I am worried that I am being reactive by asking for space.

To my way of thinking asking for space is neither fight, flight or freeze so not reactive.

Creating some space it probably a wise response as is seeking help in order to work through this.

Dear needmorezen –

I agree with Anita here. You must take care of yourself — and place a priority on your own family.

Situations like these do not heal themselves overnight. No way. They take time. But in due time, healing can take place. But be careful, do not be obsessed over this. That’s counteracts healing and often re-opens the wound. I never knew what “obsession” was until a counselor explained it to me:
“Obsession – an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind”

You wake up with it on your mind. It fills your every open moment during the day. You go to bed thinking about it. Not healthy – at all. And, as you indicated, every time you think about it you get mad. That’s a LOT of anger throughout your day. Even less healthy.

Give yourself the “gift” of time and space. Everyone reacts to things differently. And, usually the bigger the issue the longer the time you need. Still, you must take the higher road while doing this. Anger does not justify malice. If you have children, they will pick up on your negative energy. And those types of feelings grow like a cancerous tumor. Stop it immediately. Again, it is okay (and healthy) to be angry. You are hurt. Shocked. And upset. I don’t blame you one bit.

Consider this note as a gigantic e-hug.

Lastly, if you want to share, tell us about the other person in this: your dad. He may need you now more than ever. And, thinking outside of yourself can often help expedite your own healing – and quell obsessive thinking.

Please keep us posted, my friend.

Peace to you today.

Ninja