Dear Alexandra:

You are welcome. You asked: “im listening to them and not my own heart. Does this make sense?”- yes, this is what makes sense to me: your heart needs love so desperately, that it doesn’t listen to logic.

It is like a person being very thirsty at sea and the only water available is salt water. The person needs fresh water so desperately, that it doesn’t listen to logic: salt water will make the thirst worse, not better, and he drinks the salt water.

You wanting to get back with him is like drinking salt water.

How do I know? Because of your past experience with him and reading (in your posts) that nothing changed, so there is no logical reason to think it will be different next time.

There is no point in you taking what you yourself called “a massive risk” without something significant changing before you take yet another risk.

But back to the heart (emotional reasoning) vs the head (logical/ rational reasoning): your heart is telling you the truth: you do need love. The part that is not true is where to get it, or how to get it. You think there is only one source of love, and that is, this man. Maybe he is the sea to your thirst and love is not there. Maybe it is elsewhere.

* Regarding being imperfect vs doing wrong: can you give examples about your behavior that is imperfection vs wrong, and same in his behavior?

anita