Hi Anita,

Thanks for your reply!

Yes to see myself as I am and to see others as they are, that’s what I meant by brutally honest with myself – but this is a never-ending process I find – the more you live, the more you know about yourself, and the more you need to change accordingly, if it’s to follow that quest.

When you say “we instinctively withdraw from pain”, that’s so true. But then there are also times where I think that or I should think that “things will work out for its best” or “i’m just being negative”.

What is painful to see – well, I love my husband and all that, but I feel there’s a connection missing. When I re-evaluate what love is and what I want for love (still not sure what the answer is really), I guess now I have a different viewpoint than before. I thought I wanted someone who just needs to understand me 70% and the rest I keep to myself, so to stay sane in a relationship, I won’t go crazy and lost myself in a relationship. I guess what’s painful to see is to end this.

You mentioned about childhood – I really need to think hard about this. It’s a new thought I need some more time to investigate on. One of my parents was distressed you are right, but I am not sure whether I believed then that it was my job to fix her. Maybe in subconscious ways I did? She had a distressful childhood and so when I was a child, well, in my memory, she was quite pessimistic all the time.

What do you think Anita?