I think that may be a correct interpretation, I also feel that I may have acted under emotion, another regret of mine. Throughout high school, I was awful at saying thank you to my parents. With the organization I mentioned, I felt that they never supported me and instead wanted me to focus on school exclusively. I think it took going to college in a different state that ultimately allowed me to realize how much they have given me, and how they have bent over backwards for my happiness. My guilt is primarily on not having been more appreciative of their efforts.

Eris, thanks for your response! Our relationship is great now. I have moved back home after college while I am “funemployed,” and am doing my best every day to make sure to help them out as much as I can, and also to speak with them with nothing but respect.

Looking back, I am just so angered and bothered by the actions I took in high school. I didn’t say thank you enough, I was very bratty/disrespectful despite them doing so much for me. I feel that this incident may have been “the icing on the cake,” if you will, in terms of the negative actions I took. As I said, I went through a phase of guilt regarding my high school years a few years prior, but they seem to have come up again. I easily find myself incredibly upset over this particular incident (though there are definitely others). At the same time, I think my friends response “I have no idea why you gave me all that other stuff, I have like no use for it” also hurt me more than a little…

I like your interpretation this incident being my brain’s code for something. I have also followed the technique you mentioned when I feel my mind thinking of the past and tell myself “there you go again! thinking about things you can’t change!” which has helped before. It just continues to bother me that it took so many incidents to learn this lesson. I am wondering if I should discuss this incident with my parents, or if I should attempt to let this go on my own. Our family has had quite the ride over recent years, both positive and negative, and they honestly probably haven’t thought about this since then. It is still, however, a very painful incident for me to think about.

Thank you!

Hi Anita,

Apologies for being difficult…I’m not sure if that would really “replace” this memory. You know, I’ve thought about it for quite some time now (which is really counterproductive). Now, almost every time I see a free shirt I will be sure to grab it and give it to my dad or mom. On that same vein, I did have a different box of shirts from that same organization, and shortly thereafter, gave one to each person in my family. The rest needed to be shipped elsewhere.

As you can see, the issue here really is not particularly immense. I realize this as well, that this issue is very insignificant, but it’s as if my mind is fixated on that one box of shirts that I voluntarily gave away. Would you happen to have any techniques on making peace with this? Would you suggest simply talking this issue out with my parents?

Thank you again, your feedback and guidance is most appreciated!

To clarify a bit more, I constantly find myself thinking “Why was I like that? Why couldn’t I have been better back then?”

Anita,

Thank you! I’ve seen you help so many people on this site, and if it hasn’t been said before…you’re absolutely awesome!!!

As I have said, this was a painful incident for me to reflect over for quite some time. Looking back over the years I was involved in this organization, I felt that I was awful to my parents in many circumstances and I think I avoided bringing up this specific issue to avoid pain it might cause them and a general reminder of the times I spoke and acted rudely. I actually asked my mom yesterday “Was I difficult as a teenager?” But she insisted that I wasn’t. I think she’s just being a bit too nice, I am sincerely embarrassed by my behavior in those days.

I think the reason I felt I needed to ask on this forum before talking to my parents was to simply ensure I was taking the right step. I tend to need justification from others before moving forward. Another source of anguish is the comment the friend made in response to the box. Just the other day I caught myself thinking “Why didn’t I just ask for it back?” The likely answer is that I was taught that one doesn’t ask another to return a gift.