– Environmental
– Genetic
– Behavioral

– This began during the summer, I was pushing myself to the limits, and facing issues with family. Both did not mix and well and took a toll on my health, both mental and physical. Whether it began mentally or physically is something I don’t remember, but I remember the first thing I remember clearly facing was doubt, this is where I felt the overwhelming doubt. I battled these thoughts, until I reached the brink of this earth, is rationality even real? Is right wrong? This continued until I stopped battling these thoughts, but the feeling lasted, my mind went haywire, my thoughts were racing, and I did not know what was happening to me, is it me? As this continued, it bled into the physical, feeling like I had no control and fearing the things that SEEMED like I had no control over added onto that anxiety, and mistakingly, I tried to hard to use my mind to unravel things, but as things got better, as I researched these symptoms, feelings, thoughts, etc. I realized that if mere thoughts or using the power of my mind would not solve things, than it is not something with me, not in my morals, principles, ideas, beliefs, etc. I let these thoughts come and go, wrote them down, and allowed myself to topple down, rather than uphold a broken building. I blamed myself, but as I heard before and more likely believe now, it is not my fault, just the very thing that it was Anxiety that increased and prolonged within me shows that it has a message behind it. My family planted a seed of doubt within me, with their accusations of character, disbelief, etc. Surely enough, it blossomed inside me, manifesting itself in my mind as them in my most anxious times, and living on inside me through my own voice, believing and listening. But one day I heard myself calmly say, it is me.
– None of this is my fault it is what was brought onto me, after years and years of environmental stress, behavioral habits, and genetically inclined to fall trap to something like Anxiety or Depression, I was being set up for failure. None of this is my fault, but as I step away from common and general knowledge, regardless if it makes me in some way, I know staying mentally shackled will be my fault, if I don’t get up and do something nothing will change.

– This all happened before, the answer is the same, but the search to find it was completely different. Whatever path you take, there is always going to be failures and successes, the possibilities are endless, and it’s always possible to doubt everything, counter everything, it doesn’t make it any more than a possibility, more so pointless. It’s not about living without, it’s about rising above.