Hi all,
Thank you so much for your replies and support here.
Sorry for my late reply, I found it hard to come back here and reply, because I felt embarrased, like I did make a drama out of nothing.
I think it might have been a too ‘mistrusting’ attitude from my side. The idea that people lie to me and fool me around.
I think it might be good to let go of it more. Accept that he means well and that I will never be able to know somebody else’s thoughts a 100%. Some other people had given me some feedback about the jam, and indeed they found that it wasn’t the best. But, he is a man and he isn’t too much into this kind of cooking, so he is less critical anyway. Even if he says he likes it and then doesn’t eat it, and maybe didn’t really mean it, I think that I might do myself more service by not obsessing so much if somebody is totally honest to me all of the time, which is probably not very realistic.

@Anita, I think that I did say something like that I appreciate that he is honest so that I can learn. He knows that, and he often says it. He still usually says that he likes my food, and I notice that I tend not to believe him. My experience has also told me, that as long as I’m in this state of mind (not believing somebody if they say something positive), it is no use to ask them what they really think, because I won’t believe the answer anyway.

@LakshmiPC, I also used to be more honest when I was younger, probably more bluntly, and indeed that doesn’t get appreciated. I actually think that it might not be worth it, only with people that I’m close to or really like, is it maybe good to be honest.
My host is probably honest about big things indeed. Yes it is interesting how people often ask for honest opinion and then get defensive if you do say so. It seems to be so hard, or we haven’t learned how to communicate properly..?

@Nina Sakura, thank you for sharing how you go about it. And, thank you for helping me to see things a bit in perspective, in a very nice way 🙂
I think that I was begin petty, and indeed overly conscious. I tend to over-analyse things, and this was probably a good example of that.

And, about the communication with this host.
I guess it’s about ‘doing what works’.
I do not feel very well with certain ways of his communication – and I think that was actually playing a part when I wrote this first post here, the fact that I didn’t express to him how I felt about that made me probably go much more into ‘finding fault’-mode – , but I am here for a few months, I guess it is not important enough to put these things right. If he was a friend or my partner it would be different, then maybe it would be more important to let him know that I don’t like certain things. Maybe just let go and focus on the positive things that I have here, to a certain degree – I mean, I guess if it goes too far for my, I need to put some boundary.

Last week I did choose to tell him that I didn’t like the way he had asked me about my sexual experiences a week earlier. I found it very direct, and I didn’t appreciate it, but found it hard to say in the moment. He first said sorry and then got irritated and said that I should know by now that he doesn’t mean to offend anybody and that he means well. So I told myself, that I shouldn’t have told him that and I should have thought the way he wants me to think.
But: I did feel uncomfortable, regardless of how he meant it. I find it a struggle to give myself the right to
1) have boundaries, to acknowledge that I feel uncomfortable with certain things
2) let the other person know.

I think it is looking for a balance between not to be bothered about everything and get too hung up on all these little things, and knowing what is important for me, and putting some boundaries in a respectful way.

I have avoided this ‘social life’ for a long time because I find it so complicated and scary, but it is time to start learning it…

Dear Anita,

Thank you for you kind comment and encouragement.

I don’t know if interacting is the right word, more connecting, which might be a totally different thing, but that aside.

I feel a bit guilty about posting here mainly about myself and not replying much to others.
But on the other side, I’m trying to get back in touch in my own life, because I was getting very out of balance. I’m trying to focus my energy on healing for myself, which is good, and only then, can I be of help for others. (not that that should be my main motivation)

I’m looking with my therapist about where I can go to help me to heal, we were talking about a certain place and hopefully it will work out to go there – it will cost me a lot of money, and I need to get visums etc, but it seems like a good place that could help me to connect with myself and others again.

I have huge trust problems. With my host as well. Yesterday I heard him saying something on the phone, about somebody else, quite negative and judgmental. While I have no idea who he was talking about, of course, because it was so negative, I was sure that it was about me. So now I wonder whether I can believe him or if he is just playing a big comedy, and I feel very at unease around him. So, yes, making a big deal about what he says about scones or jam, while my trust issues are on a much bigger level.
I don’t know if I should stay here, but at the moment I don’t think that leaving is the solution, because there is something to learn form me here. Even if it is only to be less concerned with what other people think of me, and to know myself, regardless of what others are saying. I don’t know if this is good, because I’m still in some state at the moment, and the trust issue is so huge. I’m curious to see how it goes further.
So yeah, at this moment I don’t feel like interacting much with people here anymore, because once I go towards being suspicious/paranoid, it all becomes blurry and hard to keep control of it. To my own protection, I might choose to not trust people here and keep it very distant. I have no idea..

Dear Anita,

You are so kind. I hope to find the space soon to spend some more time here again to read some of your topics. I don’t know if you have written much here but I remember a topic about your healing process that I would love to take the time for to read.
I do hope that you are doing well and making progress with your healing as well, I think you have done a lot, but perhaps this is something we keep moving and need to keep giving attention?

Yes, you are right. I forget that easily as well, about the criticizing of others. I think in the beginning it makes me feel good, because my ego likes it that it is not me who is being criticized but somebody else- not something that i’m proud to admit but I believe in self-honesty and awareness. So yes, it is good to be careful and aware when people are strongly criticizing others. That most likely means that they will do the same to me (making me look bad in front of others, either out of truth or not) and it is not a trait that I like. I try not to do it and try to work on acceptance or understanding – haha that sounds good, it’s not that i’m good at it but that’s what I would like to aim for.
So thank you for pointing that out as well, Anita.

The place I am talking about is this:

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