking and hit it off so well. We texted alllll the time. It was ridiculous. One day, we were talking and he was being kind of flirty… like wanting to cuddle. I proposed meeting him and hanging out with him (he lives 2+ hours away). So we cammed and talked a crazy amount. We were so excited to meet each other! So the next day I arranged everything, packed up for a couple days, and left.

    An hour into the drive, I struck a curb wrong. I flipped my car completely. Had to crawl out of it while it was upside down. All I had was a bump on the head, some sore muscles, and an impact burn from the air bag but I was otherwise fine. My family made me go to the ER anyway. When I told him, he was so worried. He drove three hours just to sit in the ER with me… and that’s when I saw him. I never liked touching people, I always felt really distant but… Him… I liked him at first sight. All I wanted was to be close to him. He was so worried, asking me not to move and trying to get things for me when I tried to get them. It was so nice of him to come see me right after work, even though he really didn’t have to. I got checked over, was given some pain medications, and he took me home following my mom. I remember being so full of medication, looking up at him and saying “Can I… hold your hand?” In this little voice. And he held my hand, and squeezed my hand when I got scared around curbs because of my accident, telling me he’d … he’d keep me safe.
    We got home and he put a movie in for me, and we laid in my bed together. It was … nice. Because he just seemed to want me… close. He even rubbed my back to help with some of the strain from the accident. The next day, we got … intimate. And it felt like… he just felt like I was reuniting with someone I’d met before. Like coming back together. Like I said, I usually hate touching people but I just needed him… close. He stayed for two days to help me after the wreck, and then left for work on the next day. We still texted, chatted, cammed, talked constantly after that point. He was still so into me. Talking about love at first sight, stumbling over his words, …it was so cute… It was precious. We made plans to meet two weeks after that. But when he asked me how I felt about him, I said I’d show him. And it was a surprise. He seemed so excited about it.
    Then he came. He gave me a huge hug and sniffed my hair. It lasted a long time. He didn’t want to let go. I remember making him food after his long drive and sitting with him, with my head in this perfect area on his chest… Little things…But when I took him up to my room… I had filled my room full of lit candles. And played a song on my ukulele for him. He looked so… overwhelmed and happy. He held me. We got intimate again. The next day we went to an amusement park! Ate dinner together! Had so much fun! We even innocently took showers together and groomed each other. The next day? He hung out with my family and I. He seemed to have so much fun.
    And then he got called into work early. He pulled me into the shower with him and we groomed each other. He held me before he left and kissed my hands. And then he was gone.

    He was so…distant. I rarely head from him. When I did, it was small snippets of information. I didn’t understand it. I kept asking him what was wrong, that I missed him, if he was okay… and he just avoided me. Finally, he answered me, telling me that he needed time to figure out what he wanted. That he liked me as more than a friend but he thought the idea of being attached to someone again was harsh, that he liked just having to worry about his own problems… And I responded that I was angry and sad, but he should put his dreams first because they were important. I left him alone for days. Finally, he texted me and said he missed my sweet words and asked how school was going. I responded. That day he was talking to me and tagging me in stuff and telling me about his day.

    And then he goes through periods of being present and completely distant. He’ll sign into facebook but not look at my messages or message me. He’ll post things knowing I can see but not really care. But some mornings he’ll wake up and go through all the things I’ve done on my facebook and like or comment on them. Or other times I’ll tell him about a dream I had about him, and he’ll tell me that he had the same dream and I was there as a light to help him…but it’s like he’s …distant too? I don’t understand what’s happening, how to feel, or really what to do. Why would somebody avoid somebody they care that much about? How come he doesn’t want me to help him? Why wont he just be brutally honest? I don’t get it.

    #82891
    Profile photo of julie
    julie
    Participant

    Anyone have an idea?

    #82925
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear jubeesoup:

    You write like a romance genre writer: Too Good to be True. Too beautiful, not real life. It is like the times you spent with him were little samples of time, like samples of products you get in a store. This is what comes to my mind…

    anita

    #82930
    Profile photo of julie
    julie
    Participant

    Hahaha, I know. It was really… Intense and seems far from reality? But I really dont understand the in/out distance and the kind of… Being ignored and things not being as… I guess affectionate. Its like were good/okay friends right now when a month ago we were.. Something else. I dont know.

    #82931
    Profile photo of lovelimess
    lovelimess
    Participant

    Could be:

    1) Told you what you wanted to hear-it worked and now he’s done
    2) You were taking it too serious
    3) He met someone else
    4) You were hallucinating and all that was a trip

    The good news…that’s okay. There are lots and lots of good guys in the world and most of them do that trick with their mouth where they try and talk you into bed.

    -LM
    P.S. Be careful around the curbs!

    #82941
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear jubeesup:

    This is what you wrote, distilled to facts: “So, I had been talking to this guy… online… He’d text me constantly…after he told me he had a dream about me, that’s when… we…texted alllll the time… I proposed meeting him… I…packed up for a couple days, and left…An hour into the drive, I struck a curb wrong… When I told him, he…drove three hours just to sit in the ER with me… asking me not to move and trying to get things for me…he took me home following my mom…We got home and he put a movie in for me, and we laid in my bed together…He even rubbed my back to help with some of the strain from the accident. The next day, we got … intimate… He stayed for two days to help me after the wreck, and then left for work on the next day. We still texted, chatted, cammed, talked constantly.. He gave me a huge hug and sniffed my hair…I (made) him food after his long drive…I had filled my room full of lit candles. And played a song on my ukulele for him…We got intimate again. The next day we went to an amusement park! Ate dinner together! …took showers together…He hung out with my family…And then he got called into work early.

    …I rarely head from him. When I did, it was small snippets of information…he just avoided me. Finally, he answered me, telling me that he needed time to figure out what he wanted. That he liked me as more than a friend but he thought the idea of being attached to someone again was harsh, that he liked just having to worry about his own problems… I left him alone for days. Finally, he texted me and said he missed my sweet words…I responded…And then he goes through periods of being present and completely distant…

    I don’t understand what’s happening, how to feel, or really what to do…”

    Your whole relationship in person happened within four days or so. Only four days and nights, total. What is happening is that no matter how you feel, it has been a SHORT, short time that you spent with him. And you were very emotional through much of it because of your car accident. Not enough time and not enough quality for a substantial relationship. I would disengage from night and daytime dreaming and look at reality, disengage from my own emotional commentary (which I deleted in the above quote) and focus on the facts. What he told you is part of Facts only examining of reality.

    I hope this is helpful to you, to re-read the Facts-Only reality retelling of what happened.

    anita

    #82994
    Profile photo of TheDaydreamer
    TheDaydreamer
    Participant

    Dear jubeesoup

    I totally understand what you’re going through. I’m a very emotional person and I can get attachted to messages, and contact in general before even meeting someone. And if the times you’ve met have been so great, it’s hard to understand why the other person would distance themselves. But just understand, that even if he didn’t have bad intentions, it might not have been so serious for him as it is for you. Because some people can get easily attachated and detachted. So beware of that. Protect yourself, even if it goes against your emotions at the time. Make sure you know what you want out of a relationship and what the other person wants.

    Give him some space, maybe a week or so. Don’t text or call. And then ask for a meet up in person. Tell him you feel confused and a little hurt that he grew very distant very quickly.

    Hope I could help you a little bit. All the best lovely!

    xx
    Namaste
    Helen

    #83086
    Profile photo of Jodi
    Jodi
    Participant

    Anytime someone goes all in and then pulls back like he did is unsure of what they want. Mixed messages mean mixed feelings. For your own sanity step back and figure out what it is your want in a relationship (regardless of who it’s with) and then announce to the universe your intention to have that by moving forward with your own life and let him figure things out for himself. If he decides he wants to be with you then you can revisit whether he can give you what you want, but for now, I would move on and not wait for him to come back. Best of luck!

    ~Jodi

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