Menu

What is there to live for

HomeForumsTough TimesWhat is there to live for

This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of enjaybe enjaybe 1 week ago.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #139795
    Profile photo of Csaba
    Csaba
    Participant

    Long story short, I’m a 22 year old guy with an Econonics degree who started working half a year ago.  I couldn’t find a job so I asked my uncle who owns a company to help me. He got me a job in customer service at one of his affiliated firms. Before this when I was at university I loved my life, I didnt have much money, but I had many free time and I loved it that way, and this is where the story begins.

    I started working and pretty much my whole life fell apart. I’m going to be honest. Before this whole thing begas I had a possitive attitude, confidence. I worked out 4 times a week, I looked great, I even had an 8pack with a healthy diet and I loved living (before you sayit , no I dont want to be a personal tariner). Right now, after 6 months I have been thinking a lot about suicide because I dont see a way out of this.

    Every day I get up, 1 hour to work. I work 9 hours, 1 hour back home. I train at they gym, i maybe have an hour at my place before I can go to sleep and everything starts again. Every day I’m doing something I absolutely hate even though I’m not bad at it. I always wanted to find what I truly love because I would give everything for it but I havent foudn it yet and I dont think I ever will. My payment is basically nothing. I pay for my mortgage, the bills, the bus ticket and that leaves me just enough that i cant even have a decent diet. I eat chicken and rice only adn a lot of times I dont even have money for that. Not to mention that I cant save up for a car, house or anything. They even promised to me after 2 months that I can became a salesman if I prove myself. I worked 11 hours for 3 months and basically did better in all regards than all the other customer servicers, Not to mention I have only been there for 2 months. Sme of them have been there for 10 years.

    After this they told me that they can see that I gave everything but I’m too young and they cant give me  ajob with this much responsibility. You might say why havent I looked for other jobs, I have a degree, I speak english, why havent I? I did. I sent in my CV to like 100 places. None of them even responded. Not to mention none of these jobs were anything that I wanted, they were the only available ones.

    Is this what life is? You wake up and do something just to get by and live a modest life? You give up all your free time so you can live a shitty life and get cancer because of stress at the age of 40? To be honest for 6 months this is what my life has been and I honestly been thinking a lot about suicide because I cant take it anymore. I have an awesome family and friedns but I told them this multiple times and they cant help me. They say “this is what life is” or “oh its not that bad”. Well it is fuckin that bad because it tears me apart and I cant fuckin take it anymore. I dont know what to do. I dont know what I want to do and I absolutely hate my life and stuck on all fronts. I’m honestly thinking about killing myself if this goes on for a few more months. Please help……….

     

    #139817
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Csaba:

    Quit the job.

    * I am wondering: you wrote that you have “awesome family and friends”- how is it, do you think, that they can’t help you? I mean, how are they being “awesome” to you?

    (and no f-word/profanity, please)

    anita

    #139855
    Profile photo of enjaybe
    enjaybe
    Participant

    I never comment, but your post really touched my heart – I’ve been where you are and I know how you feel.  Here’s what I did:

    1. I asked myself “what’s the worst that can happen if I leave my job and do what I really want to do (pursue a career in the arts).  I realized that the worst that could happen was that I might end up living in my car.  As unpalatable as that sounds, the thought of spending my life at jobs that I hated was even more unpalatable, so I came up with a plan:
    2. I reduced my overhead as much as I could so that I could afford to live on less.
    3. I found a lower-paying job that I didn’t hate, and that allowed me the flexibility to start building a life that I wanted.
    4. I worked my BUTT off – day job by day and classes, workshops, and free work at night just to build my artistic career.
    5. I now have a professional artistic career that has supported me financially for the past 12 years.

    You can do this.  Your life is bigger than any one job.  Seek therapy if you need it – your therapist can be an ally in helping you to come up with a viable plan and holding you accountable for following through.

    Whatever you do, don’t give up on life, and don’t let anyone else determine your worth.  Own yourself and your decisions fully, and get into the driver’s seat.

    I would say “good luck” but it’s not luck.  It’s goal-setting, determination, persistence, and hard work.

    #139889
    Profile photo of Kat
    Kat
    Participant

    Hi !

    Work is a big shock to the system for a lot of people after uni. This situation is temporary . You are still so young !! Eventually you will have more money . You’ve only been working a year and half .

    I think you need something to inspire you , a hobby perhaps.

    You sound depressed aswell, depression clouds judgement .

    I think you can make a meaningful and enjoyable life . Don’t give up !!!

    #139893
    Profile photo of Rich
    Rich
    Participant

    Csaba, I think what you’re experiencing is not unreasonable to any extent. I’m 24 years old and have had similar experience with life after college. I’ve realized from my short work history that as a talented young professional I had to be patient, even though it is at times very frustrating knowing you’ve got the skills to do more. What helped me was to stop seeking validation from superiors and co-workers, and surprisingly more opportunities began to present themselves when I got my eagerness under control and calmed my demeanor. What also helped me was being okay with doing something I love (despite low pay) and living simply and modestly, removing myself from the mindset of consumerism which had me searching for happiness and fulfillment outside myself (i.e. cars, houses, electronics, etc.)

    If you don’t mind me asking what would your life look like if you had it exactly as you desired?

    #139999
    Profile photo of Csaba
    Csaba
    Participant

    I wouldnt have  aporblem with payment if I would love what I do like you’ve described. The problem is that through my whole life I never knew what that would be. It was the main question of these six months and to be honest my whole life, but I dont feel that anything is a 10/10 that I would love that much and I dont know how to figure it out. If I have a goal Im unstoppable. I lost 18 kgs in 4 months when Imade up my mind about it. I dont even love bodybuilding since I began work so it cant be that. How can one decide what he absolutely loves to do?

    #140003
    Profile photo of enjaybe
    enjaybe
    Participant

    Have you had hobbies or experiences that just make your heart sing?  Or make you lose all track of time because you love them so much?  Or even jump out of bed excited in the morning because you get to go and do… whatever it is?

    If you can identify something (or maybe some things) that fit into that category, then you have a good start.  If not, your job is to try new things that interest you until you find something that excites you.  Learn more about it – see if it still interests you… follow your curiosity where it leads you.

    You are still very young (I’m twice your age), and there is so much pressure to figure out “what you want to do with your life”. You don’t have to figure that out.  All you have to do is decide what to do next.   That’s all.  Life is full of possibilities, and right now you are living one possibility and finding that it doesn’t work well for you.

    Find something that makes you happy.  And find another job – life is too short to be this miserable when you have the power to change it.  And I promise you that you do.

    #140037
    Profile photo of anita
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Csaba:

    Without prior knowledge about your life, looking at this thread only, it reads like you have an awesome family, awesome friends, had perhaps, an awesome life until six months ago (that would be since September 2016) when you started this job. Your life changed since then so drastically that you have been considering suicide.

    I went back to your previous thread from September  7, 2016, posted before you started this job, or just about the same time. There you wrote:

    “Whenever I’m starting to get to know someone a little ‘stress’ appears in me… the more I get to know a girl the more this stress grows until the point where I cant bear it anymore and I break contact with the girl. This happened every freakin time..I visited multiple psychologists in the past years…As a child I was…  against touching however, I never kissed my mother untill I was 18… My mother was he one who taught me how to ‘feel’ it was hard for me, for the first 20 years I never dared to have many feelings… During my teen years… I didnt like my life.”

    I am thinking that the stress you are currently experiencing is the same “little stress” you mentioned in September, only it is a bigger-stress now. And I am thinking the stress has to do with this sentence: “My mother was the one who taught me how to ‘feel”. It was hard for me, for the first 20 years I never dared to have many feelings”-

    If you shine light on your own sentence, which I quoted above, you will find answers, including to the question: “What is there to live for?” (title of your current thread).

    If you’d like, you can do it here, on this thread.

    anita

    #140459
    Profile photo of Csaba
    Csaba
    Participant

    The funny thing is, Anita, that since that message I found soeone whom I truly love and have been together with for 4 months now. We never even argued yet and she is amazing. That part of my life is going astonishingly. The problem is that I dont feel like a man without my mission and purpose, but I have to be strong and be her rock, the man in her life. I know that if I would find something I love to do it would make all other areas of my life better.

    The funny hing is that I never hed such hobbies hat I couldn’t wait for like you described above, During my first 18 yeras I only played video games and I was kinda insecure. That is when I started bodybuilding and that was a huge part of my life. I still eat  a bodybuiding diet, since 4 years now, but I only have time for the gym 3 times a week and to be honest ever since I work that much a lot of times I feel like its a chore and not something that I enjoy. I still do it but not as intensively as I used to. That is why I think that I shouldnt focus on it as a main career like a personal trainer etc.

    Beisdes this I tried singing for 1,5 years but it didnt work out since I didnt like it that much and didnt feel motivated. In most of my free time I watch youtube, play games, hang out with my friends or rarely I go to a concert and that is it basically. I like reading about personal growth also.

    So basically I am here right now. I honestly have no idea where to next. Just anywhere? I also had an idea. Is the problem with my idea about work? It feels like a chore and I dont think it would be better anywhere else. How did you guys accept that your main part of life is something that is necessary, you ahve to do it and it involves many stress and time, just to get by? Also how should I look for what I truly love. All my experience I described above.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by Profile photo of Csaba Csaba.
    #140551
    Profile photo of Inky
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Csaba,

    I know you don’t want to be a trainer, BUT you CAN work at a gym!

    What I would do is:

    1. Move half an hour closer to your current job

    2. Only work 9-5. These two things will buy you at least two hours of your life back.

    3. They won’t like it with the reduced hours. Well, what are they going to do? Not give you the promotion they weren’t going to give you anyway?

    4. After you’ve been there a good year ask for the raise. If they don’t give you one, work at a gym. Any gym. Or a natural foods store. Because health IS what you actually love. Now you can give other people that love, help them and show them the light.

    Blessings,

    Inky

    #140567
    Profile photo of enjaybe
    enjaybe
    Participant

    To answer the last question of your most recent response – I did not just accept that the main part of my life would be stressful and spent a lot of time just to get by.  I changed my life. You have to create the life that you want or you will end up 20 years older in the same spot. Don’t allow that to happen.

    It sounds to me like bodybuilding has become a chore bc your job is draining you. You need another job. Period. Someone suggested working at a gym and I think that’s worth looking into.

    You also need some things that you do just for fun and stress relief. My suggestion would be for you to try whatever sounds like fun.

    #140589
    Profile photo of Csaba
    Csaba
    Participant

    To be honest I know that I don’t want to be a personal trainer. I know that if  had to do this as a full time job, that would kill the fun in it and I wouldn’t be able to do it that much. How do you cope with that yur job basicly takes up much of your life? That it is something you do the most in your life and you don’t have enought time for your family, friends, hobby etc? How do people cope with this?

    #140617
    Profile photo of enjaybe
    enjaybe
    Participant

    I love what I do so much that the work is worth it.  I got to this point by following all of the steps that I mentioned before.  If I had stayed at any of the jobs that I hated, I would be grumpy right now and probably overeating, over-spending, and drinking too much like I was then.  THIS is how a lot of people cope with work that they hate:  living for the weekends, hating Sunday night because Monday morning is coming, and engaging in addictive behaviors to numb the pain of their reality.  You have the power to keep this from becoming your life.  It won’t happen overnight.  Maybe you need to move.  Maybe you need to go back to school – I don’t know.  I DO know that you (and only you) can change your current situation.

    If you’re in a job that is aligned with you and is something that you enjoy, it doesn’t feel like drudgery.  Find what you love – then figure how how to monetize it.

    It truly sounds like you are in a job that is a terrible fit for you.

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.