aww, surprisingly i know the pain. it was the summer i turned 24 i worked with a really cynical person, and something inside me woke up, i wondered “who am i, and what do i want?” so i began carrying a journal around and writing down anything i came across [a thought, something that caught my eye, a funny moment, or an aggravating one] but it wasn’t until the summer i turned 25 things started to get rocky [and another year before i heard the term ‘quarter life crisis’] i remember a week before my birthday i wrote a list ‘reflections on 25’ and i listed a bunch of ‘accomplishments’ in my life, but i wound up looking at the list wondering ‘that’s it?!’ [i was also now working with the cynic and her even more judgemental sister. long story, but the two would either not listen to me, or stand around berating my life choices up to that point. one was going to be a teacher, the other was about to graduate and become a chiropractor, and then there was me, still in the same crappy town working a dead end cafe job. what a loser. ha. ha. ha.] so i spiralled, i began questioning why i was so far behind, and everything began to seem hopeless.

anyway, one day i decided to put a filter on my life. [the two left in the fall and i stopped listening to negative influences.] if there were people who weren’t serving me, gone. i stopped watching the news [because it’s mostly death, death, death, natural disaster, cute aww moment, weather] but i started watching a lot more documentaries [always loved them] i also cleaned up Facebook big time, only keeping pages and following people that were informative, but also made me happy [TinyBudda, Kelly-Ann Maddox, The Cottage Witch, Sarcasm Society for a laugh] while i don’t ignore the news, i filter it so it’s news that matters to me. being flooded by everything will end badly. shut off the tap and slowly turn it back on. journaling really helped me, i would give it a try. meditation also helped, as well as deep breathing.

now i’m Canadian so we don’t carry guns for protection, but why do you feel you need to protect yourself? precautions are one thing [thumbs up moving in with your friend if you didn’t feel comfortable alone] but you were fine on your own before this metamorphosis. while you should be aware of your surroundings and keep at least one eye open [don’t leave your drink unattended, don’t walk alone down the dark alley, make sure your phone is charged and on you] you can’t control everything, you have to learn to take a deep breath and accept unforeseen things can happen regardless of how cautious you are. take precautions but don’t let danger rule your life. [to use one of my favourite Simpsons quote: people die all the time, just like that. why you could wake up dead tomorrow. goodnight.] i would take calculated risks to ease yourself back into a safety zone [like your friends go to a random new restaurant none of you have been to, or explore the city in the middle of the day, or sign up for a random class]

best of luck to you.